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WF News 10/07/2013
10-07-2013, 05:50 PM (This post was last modified: 10-07-2013 06:03 PM by Protestant Priest.)
Post: #1
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27th Edition


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Samhain
Season of the Witch is around the corner. The Vatican would like to know your plans for the period. In case you're feeling too suspicious, this thread, provides a great alternative for voicing your plans.


Wizard Roulette
The mad scientist Grin suggested that it would help the traffic if Crow added New Points to the forum and implemented a Gambling System. This idea may not be mad at all. Check out his suggestion thead.


Australia Labor Day
"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might" Happy Labor Day to all of our Australian members.



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Please welcome the latest member to join the forum, UniversalAryaSociety, who could no longer resist the call to sign up, after TraceFleeman extensively laid runic talismans all over the web.


Our members have made a total of 127,420 posts in 9,403 threads.
We currently have 2,604 members registered.


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The God King received the lifetime achievement award for all his contribution and support to the site.

Protestant Priest also received the protector award for spotting a major AdSpam portal.


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After failing to meet implemented guidelines, management issued an arrest warrant for Tpavel, this week. Due to the overcrowded state of our detention centers, the suspect has been released on his own recognizance, after 24 hours. Trial date is set for Winter 2016.


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This day, October the fifth, 2013, Divine Darkness is called to the Holy Office before the Sacred Tribunal, to answer charges of heresy, witchcraft and inactivity.


Protestant Priest: State your name and profession.

Divine Darkness: I am Divine Darkness, ruler of the universe, and god of space and time.

Protestant Priest: Do you Do you know the reason why you have been called here?

Divine Darkness: Yes. To be awesome.

Protestant Priest: You stand before this sacred tribunal on one count of heresy by thought and one count of inactivity. How do you plead?

Divine Darkness: I've had a busy month. And my phone decided to buttfuck me, so yeah... There you have it.

Protestant Priest: Let the record show the accused has sneezed but could easily be heard saying the word "bullshit" as part of the sneeze. How did you stumble upon the heathenish haven that is Wizard Forums?

Divine Darkness: I have no idea. I believe I was consulting the online akashic records (a.k.a. google) about a certain ebook I wanted for my collection, and POOF. First link. It took me a while to decide to register, though. I had to check the troll ratio first.

Protestant Priest: And what seduced you about that feather man Crow's unholy order, enough to stick around?

Divine Darkness: The bullshitlessness of every..... ahem, most of the people here.

Protestant Priest: What were your first impressions and did they change over time?

Divine Darkness: I thought this place was pretty cool. Still do.

Protestant Priest: Do you have any goal you intend to achieve with the WF coven? Stop glancing at the executioners and answer the question.

Divine Darkness: Not really...

Protestant Priest: While strolling the halls of that evil place, what was your favorite section?

Divine Darkness: The Goetia section, of course. The endless Tpavel/(insert name here) wars were fun to watch.

Protestant Priest: What kind of magic do you practice?

Divine Darkness: My specialty is creating life. With life I mean something that can replicate and evolve. It turned out to be really useful. It opens up a lot of possibilities. Self-replicating curse carriers, for example. I'm also doing research into more complicated shit, but I'd like to keep most of that to myself until I'm sure it won't kill the user...

Protestant Priest: And how did you get started in these unholy arts?

Divine Darkness: Someone gave me a book on magick when I was 11. Only the basics, mostly golden dawn stuff. I ended up studying it and a load of other books, and before I knew it I had cursed my teacher. Then I learned AP and Evocation, and after a while I started trying things. I got a very good understanding of the rules that govern magick and energy. I came to the conclusion that the magick we use is outdated. We should use new methods and techniques to do things that were impossible before. And that's exactly what I'm doing.

Protestant Priest: What is your philosophy about life?

Divine Darkness: I do whatever I need to do to achieve your goals. If people don't know what I did for something, it doesn't matter what I did.

Protestant Priest: And what part of the world do you originate from?

Divine Darkness: The awesome part. It's awesome because I originated there.

Protestant Priest: Looking through your records you seem to be popular in the pubs around here. Do you have any cohort, on WF, you'd be willing to declare to this Sacred Tribunal? Such a move will be taken into account during sentencing.

Divine Darkness: I'm the ruler of the universe! That makes everyone my cohort...

Protestant Priest: What kind of meal and drink do you mostly enjoy?

Divine Darkness: Your mom

's
pizza.

Protestant Priest: To clarify the record, the defendant is, indeed, referring to judge number three's mom. Any preference in music? films?

Divine Darkness: No. If something is enjoyable, why should I care what the fuck kind of genre it is.

Protestant Priest: If you could escape these very trial to anywhere on this flat earth, where would it be?

Divine Darkness: Behind you. With a chainsaw. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Protestant Priest: Delusional too. Have you conducted any cursing or love spell as of late?

Divine Darkness: Yes. I'm writing a curse at the moment. It's retardedly complicated, though.

Protestant Priest: What kind of future workings did you plan to entangle before your capture?

Divine Darkness: Creating an instant harem spell. A mass lust spell that also nullifies the victims' jealousy. Heaven awaits me! drools

Protestant Priest: You appear to be a learned man, what is your highest academic level?

Divine Darkness: Wi.D... Doctor of Wikipedia.

Protestant Priest: Do you have any enemies?

Divine Darkness: Not anymore. Let's just say I took care of them.

Protestant Priest: All seems to be in order. Judging from acquired testimonies from trusted hearsays, gossipers and those the crowd formulated on the course of this trial, this court found you guilty of all charges, and thus order you to be thrown from a moving wind balloon. Do have any last words?

Divine Darkness: Yes. Joke's on you. I'm wearing a jetpack.

Protestant Priest: Oh dear, delusions, delusions. One last question, how are you and Dantresh the librarian related?

Divine Darkness: We're rivals. The digital seas are too small for two pirate lords.

Protestant Priest: Aren't you both from Europe?

Divine Darkness: Yes. But I don't speak French. crowd gasps

Protestant Priest: That's all we needed to hear! Proceed to the free balloon ride with the executioners.


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In the News this Week:

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"There are three types of lies -- lies, damn lies, and statistics." - Benjamin Disraeli


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If you're experiencing difficulty seeing, hearing and feeling spirits, chances are you're not spiritual. Judged by his audience as the most spiritual thread on the forum, Dr Yogi Bearah breaks down duality, the sense and the nonsense. Indeed!


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Welcome back to another edition of The WF Sports News, folks. Winter is coming, so in this issue we're looking into the real Winter Olympians, those daring motherfuckers known as the Russians and the rest of Eastern Europe. Put the teapot on the fire and get warm, comfy and cozy, cause sure as hell these guys are none of that.

Bear Wrestling


Ice-Chess


Not-So-Synchronized Swimming


Horse-lifting


Marathon Drinking


Join us next time when we reveal whether the insane young man from the video survived. Until then, stay crazy but be sad too... because you can't be as crazy as the sportsmen from today's list.


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Editor-In-Chief:
Protestant Priest

Managing Editor:
Svarog

Journalists:
Svarog - Sports News/QOTW (Quote of the Week)
Protestant Priest - TOTW/Headlines/Award News/World News/ Interviews/User News

Graphical Editor
It is you.

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10-07-2013, 05:58 PM
Post: #2
Nice. Keep up the good work!

Forcing your good intentions on others is no different from an evil act.
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10-07-2013, 06:00 PM
Post: #3
fite me irl feget! last day I was on asia content anyways but now I'm on europe in a few days I'll be on asia again.

I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh; and that with the blood of the slain and of the captives, from the beginning of revenges upon the enemy.
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10-07-2013, 06:43 PM (This post was last modified: 10-07-2013 06:43 PM by Emrys.)
Post: #4
Congratulations Priest and TGK.
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10-09-2013, 01:42 AM
Post: #5
This is awesome guys.

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10-09-2013, 06:04 AM
Post: #6
Lifetime Achievement. And I appreciate it, thanks!


I'd also appreciate an honoary Ph.D from Harvard Business school but w/e.

You sold your soul to me, need I remind you?

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10-09-2013, 06:35 AM
Post: #7
(10-09-2013 06:04 AM)The God-King Wrote:  Lifetime Achievement. And I appreciate it, thanks!


I'd also appreciate an honoary Ph.D from Harvard Business school but w/e.

You were probably given it for your truthiness of spiritual session enlightenment. The honorary tomato and biscuits of wisdom with gravy holiness.

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10-09-2013, 06:59 AM (This post was last modified: 10-09-2013 06:59 AM by May.)
Post: #8
'with nothing substantial to turn in'
Wat.
I wrote a paragraph about how an Al Qaeda official was arrested and is being put on trial, and you demanded that I should create five of those horrible 1-line posts that don't give you any details at all.
/rant

Quite enjoyed this week's news.
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10-09-2013, 08:33 AM
Post: #9
(10-09-2013 06:59 AM)May Wrote:  'with nothing substantial to turn in'
Wat.
I wrote a paragraph about how an Al Qaeda official was arrested and is being put on trial, and you demanded that I should create five of those horrible 1-line posts that don't give you any details at all.
/rant

Ranting or no ranting, you knew how the news work. You had a chance to look at previous editions and follow the set template, didn't you?
One announcement doesn't make the news. No excuses. You chickened out, you drama queen. Smiling

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10-09-2013, 09:18 AM (This post was last modified: 10-09-2013 09:22 AM by Protestant Priest.)
Post: #10
May, I don't know how much the local paper cost on the average in your town, but in New York City, it's 50 cents. We even have some that cost nothing and I have never seen a newspaper put out one article and calls it a day. My advice to you, don't sign up for responsibility on a whim. The quotes below details the entire story, by saving us all time.

(10-06-2013 10:27 AM)Protestant Priest Wrote:  That's great May. But check out the http://wizardforums.com/Thread-WF-News-18-07-12 edition world news section. Something along that format would save you time and be manageable during formatting.

(10-06-2013 10:32 AM)May Wrote:  I personally don't like that formatting :/
I write the way I feel gives more details, so that you don't have to Google what I'm talking about to understand it, or so that I don't have to post a link to the source.

(10-06-2013 10:35 AM)Protestant Priest Wrote:  That's all acceptable, given you can pen at least 5 of those.

(10-07-2013 10:36 AM)May Wrote:  
(10-07-2013 09:57 AM)Protestant Priest Wrote:  May, are all 5 of your news article ready? Because I am not putting out one entry.

I'm not doing five, also, if you're going to make me do 5 and basically put a chain on my free reign of writing, can you remove me from the usergroup? Thanks.

As you can see, you were aware, very aware, the 5 articles were of the format you chose. The above contrasted the below comment.

(10-09-2013 06:59 AM)May Wrote:  'with nothing substantial to turn in'
Wat.
I wrote a paragraph about how an Al Qaeda official was arrested and is being put on trial, and you demanded that I should create five of those horrible 1-line posts that don't give you any details at all.
/rant

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