1st Mushroom Experience

[Milton]

Been contemplating Psilocybin for a long time as I heard about its "healing" properties to cure depression and its ability to "open the mind"
Pulled the trigger recently and decided to actually perform the experience today. 30 grams of fresh Golden Teacher mushrooms.
The experience was quite intense at first, sharp rivers of blood, castles of rage, red wings of thunder expressing anger .. Though I kept calm and navigated through that fine. I knew what was wrong with me and was expecting something of that nature.

The interesting part was seeing a giant faraway castle with a big black face above it (which I later realized was Mahakala). It didn't care about me and shoved me away. Later, there were small visions of life and rebirth in the forest (the typical experience we hear about). Then I saw Mahakala again. This sounds crazy. I surrendered and asked for answers, but I got the sense that I didn't deserve them and shouldn't demand anything. It knew I was of the Abrahamic God and expressed anger toward me.


During the trip I was trying to map what I saw, what was it what I saw, the Demiuge? Where is the Monad? Or are these.. just earthly entities? Why Mahakala?
I was “punished” for overthinking and for trying to control and map everything. I wanted the experience to end sooner.. and was punished for that too, as I was told that this isn't something I do then leave.


Overall I was calm. Just.. I don't know how to describe it. Wouldn't categorize it as "negative"

I was never interested in Buddhism. It might indeed be just hallucinations.. Though I won't lie and say that I am indeed interested now in it after this experience.

Mixed thoughts..

Yes call me crazy all you want, yet somehow.. I do not really regret the experience.

Is there any symbolism behind Mahakala? Carl Jung supposedly was into Tibetan Buddhism, though I never read him.

 

[stalkinghyena]

I am not familiar with Mahakala in particular, but my general understanding of the wrathful Tibetan deities is that they serve the function of the Buddha as parent pulling a child's hand away from a fire or from being hit by a car. Their action is harsh, swift and sudden, and can be painful, but it goes something like that saying from the movie Jacob's Ladder: "The demons are really angels, trying to set you free."

I had a really bad trip when I was a teenager that opened me to the immanence of pure cosmic personal horror. But I view this as an initiation. Later on, I came to understand the Nous, which could be equivalent to the Dharma, I guess.

It's amazing how many "people" live inside one's head, all of them thinking at any given moment that they are the real person when they take over the driver's seat. A bunch of dicks if you ask me, though forgivable in the sense that they manifestations of the ignorance that is necessary for corporeal cohesion. Psilocybin is a good too for exposing "them" and discerning their archontic functions. Not every one has time to sit for weeks under a Bodhi tree and hash out the illusions - but I have heard (and well... experienced) that Vajrayana is the Mahayana where you throw gasoline onto the fire.