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Journal My First Journal: A Story of Return

A record of a users' progress or achievements in their particular practice.

skyerivers

Meliae
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Sep 27, 2024
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In 2019 at the beginning of the pandemic, I had fallen in love with this minxy young witch I had met in a nerdy group that I was part of. She was absolutely transcendent, and entirely entrancing. Before that moment in time, I had never met anyone with the willpower to manifest like she had. But spending time in someone's shadow really can put a dampening on you. I had fallen in love, so deeply, I couldn't see straight, and none of my divination was giving clear answers anymore. I was boggled and befuddled by her grace and power.

After eight months of being together, I moved in with her. I lived with her, and her fiance, unaware that the fiance was not aware of our relationship together. To say it was strange would be an understatement. The happenings in that house made me feel powerless, made me feel weak. I fell out of practice for a good while. It was as if all of the knowledge I had gathered through the years was gone, outshined by the false light. That's something I learned in that time. Subjugation and servitude, and even false love can block you from seeing clearly, from being who and what you are.

So I had fallen out of practice. For two years I lived there going through the motions of Life and trying to find my way. Then the bad turned to worse. The fiance of my ex became more abusive to her, became more of a problem for me. Then it was revealed both that she didn't love me at the start, and was not interested in me, and also that he didn't know. I forgave the slights against me, choosing to focus on what I could do to help. I started working a new job, abandoning my dream job, and doing my best to support her. But these things were not meant to be, and we parted ways at the start of 2024. We've remained friends since then, but I decided to move back home rather than remaining in her town.

I found myself back where I had stayed when we had met, with a new sadness resting on my heart, and my two lovely kitties. I decided to re-enter my craft, dug out my old altar pieces, and swore myself back in with a new purpose. Then, April hit me like a shockwave. I found a job doing what I had dreamed of once again, and delved both into my work, and back into my local community. I found myself at the Picnic to decide the events of the year with my previous coven, and truly threw myself back into my craft. Since then I've led two rituals, re-devoted myself to Hekate, and found love with someone who is honest with me. I feel empowered again, I feel like me.

There is no specific point to this post. I'm just here, sharing what I can share, and hoping that maybe it will help at least one person.
 
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