Every time when I read things back, I see that I didn't manged to escape that way of thinking
Yeah, it's an unexamined mind-virus. I too occasionally find myself thinking I need to add some extra busy work to be "doing something."
How to get past it probably requires some awareness and openness to minority viewpoints. Hence the thread.
Intellectually, my brain is still very much a Chaos Magician - but pretty quickly, while using the Grimorium Verum, I recognized that the "models" did not really speak to the experiences I was having. I joked back in the 1990s that I’d become an "intellectually indefensible medievalist." The benefit of Chaos Magic is as a sort of Intellectual Zen that let you "shut up and get out of the way", even while I let my heart love what it loves unapologetically, and without needing the whole world to agree with me.
The rituals of trad grims magic works at a very interactive non-intellectual level. I feel the same about traditional witchcraft and New Thought. Chaos Magic , my own Daimonic Neoplatonism, and Bernardo Kastrupian Idealism, and a willingness to just let the experiences be what they are without needing to intellectually "explain" them works for me here, and let me be a Neoplatonic Pantheist and weird Folk Catholic. I also don’t have anything I’m trying to defend, and tend to treat other takes, as I mentioned, as an additive layer rather than as subtractive one - and then acting (out) like anyone is taking something away from me.
Rob Rider Hill, who is another "GV guy," is writing very close to my own thinking here, even using some of the same metaphors I’ve been using for a couple of decades.
Permission to be Mad — the Chaos Magick Meta-paradigm
Part 1
Part 2
The main issues I have with aggro modern pagan reconstructionists is that they trying way WAY too hard to be taken seriously as a replacement religion, so they all have a chip on their shoulder, and waste their time trying to recruit for their worldview. So they come into areas they are not about them to demand to be taken seriously, while their methods are still mid-20th-century "Wiccanate," which is fine, but most of their magical tech is filled in with other people’s stuff. Chaos Magic would cure that like a bad case of teenage acne.
To quite St. Simon Dyda, a sorcerer after my own heart (if I had one), who:
" ...subscribes to the mindset of the aforementioned sorcerers of
Late Antiquity and engages with Abrahamic spirits as well as
pagan ones. In the case of pagan and diabolist spirits, we have
the option of subversively employing syncretism to disguise
these relationships; in the case of Christian or Jewish spirits
where disguise is not necessary, pagan students can familiarise
themselves with the pagan origins of these spirits, how they
may be employed in a pagan context, and should be aware
that for the true pagan all spirits are pagan spirits
A pagan happens to be passing a shrine of St Anthony when
he discovers that he has lost his wallet. Should he then think:
‘Well here’s a stroke of luck, I happen to be in the presence
of a specialist in recovering lost property’ and then proceed to
engage the assistance of the saint, he is demonstrating the
mindset of both a true sorcerer and a true pagan. If instead
he shuns the very thought of approaching a Christian saint for
help, he is demonstrating the mindset of a Christian
fundamentalist and a D&D cleric.