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History of Ass Wiping
01-09-2017, 02:23 AM (This post was last modified: 01-09-2017 02:24 AM by Ryen.)
Post: #1
I was shitting on the toilet the other day... I mean, sitting on the toilet (c'mon, we all do it) and a peculiar thought arose in my mind..

How did our ancestor wipeth the arse?

A quick google search came up with this interesting article:
Toilet Issue: Anthropologists Uncover All the Ways We've Wiped

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01-10-2017, 10:03 AM (This post was last modified: 01-10-2017 10:05 AM by The God-King.)
Post: #2
Lies. I come from an unbroken line of ass wipers and according to the ancient texts handed down from my great great grand ass-wiper all the way down to myself shows that our ancestors used each other's tongues to scoop the poop from our bums. According to this same text, that's where the saying "eat shit and die" came from. My great great great great great x12 uncle, General Hans Ass Wipe first used that line in 1604 to insult his neighbor, Arch Bishop Hugh Ass.

These are facts and anyone who denies this is a bigot, racist, plebian, Greco-Roman Jew who also hates cross-fit, any movie with Johnny Depp and also has a thing for tickling one's "under carriage".

And you, Ryen, I call you a false prophet! I challenge you to a duel! I am a member of Ass Wipers United and we will not stand for such lies! You better bring your best toilet paper friend, because unless you got the double stuffed sheets, you ain't winning this rodeo partner!

You sold your soul to me, need I remind you?

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01-11-2017, 07:25 AM
Post: #3
Well that's just silly. Smiling
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01-12-2017, 11:04 AM
Post: #4
This thread really helped me 5 stars

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01-12-2017, 11:07 AM
Post: #5
Lol is that right?
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01-12-2017, 02:26 PM (This post was last modified: 01-12-2017 02:28 PM by Ryen.)
Post: #6
(01-10-2017 10:03 AM)The God-King Wrote:  Lies. I come from an unbroken line of ass wipers and according to the ancient texts handed down from my great great grand ass-wiper all the way down to myself shows that our ancestors used each other's tongues to scoop the poop from our bums. According to this same text, that's where the saying "eat shit and die" came from. My great great great great great x12 uncle, General Hans Ass Wipe first used that line in 1604 to insult his neighbor, Arch Bishop Hugh Ass.

These are facts and anyone who denies this is a bigot, racist, plebian, Greco-Roman Jew who also hates cross-fit, any movie with Johnny Depp and also has a thing for tickling one's "under carriage".

And you, Ryen, I call you a false prophet! I challenge you to a duel! I am a member of Ass Wipers United and we will not stand for such lies! You better bring your best toilet paper friend, because unless you got the double stuffed sheets, you ain't winning this rodeo partner!

How dare you challenge me to a duel!? All that ancestral tongue wiping must've diminished your ability to think properly! This is a battle you will lose!

While you bring your best toilet tissue, I will come riding my golden bidet chariot which has been passed down for 33 generations! I will ride over the hills with an army of Charmin bears, as the freshest water on earth cleanses my arse, and conquer you!

(01-12-2017 11:04 AM)The Glass Wizard Wrote:  This thread really helped me 5 stars

Glad it could help, my friend.

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01-12-2017, 08:50 PM
Post: #7
Bookmarked. Don't swipe towards the balls or the pussy. ... got it!

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01-13-2017, 12:09 PM
Post: #8
Have you never been in the woods without toilet paper?
Largest leafs you can find do the trick.

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01-13-2017, 12:11 PM (This post was last modified: 01-13-2017 12:12 PM by fixerkitty.)
Post: #9
The woods around these parts are 150 miles away and mainly consist of conifers like pine and juniper. No thanks.

I have no desire to wipe my ass with a prickly pear. The fruit makes good candy, and the pads can be sliced to make nopales, but wiping? Hell no--they have three to six inch spines on them.

Give me a city and indoor plumbing, thx.

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01-14-2017, 11:57 AM
Post: #10
(01-13-2017 12:09 PM)Crow Wrote:  Have you never been in the woods without toilet paper?
Largest leafs you can find do the trick.

Crow, I haven't seen a post from you in a while! Of course the first one I see in so long is about anal issues XD

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