- Joined
- Sep 22, 2024
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There are certain conditions in my life which seem to manifest in or around times of heightened spiritual "activity" so to speak. One of these is death, the ones that shape who i am and my outlook on the world. One of these times i had a direct "voice of god" experience where a booming voice informed me i had a throat chakra blockage, and that karaoke would heal it. At the time i basically scoffed, as i would at some bohemian starbucks drinking yoga instructor mansplaining about vibe attracts your tribe or some crap. scoffed at the person, whoever it was, speaking to me, at the concept of chakras.. but now i realize, most of all i was likely scoffing at the idea of facing that blockage in that time.
Since then... well its been a wild ride. That was ten + years ago now, and i have experienced things and evolved in ways i never would have predicted, overcome adversities i wouldnt have believed possible. And a part of that process has been finding my ability to access art to express myself, and to enter that hyperfocus type trance state where i access the healing... by the way all of this unlocked by me eventually doing karaoke during another- "typically high spiritual activity" - intense time of metamorphosis in my life... and boy, the unlocking... it was wild. But since then, theres been many things that have impacted that voiceless feeling, that feeling of not being valued, of my own truth being somehow a threat... or something... but its easy to identify, if not quantify, the types of feelings and experiences that cause this.... wounding.
But the interesting part, i suppose, is that ive started to notice deeply rooted subconcious influence in my attention and thought processes, guiding me away from any experience that involves expressing myself from a deeply personal and vulnerable place... that heart chakra>>throat chakra pathway seems to be all messed up lol... but taking actual "control" over my cognitive processes/executive function sometimes.... and it scares me because one of the things that causes this is my mothers constant gaslighting and mental/emotional abuse, of which ive been trying to separate myself completely from but have difficulties... and i start to notice parallel currents in narcissism and cptsd, in the tendency to disassociate from stressful cognitive inputs... and ive been disassociating a lot lately, living in an unsafe and inhumane living situation....
Anyways, i suppose the main point is the reflection on how deep in my operating system, kernel level, and (therefore) how covertly its managed to operate until now.... Pretty trippy. I've always considered myself pretty "no bullshit" and regular about my thorough self examination and reexamination... but this one slipped by... Makes me wonder - what other hidden processes operate autonomically, escaping my perception? hiding themselves like viruses almost or parasites.... hmmm.... interesting i make that analogy.
This brings me to a question. Could a curse result from a large, consistent/constant expenditure of resources/energy directed towards disrupting a persons activities, such constant police surveillance over a long period of time result in a "curse" type experience??
Come to think of it, the number one reason i made it on the radar of any law enforcement by far was always for my art..... speaks to the throat chakra blockage..... maybe im on to something here. What do i do though? other than just... continue on the best i can to heal and find my power.....
Also looking back on it, and as i type that i realize looking at my current life, i have an extreme difficulty.... or inability even, not speaking out against... bullies essentially. when i think something is wrong, i say it, with little ability to control the impulse, if any.... also speaks much to disregulation of some sort in those energy channels....
idk... any thoughts?
And of course, i'd like to thank my spirit guides for illimunating that which is hidden, and guiding me on this path. I'm forever greatful and may divine light shine through me with your loving guidance eternally, heck yeah
#tybg #blessed
ps sorry about the rambling add nonsense, i'm insane and my brain is a burnt sausage
Since then... well its been a wild ride. That was ten + years ago now, and i have experienced things and evolved in ways i never would have predicted, overcome adversities i wouldnt have believed possible. And a part of that process has been finding my ability to access art to express myself, and to enter that hyperfocus type trance state where i access the healing... by the way all of this unlocked by me eventually doing karaoke during another- "typically high spiritual activity" - intense time of metamorphosis in my life... and boy, the unlocking... it was wild. But since then, theres been many things that have impacted that voiceless feeling, that feeling of not being valued, of my own truth being somehow a threat... or something... but its easy to identify, if not quantify, the types of feelings and experiences that cause this.... wounding.
But the interesting part, i suppose, is that ive started to notice deeply rooted subconcious influence in my attention and thought processes, guiding me away from any experience that involves expressing myself from a deeply personal and vulnerable place... that heart chakra>>throat chakra pathway seems to be all messed up lol... but taking actual "control" over my cognitive processes/executive function sometimes.... and it scares me because one of the things that causes this is my mothers constant gaslighting and mental/emotional abuse, of which ive been trying to separate myself completely from but have difficulties... and i start to notice parallel currents in narcissism and cptsd, in the tendency to disassociate from stressful cognitive inputs... and ive been disassociating a lot lately, living in an unsafe and inhumane living situation....
Anyways, i suppose the main point is the reflection on how deep in my operating system, kernel level, and (therefore) how covertly its managed to operate until now.... Pretty trippy. I've always considered myself pretty "no bullshit" and regular about my thorough self examination and reexamination... but this one slipped by... Makes me wonder - what other hidden processes operate autonomically, escaping my perception? hiding themselves like viruses almost or parasites.... hmmm.... interesting i make that analogy.
This brings me to a question. Could a curse result from a large, consistent/constant expenditure of resources/energy directed towards disrupting a persons activities, such constant police surveillance over a long period of time result in a "curse" type experience??
Come to think of it, the number one reason i made it on the radar of any law enforcement by far was always for my art..... speaks to the throat chakra blockage..... maybe im on to something here. What do i do though? other than just... continue on the best i can to heal and find my power.....
Also looking back on it, and as i type that i realize looking at my current life, i have an extreme difficulty.... or inability even, not speaking out against... bullies essentially. when i think something is wrong, i say it, with little ability to control the impulse, if any.... also speaks much to disregulation of some sort in those energy channels....
idk... any thoughts?
And of course, i'd like to thank my spirit guides for illimunating that which is hidden, and guiding me on this path. I'm forever greatful and may divine light shine through me with your loving guidance eternally, heck yeah
#tybg #blessed
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ps sorry about the rambling add nonsense, i'm insane and my brain is a burnt sausage