Born again

[Obscurum]

I have never dabbled in the occult, so to speak, since I was raised to avoid it, but since I left the faith I find myself intrigued by the themes. So I just want some advice on how to proceed.

For some background, I'll just list some things that have happened post religion that could be relevant (Please excuse me if they are long winded or seem trivial or not related to the occult):

Sensitivity - I am very sensitive to people's emotions and intents, so much so that I feel overwhelmed in crowded places without even interacting with anyone. I read those intents without direct communication and it presents as differing feelings about the person. I can see conflict especially, coming a mile away.

If I have some form of appointment with someone, I tend to sense if something bad happens to them without any knowledge of it. A stupid example is a while back I ordered a pizza, and as soon as I sent the order I became inexplicably overcome with dread, I became physically agitated and restless. The pizza was late and they phoned me saying the delivery driver was in a serious accident. I have jokingly started to call this premonition by appointment 'Entanglement'

Dreams - I seem to get dreams with very specific premonitions. For example, I had a dream where my brother was in severe distress, we were outside and there was a partial lunar eclipse with a distinct orientation. The dream bothered me so much I looked up coming lunar eclipses and found one with the same orientation on a date three months away. I phoned my sister telling her about the dream and date. Three months later on the same date my sister phones me and tells me my brother is in the ICU. (I don't talk to my brother directly due to being shunned, so this all happened without being involved whatsoever in his life).

I recently had a dream where a woman figure said that I was her child, and that I was in the womb being prepared (hence the title). She said I will born again, prepared for 36 weeks and after that a flood will come. As proof, 36 will be a significant number for me. I woke up, and while still a bit confused, I put a large sum of money on 36 on roulette, on this casino app I have. The first spin landed on 36, and It all felt like a waking dream, but I actually won a lot of money. But the whole thing is so strange, the money is irrelevant lol.

Interaction with shadows - After leaving the cult, I had a lot of dreams about roses and butterflies, and some people said it was representative of transformation. During that same time I had a crisis of faith, and I cried a lot. At one point I was crying again, and my girlfriend tried to console me. Then we both started to smell something burning in the house, but like it was started with that distinctive smell of matches. We walked around trying to find the fire but there was nothing. Then I collapsed, and I became an observer of myself. I could see myself lying on the ground, and my girlfriend panicking. I saw myself getting pulled into the ground, and two shadow figures standing close by. They said: "Come down to where there is peace." I drifted down further into the ground, but there was a bright light and something lifted me up, and I came to my senses. I felt relieved and like nothing had happened, but by this point my girlfriend was on the phone with emergency services.

Another time I was alone (by this time my girlfriend had understandably left me due to being afraid for her safety) and crying, asking God if my tears were useless and if he even heard my prayers. It was an emotional state, but I was wide awake. A shadow creeped down the wall slowly and to behind the dresser. It said god doesn't hear me, and is indifferent to my plight. It said it heard my prayers and counted all my tears, and listened to my words, even called me dear one. It said I should write something down. It gave me a prophecy that came true on a grand scale, but it is too controversial to mention here. I was still in contact with my ex, and shared it with her. She sent me the email back a few years later when the event ran its course.

Strange ability - I seem to have some strange connection with women. I have had a person that claims to be a sensitive, or medium 'see' a woman around me. I thought it may be related to the 'woman' in my dreams. I read some of Carl Jung's material on the woman archetype and think it may be related to the anima, but most of this stuff goes over my head. In any case, I'm not sure why, but women seem to be attracted to me. I am not physically attractive and I don't flirt, but they seem drawn to me. Especially if they feel trapped in their lives, or if they want to change it for the better. I've had random strangers walk up to me saying that purely physical things can happen between a man and a woman and that that is okay, asking to go home with me. My girlfriends best friend lured me into a room and closed the door and tried to get with me while my gf was elsewhere in the house, so I left the room and closed the door on her lol and told my gf and there was big drama. A therapist referred me to a colleague saying she had become attracted to me to the point where the therapy would not be effective, and still messages me now and then years later. I am forced to stay alone because of this and the meaninglessness of it all, and have been alone for years now. I think they are drawn by my connection with this feminine energy somehow.

Okay, if I've not lost you by now, buckle up, now it gets really weird. I am able to influence people, especially woman to feel certain ways, or to even feel physical sensations. I can make them feel hot or cold for example, and distance is not a factor. It started with my gf, where I could place my hand on her shoulder and make her feel hot or cold, and without telling her about the test she would respond by exclaiming how hot or cold my hand was. This developed further into an ability to do it without contact. I'm ashamed to say I 'tested' it on people doing live streams, and it is repeatable, but I have stopped testing not being sure if it is ethical. But I have made people put on a jersey, or turn on the AC from halfway across the world and it is repeatable. Anyway, I'm not sure what use this is, but included it for background.

So, basically, what the hell is happening to me? Am I suffering a mental disorder? Is this stuff real? Is this related to the occult? Is there a way I can train to help people? Where do I start?

I feel these are things I am not asking for, but some external force is pushing it onto me. I'm not sure how these strange things are an answer to prayers for purification and truth.

 

[Konsciencia]

I have never dabbled in the occult, so to speak, since I was raised to avoid it, but since I left the faith I find myself intrigued by the themes. So I just want some advice on how to proceed.

For some background, I'll just list some things that have happened post religion that could be relevant (Please excuse me if they are long winded or seem trivial or not related to the occult):

Sensitivity - I am very sensitive to people's emotions and intents, so much so that I feel overwhelmed in crowded places without even interacting with anyone. I read those intents without direct communication and it presents as differing feelings about the person. I can see conflict especially, coming a mile away.

If I have some form of appointment with someone, I tend to sense if something bad happens to them without any knowledge of it. A stupid example is a while back I ordered a pizza, and as soon as I sent the order I became inexplicably overcome with dread, I became physically agitated and restless. The pizza was late and they phoned me saying the delivery driver was in a serious accident. I have jokingly started to call this premonition by appointment 'Entanglement'

Dreams - I seem to get dreams with very specific premonitions. For example, I had a dream where my brother was in severe distress, we were outside and there was a partial lunar eclipse with a distinct orientation. The dream bothered me so much I looked up coming lunar eclipses and found one with the same orientation on a date three months away. I phoned my sister telling her about the dream and date. Three months later on the same date my sister phones me and tells me my brother is in the ICU. (I don't talk to my brother directly due to being shunned, so this all happened without being involved whatsoever in his life).

I recently had a dream where a woman figure said that I was her child, and that I was in the womb being prepared (hence the title). She said I will born again, prepared for 36 weeks and after that a flood will come. As proof, 36 will be a significant number for me. I woke up, and while still a bit confused, I put a large sum of money on 36 on roulette, on this casino app I have. The first spin landed on 36, and It all felt like a waking dream, but I actually won a lot of money. But the whole thing is so strange, the money is irrelevant lol.

Interaction with shadows - After leaving the cult, I had a lot of dreams about roses and butterflies, and some people said it was representative of transformation. During that same time I had a crisis of faith, and I cried a lot. At one point I was crying again, and my girlfriend tried to console me. Then we both started to smell something burning in the house, but like it was started with that distinctive smell of matches. We walked around trying to find the fire but there was nothing. Then I collapsed, and I became an observer of myself. I could see myself lying on the ground, and my girlfriend panicking. I saw myself getting pulled into the ground, and two shadow figures standing close by. They said: "Come down to where there is peace." I drifted down further into the ground, but there was a bright light and something lifted me up, and I came to my senses. I felt relieved and like nothing had happened, but by this point my girlfriend was on the phone with emergency services.

Another time I was alone (by this time my girlfriend had understandably left me due to being afraid for her safety) and crying, asking God if my tears were useless and if he even heard my prayers. It was an emotional state, but I was wide awake. A shadow creeped down the wall slowly and to behind the dresser. It said god doesn't hear me, and is indifferent to my plight. It said it heard my prayers and counted all my tears, and listened to my words, even called me dear one. It said I should write something down. It gave me a prophecy that came true on a grand scale, but it is too controversial to mention here. I was still in contact with my ex, and shared it with her. She sent me the email back a few years later when the event ran its course.

Strange ability - I seem to have some strange connection with women. I have had a person that claims to be a sensitive, or medium 'see' a woman around me. I thought it may be related to the 'woman' in my dreams. I read some of Carl Jung's material on the woman archetype and think it may be related to the anima, but most of this stuff goes over my head. In any case, I'm not sure why, but women seem to be attracted to me. I am not physically attractive and I don't flirt, but they seem drawn to me. Especially if they feel trapped in their lives, or if they want to change it for the better. I've had random strangers walk up to me saying that purely physical things can happen between a man and a woman and that that is okay, asking to go home with me. My girlfriends best friend lured me into a room and closed the door and tried to get with me while my gf was elsewhere in the house, so I left the room and closed the door on her lol and told my gf and there was big drama. A therapist referred me to a colleague saying she had become attracted to me to the point where the therapy would not be effective, and still messages me now and then years later. I am forced to stay alone because of this and the meaninglessness of it all, and have been alone for years now. I think they are drawn by my connection with this feminine energy somehow.

Okay, if I've not lost you by now, buckle up, now it gets really weird. I am able to influence people, especially woman to feel certain ways, or to even feel physical sensations. I can make them feel hot or cold for example, and distance is not a factor. It started with my gf, where I could place my hand on her shoulder and make her feel hot or cold, and without telling her about the test she would respond by exclaiming how hot or cold my hand was. This developed further into an ability to do it without contact. I'm ashamed to say I 'tested' it on people doing live streams, and it is repeatable, but I have stopped testing not being sure if it is ethical. But I have made people put on a jersey, or turn on the AC from halfway across the world and it is repeatable. Anyway, I'm not sure what use this is, but included it for background.

So, basically, what the hell is happening to me? Am I suffering a mental disorder? Is this stuff real? Is this related to the occult? Is there a way I can train to help people? Where do I start?

I feel these are things I am not asking for, but some external force is pushing it onto me. I'm not sure how these strange things are an answer to prayers for purification and truth.

I hear you! I don't even know where to begin to tell you the truth. First, you must realize that delving into the Occult, is not for the weak. But then again, I'm pretty much new to this myself. Even though, I have years of Supernatural experiences myself. But, what you have is a gift, and I think that is fantastic. To have premonitions and to know that what you dreamt or felt came true! That is phenomenal and Authentic. So don't see this as a curse. Instead, embrace it. You even had a taste of what it is to be Out of the Body. So, all I can say is that, you have gifts that need to be tapped. Don't be afraid, lose your fear. You are Powerful beyond measure. Always remember that! If you have any questions, feel free to send me a DM. Until then my friend. Many blessings!!!

 

[Xenophon]

I have never dabbled in the occult, so to speak, since I was raised to avoid it, but since I left the faith I find myself intrigued by the themes. So I just want some advice on how to proceed.

For some background, I'll just list some things that have happened post religion that could be relevant (Please excuse me if they are long winded or seem trivial or not related to the occult):

Sensitivity - I am very sensitive to people's emotions and intents, so much so that I feel overwhelmed in crowded places without even interacting with anyone. I read those intents without direct communication and it presents as differing feelings about the person. I can see conflict especially, coming a mile away.

If I have some form of appointment with someone, I tend to sense if something bad happens to them without any knowledge of it. A stupid example is a while back I ordered a pizza, and as soon as I sent the order I became inexplicably overcome with dread, I became physically agitated and restless. The pizza was late and they phoned me saying the delivery driver was in a serious accident. I have jokingly started to call this premonition by appointment 'Entanglement'

Dreams - I seem to get dreams with very specific premonitions. For example, I had a dream where my brother was in severe distress, we were outside and there was a partial lunar eclipse with a distinct orientation. The dream bothered me so much I looked up coming lunar eclipses and found one with the same orientation on a date three months away. I phoned my sister telling her about the dream and date. Three months later on the same date my sister phones me and tells me my brother is in the ICU. (I don't talk to my brother directly due to being shunned, so this all happened without being involved whatsoever in his life).

I recently had a dream where a woman figure said that I was her child, and that I was in the womb being prepared (hence the title). She said I will born again, prepared for 36 weeks and after that a flood will come. As proof, 36 will be a significant number for me. I woke up, and while still a bit confused, I put a large sum of money on 36 on roulette, on this casino app I have. The first spin landed on 36, and It all felt like a waking dream, but I actually won a lot of money. But the whole thing is so strange, the money is irrelevant lol.

Interaction with shadows - After leaving the cult, I had a lot of dreams about roses and butterflies, and some people said it was representative of transformation. During that same time I had a crisis of faith, and I cried a lot. At one point I was crying again, and my girlfriend tried to console me. Then we both started to smell something burning in the house, but like it was started with that distinctive smell of matches. We walked around trying to find the fire but there was nothing. Then I collapsed, and I became an observer of myself. I could see myself lying on the ground, and my girlfriend panicking. I saw myself getting pulled into the ground, and two shadow figures standing close by. They said: "Come down to where there is peace." I drifted down further into the ground, but there was a bright light and something lifted me up, and I came to my senses. I felt relieved and like nothing had happened, but by this point my girlfriend was on the phone with emergency services.

Another time I was alone (by this time my girlfriend had understandably left me due to being afraid for her safety) and crying, asking God if my tears were useless and if he even heard my prayers. It was an emotional state, but I was wide awake. A shadow creeped down the wall slowly and to behind the dresser. It said god doesn't hear me, and is indifferent to my plight. It said it heard my prayers and counted all my tears, and listened to my words, even called me dear one. It said I should write something down. It gave me a prophecy that came true on a grand scale, but it is too controversial to mention here. I was still in contact with my ex, and shared it with her. She sent me the email back a few years later when the event ran its course.

Strange ability - I seem to have some strange connection with women. I have had a person that claims to be a sensitive, or medium 'see' a woman around me. I thought it may be related to the 'woman' in my dreams. I read some of Carl Jung's material on the woman archetype and think it may be related to the anima, but most of this stuff goes over my head. In any case, I'm not sure why, but women seem to be attracted to me. I am not physically attractive and I don't flirt, but they seem drawn to me. Especially if they feel trapped in their lives, or if they want to change it for the better. I've had random strangers walk up to me saying that purely physical things can happen between a man and a woman and that that is okay, asking to go home with me. My girlfriends best friend lured me into a room and closed the door and tried to get with me while my gf was elsewhere in the house, so I left the room and closed the door on her lol and told my gf and there was big drama. A therapist referred me to a colleague saying she had become attracted to me to the point where the therapy would not be effective, and still messages me now and then years later. I am forced to stay alone because of this and the meaninglessness of it all, and have been alone for years now. I think they are drawn by my connection with this feminine energy somehow.

Okay, if I've not lost you by now, buckle up, now it gets really weird. I am able to influence people, especially woman to feel certain ways, or to even feel physical sensations. I can make them feel hot or cold for example, and distance is not a factor. It started with my gf, where I could place my hand on her shoulder and make her feel hot or cold, and without telling her about the test she would respond by exclaiming how hot or cold my hand was. This developed further into an ability to do it without contact. I'm ashamed to say I 'tested' it on people doing live streams, and it is repeatable, but I have stopped testing not being sure if it is ethical. But I have made people put on a jersey, or turn on the AC from halfway across the world and it is repeatable. Anyway, I'm not sure what use this is, but included it for background.

So, basically, what the hell is happening to me? Am I suffering a mental disorder? Is this stuff real? Is this related to the occult? Is there a way I can train to help people? Where do I start?

I feel these are things I am not asking for, but some external force is pushing it onto me. I'm not sure how these strange things are an answer to prayers for purification and truth.

If you can actually influence people, it is not "just" mental. You seem to have discovered abilities that are very hard to integrate into mundane life. You have some great opportunities facing you, but---clearly---a lot of challenges. It's hard to find a good occult guide (a human mentor) but I suggest bending efforts that direction.

 

[Obscurum]

I hear you! I don't even know where to begin to tell you the truth. First, you must realize that delving into the Occult, is not for the weak. But then again, I'm pretty much new to this myself. Even though, I have years of Supernatural experiences myself. But, what you have is a gift, and I think that is fantastic. To have premonitions and to know that what you dreamt or felt came true! That is phenomenal and Authentic. So don't see this as a curse. Instead, embrace it. You even had a taste of what it is to be Out of the Body. So, all I can say is that, you have gifts that need to be tapped. Don't be afraid, lose your fear. You are Powerful beyond measure. Always remember that! If you have any questions, feel free to send me a DM. Until then my friend. Many blessings!!!

Thanks for the reply, it means a lot. I was scared to check back here, since I can't talk to people in my life about these things without facing ridicule and rejection.

 

[Xenophon]

Thanks for the reply, it means a lot. I was scared to check back here, since I can't talk to people in my life about these things without facing ridicule and rejection.

That's why the gods made online forums. Others' ignorance is sometimes curable. A prejudice taught in early childhood is a tougher nut to crack. TV and movies seem damned nigh invincible. "Normalcy" in these times displays many aspects of disorder. Those groping away from that have a tough fight.

 

[Obscurum]

If you can actually influence people, it is not "just" mental. You seem to have discovered abilities that are very hard to integrate into mundane life. You have some great opportunities facing you, but---clearly---a lot of challenges. It's hard to find a good occult guide (a human mentor) but I suggest bending efforts that direction.

Thank you for responding and apologies for the late response, I felt ashamed so was scared to check the forum. I guess that's an indicator of where I am mentally. It was nice to see your encouraging words instead of ridicule. Thank you.

I'm scared of looking at human guides, since I've been led astray in the past with religion, but being alone and without community is tough, so it is a dilemma.

I feel there is an answer to the loneliness by embracing this 'woman' in my dreams, this anima or spiritual desire, but I do not know where to start.

The only comfort is the premonition she gave me of being changed over time, being made new. I'm not sure if this is fate or something I have to push though.

 

[Sabbatius]

Empathy is a gift. Being able to understand others, sense their emotional state often without even having to even talk with them at times is a benefit, if you are in a position to help or work with people on a daily basis.

 

[Xenophon]

Thank you for responding and apologies for the late response, I felt ashamed so was scared to check the forum. I guess that's an indicator of where I am mentally. It was nice to see your encouraging words instead of ridicule. Thank you.

I'm scared of looking at human guides, since I've been led astray in the past with religion, but being alone and without community is tough, so it is a dilemma.

I feel there is an answer to the loneliness by embracing this 'woman' in my dreams, this anima or spiritual desire, but I do not know where to start.

The only comfort is the premonition she gave me of being changed over time, being made new. I'm not sure if this is fate or something I have to push though.

Maybe go with that, then. I was just reading an article on that topic, women in dreams. Interesting timing; it's not normally my interest or forte. I can send it to you, if interested.

 

[Obscurum]

Maybe go with that, then. I was just reading an article on that topic, women in dreams. Interesting timing; it's not normally my interest or forte. I can send it to you, if interested.

Sure, that would be great thanks.

Post automatically merged: Aug 22, 2024

Just to let everyone that DM me know, I'm not able to respond to DM's yet, I hope you see this and know I'm not ignoring you and appreciate you. I'm not sure how many posts are needed to unlock the feature.

 

[Konsciencia]

Thanks for the reply, it means a lot. I was scared to check back here, since I can't talk to people in my life about these things without facing ridicule and rejection.

We don't ridicule here. This is a safe space where you can share your experiences. So don't worry about that. If you feel like talking, feel free to DM me. I'm here in case you need any advice.

 

[8Lou1]

just to make you smile and know youre not alone, i used to (maybe still) give men a hard on when writing in a chatbox. i only found out cause i said he i have a vision of a one eyed snake. if one could blush tru text, the dude would have. . i even tried to stop it all, but thats not possible. i looked like a bum living on the streets and still i got men flirting and asking to marry me. its a strange thing, but it seems we have some spark people really enjoy.

in moments like this where i share and write, my husband always pops up wanting to join the party, hes making me breakfast now. i learned its a good thing, that Love isnt monogamous or jealous. its about letting it flow so more can enjoy what we seem to be channeling naturally. learning your own boundaries is therefor very important, its why i write online, so the hardons stay far and away. leaving a little flirt of course for daily life, cause smiling people are way more fun to watch and feel.

i like this video. its quite visual and has happy motivating tunes:

 

[Accipeveldare]

I have never dabbled in the occult, so to speak, since I was raised to avoid it, but since I left the faith I find myself intrigued by the themes. So I just want some advice on how to proceed.

For some background, I'll just list some things that have happened post religion that could be relevant (Please excuse me if they are long winded or seem trivial or not related to the occult):

Sensitivity - I am very sensitive to people's emotions and intents, so much so that I feel overwhelmed in crowded places without even interacting with anyone. I read those intents without direct communication and it presents as differing feelings about the person. I can see conflict especially, coming a mile away.

If I have some form of appointment with someone, I tend to sense if something bad happens to them without any knowledge of it. A stupid example is a while back I ordered a pizza, and as soon as I sent the order I became inexplicably overcome with dread, I became physically agitated and restless. The pizza was late and they phoned me saying the delivery driver was in a serious accident. I have jokingly started to call this premonition by appointment 'Entanglement'

Dreams - I seem to get dreams with very specific premonitions. For example, I had a dream where my brother was in severe distress, we were outside and there was a partial lunar eclipse with a distinct orientation. The dream bothered me so much I looked up coming lunar eclipses and found one with the same orientation on a date three months away. I phoned my sister telling her about the dream and date. Three months later on the same date my sister phones me and tells me my brother is in the ICU. (I don't talk to my brother directly due to being shunned, so this all happened without being involved whatsoever in his life).

I recently had a dream where a woman figure said that I was her child, and that I was in the womb being prepared (hence the title). She said I will born again, prepared for 36 weeks and after that a flood will come. As proof, 36 will be a significant number for me. I woke up, and while still a bit confused, I put a large sum of money on 36 on roulette, on this casino app I have. The first spin landed on 36, and It all felt like a waking dream, but I actually won a lot of money. But the whole thing is so strange, the money is irrelevant lol.

Interaction with shadows - After leaving the cult, I had a lot of dreams about roses and butterflies, and some people said it was representative of transformation. During that same time I had a crisis of faith, and I cried a lot. At one point I was crying again, and my girlfriend tried to console me. Then we both started to smell something burning in the house, but like it was started with that distinctive smell of matches. We walked around trying to find the fire but there was nothing. Then I collapsed, and I became an observer of myself. I could see myself lying on the ground, and my girlfriend panicking. I saw myself getting pulled into the ground, and two shadow figures standing close by. They said: "Come down to where there is peace." I drifted down further into the ground, but there was a bright light and something lifted me up, and I came to my senses. I felt relieved and like nothing had happened, but by this point my girlfriend was on the phone with emergency services.

Another time I was alone (by this time my girlfriend had understandably left me due to being afraid for her safety) and crying, asking God if my tears were useless and if he even heard my prayers. It was an emotional state, but I was wide awake. A shadow creeped down the wall slowly and to behind the dresser. It said god doesn't hear me, and is indifferent to my plight. It said it heard my prayers and counted all my tears, and listened to my words, even called me dear one. It said I should write something down. It gave me a prophecy that came true on a grand scale, but it is too controversial to mention here. I was still in contact with my ex, and shared it with her. She sent me the email back a few years later when the event ran its course.

Strange ability - I seem to have some strange connection with women. I have had a person that claims to be a sensitive, or medium 'see' a woman around me. I thought it may be related to the 'woman' in my dreams. I read some of Carl Jung's material on the woman archetype and think it may be related to the anima, but most of this stuff goes over my head. In any case, I'm not sure why, but women seem to be attracted to me. I am not physically attractive and I don't flirt, but they seem drawn to me. Especially if they feel trapped in their lives, or if they want to change it for the better. I've had random strangers walk up to me saying that purely physical things can happen between a man and a woman and that that is okay, asking to go home with me. My girlfriends best friend lured me into a room and closed the door and tried to get with me while my gf was elsewhere in the house, so I left the room and closed the door on her lol and told my gf and there was big drama. A therapist referred me to a colleague saying she had become attracted to me to the point where the therapy would not be effective, and still messages me now and then years later. I am forced to stay alone because of this and the meaninglessness of it all, and have been alone for years now. I think they are drawn by my connection with this feminine energy somehow.

Okay, if I've not lost you by now, buckle up, now it gets really weird. I am able to influence people, especially woman to feel certain ways, or to even feel physical sensations. I can make them feel hot or cold for example, and distance is not a factor. It started with my gf, where I could place my hand on her shoulder and make her feel hot or cold, and without telling her about the test she would respond by exclaiming how hot or cold my hand was. This developed further into an ability to do it without contact. I'm ashamed to say I 'tested' it on people doing live streams, and it is repeatable, but I have stopped testing not being sure if it is ethical. But I have made people put on a jersey, or turn on the AC from halfway across the world and it is repeatable. Anyway, I'm not sure what use this is, but included it for background.

So, basically, what the hell is happening to me? Am I suffering a mental disorder? Is this stuff real? Is this related to the occult? Is there a way I can train to help people? Where do I start?

I feel these are things I am not asking for, but some external force is pushing it onto me. I'm not sure how these strange things are an answer to prayers for purification and truth.

This is definitely all a sign to get into the occult. As a Theistic Satanist/Chaos Magician I get lots of signs such as these from time to time. You need to put together the symbolism and act upon it. Perhaps get in touch with some deities. They help a lot. If you have any questions I'm always open.