I’ve been drawn to the occult for as long as I can remember.
As a child I used to say I wanted to be a witch. In my family the response was always something along the lines of, “they used to burn them.” It didn’t exactly encourage me — but it never erased the fascination either.
Over the years my interest moved in cycles. Sometimes I would read obsessively, other times I would step away and focus on ordinary life. It was more curiosity than commitment.
In the last few years, though, something shifted. I began studying more seriously instead of just browsing ideas. I realized that if I was going to walk this path, even cautiously, I needed structure, grounding, and discipline — not just aesthetic attraction to the occult.
Around that time I became particularly interested in Asmodeus from the Ars Goetia. It started as research, nothing ritual-heavy. Later, I had a dream where a name was spoken to me: Malphas. I wasn’t even sure at the time whether it was an actual Goetic spirit, and I only confirmed it months later when I checked.
Some time after that, I dreamed of Gremory — and that name I recognized immediately upon waking.
I’m careful with how I interpret experiences like this. I don’t assume dreams equal contact, and I’m aware the mind stores and reconfigures information in ways that can feel external. But the sequence of events had enough impact that it pushed me to take study and discernment far more seriously.
Since then, I’ve been focusing less on chasing experiences and more on building foundations — meditation, protection, critical thinking, and learning to distinguish imagination from perception.
I still consider myself at the beginning. But this time, it feels intentional rather than impulsive.
