- Joined
- Nov 4, 2025
- Messages
- 1
- Reaction score
- 7
After writing my introduction here:
https://wizardforums.com/threads/me-and-my-shadow.14068/
I decided to start a journal.
I didn’t post this in the Energy Manipulation and Vampirism section because that area seems more suited for sharing actual techniques and comparing methods. I’m not at that stage yet. I’m still learning the basics, and I don’t feel right giving advice before I’ve tested things on myself first. I need to understand something through experience before I can speak about it with confidence.
Right now, I’ve just begun studying “Magic Without Tools” by Sean Wilde. It feels like a good starting point for me, especially since I don’t have access to any ritual tools and my environment doesn’t allow for much external practice. So for now, everything will be energy-based, to the best of my ability.
The community here has been unexpectedly supportive. No judgment, no dismissal, just shared experience and clear guidance. That alone is a sign to me that I should stay and keep working.
So, this journal will be a place for: observation / doubt / trial and error / reflection on progress.
If anyone wants to comment or offer feedback, you’re welcome. Discussion is part of learning.
As for near-term plans:
I’ll continue reading the book and working through the foundational exercises. Interestingly, I realized that around 80% of the beginner practices described there are things I’ve already been doing intuitively in my life. The book simply gives structure and context to what I was doing unconsciously. Now I can repeat these exercises with intention and understand what each one develops and why.
So this won’t be “I follow the book blindly,” but rather “I compare it with my own instinct, test it, and refine.”
This is the first entry.
The journey begins.
"I walk into the desert of understanding —
just me and the shadow that walks beside me.
No noise, no rush, no promises of instant answers.
Only the wind, the heat, the silence,
and whatever I become while crossing it."
Question: “How do I know if I’m sensing energy or just imagining it?”
Answer:
I realized that almost no one actually sees energy with their physical eyes.
What I perceive is pressure, warmth, density, or vibration — and the mind translates this into an image so it’s easier to understand.
So what I “see” is not visualization.
It’s a sensory impression that the mind shapes into a symbolic form.
Question: “Is it possible to work with energy purely mentally, without physical movement or posture?”
Answer:
Yes. I discovered that my dominant channels are tactile and conceptual.
Meaning: I feel energy through the body and I understand its direction and “shape” with the mind.
So I can work in an inner space — a kind of “inner room” — where no physical action is necessary.
In that space, nothing limits me.
Question: “If I feel warmth, tingling, heaviness — is that real or self-suggestion?”
Answer:
This is the genuine response of the subtle body.
Energy is experienced through temperature shifts, pressure, motion, contraction/expansion.
Self-suggestion does not produce stable and repeatable sensations.
But my sensations are consistent and can be directed intentionally —
so this is perception, not fantasy.
Question: “Why does someone I know have a soft aura, while their outer personality seems sharp and aggressive?”
Answer:
Personality ≠ energy.
I realized that energy reflects the internal state, not the external behavior.
A person may speak loudly or look confident, but still hold softness and warmth inside.
I learned to read the inner foundation instead of the social mask.
Question: “How do I embed emotion, intention, or meaning into energy?”
Answer:
Energy forms have three components when shaped deliberately:
Question: “Is it possible to create shapes, tools, or weapons out of energy?”
Answer:
Yes — and I realized that I had already been doing this before.
The book simply gave me language and structure for what was already happening naturally.
Question: “What is grounding actually? Is it just connecting to the physical earth?”
Answer:
No. What most people call “grounding” is simply earthing — physical contact with the ground or soil.
True grounding is the release of excess or unwanted energy from the system.
It doesn’t matter where it goes or what color it appears as.
What matters is that the energy leaves and the cycle closes.
Question: “Is grounding only for negative energy?”
Answer:
No. Grounding is needed for any energy I don’t want to hold.
Even “positive” or uplifting energy, if there’s too much of it, starts to burn, expand, or distort balance.
So grounding = cleansing + balancing + stabilization.
Question: “Can I ground the way I used to — gathering the negative energy into my hand like a dark substance and shaking it off?”
Answer:
Yes, that is a valid form of active grounding.
However, there is one important refinement:
Shaking it off onto objects or the environment leaves an energetic residue behind — it “contaminates” the space.
A more effective approach is to dissolve the gathered energy — by fire, by light, by intention.
The method isn’t as important as the result:
The energy is released and the field stays clean.
Question:
Does any contact with another person create an energetic link? Even if it’s just a conversation or a glance?
Answer:
Yes. Any form of attention toward a person — a word, a look, a touch, or even an inner thought about them — forms an energetic thread. The longer attention is held, the stronger the channel becomes. Even when physical interaction ends, if you keep thinking about or emotionally investing in that person, the connection remains active. To break it you must stop feeding it with the energy of attention.
Question:
Why does conscious energy exchange feel intimate, even if it’s not love?
Answer:
Because conscious exchange moves deeper than surface emotions. The flow touches inner centers — especially the heart and throat — which produces a sense of deep closeness similar to mutual disclosure. That closeness is not necessarily love; it is an energetic resonance. Our language grasps at it with words like “attachment” or “attraction,” but those are often just approximations. It’s important to separate resonance from feeling, otherwise you can easily mistake energetic pull for emotional love.
Question:
Why do we sometimes feel drawn to be near a specific person?
Answer:
It can be a dependency on their energetic field. If two fields match structurally, the brain registers comfort and attraction. If the contact repeatedly engages lower chakras, the sensation can resemble habit or hunger. That is a pattern of exchange, not a genuine feeling, and it can be consciously broken by stopping to feed the connection with attention.
Question:
Can you create an energetic “double” and use it as a training dummy for offense and defense?
Answer:
Yes. I made an energetic phantom out of my own prana. It is not alive, it does not think or suffer — it is a functional shell. It can hold shape, take a hit, and reflect an attack. This is safe as long as you do not invest it with the core of your personality. I created empty shells and destroyed them without consequence; that shows the method works when done correctly.
Question:
Why is the classic “white light egg” considered a weak shield?
Answer:
Because the egg shape is structurally vulnerable at the top.
In energetic interaction, pressure most often comes from above or from the upper layers of the field.
When pressure is applied to the “crown point” of an egg-shaped shield, it collapses, causing disorientation or pain.
A spherical shield distributes force evenly across its entire surface, which makes it stable and free of weak points.
The closer the shield is to a true sphere, the more resilient it becomes.
Question:
Why use multiple layers of shielding instead of one strong shield?
Answer:
One shield is a single point of failure.
If it breaks, you’re exposed.
Layered shielding works differently:
Layers are about function, not thickness.
Question:
How do you maintain shields automatically, even when not thinking about them?
Answer:
Once a structure is formed correctly and linked to a clear intention, it shifts into background operation — what can be called a pattern lock.
Meaning the shield sustains itself as long as the initial structure, energy, and command are stable.
You don’t “hold” the shield — the shield holds itself.
When I began practicing from the book, many things I had been doing intuitively finally gained structure. I realized that my sensations were real — I simply lacked words and a framework to understand them.
At first, I worked on perception: learning not to see energy, but to feel it — as warmth, pressure, tingling, or shifts in internal weight. I learned the difference between imagination and perception — when the image doesn’t come from mental effort, but appears by itself as a reflection of an already existing state.
I began to sense chakras as real centers:
I didn’t “force” these centers open. I illuminated them from within.
After clearing, the centers glowed evenly and quietly, and there was a moment where the whole inner field felt bright — breathing became deeper and quieter.
Then I moved to shaping energy.
I realized I could not only feel energy but also give it form.
I practiced:
At first, the ball collapsed whenever I lost focus — I tried to hold it by force, which only scattered it. Later, I understood: the psi-ball forms from soft intention, not tension.
Eventually I shaped a sharp energetic spike — and out of inexperience, directed it into myself.
There was no physical pain, but the sensation of a hole in the subtle body was real. I had to restore the area with breath and green light.
This became a fundamental lesson:
Intention and direction are the core of safety.
With perception strengthened, I began sensing people more accurately.
Some fields feel:
This is how I sensed my neighbor — not by physical smell, but by energetic stagnation, which feels exactly like the scent of decay.
It is direct perception of density and movement in the field.
Grounding became straightforward once I realized it’s not about “plugging into the earth,” but about releasing what is not mine.
I learned to:
I stopped holding what didn’t belong to me.
There were mistakes here too — at first, I threw the energy blindly into objects, which caused it to accumulate. Later, I learned to dissolve rather than dump.
I realized that any contact — conversation, glance, emotional reaction, even a memory — creates a thread.
If you continue thinking about someone, the thread remains active.
So I stopped feeding connections I no longer needed.
This was the first step toward energetic autonomy.
Finally, I reached shielding, and everything aligned.
I build spherical shields — not egg-shaped — because spheres distribute pressure evenly and have no weak point.
I use layered protection:
The shields maintain themselves — I don’t hold them with tension; they are written into the field.
I also discovered I can create phantoms — empty energetic forms that:
Without affecting me at all.
They are extensions of will, but without identity or emotional core.
My early attempts were unstable — the constructs collapsed as soon as I stopped paying attention. Later, they became self-coherent, requiring only initial impulse.
Growing so fast, I noticed something dark awakening — intrusive thoughts about using power for harm. In the quiet I realised these weren’t entirely my thoughts, as if someone were feeding them to me from outside. Normally there is silence and calm inside me, but suddenly an unfamiliar aggression appeared, a different tone to my thinking, an obsessive quality. It seems I’m under attack from those same “scavengers” who don’t want to lose their tasty piece of energy. Now I have enough knowledge to fight back. I’ll try to calm down, slip into meditation, step outside my body to see them. They’ll be disappointed — there will be no feast. There’s little use in such beings: they aren’t living in the usual sense but empty vessels, perpetually hungry, made to take, not give. Destroying them wouldn’t be a tragedy — rather liberation after years of being drained, left with fear and loneliness. It’s time to put an end to this.
https://wizardforums.com/threads/me-and-my-shadow.14068/
I decided to start a journal.
I didn’t post this in the Energy Manipulation and Vampirism section because that area seems more suited for sharing actual techniques and comparing methods. I’m not at that stage yet. I’m still learning the basics, and I don’t feel right giving advice before I’ve tested things on myself first. I need to understand something through experience before I can speak about it with confidence.
Right now, I’ve just begun studying “Magic Without Tools” by Sean Wilde. It feels like a good starting point for me, especially since I don’t have access to any ritual tools and my environment doesn’t allow for much external practice. So for now, everything will be energy-based, to the best of my ability.
The community here has been unexpectedly supportive. No judgment, no dismissal, just shared experience and clear guidance. That alone is a sign to me that I should stay and keep working.
So, this journal will be a place for: observation / doubt / trial and error / reflection on progress.
If anyone wants to comment or offer feedback, you’re welcome. Discussion is part of learning.
As for near-term plans:
I’ll continue reading the book and working through the foundational exercises. Interestingly, I realized that around 80% of the beginner practices described there are things I’ve already been doing intuitively in my life. The book simply gives structure and context to what I was doing unconsciously. Now I can repeat these exercises with intention and understand what each one develops and why.
So this won’t be “I follow the book blindly,” but rather “I compare it with my own instinct, test it, and refine.”
This is the first entry.
The journey begins.
"I walk into the desert of understanding —
just me and the shadow that walks beside me.
No noise, no rush, no promises of instant answers.
Only the wind, the heat, the silence,
and whatever I become while crossing it."
Post automatically merged:
Chapter 2: Perception (Magic w/o Tools by Sean Wilde)
Question: “How do I know if I’m sensing energy or just imagining it?”
Answer:
I realized that almost no one actually sees energy with their physical eyes.
What I perceive is pressure, warmth, density, or vibration — and the mind translates this into an image so it’s easier to understand.
So what I “see” is not visualization.
It’s a sensory impression that the mind shapes into a symbolic form.
Question: “Is it possible to work with energy purely mentally, without physical movement or posture?”
Answer:
Yes. I discovered that my dominant channels are tactile and conceptual.
Meaning: I feel energy through the body and I understand its direction and “shape” with the mind.
So I can work in an inner space — a kind of “inner room” — where no physical action is necessary.
In that space, nothing limits me.
Question: “If I feel warmth, tingling, heaviness — is that real or self-suggestion?”
Answer:
This is the genuine response of the subtle body.
Energy is experienced through temperature shifts, pressure, motion, contraction/expansion.
Self-suggestion does not produce stable and repeatable sensations.
But my sensations are consistent and can be directed intentionally —
so this is perception, not fantasy.
Question: “Why does someone I know have a soft aura, while their outer personality seems sharp and aggressive?”
Answer:
Personality ≠ energy.
I realized that energy reflects the internal state, not the external behavior.
A person may speak loudly or look confident, but still hold softness and warmth inside.
I learned to read the inner foundation instead of the social mask.
Question: “How do I embed emotion, intention, or meaning into energy?”
Answer:
Energy forms have three components when shaped deliberately:
- The color reflects the frequency or quality of the energy.
- The form defines the function (whether it is protection, projection, or healing).
- The emotion/intention gives the structure purpose and direction.
Question: “Is it possible to create shapes, tools, or weapons out of energy?”
Answer:
Yes — and I realized that I had already been doing this before.
The book simply gave me language and structure for what was already happening naturally.
Chapter 3: Grounding
Question: “What is grounding actually? Is it just connecting to the physical earth?”
Answer:
No. What most people call “grounding” is simply earthing — physical contact with the ground or soil.
True grounding is the release of excess or unwanted energy from the system.
It doesn’t matter where it goes or what color it appears as.
What matters is that the energy leaves and the cycle closes.
Question: “Is grounding only for negative energy?”
Answer:
No. Grounding is needed for any energy I don’t want to hold.
Even “positive” or uplifting energy, if there’s too much of it, starts to burn, expand, or distort balance.
So grounding = cleansing + balancing + stabilization.
Question: “Can I ground the way I used to — gathering the negative energy into my hand like a dark substance and shaking it off?”
Answer:
Yes, that is a valid form of active grounding.
However, there is one important refinement:
Shaking it off onto objects or the environment leaves an energetic residue behind — it “contaminates” the space.
A more effective approach is to dissolve the gathered energy — by fire, by light, by intention.
The method isn’t as important as the result:
The energy is released and the field stays clean.
Chapter 4: Energy Exchange
Question:
Does any contact with another person create an energetic link? Even if it’s just a conversation or a glance?
Answer:
Yes. Any form of attention toward a person — a word, a look, a touch, or even an inner thought about them — forms an energetic thread. The longer attention is held, the stronger the channel becomes. Even when physical interaction ends, if you keep thinking about or emotionally investing in that person, the connection remains active. To break it you must stop feeding it with the energy of attention.
Question:
Why does conscious energy exchange feel intimate, even if it’s not love?
Answer:
Because conscious exchange moves deeper than surface emotions. The flow touches inner centers — especially the heart and throat — which produces a sense of deep closeness similar to mutual disclosure. That closeness is not necessarily love; it is an energetic resonance. Our language grasps at it with words like “attachment” or “attraction,” but those are often just approximations. It’s important to separate resonance from feeling, otherwise you can easily mistake energetic pull for emotional love.
Question:
Why do we sometimes feel drawn to be near a specific person?
Answer:
It can be a dependency on their energetic field. If two fields match structurally, the brain registers comfort and attraction. If the contact repeatedly engages lower chakras, the sensation can resemble habit or hunger. That is a pattern of exchange, not a genuine feeling, and it can be consciously broken by stopping to feed the connection with attention.
Question:
Can you create an energetic “double” and use it as a training dummy for offense and defense?
Answer:
Yes. I made an energetic phantom out of my own prana. It is not alive, it does not think or suffer — it is a functional shell. It can hold shape, take a hit, and reflect an attack. This is safe as long as you do not invest it with the core of your personality. I created empty shells and destroyed them without consequence; that shows the method works when done correctly.
Chapter 5: Shielding
Question:
Why is the classic “white light egg” considered a weak shield?
Answer:
Because the egg shape is structurally vulnerable at the top.
In energetic interaction, pressure most often comes from above or from the upper layers of the field.
When pressure is applied to the “crown point” of an egg-shaped shield, it collapses, causing disorientation or pain.
A spherical shield distributes force evenly across its entire surface, which makes it stable and free of weak points.
The closer the shield is to a true sphere, the more resilient it becomes.
Question:
Why use multiple layers of shielding instead of one strong shield?
Answer:
One shield is a single point of failure.
If it breaks, you’re exposed.
Layered shielding works differently:
- The outer layer absorbs or diffuses impact.
- The middle layer distorts, redirects, or neutralizes incoming pressure.
- The inner layer hides your true energetic structure entirely.
Layers are about function, not thickness.
Question:
How do you maintain shields automatically, even when not thinking about them?
Answer:
Once a structure is formed correctly and linked to a clear intention, it shifts into background operation — what can be called a pattern lock.
Meaning the shield sustains itself as long as the initial structure, energy, and command are stable.
You don’t “hold” the shield — the shield holds itself.
My Experience with Energy Work (Chapters 1–5)
When I began practicing from the book, many things I had been doing intuitively finally gained structure. I realized that my sensations were real — I simply lacked words and a framework to understand them.
At first, I worked on perception: learning not to see energy, but to feel it — as warmth, pressure, tingling, or shifts in internal weight. I learned the difference between imagination and perception — when the image doesn’t come from mental effort, but appears by itself as a reflection of an already existing state.
I began to sense chakras as real centers:
- In the solar plexus — a dense, noisy cloud of hesitation and doubt.
- In the heart — a warm, soft sphere, simply undernourished.
- In the throat — the image of a spider, clinging tightly, symbolizing a suppressed voice.
I didn’t “force” these centers open. I illuminated them from within.
After clearing, the centers glowed evenly and quietly, and there was a moment where the whole inner field felt bright — breathing became deeper and quieter.
Energy Shaping and Early Mistakes
Then I moved to shaping energy.
I realized I could not only feel energy but also give it form.
I practiced:
- Forming a psi-ball between my palms
- Giving it density, color, emotional tone
- Holding it stable without mental strain
At first, the ball collapsed whenever I lost focus — I tried to hold it by force, which only scattered it. Later, I understood: the psi-ball forms from soft intention, not tension.
Eventually I shaped a sharp energetic spike — and out of inexperience, directed it into myself.
There was no physical pain, but the sensation of a hole in the subtle body was real. I had to restore the area with breath and green light.
This became a fundamental lesson:
Intention and direction are the core of safety.
Sensing People and Energetic Fields
With perception strengthened, I began sensing people more accurately.
Some fields feel:
- soft and open,
- some stagnant and heavy,
- some sharp and guarded.
This is how I sensed my neighbor — not by physical smell, but by energetic stagnation, which feels exactly like the scent of decay.
It is direct perception of density and movement in the field.
Grounding
Grounding became straightforward once I realized it’s not about “plugging into the earth,” but about releasing what is not mine.
I learned to:
- gather “negative” energy as dense dark mass
- dissolve it with fire
- or drop it into neutral space
I stopped holding what didn’t belong to me.
There were mistakes here too — at first, I threw the energy blindly into objects, which caused it to accumulate. Later, I learned to dissolve rather than dump.
Energy Exchange and Threads
I realized that any contact — conversation, glance, emotional reaction, even a memory — creates a thread.
If you continue thinking about someone, the thread remains active.
So I stopped feeding connections I no longer needed.
This was the first step toward energetic autonomy.
Shielding and Structure
Finally, I reached shielding, and everything aligned.
I build spherical shields — not egg-shaped — because spheres distribute pressure evenly and have no weak point.
I use layered protection:
- Outer white sphere — general defense
- Second layer — shifting-frequency auric camouflage
- Third layer — intercepts, erases meaning, rewrites intent, returns along the same thread
The shields maintain themselves — I don’t hold them with tension; they are written into the field.
Constructs and Phantoms
I also discovered I can create phantoms — empty energetic forms that:
- can act
- receive damage
- dissolve on impact
Without affecting me at all.
They are extensions of will, but without identity or emotional core.
My early attempts were unstable — the constructs collapsed as soon as I stopped paying attention. Later, they became self-coherent, requiring only initial impulse.
Post automatically merged:
Growing so fast, I noticed something dark awakening — intrusive thoughts about using power for harm. In the quiet I realised these weren’t entirely my thoughts, as if someone were feeding them to me from outside. Normally there is silence and calm inside me, but suddenly an unfamiliar aggression appeared, a different tone to my thinking, an obsessive quality. It seems I’m under attack from those same “scavengers” who don’t want to lose their tasty piece of energy. Now I have enough knowledge to fight back. I’ll try to calm down, slip into meditation, step outside my body to see them. They’ll be disappointed — there will be no feast. There’s little use in such beings: they aren’t living in the usual sense but empty vessels, perpetually hungry, made to take, not give. Destroying them wouldn’t be a tragedy — rather liberation after years of being drained, left with fear and loneliness. It’s time to put an end to this.
Last edited: