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Crisis of faith
01-31-2018, 03:46 AM (This post was last modified: 01-31-2018 05:35 AM by Calicifer.)
Post: #1
The issue with me is this. Every fool here can do whatever it wished with whatever method it desires. Everything works, according to them and produces results. This in itself begs a question, does all of this pretense has any purpose? Names, rituals, prayers, visions, Gods. They all seem to be one and the same. What is the point of really doing anything, preferring one over the other? It is all just pointless games which seems never to bring up people any closer to their desired goals. Magick in itself has a curious habit of creating impressions and delusions, but never getting person really anywhere forwards.


Experiences, feeling, sensations, dreams. These things are meaningless to me as they do not create anything and ones who create hardly has any lasting and real impact. Occult often becomes nothing, but a little game which people play. This is something which inherently cuts through everything. If I'm not the master, there is little point in anything then. Utilization of said powers to precise and effective degree in day to day life is something which is ought to be achieved, but it is never done. Coincidences and other minor tricks are considered as something of value.


Now we come to certain figures. People tend to make up, dream up whatever the fuck they desire of. This raises a more difficult question. If it is so, when who are those being in truth? I know that there is a lot of shit about Lucifer in particular. This is something which is always on my mind. How I can know of him? Does my lack of direct contact is something to be alarmed of? Will I be mislead like all the other fools? Does my worship then has any meaning? I might as well worship damn spaggeti monster and it will produce same results as an underlying power across all the figure heads is all the same. It just generates different flavors for each individual.


It is not that lack of results is an underlying issue. Lately these activities are off the roof. From shaking objects for no reason, to my naturally developed telepathy or ability to speak with him and get whatever the fuck I ask for. For example, I had such feelings and yesterday and I spoke this to him. I said that it is all fun and games, but I need a real job, something real in my life to cling on. Guess and behold, today I'm receiving a call to become a manager of certain business out of nowhere. This is level of closeness which I possess with him. I'm often surprised by strength and speed by which my desires manifests itself and at the moment I'm under impression that there is little that I cannot ask to calm my soul. So, I joke, Lucifer, give me an elephant! Ha! No elephant! I had outsmarted you!


Yet, all the benefit, all the power is meaningless. How I'm differ from all the fools who praise name of their own figures when times are good? How I'm different from typical Christian who keeps its faith only because its fragile world of lies was not tested? What if something horrible happens to me? How when I will be able to justify anything to myself? Even if when I had chosen my faith, I felt that I was being listened from the moment I started praying. It is still is built on all, but fragile foundations.


In the end, I wonder how I'm different from all the other fools who wander through life without any shred of self awareness. My own faith is one of constant doubt which erodes its own pillars of support on its own, but at the same time, they are rebuilt over night and whole process goes and goes on. I certainly do not want to fall to countless lies which are being spinned for humanity. Oh God! In such darkness we wander! Such utter bullshit grown men convince themselves to! How utterly lost they become. This is why I try to keep core foundations of my support to be the barest minimum. Even to this point, I do not have an image, a solid myths on its own. I do not want to believe such gibberish which is written nowadays and if anything, I lean towards its pre-Christian sum collection of identities. Yet, how I can ever be sure that this collection of bullshit is more worthwhile than modern collection of bullshit? If then my own image is unfocused, when who the fuck is listening to me? I do not want lies, delusions, cheap trickery. So, I merely focus on my own faith. My passion burns as supernova, yet, this faith is forever questioning itself on every little detail. No matter of results, no matter of experiences. Even if I had achieved everything and more with mere word, mere intent, it means nothing if it is built on the lie. I'm just another of those deluded fools who follow whatever truth they happened to bump into it or want to believe to.


It is not for me to be judged by them. It is I who forever questioning them. I define my own soul myself. My ego is unchackable and my will cannot be moved. Many had tried over the time. Through annoying zealots, to demons silently trying to influence me. To bribery attempts to many more things. All of them were repulsed with laughable ease. Yet, I struggle to put all of these events into the greater picture. Is it I who had misplaced my faith? It is I who goes everything backwardly. I do not know, but I know that I once again will wander the night with these thoughts forevermore oppressing me. They are nothing new, they are constant doubts which I have to just live with. It is just funny how greatest challenges to myself comes from within. I cannot exist without faith, but with it, it is forever struggle to understand. To know. How I'm any different than next deluded fool?

If you have any questions or want to share your own experiences, I'm always interested in hearing them out. Feel free to PM me.
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01-31-2018, 06:25 AM
Post: #2
You internal war you have there is probably something that everyone has when dealing with the real occult. I have no idea how to describe it. I feel the same way.
I learned to control my thoughts but yet this overpowering feeling of sadness because something is unclear or missing comes up every now and then. This haunting feeling of curiosity and not being able to pursue it because of this world full of lies and deception is like a never ending nightmare.

I for myself have experienced magick. Some users on this forum have helped me very much with my journey. But the deeper you go into this pit that still seems like a void, the more you start to become "insane". "Not normal". You detach from everyone and start to see life with different eyes.

In my opinion you should decide what is right for you. I for myself have no faith because the word faith makes no sense to me. There is only one reality that I am going to explore, and it is not something some random person can explain to me. This reality is the only one. And faith is just a tool to hide from this reality. Be your own guide and walk your own path. As lonely as it can be stay strong and good luck with your own journey. Maybe our high end goals aren't that different.

Oh and trust me you are different from "from all the other fools who wander through life without any shred of self awareness". I expected that you realized that by now.
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01-31-2018, 07:30 AM
Post: #3
Spoken like a true prophet Calicifer, but we are all walking our own path but on the same road away from the "mass herd"
i agree with Zeroclaw that our journey is ours alone. The outside world has so many pressures but that's what we get for allowing dominating Abrahamic religions to exist. We are mostly gentiles with sprinkles of Hebrews living in a Rothschild Dynasty. "Fractional Reserve Banking is my point"
This is a colossal nightmare of leviathan proportions.
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01-31-2018, 10:24 AM
Post: #4
It raises the question. It doesn't beg it.

Don't make me put my wizard shit on. I mean fucking business when I've got my wizard shit on.

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01-31-2018, 11:11 AM
Post: #5
Amazing post. Very thought provoking. Thank you

When you find yourself getting upset, Maybe it is because it's the truth....
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01-31-2018, 11:05 PM (This post was last modified: 01-31-2018 11:08 PM by Wylandriah91.)
Post: #6
I don't experience the occult in the same way at all. I have thought through my faith, and the only place where it is only faith is that I consider Multiverse Theory to be 100% completely true, which is a reasonable scientific standpoint.
Considering that model, I consider without a shadow of a doubt that all gods, entities and possibilities are valid and real, just not visible to us usually because they are over the horizon of normal perception. Just like the stones on the opposite side of a pyramid are not visible. It's just not physically possible as a single, flesh and blood entity with two eyes to percieve those stones, but they are definitely there and you can grasp the shape of the whole.
It puts everything into a different perspective if you consider yourself as an entity of spirit, inhabiting a body, on a journey for fun until you rejoin the whole. Perhaps retaining enough strength of character to return in another body as mostly yourself, although we change with every passing experience.
If you are a spirit, you can be as powerful as any spirit as long as you mind your physical limitations and mortality. You don't need anyone else to get what you want, and doing it under your own steam and strength of character is much more fulfilling.

A pebble at the source of the Nile and all the world is changed.
Precision beats power, and timing beats speed.
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02-01-2018, 12:56 AM
Post: #7
Eloquent stuff.

(01-31-2018 03:46 AM)Calicifer Wrote:  
Yet, all the benefit, all the power is meaningless.

I suggest you take this thought as a sign post which leads you away from the world of magic, demons etc. Heck, you just may have found one of the very few ways to actually outsmart the demonic realm: boredom. But if you continue to look for a meaning by contacting or trying to contact the demons, you'll ultimately find your answer. And it's an answer of pure pain.

I'm not giving you a warning as a Christian, since I'm an anti-Christian, but as a lost soul. Relish your boredom, doubt, crisis of faith, whatever.


'...ὅτι ψεύστης ἐστὶν καὶ ὁ πατὴρ αὐτοῦ.'
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02-01-2018, 02:20 AM
Post: #8
(01-31-2018 11:05 PM)Wylandriah91 Wrote:  I don't experience the occult in the same way at all. I have thought through my faith, and the only place where it is only faith is that I consider Multiverse Theory to be 100% completely true, which is a reasonable scientific standpoint.
Considering that model, I consider without a shadow of a doubt that all gods, entities and possibilities are valid and real, just not visible to us usually because they are over the horizon of normal perception. Just like the stones on the opposite side of a pyramid are not visible. It's just not physically possible as a single, flesh and blood entity with two eyes to percieve those stones, but they are definitely there and you can grasp the shape of the whole.
It puts everything into a different perspective if you consider yourself as an entity of spirit, inhabiting a body, on a journey for fun until you rejoin the whole. Perhaps retaining enough strength of character to return in another body as mostly yourself, although we change with every passing experience.
If you are a spirit, you can be as powerful as any spirit as long as you mind your physical limitations and mortality.
I don't understand the multiverse believe. What purpose does it have? Why don't you just take the reality as it is and accept that there is no need for a multiverse. What happens...happens and that thought, intention or action, no matter of what size, WILL affect this reality and that is it.
I would really like to understand how you benefit from your faith in this "theory" reality that is just a theory. Did you actually EXPERIENCE something in that direction? I still think that "faith" in a theory is just a delusional thought.
It kind of acts like projection from Freud or Feuerbach. Reality is what you should be after and if you accept someone elses "theory" than you just willingly give up and stop evolving.
Oh and 100% true == false. You know these scam sites? . It's almost always 99,9% Wink

(01-31-2018 11:05 PM)Wylandriah91 Wrote:  You don't need anyone else to get what you want, and doing it under your own steam and strength of character is much more fulfilling.
I need to add that other people can for sure help you very much, but I fully agree with this statement.
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02-01-2018, 02:28 AM
Post: #9
Thought much the same on this myself. Dreams can be any bit of data collected from that day to many memories. Scientists have proven we create memories or are influenced enough to fabricate such. Thus any or everything can be delusions. While in a mortal meat suit that may be the case. Can't say there is proof we have consciousness upon death of body.

That aside who's to say everything doesn't lie to push its own agenda and subdue others to it. And with such delusion who's to say any is real. In my case its only dreams (thus easily discounted). Anything in the waking hours i look to the logical physical answers to that which causes what. So bumps, creaks, light, sound, smell Etc i discount as human guillability to the instant unknown until reason and deduction discount the mystery to reveal the obvious truth in that situation.

Beyond that... TRUST NOTHING! Its better to be against all in a constant war than accept the deceit and delusion. And when you being that inside and fight yourself the constant conflict becomes a paradox.

Ahirubigguburāburasuto
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02-01-2018, 04:55 AM (This post was last modified: 02-01-2018 05:05 AM by Wylandriah91.)
Post: #10
I have had many experiences that lead me to believe that it's the case, that are hard to verify due to being very subjective. Suffice it to say that they convinced me completely, and while I admit openly that it is just a theory, it fits so perfectly with the traditional faiths and teachings of so many cultures as well as my own experiences that I accept it readily.
In terms of the benefits, I tried to explain some of the perspective-shifting that comes with seeing yourself as a spirit, exploring within this giant fractal of physical universes, bound by physical limitations because being omnipotent, omnipresent Spirit all the time is just one state of being. Consciousness enjoys challenge and adventure, and the dynamics of change that come with experiencing the dimension of time the way physical beings do.
It's not necessarily just "someone else's theory" to me, it's the structure of everything, it's a tangible shape that I can partially feel and explore, it's the source of unlimited power and wisdom and perspective of your journey. It simultaneously means that you don't have to take life super seriously or worry about anything, and removes all concept of the fear of death, but also reveals the preciousness and uniqueness of the one particular journey your particular physical being is on now, and gives you a sense of responsibility to do the best you can with the time you have.

And also yes, I do ask for help when I see that something may be beyond my personal power alone

A pebble at the source of the Nile and all the world is changed.
Precision beats power, and timing beats speed.
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