Navigating Ancestor Work Amid Painful Family Dynamics

[sirens_call]

I’ve been hearing a lot about ancestor veneration as part of spiritual paths, but I find it extremely challenging due to the difficult dynamics with my living family. For years, my family has treated me poorly, disowning me, manipulating me, and disrespecting my boundaries. They’ve repeatedly tried to reconnect under the guise of "struggling," but it always ends with more pain and broken trust.

Some examples: when I turned 18, I was forced to choose between cutting ties with my grandparents (who were supportive and gave me space to grow) or leaving home altogether. I chose to leave, only to have them accuse my grandparents of kidnapping me on social media, complete with photos of their house. The year after, they stalked me at work, manipulated me into talking by having my baby sister there, and after reconnecting and "trying" even disrespected me in my own home by telling me to “shut the f*** up.”

Despite everything and me blocking them after all of this, they keep finding ways to contact me—through messages, sending others to guilt me, and even involving my grandmother to relay their pleas. People often say things like, “But they’re your family,” or “They gave you life,” which just feels dismissive of the pain they’ve caused.

How do you deal with this kind of disrespect while trying to pursue ancestor veneration? Can you focus on honoring ancestors further back in your lineage without feeling obligated to the pain and toxicity of the living? How do you handle those societal expectations to forgive and reconnect when the relationship is so clearly harmful?

I’d love to hear from others who have faced similar struggles or have insights on creating boundaries while still honoring your spiritual path.

 

[Yazata]

Hi,
I found a thread in the Archives some time ago where the OP is asking a question (kinda) similar to yours. Please scroll down to the comment by Brother Moloch 969

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

 

[HoldAll]

Maybe you'd like to take a look at this ancestor work thread.

I still struggle with the concept of ancestor veneration but like I said in my post: I find comfort in the idea that death, the Great Equalizer, changes people. There must have been a point when they were faced with the inevitable and their last thought was, "Oh no, what have I done?" And if they were incorrigible right until the very end, not having a physical body and not living among the living anymore must have been the ultimate gamechanger. I'm trying hard to imagine them as reformed characters, not as the nasty people I remember some of them and heard older ones describe more distant forebears.

 

[sirens_call]

Hi,
I found a thread in the Archives some time ago where the OP is asking a question (kinda) similar to yours. Please scroll down to the comment by Brother Moloch 969

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Thank you kindly for your response.

I checked out the thread and must say I do prefer Leonardo's response, as it seems Brother Moloch 969 is one of those "I've been doing it for years and you beginners should know what I know" kind of people and they can quite often be discourteous towards someone trying to find their footing on their own path, it feels like being talked down to like church pastors do.

But yes, all in all that helped and now I know too that I can search and probably find something similar, yet not exact, which is why I wanted to ask lol.

Cheers!

Post automatically merged: Dec 5, 2024

Maybe you'd like to take a look at this ancestor work thread.

I still struggle with the concept of ancestor veneration but like I said in my post: I find comfort in the idea that death, the Great Equalizer, changes people. There must have been a point when they were faced with the inevitable and their last thought was, "Oh no, what have I done?" And if they were incorrigible right until the very end, not having a physical body and not living among the living anymore must have been the ultimate gamechanger. I'm trying hard to imagine them as reformed characters, not as the nasty people I remember some of them and heard older ones describe more distant forebears.

Thank you super much for directing me that way, your response there definitely helps!

It's honestly super difficult when you barely know anything of past relatives and your current relatives are not the greatest. But yeah ancestor work is a thing I see everywhere and just getting a few different views on it (especially the ones who want to be helpful and share information and not the discourteous, meanspirited, pun intended, ones) is really helpful. But with all the misinformation that is possible, and all the different opinions and views can also make it more difficult, hence reaching out and trying to make sense of it all.

What I've gotten so far, with the help of ChatGPT funny enough, is this:
Focus on Healing the Lineage Without Reverence. Some practitioners approach ancestor work as a way to acknowledge and heal the pain of their lineage without glorifying it. This might mean: Offering gratitude to all who came before for the fact that you exist while consciously rejecting their harmful actions. Setting intentions to break cycles of trauma, offering light or energy to those ancestors who might need healing themselves. Using rituals or prayers to “sever” ties with toxic influences in your lineage while calling in support from healthier energies., which was suggested a few times on the other threads.

Create a "Future Ancestor" Practice. Instead of venerating the past, focus on yourself as a future ancestor. Build a legacy of healing, strength, and kindness for the generations that come after you—or simply for the energy you leave in the world. This perspective helps shift your focus from what was broken to what you can create.

I want to try an exercise of writing a "Letter to Your Lineage", acknowledging the pain, setting boundaries, and expressing what you’re carrying forward and what you’re leaving behind.

Still exploring, still working it all out, but trying none the less.

Blessed be!