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Your own development history
08-19-2017, 10:12 AM
Post: #21
I feel you get enough , PhD is meaningless, a lot of paper work, repeating projects long nights .
your brain is with too much information , u probably needs two jobs, one for the making money paying bills, one for the other which u r now figuring it out...
if u can heal your kidney by magick, thats great and keep it ....sometimes we r our own best doctors...Smiling
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08-19-2017, 09:34 PM (This post was last modified: 08-19-2017 09:37 PM by Calicifer.)
Post: #22
Today in the dream I was told to follow my dreams. I was never once before told that, especially when descending from 12 story building with a rope in something more similar to controlled fall when things got hot and now 6 men were shooting at me with automatic rifles. My dreams are entertaining, I might share them later.
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08-20-2017, 12:54 AM
Post: #23
must be that satan Wink
hahahah fuck with you HappyD

Prince of Earth - You know my postcode

"It's funny that people spend their whole lives trying to find truth, yet they wont take it from me" - Satan
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08-20-2017, 01:37 AM (This post was last modified: 08-20-2017 02:04 AM by Calicifer.)
Post: #24
(08-20-2017 12:54 AM)Homicide Wrote:  must be that satan Wink
hahahah fuck with you HappyD

Well, this time there wasn't any voice at least. Though, I had lived through in that dream a lot of interesting scenarios. One was where I was constantly purging the horrors hidden from everyone's sight. I received a message that I have to do my duty for the betterment of everyone. That betterment curiously enough, included constant raids and slaughter of seemingly and curiously never ending threats coming from a very localized and small place. I thought beasts with my squad. I ordered to take defensive perimeter in depth while I and my other, more tougher friend went to frontline and dispatched some beasts in melee, cutting down the flow to weaker elements of our squad. In the end, it was again different scenario where I was spec ops operative infiltrating into building and one's particular person's room. In the way, there was clash of authoritites as other spec ops agent tried to stop me and we briefly clashed before having to break in into target's room in order to avoid detection of both of us. There was three of us total in that room. We began searching room while host slept. After we were finished, I told that female which tried to stop me before to write a note. On one part because my handwritting is ugly and I might make gramattical mistakes which would be emberracing. On the other, she knew exactly that needs to be written while I can only retell that. She went to write that note, only to be seen from the window. I felt frustrated by constant ineptitude, incompetence of my allies, collegues, squad. Before anyone have even realized, I felt that were detected and thus, I attached a rope and threw other half out of the window. I refuse to be dragged down with ones who are below me. I refuse to suffer for others incompetence. So, before anyone realized that had happened I jumped out of the window, hoping that advanced start will let me get far enough from maybe even being detected at all. Sadly, I was wrong, roughly after descending 6 stores out of 12'th stores, squad of armored and well armed men started shooting me. Luckily, I accounted for that, this is why I did very little to stop my fall until the very last seconds. I "jumped" with my legs from the building to the side to duck their firepower, by putting corner of the building between me and them. Strangely they quickly turned away, maybe to face 2 other agents which they had failed first to notice.


Mission was a partial success. Infiltration and extraction was successful. Psychic agent, me, escaped with required item. Detection mattered a little and fates of said other two agents were not of my concern. I landed on ground with uncanny suspension. Then I proceeded to speed through with athlete like speed and jumped over the fence as my body would be only quarter as heavy as it is. This is why I considered something inhuman about myself. I always move like this in such dreams and aether. During that time, I heard the message, that I should follow my dreams and whatever it is necessary for the greater betterment of the whole species. Even if said enlightenment must come through war and suffering.


Though, I was highly impressed by performance of said agents. They were,
I was in that dream among first psi warriors. That it meant was that we were a first nation on Earth to fully implement magick in a practical and fully objective fashion. We finally managed to unlock said powers within humanity in real fashion and of course, being enlightened and ever wise humans, the first thing we did was to create elite special forces which were unmatched in their ability to operate alone. Said forces were not special. They did not had ability to throw fireballs or cast lighting. They weren't your usual space wizards, but rather their powers manifested through inhuman physical performance, like that is shown in that other thread about Lee. Or their ability to see, to sense immediate future and thoughts of surrounding people. This is why I survived and escaped, because I felt that we were detected and enemy squad will burst into room at any moment even if there wasn't any obvious signs of that.

Here is roughly how I looked. It wasn't this. No skull on the face, but it is general level of sophistication that my outfit carried.
[Image: Q7d6j1W.jpg]

And something in between of this, though I did not needed sniper rifle. That is a silly weapon.
[Image: 250?cb=20150601191302]


(08-19-2017 10:12 AM)smokevision Wrote:  I feel you get enough , PhD is meaningless, a lot of paper work, repeating projects long nights .
your brain is with too much information , u probably needs two jobs, one for the making money paying bills, one for the other which u r now figuring it out...
if u can heal your kidney by magick, thats great and keep it ....sometimes we r our own best doctors...Smiling

Kidney is an issue of the past, I do not know why it attracted such attention. As for phD, it would allow me to dodge employment for many more years and I would hate my friend later coming down as a doctor and rubbing his face. Nobody is smarter than me! That means, if someone close to me is a doctor, then I must do one better!

Though, I would love to study something which I would enjoy. Spending my days within field which motivates me and I'm good at would be delightful. You would spend your days as person as I should. Learning, not doing repetitive tasks in the job. Even ones who are involved in creation of new equipment for the industry, well, their level and caliber is simply too low for me. What I mean by that is that I feel that I'm wasting my time and energy by constructing and doing something too small. That my talents could be better utilized at high level decision making. Sadly, there isn't a place which I would know of that would motivate me. You know, to be a dream which I would seek. Like for humans, they pick their careers and ones who for example study engineering are good at engineering, pick engineering work and are happy with their work. For me it is completely different. I tried a lot of things only to discover myself and to see that my intuition and delusions of grandeur will not allow me to enjoy and be satisfied by such life, such career and work.
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08-20-2017, 10:53 PM
Post: #25
My dreams are getting a lot more frequent at this time and a lot more funny and entertaining. This time I was a scientist and I was a first victim of Stalin's purges. I was to be sent to gas chamber and I had all the feelings and pleasure of a dead man going to get killed for nothing. I felt how a man in its shoes felt like. Though, as always dream in the second part got more interested. I pleaded with the executioner to give me few more moments to make my peace. That fool still had shred of sympathy left within him and he gave it to me. I used opportunity to rush unseen into main office and lock it from inside while jumping out of fourth story building and escaping into the foreign city with prisoner's clothes which I tried to "upgrade" instantly with hobos cloths. Ech, fun times.

My second dream was about a dead man which we found with sister. It was rather delightful dream due to its oppressive atmosphere. Dead man was laying there, forgotten and abandoned on the top of the stairs to his homes. Stairs were covered with rotten apples and on the fence there was a rooster. We thought it was frozen, dead, but as we started throwing rocks at apples in order to disperse them, because we did not wanted to touch them, they felt toxic, rooster finally awoken from that it seemed to be hipernation, a struggle to life in low substance conditions. Everything around him was dead, his whole world was dead and he was the only one who survived. We fed said rooster for he was starving.


My third dream this night was about game of World of Warships where I got task to get 6 torpedo hits. I took destroyer which was uniquely generated for my dream. Enemy destroyed tried to hide in smoke, but I aggressively dived for it and at close range, covered water with torpedos. I was out before I saw notifications of 5 said torpedos hitting the target and sinking it. I continued later to hunt for other ships to fulfill my task.


My nerve system is undergoing certain changes and are being over-active as I feel. Having three very vivid dreams which I did not bothered to tell even half of them to you nor still analyze meaning rich content is simply just too much. Heck, I dreamed even fourth dream, but that one was more about girls, literal angels, saints and food, lol. My brains seem to grow ever more sensitive and over-active when it comes to thinks such as this. Sensations, dreams, even thoughts, ideas and perspectives are coming flooding to me. I do not need to experience that is to be on death row since my brain decides that at this random moment it would fun to send me to gas chamber!
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08-20-2017, 11:34 PM
Post: #26
If IQ tests are to have any value, we must first ask what intelligence actually is. What exactly are we measuring when we use a test like that?

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08-21-2017, 12:49 AM
Post: #27
I get to where i discount dreams. All just mental processing that i dont control. It doesnt help me dig or work the fields any better/worse. Unless i actually do find a big violet box that takes a keycard opening up to a massive diamond (mustve been head sized at least and cut - last nights dream).
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08-21-2017, 01:02 AM
Post: #28
I do not take them for much either.
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08-23-2017, 07:27 AM (This post was last modified: 08-23-2017 07:32 AM by Calicifer.)
Post: #29
(08-20-2017 11:34 PM)Ontical Wrote:  If IQ tests are to have any value, we must first ask what intelligence actually is. What exactly are we measuring when we use a test like that?

An ability to solve basic logical problems combined with real life challenges like memorization of route in short period of time.


Do you any receive constant assault of stories, often mundane ones when you are in between sleep and being awake? Said stories for me started to get interested. I simply lay on the floor and let myself to stay in certain state where I'm just about to fall asleep, but I'm still awake. There I can see directly into post processes of my brain where it already starts dreaming, despite me still being aware, having consciousness at certain level.

Today I had experienced a very strange experience while being in such state. I saw myself many, many years from now as a spirit. It was time for my "ascension". I was to be made into something greater. Yet, I looked to my mortal life with melancholy. I missed it. I missed all the joy and experiences from being human. I missed living. Yet, most of all I was being hesitant to ascend and thus raise as equal among most highest of beings for I treasured my humanity. I knew that price for ascension was loosing all that made me, me. I would be transformed into a perfect avatar of me. Yet, without my flaws, without my perks and countless smaller traits, I would cease to exist. I did not wanted to be perfect, I wanted to be me.


Interesting experiences, aren't they?
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08-26-2017, 07:12 AM
Post: #30
I admit I didn't know what I want when I was young but since then I learn a lot about myself and now I know what I must do and what needed to get there as well.
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