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WF News 10/20/2013
10-21-2013, 10:45 AM
Post: #1
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29th Edition


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Quota Reset
A sneaky son of a female dog exploited a loophole in the Mybb software, after their recent update, by registering a blank username, which ultimately triggered several acts leading to the PM system malfunctioning. Luckily, Crow stuck one of his feathers into the system and spotted the issue. Svarog's conspiracy documents have not been breached.


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Please welcome the latest member to join the forum, Mikael.


Our members have made a total of 130,666 posts in 10,149 threads.
We currently have 2,774 members registered.


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EXT. COFFE SHOP - MORNING

Intersection of Boulder and Madison Ave. Red light
MALFUNCTIONS. Automobiles are backed up on blocks stretch.
HUMDRUM of clients exiting the shop exasperates PRIEST. His
rendezvous is late.
Traffic begins thawing. A TAXI pulls up. A YOUNG MAN, late
teen, Caucasian, SLAMS the car door.

YOUNG MAN
Sorry I’m late.
(pointing at the string of
cars)
It was a nightmare.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
It’s alright. I should be doing the
apology, for dragging you down here
again, EMRYS. Let’s go inside. It’s
getting chilly out here.

INT.COFFE SHOP - MORNING

Priest GESTICULATES an order of two hot brews. The two SLIP
into a booth.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
Ok. I’m sorry we have to do this
again. I understand how hard it
must be for you, since you and the
victim were close, but some
inconsistencies arose and we just
want to get the bottom of things.

EMRYS
Look man, I'm telling you, go over
my story again, it all checks out.
I'm definitely an initiated
Houngan, and he was just a close
personal friend. Condoms are also
perfectly legitimate as bottle
sealers. A condom on the stem of a
bottle does not imply it's going to
be used for penetration. I was
trying to re-seal my drink. Anyhow,
fire away, I'm sure we can get any
inconsistencies cleared right
up.

Emrys SLIDES a handful of hundred dollar bills discreetly
under the table.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
(clears his throat)
Great! Let’s start from the
beginning. How did you come to know the
existence of Wizard Forums and what
was your first impressions?

EMRYS
Well, I was sitting on 4chan's /x/
board, looking for Thelemites to
start pointless arguments with,
which was something of a hobby of
mine at the time. Someone dropped a
link on the board, and I figured
I'd sign up and take a look at
things.
Honestly, it didn't look too good,
I'll say that much. I left after
about a week, and only came back
this year, on flight of fancy.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
You and victim are regulars on WF.
What goal did you have on your
mind, once you joined?

EMRYS
At the time I was mostly interested
in stroking my own ego and pointing
out what was wrong about other
people's practice. I think it's the
same for a lot of people. Anyhow, I
swiftly got bored when I realised
there weren't any Thelemites
around, so I moved on.

The WAITER SWINGS BY with two set of orders. She entrancingly
SPRAYED the chai lattee in the order with whip cream.

THE WAITER
Enjoy.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
(whispering to Emrys)
I’m doubling the original tip.

Emrys SIPS his brew.


PROTESTANT PRIEST (CONT’D)
The victim ran into few alterations
with other members. Is there
something you have always wished
Fronin would stop doing or start
doing?

EMRYS
Well, I suppose it's a little late
at this stage, but it'd be nice if
he stopped having my knife in his
back. I think that was definitely a
mistake on his part. Falling onto
my knife like that.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
What is your favorite spot whenever
you stop by the place?

EMRYS
I only ever check the New Posts
feed. I'm on so regularly that I
don't miss anything that happens if
I do it that way. I just leave it
open in a tab and flick back to it
throughout the day.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
Judging from the statements we’ve
collected, Wizard Forums seems to
be very diverse. What end of the
spiritual or religious spectrum are
you located?

EMRYS
That's a pretty difficult question.
I generally describe myself as
'Eclectic Left Hand Path' but more
recently I've been studying Sufism,
Gnosticism and Catharism, so maybe
even that's not appropriate.
Satanism, Thelema, Islam, Tantra,
Shamanism, Asatru, Chaos Magick, to
name just a few things. Eclectic is
definitely the best word for it,
I'm not really on any part of the
spectrum, as far as I can tell.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
(exclaims)
Dear God! You’ve got to try the
croissant.

PROTESTANT PRIEST (CONT’D)
(regains composure)
Sorry. By the way, where are you
originally from and how is it over
there?

EMRYS
I'm from a little community near
Mount Arthur, here in New Zealand.
It's pretty awesome, I think. I've
not really travelled much, so I
don't have a lot to compare to, but
it's definitely spoken highly of by
anyone who takes the time to get
down here. If you like majestic
wilderness, it will definitely be
your thing. Those epic landscapes
in Lord of the Rings were all
filmed here. I've been to a fair
few of the locations.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
Are you still in school or fully
working?

EMRYS
Neither. I'm currently undergoing
training for work. As a security
guard for the government no less,
which should be an interesting
chemistry. I'm not expecting it to
go well, but it should be
interesting.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
Romantically speaking, is anyone
occupying your time, at the moment?

EMRYS
I keep a small harem of teenage
girls whom I furnish with illicit
substances, but really I'm not that
interested in romance at the
moment. I find myself a lot more
fascinating than most of the
possible partners I've met as of
yet, so I tend to lose them through
disinterest. Perhaps someday I'll
overcome my narcissism, but I'd
rather not.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
What’s your dream job?

EMRYS
Prime Minister. Acid lab. Author.
Painter, I want to try it all. I'd
settle with charlatan in a
heartbeat. Move over BALG, here
comes immortal Ipsissimus Emrys
with a newly discovered hierarchy
of 14000 year old Thulean demons,
which the ATR's and Enochian
tradition are clearly derived from.
This is the original mystery!

PROTESTANT PRIEST
A pet was heard inside the victim’s
house. Knocked bowl of salad on the
scene confirmed it as well. Its
nature is still unknown. Do you own
any pet?

EMRYS
No pets. I'd like to, but I'm
afraid I'd wind up neglecting,
eating or sacrificing them. Any one
is equally possible on a bad day.
I've not still not had the chance
to try dog, but I'm sure it's
delicious.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
What is your preference in motion
pictures and music, if you don’t
mind.

EMRYS
As far as music in concerned,
anything with a weedy groove gets
me going. Sludgy doom, and
blackened death metal are my
usuals. Belzebong, Mastodon,
Pallbearer and Cattle Decapitation
are my most played at the moment.
As for motion pictures, A Scanner
Darkly is definitely my favourite.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
What if you accidently meet the
feather man Crow who runs the
place, what would you say to him?

EMRYS
I don't know, that's a tough one.
I'd try my best not to beg for
awards, but I do like a bit of
bling, nudge nudge.

Cellphone RINGS. Priest FLIPPED the phone open to RECEIVE it.
He looks at the windows, FLUSTERED.

PROTESTANT PRIEST
I have to, unfortunately, cut this
meeting short. I appreciate you
coming down here. Do you have any
last words?

EMRYS
Et tu Brutus? I don't really know.
I'm always around, so maybe I'll
interject them into another thread
sometimes.

POTESTANT PRIEST
I'll keep you posted


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"“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”
Charles Bukowski


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In the words of that ever-dying of our never forgetting hearts hero, Sean Bean: Winter is coming, bitches! And I don't care where you live, or how warm your ass is right now, but here on Uranus (read Your Anus) it's as cold as a witches G spot... So, I'm about to let you embark on a journey through a drag called Winter Sports.

Now, winter sports are just man's way to say 'fuck you' to nature and her tragic ways of changing. The snow is a reminder for eternity. Shit, I'm getting poetic over here. Let's start.

Skiing

Grass Skiing

Ski Jumping

Bobsleigh

Ice Skating

Next time on WF News...

Ah, who are we kidding? Who knows what's next.


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The most perverted thread, is finally here, on WizardForums. Constructed purely from a lustful narcosis, specifically between fapping sections, the Hookup Thread is an interesting thread to follow. It's the terminal for any member who needs an itch to be scratched.


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Editor-In-Chief:
Protestant Priest

Managing Editor:
Svarog

Journalists:
Svarog - Sports News/QOTW (Quote of the Week)
Protestant Priest - TOTW/Headlines/Award News/World News/ Interviews/User News

Graphical Editor
It is you.

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Find all posts by this user
10-21-2013, 02:00 PM
Post: #2
Oh crap I didn't submit World News in time... -_-'
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10-21-2013, 04:03 PM
Post: #3
Schön. Tis' I liek

I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh; and that with the blood of the slain and of the captives, from the beginning of revenges upon the enemy.
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10-21-2013, 05:22 PM
Post: #4
Mirin the news.
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10-21-2013, 07:51 PM
Post: #5
Yeah, what that guy said.

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10-22-2013, 06:12 AM (This post was last modified: 10-22-2013 06:26 AM by Protestant Priest.)
Post: #6
(10-21-2013 02:00 PM)Emrys Rezal Tsathokkua Wrote:  Oh crap I didn't submit World News in time... -_-'

Svarog is on the way to your location, as I am writing, to deal with the situation. It's best to subdue when you see the red dots on your nuts. Shoot first and ask question never, is the motto of WFN.

(10-21-2013 04:03 PM)Dantresh Wrote:  Schön. Tis' I liek

Yeah, we at the news decided to play with a possible signature, every week, if time permits.

(10-21-2013 05:22 PM)Pride Wrote:  Mirin the news.

I have no idea what you said, but Thank You!

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10-22-2013, 06:13 AM
Post: #7
I think he said "ADmiring the news"
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10-22-2013, 06:16 AM (This post was last modified: 10-22-2013 06:32 AM by Protestant Priest.)
Post: #8
(10-22-2013 06:13 AM)Dantresh Wrote:  I think he said "ADmiring the news"

I see. Then, the thank you was in order.

Also, I gotta order my Halloween costume. Damn I forgot. I'm going as Baron Samedi.

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10-22-2013, 07:04 AM
Post: #9
(10-22-2013 06:12 AM)Protestant Priest Wrote:  
(10-21-2013 02:00 PM)Emrys Rezal Tsathokkua Wrote:  Oh crap I didn't submit World News in time... -_-'

Svarog is on the way to your location, as I am writing, to deal with the situation. It's best to subdue when you see the red dots on your nuts. Shoot first and ask question never, is the motto of WFN.

I'm back! And I got me a nice new pair of New Zealand balls! Cool

Also, I'd love to dress up like Baron Samedi. But if I do, I'll just look like a random whiteboy with racist makeup. Sad

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10-22-2013, 07:20 AM
Post: #10
(10-22-2013 07:04 AM)Svarog Wrote:  I'm back! And I got me a nice new pair of New Zealand balls! Cool

Play dice with them. Play dice with them. [Image: SmileySmileNodding-1_zps4f8b8f6a.gif]

(10-22-2013 07:04 AM)Svarog Wrote:  Also, I'd love to dress up like Baron Samedi. But if I do, I'll just look like a random whiteboy with racist makeup. Sad

So sad. [Image: 0NtcL.gif]

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