Hello
@St. Stephen ,
After reading your post I am asking myself one question: "What do you want? Be specific."
This, imo, is fertile ground for indecision. It's too general. What are your specific goals? What sort of spirit, specifically? Once the Spirit is evoked, then what? What comes next? You'll ask it a question? What's the question? You'll ask it a favor? What's the favor? You're making a pact? For what purpose?
Good.
Sure. Looking back on my life I've always been a "big thinker". Even as a child I was always asking big, often silly, questions. I can't help it. I love questions, puzzles, riddles, and jokes. My parents had a love-hate relationship with my curiosity. On the other hand, I was trouble with a capital 'T' in school. My teachers had a hate-hate relationship with me and my questioning. It was like that from grade-school all the way thru to university. Mostly because I wouldn't "let it go" when the teacher would dismiss my questioning, and, they quickly learned, that I cared more for the questions than receiving
their boring and incomplete answers.
When I was young, Saturday morning cartoons were a "thing". I have no clue what young people do on Saturday mornings now. When my daughter was young, we had a collection of Barbie CGI movies that she liked. My son, when he, was small liked Teen-Titans-Go. But it wasn't the same as "Saturday morning cartoons". Yes, yes, there's that typical grandpa voice welling up inside of me, waxing nostalgic: "The cartoons just aren't as good as they used to be. Nothing's as good anymore. The food is bland. The air is stinky. The music is too loud. The kids are wild. Look at those short-shorts, no respect, no respect. Remember the good ole-days?" But that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about "the hunt". Kids these days... { trying on my Grandpa-voice } Kids these days... don't know how to hunt. They wouldn't even know how to begin. God forbid there's a crisis, food distribution disruption, a bridge collapses, or a collection of bridges, terrorism, earthquakes... in that scenario? Kids these days, what are they going to do? If the popularity and interest in vampirism is any sort of metric, It's not as far fetched as it may seem? Those kiddos are going to start eating themselves and their friends out of a toxic combo of laziness and incompetent ( ignorant ) necessity.
For me, when I was a kid, I stalked those cartoons. I laid in wait for them. I woke early, ridiculously early. So I would be the first of the three of us on the couch. I had the TV on. The channel chosen. No one was changing it. Not without a fight. "I was here first. I was here first. You know the rules. I get to chose the first show." The shows that were on at 2 AM, are pretty weird. But. I didn't care. I was going to watch: "Dungeons and Dragons" the cartoon. That was what mattered. I was too young to read a clock, or something, because I don't remember when the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon broadcast was scheduled, on air. Yes, this was before cable, and Internet. It was even before VCRs, or Tivo, if anyone remembers that. 1982? 1981?
If I missed the beginning of the show it was tragic. Missing any of it, of course, was sad, but missing the beginning was the worst. The intro was my absolute favorite part. It very briefly retold the story of the first episode where the group of friends were at the carnival. There was a ride there, the "Dungeons and Dragons" ride. It was a sort of carnie-roller-coaster with a blue-grey castle as the dominant form, with a dragon's mouth? If I recall. On the the tracks? Maybe? In the cartoon intro, the friends are walking, then one of them calls out. ( was it Bobbie? ) "Look! it's a Dungeons and Dragons ride!! Let's go!" And the friends pile on, squeeze into the roller-coaster-car, and they swoop off along the tracks. Faux goblins and trolls and dragons pop-up and dash away from them as the scoot along the tracks. The friends are cheering having a nice time. Then, the track begins the warp. The walls of the ride lose their form. The colors blend, and start to spin. The friends have no clue what's happening to them. And plop, plop, plop thud. If I remember they fall to the ground in a world that is not their own. Wearing clothes, and carrying weapons that they've never seen before. They were no longer
only friends, they had been transformed both individually and as a collective. They were a team, comrades, with a problem. "Where are we? How do we get home?" And that's the intro.
Each of the characters were fun. They all had their own personality, flaws, talents, etc. Each of them had acquired, somehow, magically, tools of the trade, rare, very rare, in the form of a weapon or armor to aid them in their adventures as the seek a way back home. These weapons aligned in harmony with each of the individual's personal attributes. My favorites: Bobbie, the smallest, the youngest, but, surprisingly the strongest. He was the "Barbarian", with a club of quaking. My next favorite, was a lovely dark-skinned acrobat with a quarterstaff that could bridge any gap. Third in line, in descending order of preference? Bobbie's sister, the thief, with the cloak of invisibility. There was also the leader. Rick? I think that was his name. Handsome, mature, blond. The ranger, with a bow of bolts ( of lightning ). Lastly, I also, strangely really liked the befuddled cavalier, but I didn't understand why. He was a comic relief character. Clumsy. Complaining. Never doing what he should. He had a shield. We, the viewers, and the adventurers, knew it was magic, knew that like all the other legendary equipment which they carried, this shield was being pursued by dark forces, just as much as the other weapons and armor, but, no one could figure out how to use it. It was just a shield, until... it wasn't. And the shield often saved the day: the unexpected lynch pin, in a plan, that no one knew, except for the writing team who had put together the plot.
These early morning vicarious adventures were all I looked forward to, all week long. Bobbie. That was me. I'm the youngest. I'm the bravest. And I love fun, and never quit. But I also loved that dark exotic queen. Too young to feel any real stirrings, but, I liked her even though she seemed to be an after thought in the writing team's story-telling. ( Maybe that's why I liked her, in addition to what would develop later into attraction ). Then came Bobbie's sister in the pecking order of my preferences. She was very important in the story telling, because, Bobbie needs her. She's his guardian angel with that cloak. He is free to charge, and be reckless, and wild, why? Cause big sister's watching over him and will rescue him. Then, of course the leader. Not because I liked him, but because the others liked him. And he always seemed to choose wisely and react appropriately. That's what I dreamed for, for myself. In my early immature childish psyche, that leader, Rick?, was everything I wasn't and represented everything my caregivers and authority figures wanted of me, wanted me to be, but I couldn't do, and would always fail if I tried to adopt those qualities. Finally, the clutz. My least favorite, but also captivating. That one, with the mysterious shield, he represented the qualities I hate about myself. That's valuable info as well.
The rest of the cartoons which came on in the morning were not to my liking. Not nearly as much as Dungeons and Dragons, but there was one. Much later. If I wanted to watch it, I needed a plan. I needed to be sneaky. Sibling rivalry. We competed with each other for "TV Time" choosing what to watch. Remember, no internet. No phones. No tablets. No other screens. We had A TV. Singular. We had to share. The shows were broadcast. There was no "Oh, I'll just watch it later on YouTube." If you missed it, you missed it. And maybe you'd never see it for your entire life. So. The plan. I wake up early. I get the first spot on the couch. I get to choose Dungeons and Dragons. Then, I let my older brother and sister choose everything else, as long as I get to watch the other show, with my other favorite adventurers.
I realize this whimsical gazing back in time, may not seem very productive in answering your question. But, it's key. For you. The remedy you seek is there. It's the first rule, the rule so many forget. Everyone seens to know Crowley's doctrine: "Will is the entirety of the law, assuming law exists..." It's shakespeare. Crowley was ... borrowing. "This above all: to thine own self be true." But, this is not the first law. It's the "only" law. There's another law which comes first. Crowley's law depends on it: "Know yourself." That's the first law. Everything flows from it.
So, the question I'm asking you, right now,
@St. Stephen: Do you know yourself? Who are you? What excites you? What discourages you? In an ideal world, what is your profession? How do you spend your time? In an ideal world, what would you avoid? What things would you postpone? When do you procrastinate? When do feel compelled to act so strongly, that if you don't your whole world is collapsing? KNowing how to start and where to start on the exploration beyond what is conventionally referred to as "here-and-now" requires answers to these questions. The best place to look for answers is in your own heart. Recall the stories of your youth which you love, replay them in the theater of your mind's eye. Pay attention to your heart. What is it doing, when does it react? Those are the clues you need to determine who you are as an individual among all the rest of us. Movies, books, comic books are great for this sort of inward journeying. Music. Also useful but less specific.
Once you know what you want, then, sure, I can find a path to get you there. For me? It happened by accident, coincidences, assuming such a thing exists. A buddy calls me over to his cube:
"Hey Man, you gotta see this."
"OK, show me."
"You're Jewish, right?"
"yeah, but don't make me prove it."
"OK. Check this guy out."
And I did. With gusto. On the screen, there was this guy, an ultra-orthodox dude, Black. White. Hat. Scraggily long beard. Skinny. Singing reggae on Late Night with David Letterman. And it was fantastic. My buddy says: "Yeah, he's awesome right?" My buddy's Christian, devout. I was mesmerized. Never seen anything like it. My first child, my daughter was on the way. My wife wanted to raise her with a religious education. I was against it. That meant, I was tasked with finding something that was amendable to my aversions. The timing was perfect. Kismet, divine providence, luck, fate, who cares? I certainly didn't. Why or how didn't matter. I was excited. I looked up the dude who was singing to me and my bud on the screen, and found out his community teaches Kabalah to anyone, weekly, for free. And that is the beginning of my own journey in earnest which is ongoing as we speak.
Well, I have no jurisdiction here, but, for what it's worth. { trying out my "teacher-voice" } You're forgiven. And don't do it again ( kidding
)
~chuckles~
Forgive yourself for all the things that cannot be known about yourself and others. That's step 1. Begin with agnosticism. It cannot be known, and that is good. Mystery wonder, and awe, are the crucible for your craft, whatever it is. ( unless it's herbology ).\
Step 2: patience, timing is everything.
Step 3: Get to know yourself. Imagine yourself, in your mind's eye, doing stuff. Actions. Deeds. Be specific. Create a scene in your mind, and watch it play out where you are the star of the show. The hero, the villain, the lover, or the object of someone's affection. The innocent child who surprises everyone? The elder sage who knows the answers? As the story is playing in your mind, listen to your heart. Thake note when it reacts strongly. These are the aspects of your self which are significant. Choosing anything is simply a matter of putting things is order of significance. Once that is established firmly in the mind. Making any choice is easy, quick, and often, rewarding.
Step 4: Write out a goal on paper. Keep that paper. Look at it, re-read it monthly as you go. On your journey, you may get lost, and most do. Lacking that little paper will mean, possibly, you'll end up somewhere completely estranged from your original stated desires. Sometimes this is good, sometimes not. But in the middle of the process, without that paper, it will be very difficult to recall what you intended when you began journeying in the first place. Example: If you're looking for love, and you find loneliness, it's good to remind oneself not to quit. I have dear friend who teaches: "If you're on a train, and you're going thru hell. Don't get off the train. Keep going, unless, hell is what you're looking for." Most people, when they're on a train going thru hell, they're too busy trying to stay out of trouble to accurately recall specific details of their aspirations UNLESS they wrote it down.
And this is why so many of us are Journaling. It's not for our own enjoyment, though some probably do, I don't. It's practical. It's map. It's useful. Because so many are out there who just want to feed themselves on whatever is closest and easiest for them to snatch. That means, you're on the menu, bro. It's good to stay on track and not get distracted by the alluring siren song that seems to surround us all.
We call that the Yetzer-Hara in my religion. It's an oppositional motive, an inner influencing force in the psyche.
May I ask? How does it convince you? What are the reasons it is giving which are compelling?
