- Joined
- Oct 4, 2022
- Messages
- 73
- Reaction score
- 38
Hello,
For anyone who is interested in learning about how I've been doing, read on. I took a fairly long break from spirituality in general. In fact, I'd intended to quit doing any practice altogether. That did not work. I had always kept watch of the seemingly inexplicably coinciding events- "synchronicities". I did not
want to look for them, I needed to. Which is to say, of course, I am dismayed to have found them in spades. Had I found any less synchronicities, perhaps I would not be here at all, and perhaps all of my stories of them would not be so embarrassing.
There are a lot of archetypes to draw upon that allow me to describe things in new ways. Regrettably, considering my situation, we find our most common archetypes in the stories we are most drawn to. Stories in the Bible have their own re-occurring symbology, such as Arks and floods, or whichever flavor of Christlike archetypal figure we'd like to draw upon today. Other stories have developed other archetypes. We draw our favored archetypes from the stories that draw us in most, which regrettably means that sometimes our archetypes are... incongruent with the archetypes of others?
On that note, Homestuck is a web comic that first was released on April 13th, 2009, and finished in 2016. You would be surprised just how much Gnostic symbolism was packed into it, honestly. Abraxas, Yaldabaoth, the world of ideas- just glossing over it here, as to tell you that there's a fuck ton, and I could talk your ear off about it for several hours, and probably longer if I prepared and spoke on the finer details. Andrew Hussie, the creator of Homestuck, is an asshole. I hate them. Though, with his work, I'd managed to find a tangible way to describe any of the things I was doing without actually losing my mind.
Basically, in analyzing the bajillion archetypes, I'd managed to describe what I was doing wrong before, and stop it. You would be surprised how much I was reflecting on my closest role models in my original testing of the whole coin flip deal, and how strongly I was drawn to my own nature in doing the craziest shit to see what would happen. Considering the non-linearity of time, everything had lead to this moment, and my thoughts now will lead to a chain reaction of further patterns.
In essence, we are made out of the parts we are given, which fills me with dread- to think that everything I had become up to this point had been unavoidable, or in some way, programmed into me by the circumstances around me. My heart aches for those who have gone down worse paths than I, especially knowing all of the contempt I had harbored towards myself for not being good enough to actually succeed.
I hated myself. I hated myself on these forums, like the one tied to E.A Koetting? I was told I was capable of great things, of becoming a god? What a marketable lie. Truly, on this path, I have done nothing but suffer. The only person I could blame, obviously, was myself. Obviously, right? That's everything I was told, from each post to the next- and I hope you didn't think I wasn't listening. I was, and I took it personally. These forums had only served to push me off the deep end. Ironic, considering that many of the messages were posted under the guise of taking me back from it.
If you want to learn anything from my story, it's that sometimes hating yourself doesn't help you. You would think that's a completely benign moral, but it's one that I still struggle to learn: Thanks to our dear occult forum-goers, I have come to associate suffering with progress. Now, it's to the point where it feels like avoiding suffering makes me feel like a bad person, and would ironically hurt more than never taking on the suffering at all. In summary, I need therapy, but at least my intuition finally works.
For anyone who is interested in learning about how I've been doing, read on. I took a fairly long break from spirituality in general. In fact, I'd intended to quit doing any practice altogether. That did not work. I had always kept watch of the seemingly inexplicably coinciding events- "synchronicities". I did not
want to look for them, I needed to. Which is to say, of course, I am dismayed to have found them in spades. Had I found any less synchronicities, perhaps I would not be here at all, and perhaps all of my stories of them would not be so embarrassing.
There are a lot of archetypes to draw upon that allow me to describe things in new ways. Regrettably, considering my situation, we find our most common archetypes in the stories we are most drawn to. Stories in the Bible have their own re-occurring symbology, such as Arks and floods, or whichever flavor of Christlike archetypal figure we'd like to draw upon today. Other stories have developed other archetypes. We draw our favored archetypes from the stories that draw us in most, which regrettably means that sometimes our archetypes are... incongruent with the archetypes of others?
On that note, Homestuck is a web comic that first was released on April 13th, 2009, and finished in 2016. You would be surprised just how much Gnostic symbolism was packed into it, honestly. Abraxas, Yaldabaoth, the world of ideas- just glossing over it here, as to tell you that there's a fuck ton, and I could talk your ear off about it for several hours, and probably longer if I prepared and spoke on the finer details. Andrew Hussie, the creator of Homestuck, is an asshole. I hate them. Though, with his work, I'd managed to find a tangible way to describe any of the things I was doing without actually losing my mind.
Basically, in analyzing the bajillion archetypes, I'd managed to describe what I was doing wrong before, and stop it. You would be surprised how much I was reflecting on my closest role models in my original testing of the whole coin flip deal, and how strongly I was drawn to my own nature in doing the craziest shit to see what would happen. Considering the non-linearity of time, everything had lead to this moment, and my thoughts now will lead to a chain reaction of further patterns.
In essence, we are made out of the parts we are given, which fills me with dread- to think that everything I had become up to this point had been unavoidable, or in some way, programmed into me by the circumstances around me. My heart aches for those who have gone down worse paths than I, especially knowing all of the contempt I had harbored towards myself for not being good enough to actually succeed.
I hated myself. I hated myself on these forums, like the one tied to E.A Koetting? I was told I was capable of great things, of becoming a god? What a marketable lie. Truly, on this path, I have done nothing but suffer. The only person I could blame, obviously, was myself. Obviously, right? That's everything I was told, from each post to the next- and I hope you didn't think I wasn't listening. I was, and I took it personally. These forums had only served to push me off the deep end. Ironic, considering that many of the messages were posted under the guise of taking me back from it.
If you want to learn anything from my story, it's that sometimes hating yourself doesn't help you. You would think that's a completely benign moral, but it's one that I still struggle to learn: Thanks to our dear occult forum-goers, I have come to associate suffering with progress. Now, it's to the point where it feels like avoiding suffering makes me feel like a bad person, and would ironically hurt more than never taking on the suffering at all. In summary, I need therapy, but at least my intuition finally works.
