Making my english more advanced?

[lolzor60]

Hello.

I have exams in a couple of weeks. Some months ago, we had "test exams". I'll be talking about the same subject as I did during the test exams. I got a pretty good grade, but not the best. My teacher said it would've been the best grade, if I had used more advanced english. Like, more complicated sentenses, words, and so on.

I was wondering, if any of you guys could give me some tips on advanced sentenses, and words?

Here's what I'm gonna talk about roughly:

Quote:Hello there!

I've chosen the subject "Family life", and "Kids growing up too quickly", and I've chosen these subjects mainly because I think they're interesting and very relevant to me.

It's a fact that kids mature way faster than they used to, but why is it this way? I think that the media and the people around you plays a big role. When younger girls gets introduced to stuff like makeup and adult clothing through models in the television, for instance, they get attracted to it. They think it's somewhat cool, and starts trying it. When younger girls friends are using makeup, they will get attracted to it.

The parents to also play a big role. If they don't tell their children to not use makeup at the age of 12, for an example, the children won't stop using makeup, which is pretty natural, since you don't really the "power" to judge from right and wrong at that age. It's like you take your parents words, or the words they don't say, for right and wrong.

So in which way do they grow up too fast? As I already mentioned, girls tend to wear makeup at a very young age. They start dressing like adults. Some even start smoking, taking drugs, and drinking.

This is, in my oppinion, a problem. A relative big one. If girls starts acting like adults at the age of 10, or 12, or whatever, they will miss out on a lot of their childhood. Missing out on your childhood isn't a good idea. Childhood is "made" for a reason. We need it, to grow as persons, and to become who we want to become. In a contrast to that, I don't think it's a problem to wait 2-4 years with wearing makeup, smoking, drinking, and wearing adult clothes.

There might be a few positives about this "problem", such as children learning to be more responsible, and take more responsibility, however, I think the negatives are greater than the positives.

So, yeah.. You're welcome to comment on the content, grammar, and whatever, but what I'm focusing on the most, is to make the sentenses and language more advanced.

English freaks, fire away!

[TheBoyWonder]

(04-27-2012 10:07 PM)lolzor60 Wrote:  Hello.
I've chosen the subject "Family life", and "Kids growing up too quickly", and I've chosen these subjects mainly because I think they're interesting and very relevant to me.

It's a fact that kids mature way faster than they used to, but why is it this way? I think that the media and the people around you plays a big role. When younger girls gets introduced to stuff like makeup and adult clothing through models in the television, for instance, they get attracted to it. They think it's somewhat cool, and starts trying it. When younger girls friends are using makeup, they will get attracted to it.

The parents to also play a big role. If they don't tell their children to not use makeup at the age of 12, for an example, the children won't stop using makeup, which is pretty natural, since you don't really the "power" to judge from right and wrong at that age. It's like you take your parents words, or the words they don't say, for right and wrong.

So in which way do they grow up too fast? As I already mentioned, girls tend to wear makeup at a very young age. They start dressing like adults. Some even start smoking, taking drugs, and drinking.

This is, in my oppinion, a problem. A relative big one. If girls starts acting like adults at the age of 10, or 12, or whatever, they will miss out on a lot of their childhood. Missing out on your childhood isn't a good idea. Childhood is "made" for a reason. We need it, to grow as persons, and to become who we want to become. In a contrast to that, I don't think it's a problem to wait 2-4 years with wearing makeup, smoking, drinking, and wearing adult clothes.

There might be a few positives about this "problem", such as children learning to be more responsible, and take more responsibility, however, I think the negatives are greater than the positives.

When trying to write an essay, I would suggest not using the words "you" or "I". For example, in your first sentence, I would suggest changing it in a way that would be appealing without using I.

For example

Code:

The subject "Family life", as well as "Kids are growing up too quickly" become a great interest to many due to their relevancy to every day life.

This is the advice that my english professor gave me, I hope it helps!

[lolzor60]

I might've made it look like an essay, but it isn't. It's something I want to say, like, just cut out in paper. The exam will consist of me having a discussion with my teacher/the guy who will give me my grade, and this is what I want to talk about.

Would that advice still work though?

[TheBoyWonder]

(04-27-2012 10:28 PM)lolzor60 Wrote:  I might've made it look like an essay, but it isn't. It's something I want to say, like, just cut out in paper. The exam will consist of me having a discussion with my teacher/the guy who will give me my grade, and this is what I want to talk about.

Would that advice still work though?

Ahh I see! Yeah, I believe it would still work

[Svarog]

First of all, avoid the word "interesting"! It's used far too often and it has acquired a somewhat too broad, yet childish, meaning. Try replacing it with something more... smart-sounding like "intriguing", "thought-provoking", etc.

I agree with TheBoyWonder on the subject of using personal pronouns (I, You, etc.). It sounds smoother when you use the impersonal "One". It gives your words a kind of a scientific value, like you've really done some research in the field you're discussing.

Also, be careful when adding the suffix -s to verbs. It is only added to verbs in the third person singular in the Present Simple. So, "I think that the media and the people around you plays a big role." - media + people = plural; the verb should be play, without the -s. Always check your tenses when you write something, or think about it if you're speaking.

And, another tip which may add an extra Sir...ish quality to your formal speech is the use of full forms, as in "is not" instead of "isn't"; "cannot" instead of "can't", etc.

[lolzor60]

(04-28-2012 12:50 AM)Svarog Wrote:  First of all, avoid the word "interesting"! It's used far too often and it has acquired a somewhat too broad, yet childish, meaning. Try replacing it with something more... smart-sounding like "intriguing", "thought-provoking", etc.

I agree with TheBoyWonder on the subject of using personal pronouns (I, You, etc.). It sounds smoother when you use the impersonal "One". It gives your words a kind of a scientific value, like you've really done some research in the field you're discussing.

Also, be careful when adding the suffix -s to verbs. It is only added to verbs in the third person singular in the Present Simple. So, "I think that the media and the people around you plays a big role." - media + people = plural; the verb should be play, without the -s. Always check your tenses when you write something, or think about it if you're speaking.

And, another tip which may add an extra Sir...ish quality to your formal speech is the use of full forms, as in "is not" instead of "isn't"; "cannot" instead of "can't", etc.

I wrote this really fast, hence some of the wrong placed s'es. ^^

Great tips. Thank you very much!

[Numb]

I can just say basically the same thing as Svarog. Try expanding your'e vocabulary and avoid using common words. In some cases it can show intelligence, especially when you know exactly when to use it and what it means/signifys.

Examples:

Superior -> Paramount
Dead body -> Corpse
Guess -> Suppose

(These would not replace every sentence obviously but in some cases yes)

[Dr.BrokenGod]

Well just use something like.

It is considered a big flaw in our society although each one of use have one and are particularly proud of it. Instead
It is a big flaw among people but everyone thinks of it as something to be proud off.

Just make their life complicated.

[lolzor60]

(04-29-2012 12:29 AM)Numb Wrote:  I can just say basically the same thing as Svarog. Try expanding your'e vocabulary and avoid using common words. In some cases it can show intelligence, especially when you know exactly when to use it and what it means/signifys.

Examples:

Superior -> Paramount
Dead body -> Corpse
Guess -> Suppose

(These would not replace every sentence obviously but in some cases yes)

Yeah. I will go research for some more uncommon words, when I get closer to the exam. Thanks.

[Paradox]

Turn, "way faster", into "much faster."