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I was raised in a religious [nut job] family (Jehovah's Witnesses) that considered magic to be evil. By my late 30s I was tired of the cognitive dissonance from the things I was expected to believe, for example a "god of love" that wanted to give everlasting life on Earth to a chosen few million obedient [to the Governing Body] people while exterminating billions of "wicked" people in Armageddon. Since 2006 I turned into an atheist. I'd visit a church that wasn't JWs now and then just to see what they were like. At one point I bought a couple books on magic, Modern Magick by Kraig and My Life with the Spirits by DuQuette. I also got a RWS tarot deck, but at the time I didn't "connect" with any of it.
Fast forward to the start of this year. I had been following the Archdruid Report by John Michael Greer over the years, and went to look at his current blog at Ecosophia. I had never paid much attention to his Druidism, instead enjoying his social and economic commentary. However, this time I noticed his current book club discussion involving The Doctrine of High Magic by Eliphas Levi. I was intrigued enough to look into magic once again.
I've been slowly and carefully reading The Doctrine of High Magic along with Greer's commentary, so far up to the 10th chapter. I'm also trudging through Dion Fortune's The Cosmic Doctrine, which was the previous book club discussion on Greer's blog. I've been scouring the 'net to find more books and information. I've also purchased a new TdM deck, the Conver Ben-Dov deck along with Tarot: The Open Reading by the late Dr Yoav Ben-Dov.
I've got some internal conflict going regarding my rationalist, materialist view of the Universe, and this new spiritual philosophy which is unlike anything I've known before. Reading Modern Magick and My Life with the Spirits back in 2008-9 was entertaining at best to me, but I wasn't ready at the time to invest effort into meditations and visualizations. That seemed pointless to me. But now, maybe now I'm ready...