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Yesterday I was watching Charles Stanley on youtube, moderately happy, and then got dismayed because what was presented to me was out of sync with my personal reality. I opened up a bible book to a random page and found myself being called a sinner to say the least, wanted dead or alive by god at most. I was completely tuned off with God, which cased me silent pain because I love him, I just dont believe him. Or, perhaps its not me, but just missed opportunities.
I battled with my phobias, skills, accomplishments, failures, fears, pride, and all that and found no solace.
Ive had it with the world and doing something about it, and not by an outpouring of the Holy Spirit on others any longer. No more occult? Well, look at my life and the source, some promise held over my head forever.
So, Ive come to this - I want real, genuine, success stories of user who have thoroughly used Gallery of Magic books, as they show promise and hope to me.
Dont get me wrong, Im not abandoning my goals, just taking a different direction when adepthood is faced. Nor am I suicidal, I just dont expect anything good to happen as its been a decade. It used to be seven lean years. I guess times change. Jesus was hated by the world. I grew up a Baptist, so Im familiar with the story. Well, apparently as a white male Im under appreciated to begin with and respect is demanded from me for nothing I know about; so just seeking a different course of direction in life. Greers works Im following as well as Qareaia. I just want to find a solid base to build whats left of my life into something I can respect.
Actually, I have been ideating suicide, especially if SSA refuses me again for SSDI. My life is not a game. Death is equal opportunity.
So, why fight an uphill battle forever? Magic is supposed to improve our life, right? Well, I dont know what to say anymore, but that I am tired.
I battled with my phobias, skills, accomplishments, failures, fears, pride, and all that and found no solace.
Ive had it with the world and doing something about it, and not by an outpouring of the Holy Spirit on others any longer. No more occult? Well, look at my life and the source, some promise held over my head forever.
So, Ive come to this - I want real, genuine, success stories of user who have thoroughly used Gallery of Magic books, as they show promise and hope to me.
Dont get me wrong, Im not abandoning my goals, just taking a different direction when adepthood is faced. Nor am I suicidal, I just dont expect anything good to happen as its been a decade. It used to be seven lean years. I guess times change. Jesus was hated by the world. I grew up a Baptist, so Im familiar with the story. Well, apparently as a white male Im under appreciated to begin with and respect is demanded from me for nothing I know about; so just seeking a different course of direction in life. Greers works Im following as well as Qareaia. I just want to find a solid base to build whats left of my life into something I can respect.
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Actually, I have been ideating suicide, especially if SSA refuses me again for SSDI. My life is not a game. Death is equal opportunity.
So, why fight an uphill battle forever? Magic is supposed to improve our life, right? Well, I dont know what to say anymore, but that I am tired.
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