The Alchemy of Deathly Encounter or 'Re-Considerations of the "RHP" in Light of the Opening of the Heart'

[Wintruz]

Towards the end of last month, as I was about to embark on a long train journey, I took down a book on the tarot by Robert M. Place that I had been meaning to read for years. I read the first few pages and immediately knew that those pages were why I had felt the need to pick up the book (I listened to podcasts on the train). Those pages talked about initiation into shamanism (Place was using "shamanism" in the core, colloquial sense) in Native and South American cultures and how new generations of shaman would be selected through an encounter with the other side as a child, usually during a time of extreme illness.

That evening, only twelve hours later, I, an über-healthy man in my early 30s, unexpectedly found myself in an ICU, being told that I was about to be sedated and there was a "30% to 40% possibility" that I wouldn't be coming back. Critically ill, I hovered for a week in strange places, where consciousness and unconsciousness, wakefulness and dreams became confused and indistinct. The "dreams" took on a reality unlike anything I've ever experienced and involved an intense conversation with my deceased grandmother and three wordless encounters with the "Angel", from who I received powerful influxes of energy.

I came to and found myself in a profoundly aware and "clean" state of mind. And I felt myself to have entered a New Chapter, not in a "turning over a new leaf" kind of way, but a radical expansion of my understanding, where I saw that the particular Work I had done on myself for years (this mostly taking the exterior form of the Left Hand Path) was at an end. I had comprehended, isolated, educated and strengthened my psyche to the fullest extent possible for that level of being. It was now time to continue Work through opening Other doors and to integrate other parts of the soul. This immediately formed around a profound apprehension of God, not in the Abrahamic sense, but as the purest, eternal, formless, numinous source of truth and beauty. A number of clues to possible gateways also presented themselves to me and I am going to be following these up over the coming months.

What this means for my older Work, which has flavoured most of my posts here, I really do not know. I feel no need to distance myself from it; it was necessary to my self-Work at that time. It has made me what I am. But they now feel like the words of another person. I did mull over whether post here again at all or to do so under a new name (I am still not ruling out that possibility). Perhaps it would be fitting to let Wintruz pass. Spring is in the air.

 

[Vandheer]

Hope you recovered first and foremost.

Best of luck either way, whether you let Wintruz be a snapshot in time or not. You always have an interesting thing to say, mate. Hope you stick around.

 

[Wintruz]

Hope you recovered first and foremost.

Best of luck either way, whether you let Wintruz be a snapshot in time or not. You always have an interesting thing to say, mate. Hope you stick around.

Thank you for your words.

Recovery has been rapid and, apparently, there's no indication of long term issues. In the shorter/medium term, I am fatigued and get tired very easily. That's expected to pass. However, after nearly a month out, I have now a mountain of practical things that need dealing with and with less energy to expend on them. It's proving a mental challenge to let go and delegate to others.

 

[IllusiveOwl]

This is incredible news! I am so happy to hear that the acquisition of power and control has been left behind to pursue the nobler quest of discovering your soul. The journey of the Shaman makes evil taste as it is: venomous and stupefying. Truly, happiness, love, and harmony will be a much sweeter reward than anything the LHP may bring you.

I am sorry it took an illness to get there, but suffering is the fuel to travel to new modes of thought; my entire life had to collapse in order to liberate me for the shamanistic quest.

Your experience, illness-wise reminds me of Black Elk, perhaps your interest in Shamanism might motivate you to pick up his autobiography, Black-Elk-Speaks.

As a learning Shaman myself, I look forward to seeing your insights given your extensive learning in energy-work/vampirism/Don-Webb

 

[plainsight]

Could you elaborate on the cause of the physical damage?

Also, how did the experience change your perception of Webb's work? Did the exchanges you had in the altered state influence you against following the path Webb outlines at all?

 

[Wintruz]

Could you elaborate on the cause of the physical damage?

Yes. But if I had wanted to elaborate, I would have.

Also, how did the experience change your perception of Webb's work? Did the exchanges you had in the altered state influence you against following the path Webb outlines at all?

As indicated in the final paragraph, my perceptions of the Left Hand Path have not suddenly flipped to "thou shalt not". This hasn't been about retreating into uninitiated perceptions (I don't think that's actually possible at this stage). When I reflect on nearly two decades immersed in the Western Left Hand Path, I feel gratitude that I found a portal to take me from What Otherwise Would Have Been, into something of an entirely different order. I feel gratitude to have been on personal terms with many of the major figures (including some who Webb calls "teacher"), I've held responsible positions in initiatory schools and had some truly wild experiences. I only feel that stage in the alchemy that is Self-Transformation has reached its end. In a sense, I am at the end of that Path and I see a new one opening, one without the sign posts of the old one.

For those who feel it is benefiting them (and who see those benefits reflected in their lives), Webb's work is an excellent guide to development and individuation. There's just more, much more, than can ever be hinted in any curriculum, even one as well-developed as his.

 

[Xenophon]

Go where it takes you and godspeed. Once you're arrived on the foreign beach, you don't need the boat that got you there.

 

[plainsight]

Yes. But if I had wanted to elaborate, I would have.

As indicated in the final paragraph, my perceptions of the Left Hand Path have not suddenly flipped to "thou shalt not". This hasn't been about retreating into uninitiated perceptions (I don't think that's actually possible at this stage). When I reflect on nearly two decades immersed in the Western Left Hand Path, I feel gratitude that I found a portal to take me from What Otherwise Would Have Been, into something of an entirely different order. I feel gratitude to have been on personal terms with many of the major figures (including some who Webb calls "teacher"), I've held responsible positions in initiatory schools and had some truly wild experiences. I only feel that stage in the alchemy that is Self-Transformation has reached its end. In a sense, I am at the end of that Path and I see a new one opening, one without the sign posts of the old one.

For those who feel it is benefiting them (and who see those benefits reflected in their lives), Webb's work is an excellent guide to development and individuation. There's just more, much more, than can ever be hinted in any curriculum, even one as well-developed as his.

Fair, it seemed like you were holding back some regret for having chosen that path, even though you were careful not to express it explicitly in your wording.

 

[stratamaster78]

@Wintruz I'm very glad to read that you recovered from such a quick health scare and also hope that you decide to stick around whether you retain the same username or let it evolve as well.

You are a valued member here with a lot of knowledge that I'm sure has been of help to many including myself.

On the positive side it may well be a smoother transition going forward for whatever path you choose with the satisfaction of knowing that you have fully worked your unique LHP with no stone left unturned.

I'm going through some type of transition myself and empathize with you there.

Here's to new beginnings and wherever they take us

 

[Romolo]

Beautiful post. Welcome back and curious to read more about your acquired insights (once you reach a quieter mindspace).

 

[Taudefindi]

But they now feel like the words of another person

"You" died and came back anew.
I can't wait to see what this new you will bring to the table(and to discussions).

It's a pity we can't see the inner change of people, only the changes they bring to the outside.

 

[WonderFire]

I'm glad to hear you're alright now and that you won't have any long term issues, which are the real problem in my experience.

I can relate to what you went through, as I've had a period of major health issues from which I'm recovering that kicked off my own interest in a more spiritual side of magick, something I've previously mostly ignored in favor of sorcery. Having to re-prioritize in the face of death is a difficult experience, though so far I've found it rewarding. So, IMHO if your ordeal leads to expansion of your wisdom and Being it is a good thing. Flesh fails anyway, wisdom and Being (hopefully) endure.
Anyway, my experiences led to a more LHP colored path as I work towards my K&C of HGA (or rather, I see now my HGA guiding me towards these philosophies) and your insights into LHP have been very helpful to met. I do hope you continue posting, the forum benefits from your wit.

Good luck on your path, wherever it leads you.