Journal Blu's Deep Sea

[SiliconeBlu]

I haven't read my tarot in so long and I really feel as though I should ,
especially with everything going on in my life right now .
I'm just so scared the answers I get are gonna make me sick :/

So ofc I'm gonna read my tarot rq and update this with what it tells me
Wish me luck !!

Post automatically merged: Feb 9, 2025

My current handle of my material life - Stable
My current handle of my mental health - Unstable
Material wise I should be able to meet my goals for the end of this year - I will not find difficulty with these goals
Physical wise I should be able to meet my weight loss goals for the end of this year - It will happen very quickly

My obsession with the physical goal will leave me drained . I will be doubtful , lose energy and struggle to hold passions because of this . ( I am not doing this safely so this makes sense ) After this journey I will pick life back up and start anew

I won't get anything out of my greed but my reward , though life will feel pointless while I follow it .
I will get what I want but in doing so I will feel trapped in this cycle . I will find my way out of it in the end though , and light will be achieved yet again

Remember , there is no set timeline , let that knowledge let you move into your future with courage , not with fear .

 

[SiliconeBlu]

It is quite difficult, being a worshiper when you feel as though no one is willing to help guide you.

I say that, but I have finally started my path in proper worshipping King Asmodeus

Day two was already hard enough, as with all worship of The Infernal tends to be. They will push you grow past your Shadow, but in doing so they have the ability to anger, depress, or frustrate you beyond belief while they guide you past your Shadow.
It especially doesn't help that I'm currently unmedicated though

I unfortunately unleashed my upset towards King Asmodeus today. He did not seem to take it personally though, he did seem to get frustrated at my pig-headedness.
When I got home from work today. I deeply apologized to him for inability to properly hear him and his words. And I thanked him for staying with me and still trying to help me even through such a difficult reading.
I find that when I'm unmedicated I am especially easy to lead to aggravation. And the simple advice that I got at the end of our reading was that I need to stop being so defensive and so aggressive when I feel lost.

The advice that frustrated me for probably about 30 minutes was as simple as "You need to work on your blockages, and in doing so you will reap the rewards that are already on their way to you"

Unfortunately with my past history of traumas, My brain is very deeply ingrained in a toxic positive out look. So when I read that card my brain did not pull up any blockages that I do deal with. Leading me to get very frustrated and searching for what blockage he could possibly be talking about. For in my eyes I could not see any.



Generally, I need to work on my impulsive, material greed. I find that I wish to have a lot of different little things. But those things still cost money, those seemingly small payments still add up at the end of the day.

As I said earlier, when I am unmedicated, I am quick to anger. I am easily frustrated and that frustration clouds my mind and my ability to read past my running stream of thoughts.

I need to be able to learn how to sit with discomfort instead of immediately looking for temporary quick fixes to bring me some form of stimulation.

Within learning how to sit with this discomfort, I also need to learn what is actually causing me this discomfort. For as I said earlier, my brain has a built-in toxic positivity filter. It does not allow me to see what is going wrong in my life unless that wrong is staring me down right in the eyes.

I need to learn how to better manage my energy, so as to actually maintain some sense of physical health.