My relatives died in my house. How can I work with them?

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting on the forum,I hope this is the right thread; if not, I apologize in advance and will gladly move it according to the mods' instructions.

I don't want to overshare, but essentially, I've been living in my apartment for almost ten years, M29.
Both my grandmother and, two years later, my father passed away in this house, and I witnessed both of their passings. It's been a while. I live with my mom now.
My family has always had a strong connection to the afterlife and everything "extra". there's also some level of neurodivergency going on.
My mother has always had precognitive dreams about people she might not have been in touch with for ages, and without fail, just a few hours later, these people either face massive problems or straight-up die
. On my end, I am not in such a dramatic situation yet, but quite often I get intrusive thoughts about someone I couldn't care less about, and right on cue, something extremely serious is happening to that person at that exact moment. I don't even know how to define this connection.
I inherit these intense perceptions, much like my late grandmother and her mother before her. We have Eastern European roots and my dad was half black.

I recently started studying Chaos Magick to properly direct my energy and achieve results that align with my will. However, I was wondering if anyone here has experience working with deceased relatives or spirits within their own household. I hope I made myself clear, and I'm totally available if you need any clarification...

I'm simply looking for sources—books, videos, studies, anything—to improve these abilities, direct them better, and work with the help of these deceased people, IF they're willing to show up, IF I am able to "call" them and not some other mumbo jumbo that has nothing to do with them!

I don't want to work with my dead father, he can fuck off even in the afterlife.
On the other hand, I had a beautiful relationship with my grandmother. I actually believe she is already guiding me in some way when it comes to these things, because I feel her constant presence even in my dreams. This is probably because my studio is actually in the room that used to be hers and is the one where she passed away.
thank you!

Dreaming and practicing lucid dreaming I think could help. I think I've seen or talked to ghosts in my dreams.

Maybe practice sensing energy and that sort of thing. I think in my expierence at least talking with the dead is more intuitive and abstract that the living. If talking to the living is like interpreting a piece of art of a basic scenery like a waterfall then the dead is like looking at surrealist painting like the one with a clock melting. Except in dreams I think. I think there can be a bit more direct so have to practice lucid dreaming and such.

Maybe pulling some tarot cards or getting a pendulum could also help. I personally have seeing my dead grandma once but she seemed kind of sad about me. Its pretty chill to talk to them. Maybe try to understand your feelings about their deaths which might also open the door for communication. But dreams could help I bet.

please dont. you'll notice if they wish to watch over you but that wont be for a long time. at some point you'll have to say your goodbyes. let the dead pass on with peace.

System Error Message said:

please dont. you'll notice if they wish to watch over you but that wont be for a long time. at some point you'll have to say your goodbyes. let the dead pass on with peace.

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This person did say if the dead themselves are willing to communicate with them. The after a long time part seems a little vague? Is it years out or decades in your opinion? I noticed the dead maybe watching shortly after but that might have been because of another thing.

wizardofsam said:

I don't want to work with my dead father, he can fuck off even in the afterlife.

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Hmm might want to do a little ritual to have closure and put the spirit to rest. I've heard in some stories that the ghosts of those who've done wrong in life linger more. So doing something can be small or large to just make peace with that presence could go a long way. It doesn't mean communicating and not really banishing its more like acceptance and then after processing your own emotions afterwards.

wizardofsam said:

On the other hand, I had a beautiful relationship with my grandmother. I actually believe she is already guiding me in some way when it comes to these things, because I feel her constant presence even in my dreams. This is probably because my studio is actually in the room that used to be hers and is the one where she passed away.
thank you

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It seems like this person already notices this person watching over them so what does a long time really mean here? I still suggest practicing getting good at lucid dreaming. That could be the way and then seeing if you see any objects connected to them or things they liked and the message that could carry.

Ohana said:

Hmm might want to do a little ritual to have closure and put the spirit to rest. I've heard in some stories that the ghosts of those who've done wrong in life linger more. So doing something can be small or large to just make peace with that presence could go a long way. It doesn't mean communicating and not really banishing its more like acceptance and then after processing your own emotions afterwards.

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I guess wanted to add on if you feel no presence of him then technically don't have to do anything. Even if you do sense his presence then if you really don't want to be involved then can wait later to do something or get someone else to help you close out their energy and it affecting your life.

Especially since doing something you don't want to even do on your own might not be great for you personally given what you said about not wanting to deal with this energy. I just gave a heads up that sometimes spirits like thar might linger with thier presence but not to get too alarmed since the situation can be helped.

Nicholaj de Mattos Frisvold is mentioning (Kiumbanda - A Complete Grammar of the Art of Exu, 2006) this simple and respectful technique in regard to establishing the connection with the passed relatives/ancestors: "..the apprentice is taught is how to connect with one's own ancestors. The ancestors are brought back into our awareness by giving them attention, prayers and offerings. The attention usually consists of deciding on a fixed day of the week, one or more days when one sits in front of the shrine prepared as the meeting point between the two worlds. On the table one usually finds, at the minimum, a white cloth, water, candle and items belonging to the deceased ones. One can place offerings in such place made up by the things in regard food and drink that the ancestor enjoyed to partake of when he or she was alive. The practices done in front of such a shrine are purely mediumistic and meditative in its nature and the modus operandi for such practices are numerous. They vary from just lighting one single white candle and placing a glass of water at its side on a fixed time every day where one is sitting and waiting. No acts are done, one simply place oneself in a receptive mode. With time one's ancestors and quite often other spirits will notice the regularity in one's routine and that one's desire for communication is growing."

wizardofsam said:

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting on the forum,I hope this is the right thread; if not, I apologize in advance and will gladly move it according to the mods' instructions.

I don't want to overshare, but essentially, I've been living in my apartment for almost ten years, M29.
Both my grandmother and, two years later, my father passed away in this house, and I witnessed both of their passings. It's been a while. I live with my mom now.
My family has always had a strong connection to the afterlife and everything "extra". there's also some level of neurodivergency going on.
My mother has always had precognitive dreams about people she might not have been in touch with for ages, and without fail, just a few hours later, these people either face massive problems or straight-up die
. On my end, I am not in such a dramatic situation yet, but quite often I get intrusive thoughts about someone I couldn't care less about, and right on cue, something extremely serious is happening to that person at that exact moment. I don't even know how to define this connection.
I inherit these intense perceptions, much like my late grandmother and her mother before her. We have Eastern European roots and my dad was half black.

I recently started studying Chaos Magick to properly direct my energy and achieve results that align with my will. However, I was wondering if anyone here has experience working with deceased relatives or spirits within their own household. I hope I made myself clear, and I'm totally available if you need any clarification...

I'm simply looking for sources—books, videos, studies, anything—to improve these abilities, direct them better, and work with the help of these deceased people, IF they're willing to show up, IF I am able to "call" them and not some other mumbo jumbo that has nothing to do with them!

I don't want to work with my dead father, he can fuck off even in the afterlife.
On the other hand, I had a beautiful relationship with my grandmother. I actually believe she is already guiding me in some way when it comes to these things, because I feel her constant presence even in my dreams. This is probably because my studio is actually in the room that used to be hers and is the one where she passed away.
thank you!

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This is a deeply vulnerable, fascinating, and incredibly detailed inquiry that beautifully outlines the messy, complex intersections of ancestral inheritance, intuitive perception, and practical spirit work.

wizardofsam said:

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting on the forum,I hope this is the right thread; if not, I apologize in advance and will gladly move it according to the mods' instructions.

I don't want to overshare, but essentially, I've been living in my apartment for almost ten years, M29.
Both my grandmother and, two years later, my father passed away in this house, and I witnessed both of their passings. It's been a while. I live with my mom now.
My family has always had a strong connection to the afterlife and everything "extra". there's also some level of neurodivergency going on.
My mother has always had precognitive dreams about people she might not have been in touch with for ages, and without fail, just a few hours later, these people either face massive problems or straight-up die
. On my end, I am not in such a dramatic situation yet, but quite often I get intrusive thoughts about someone I couldn't care less about, and right on cue, something extremely serious is happening to that person at that exact moment. I don't even know how to define this connection.
I inherit these intense perceptions, much like my late grandmother and her mother before her. We have Eastern European roots and my dad was half black.

I recently started studying Chaos Magick to properly direct my energy and achieve results that align with my will. However, I was wondering if anyone here has experience working with deceased relatives or spirits within their own household. I hope I made myself clear, and I'm totally available if you need any clarification...

I'm simply looking for sources—books, videos, studies, anything—to improve these abilities, direct them better, and work with the help of these deceased people, IF they're willing to show up, IF I am able to "call" them and not some other mumbo jumbo that has nothing to do with them!

I don't want to work with my dead father, he can fuck off even in the afterlife.
On the other hand, I had a beautiful relationship with my grandmother. I actually believe she is already guiding me in some way when it comes to these things, because I feel her constant presence even in my dreams. This is probably because my studio is actually in the room that used to be hers and is the one where she passed away.
thank you!

Click to expand...

First of all, I’m sorry for what you went through. Witnessing the deaths of close relatives inside the same home leaves a very strong emotional and spiritual imprint, so I would approach this slowly and with a lot of grounding.

In my opinion, what you are describing fits more naturally under ancestral work, mediumistic sensitivity, and household spirit work than under Chaos Magick alone. Chaos Magick can help with structure, focus, belief-shifting, and results, but when dealing with the dead, I think it is important to move with more respect, boundaries, and discernment.

You also do not have to work with every dead relative. Blood relation does not automatically mean spiritual closeness or spiritual authority. If you do not want to work with your father, that boundary is valid. Ancestor work can be selective. You can honor the line without inviting every individual from that line into your personal practice.

With your grandmother, I would start very simply. No dramatic evocation, no “summoning,” no forcing contact. Create a clean space for her: a glass of water, a candle, maybe a photo or object connected to her if you have one. Speak to her plainly. Thank her. Ask for guidance only if it is for your good, your protection, and your clarity. Then pay attention to dreams, repeated signs, emotional impressions, and changes in the atmosphere of the room.

I would also recommend setting a rule out loud, something like:

“Only my beloved grandmother, my well-intentioned ancestors, and spirits aligned with my protection and highest good may approach this space. All deceptive, parasitic, confused, or harmful presences are forbidden.”

That kind of boundary matters. In my view, the dead should be approached the same way we approach the living: with consent, respect, and clear limits.

For sources, you might want to look into:

Daniel Foor — Ancestral Medicine
Martin Coleman — Communing with the Spirits
Jason Miller — Consorting with Spirits
Christopher Penczak — The Mighty Dead
Ivo Dominguez Jr. — Spirit Speak

I would also suggest keeping a dream journal and a separate “hits and misses” journal for your impressions. Write down the impression before checking what happened. This helps separate real patterns from anxiety, grief, intrusive thoughts, or confirmation bias.

And because you mentioned neurodivergency and intrusive thoughts, I would be extra careful to keep the practice grounded. Spiritual sensitivity and mental/emotional overload can feel very similar from the inside. A stable practice should make you clearer, calmer, and more functional over time. If it makes you paranoid, obsessed, unable to sleep, or afraid of your own home, step back and focus on grounding and protection before going deeper.

My basic advice would be: start with veneration, protection, and discernment before attempting any direct spirit work. If your grandmother is truly already guiding you, you do not need to force the door open. Build the relationship gently and let it develop naturally.