Journal My Wizardly Tales

[Wizzard420]

Im still unsure about writing this journal; I hope I can remain consistant and I think that it will push me in my practice. I also hope that this journal can be a tool where others can interpret my thoughts and grant insight when applicable. This journal will most certianly become a record of my journey to wizardry as I would consider myself still a beginner or aprentince. I strive not for mastery and perfection but to learn and expand my knowledge extensivly through magical practice and ritual. In my journal I will really just write down whatever strikes me as important to note. I've found the best way to listen to yourself is to allow your mind to dictate whats important and for me I can sift through whats important by writing.
Thank you for reading and I hope there is at least some benefit you can get by reading the posts that shall follow this one.

Post automatically merged: Aug 22, 2024

I have been, for the past week, studying and expirementing with astral projection. I have had little luck actually leaving my body but I have been able to transport my mind to diffrent setting and expand my vision to the farthest reaches of my home (Which is realitivly small making the feat not so impressive, but still I think its good progress.). The main problem I come across is detaching my astral body from my physical body. I belive that the reason is that I am stuck both spiritualy and not. I have felt much hopelessness that I will not be able become who I feel I am meant to be. I undersatand that growth is slow. Your old self must die so your new self may be reborn. I can't let go of myself because I know that my life will be exponentially diffrent. I fear the change because I cant even find great footing in my current life, I have no idea how much harder it will be to balance my magical work and my other responsibilities. I also understand that the things that are meant to happen will and if I can put my trust into the universe she will be there for me. Regardless, it is hard and daunting but I know it's necessery. For a while I have been frustrated by myself for having the blessing of self awareness but I have been unable to change the issues im aware of. I dont feel ready to give up what I have now but there will be a time when i must reject the habits, hobbies, and relationships to persue the path I am meant to. The change is up to me. I belive that as I learn and grow and change my mind will become free and my magic potential will increase tenfold.

Another problem that I have is my lack of connection to nature. I crave green with a malicious hunger. I live in Arizona in the middle of a city, the combination of the metropolis and desert make finding and connecting to nature somewhat of a difficult task to do. That does not mean that I dont connect to nature because that would be a blindsight of my own foolishness. For a while I disliked the desert, it is hot and dry and everything is tan but as I started to converse with the desert spirits and dieties and observe the reality of where I was, my eyes were opened. The desert is so full of life, and the cacti are ancient spirits with great great wisdom and every animal and insect is so particular to the desert. Though it is not my preffered setting I am very greatfull that I am here and forced to have my eyes opened.

 

[Wizzard420]

8/23

I am always reminded that She is there for me when I need Her the most. Last night a lovley monsoon formed out of a day of sun and blue skys. these are particularly special for me because I feel it must be a conjuration of the lady Earth specifically for cleansing and nourishing both the desert and I. It is rare I can experience the rain so as soon as it stated I dropped everything and went for a walk. Rain is powerful and a central focus of my practice, it brings both destruction and the essential force of life. Rain is beautiful and has the power to cleanse everything. I have been struggling to manage my stress and have had a hard time recently feeling good about my decisions and actions (or lack of). I am beyond greatful for the rain She sent and I was able to meditate for a while while the rain came pouring down on my skin. I sat and listened to the patter of dropletts on the grass sorrounding me while working on my breathwork. I think it was an exceptionally powerful rain and I feel beyond grateful for the opportunity to experience such a vital peice of nature.
Normally I would collect the rain water to use in rituals and other spells and expirements but I was away from my study and had nearly none of my tools and recources. I am not dissapointed that I didnt have my tools because I was able to focus completely on feeling and enjoying the rain.

 

[Wizzard420]

Today a bird flew into my balcony door and died. I set the corpse at the base of a particular favorite pine tree of mine and gave it a prayer to send it off. I know this is an omen and I wish I knew more about what it may mean.
Today has been a productive day for me. I finally cleansed my workspace and have plans to summon a guardian from a spell I read today on the forum. I am grateful to have found this place with a multitude of resources and an amazing knowledgeable community!