Alter Ego dissolution?

[Wannabewizard]

Suppose you had an alter ego, that for most of your life you were unaware of, that for the most part is a controlling menace, unpleasant, violent, sneaky and manipulative. All the usual things that pass for normal. But you have had enough of it when becoming aware of it ruining your life. What would be the best course of action? I have heard of dissolving the ego an awful lot, and I could really use a positive sense of self regardless of what anyone else thinks of it.
As I see it, Ego is a survival tool that got out of hand. It's still protecting long after the danger is gone - just in case it comes back. Primal PTSD.

Would it be safe to dissolve an alter ego, or even possible from the 'true' Ego?
I have been warned off being enlightened by John Krieter. I would consider it if there was WW3 ect, as it would be a matter of survival for positivity when all is burning. I actually had lots of small 'E' like this through the coof, it was amazing and unintentional as I focused on projects.

Now I am actually able to purposely meditate and did reach 'void' state, I have a choice as to what to do.
A lot of it has to do with clearing trauma the Alter Ego fights me over, it horrid. Intentionally keeps me out the the spiritual. Would have me waste my life on PC games
This is not schizophrenia, even if it technically is a split off.
It contaminates every intention in self sabotage, until I have a large positive event and then it lifts. It smacks of borderline personality disorder at times. Cue the emotionally absent mother baggage.
I feel I am wasting a lot of meditation effort in not knowing what to do, what direction to take.
I really need some direction in this.

 

[whome]

I suspect that your alter ego is the same as the dweller on the threshold, and referenced by Don Juan when he referred to the human mind as a "foreign installation"

I like to think in terms of the personal will. It is an intelligence at the top of the personal mind that attempts to manage the personality to protect the personal will's most important asset: self esteem.

The personal will hates to be wrong and drives the personality to get its act together to protect that self-esteem

This is a very useful function as it requires the human to control body, emotions and thought.

Eventually however the human energy system is sufficiently refined and aligned to have conscious connection with transpersonal energies. At that stage the personal will kicks up a lot of fuss but eventually transitions from being defensive to being creative - and transparent to higher intelligences.

Thus the dweller on the threshold transforms to allow the angel of the presence (HGA etc) to take increasing responsibility for the human activities

Of course I could be wrong

 

[Wannabewizard]

So its like a gate guardian? If your worthy you may pass? Fight it to enter in?
In the Christian trauma recovery books I have they describe a shadow figure that seems similar.

I would prefer to be creative but it takes energy and finances. How do I get through it?

Also lots of door visions in meditations. And entities.

 

[whome]

The primary means is lifting the consciousness into the higher mental and into the heart.

You just grow above the personal will and therefore can manage it

 

[Wannabewizard]

Is there a practical guide to do this?

 

[whome]

Love yourself, love others

Forgive yourself, forgive others

When meditating, put attention in the heart

Avoid negative thoughts/feelings

Avoid adverse people, places, lifestyle, work

Consume food/drink that has good energies

 

[Yazata]

Suppose you had an alter ego, that for most of your life you were unaware of, that for the most part is a controlling menace, unpleasant, violent, sneaky and manipulative. All the usual things that pass for normal. But you have had enough of it when becoming aware of it ruining your life. What would be the best course of action? I have heard of dissolving the ego an awful lot, and I could really use a positive sense of self regardless of what anyone else thinks of it.
As I see it, Ego is a survival tool that got out of hand. It's still protecting long after the danger is gone - just in case it comes back. Primal PTSD.

Would it be safe to dissolve an alter ego, or even possible from the 'true' Ego?
I have been warned off being enlightened by John Krieter. I would consider it if there was WW3 ect, as it would be a matter of survival for positivity when all is burning. I actually had lots of small 'E' like this through the coof, it was amazing and unintentional as I focused on projects.

Now I am actually able to purposely meditate and did reach 'void' state, I have a choice as to what to do.
A lot of it has to do with clearing trauma the Alter Ego fights me over, it horrid. Intentionally keeps me out the the spiritual. Would have me waste my life on PC games
This is not schizophrenia, even if it technically is a split off.
It contaminates every intention in self sabotage, until I have a large positive event and then it lifts. It smacks of borderline personality disorder at times. Cue the emotionally absent mother baggage.
I feel I am wasting a lot of meditation effort in not knowing what to do, what direction to take.
I really need some direction in this.

There is a ritual called IOB (or IOS) which stands for Identify Objectify Banish (or Severe - I am uncertain now)
It is described in DMK's Modern Magick:

You basically visualize unwanted traits as a separate entity that is attached to you with a thin "string". Then you trace a circle around yourself with the other outside of it, and cut the rope and banish the undesired.

 

[Doorman]

Your Alter Ego reminded me of Jung's "Shadow". Maybe the right way to deal with it is not to "dissolve" but integrate it to your personality.
There are many meditation and practices to help integrating your shadow out there that you can find. Hope this helps you out...

 

[HoldAll]

There is a ritual called IOB (or IOS) which stands for Identify Objectify Banish (or Severe - I am uncertain now)
It is described in DMK's Modern Magick:

Great idea! I've just uploaded an e-book version of Modern Magic, it's indeed "Identify Objectify Banish" on PDF p. 251. However, you need to know the LBRP + Middle Pillar to use it but I'm sure those can be substituted with another form of banishing.

I sometimes question the whole reintegration and transmutation business of shadow work. On paper it sounds great but what do you do with addictions, for example? Can they be really turned into an asset at will? Maybe the best strategy would be to take an inventory as described by Bardon in his Soul Mirror exercise, for example, take a good sober and realistic look at one's personality/psyche and then decide what can be in fact transmuted/reintegrated and what should be gotten rid of completely.

 

[Mars]

Nigredo stage.

If you kill it you just create more problems. Instead take a look into you and see where this is coming from. It is part of you. It is endogenous, not exogenous. You created it and wanted it. And now you want to kill it?

Most people lack the will or strength to do this. As it is very unpleasant to accept and whiten it.

Man up and face it, accept it in all its entirety, dominate it and then merge with it. Like a man beds a woman

 

[Ziran]

Suppose you had an alter ego, that for most of your life you were unaware of, that for the most part is a controlling menace, unpleasant, violent, sneaky and manipulative.

OK.

All the usual things that pass for normal. But you have had enough of it when becoming aware of it ruining your life. What would be the best course of action?

Make a change.

I have heard of dissolving the ego an awful lot, and I could really use a positive sense of self regardless of what anyone else thinks of it.

Based on what you have written. You already have a positive sense of self. It is the self that recognizes controlling, unpleasantness, violence, deception, are negative qualities in your current life path. That recognition is coming from a positive sense of self in a form which Is counter-intuitive. It is positive as a consequence of opposing negative in spite of being ... combative.

As I see it, Ego is a survival tool that got out of hand. It's still protecting long after the danger is gone - just in case it comes back. Primal PTSD.

... Protecting ...

From your perspective the ego's prime motive is protection? I think that's highly significant.

Would it be safe to dissolve an alter ego, or even possible from the 'true' Ego?

Safe? It's safer with good preparation. But, no, I would not describe it as "safe". The risk is that whatever it is that replaces the ego will be worse in one way or another. In my experience, these sort of personality adjustments, for lack of better words, tend to work, but, it gets worse before it gets better.

Post automatically merged: Oct 31, 2024

I feel I am wasting a lot of meditation effort in not knowing what to do, what direction to take.

I recommend continuing to address the trauma. It's natural and normal for an individual with a history of trauma to over-react in a manner which presents like BPD, like they're on a "hair-trigger". This is because the trauma response doesn't cease eventhough the traumatic event is in the past. The trauma response is always running in the background of the mind-and-heart like a malicious computer virus. The mind-and-heart, the psyche, naturally will work very hard to prevent and avoid re-experiencing the trauma even in the tiniest ways. This is what produces the very rapid reaction which feels or seems excessive to others. It seems that way because they have not experienced the particular set of traumatic experiences which sets up the psyche for immediate fight-or-flight. It's also what produces the craving and the relief from immersive PC-game play. It's avoidant.

It's extremely taxing on the psyche to operate this way, with a trauma response running in the background. Most who have not experienced it, cannot imagine how exhausting it is. The remedy is closure. It's "ending-task" on the "malicious-code" which is running in the background of the psyche. There's various ways of accomplishing this. Usually it involves classical psycho-therapy where the traumatic experiences are examined in detail. This examination, in a way, puts the event into a cognitive box, and closes it so that it is no longer hovering, fluttering, over day-to-day activities trying to prevent, and protect against a repeat occurrence which is never going to occur again.

Now I am actually able to purposely meditate and did reach 'void' state, I have a choice as to what to do.
A lot of it has to do with clearing trauma

It contaminates every intention in self sabotage, until I have a large positive event and then it lifts. It smacks of borderline personality disorder at times.

 

[Wannabewizard]

I appreciate your interest in this problem. It seems that a multifaceted approach is called for, as the energy/action is constantly changing on a cycle. How can I know that I am safe from magical butt fucks and the insane? By knowing that I am more powerful than them. Every bully seems strong when your small, but when maturity finally starts to grow, I realize my power. Part of this maturity is acknowledging my true darkness that was manipulated against me. It is scary, and there is risk. The perverted 'white' is also a problem, it presents as my mothers nasty energy, like a filter for all 'rightness'.
If there is an advantage to having experienced everything, it is that surviving brings great power. It might be the shittyist way to come of age, but it does work. History is full of bizarre initiation rites.

I am highly perceptive, and seeing similar energy in others can be upsetting when least prepared for it. I have met full on 'Agents Smiths', who suddenly appear, as if just to cause the most distress possible. It tends to be a pattern insinuating of what 'I should be' able to do, but actually cannot despite appearances. Why cant you do that? Because I cant you fucking moron, is what comes to mind after the event, and burns through me from the other, (now only semi repressed side) but is somewhat mellowed now by mediation. It is usually criminally disabilist and ignorant, from the ones one ought to expect the most help from, like Dr's, front desk staff ect.
In fact the ones who don't seem to do this are foreighners, so this is a cultural phenonemon. I find the I find the whole culture toxic and need to get out for my health. It's like trying to heal a stab wound with the knife being further pushed in. It would be great if Zen were the answer, but there must be some physical change to facilitate progress.

It seems to be process of confessing truths and disregarding lies. Untill I realize what it is, nothing changes but when it does it's notable, a clear step away from culture and the past. If there is an upset or imbalance it registers acutly in behavious, attitude, insomnia ect and oughtright demonic dreams.
The blasphemey tactics noted elsewhere appear to work, but it's not the blasphemy you would expect. It's the blashempy againt my parents, the state and experiences that would tell me what I am, an expression of true will that is supposed to happen with growing up.

Mr hyde is the malined badass.

 

[8Lou1]

a clearer view begins with truth, truths can hurt and lies are tiresome. so continue on that road. im a woman and i have been thought in physical terms. when a woman gives birth she also gives birth to the placenta. at that point in time the placenta is toxic and devoid of oxygen. in the spiritual sense it is the placenta where the war between mother and child begins and the most evil ends. sometimes a child remembers the struggle of birth and the hate that was around to get out of the womb. some people even live that and have a painful mother child relation.

its when someone cuts the cord for the both of them when things can start to heal. you are not the placenta, you do have a very old egregore. you should reprogram it to fit your bidding. for example kicking your mother out.

 

[Ziran]

How can I know that I am safe from magical butt fucks and the insane? By knowing that I am more powerful than them.

" How can I know I am safe ... ? by knowing that I am more powerful ... "

Hmmmmm... For safety, equal-and-opposite might also work.

I appreciate your interest in this problem

You're very welcome

 

[Wannabewizard]

Truth. I don't need my mother in my life anymore, or my Father or stepfather. I don't mind writing to my stepfather sometimes, but there is very little he can do to help me as he has his own problems. I get angry about it then realize that its the culture, not him especially that troubles me. I know how there relationship is and it irks me, but try to stay out of it. I guess I am trying to protect my mother Not my job.
I am completely different from them and still undergoing metamorphosis, becoming the spirit commanding wizard and a father archetype myself, yet still on my own for now. I am concerned about missing out in what there might be for me in this life, with whatever time I have left.
The biggest blocks have been all forms of health problems and terrible finances.
My mother unconsciously passed on all sorts of evil shit in a hands on 'prayer' several times when I was small, unaware that it was toxic narcissism, dumping of all her negative energy. I even tried to explain that forcing people to go back to 'Jesus' is black magic but it bounced right off. Totaly does not get it.

So yes, contact is unhealthy. Have not seen for a few years. There is a whole passage in the bible about a mean leaving his father and his mother and joining with his wife or something, and it's true, but long overdue. The irony is religion and parents sabotaged my only relationship whilest they probably thought they were helping by making up rules to bind us. And I made up 'rules' too in a way, especially about sexuality ect. All rubbish though, you could say I'm sort of conservative. But Mr Hyde though, ha ha naugty naughty.

As for this Egregore/Spirit, it's probably this big shiny light I mentioned before. I don't object to it so much as I object to the 'Christian' programming I was born into. I am seeing an opertunity here I would like to take, but have no experience in programing anything.
So how does one work with ones own old familier spirit? I told it I dont want the culty crap, a fresh start would be nice. It's always around somewhere.
I' also not a fan of being possesed (it's not a laughing matter should it happen) and this also applies to family contact, I would like my mothers controll out of me. That sort of control is scary and way to familier in itself.

As long as I can make magical attacks go away, I am a happy man. I dont need or want the petty fighting that does exist anywhere near me. I have better things to do.

 

[Ziran]

My mother unconsciously passed on all sorts of evil shit in a hands on 'prayer' several times when I was small, unaware that it was toxic narcissism, dumping of all her negative energy. I even tried to explain that forcing people to go back to 'Jesus' is black magic but it bounced right off. Totaly does not get it.

.... Oh boy ~smh~

Sorry to hear that....

As long as I can make magical attacks go away, I am a happy man. I dont need or want the petty fighting that does exist anywhere near me. I have better things to do.

You'll get there. I have confidence in you.

 

[8Lou1]

when is the last time you respected your mother and left Her out of your story?

 

[Wannabewizard]

I don't know if this comes across as a mother attack, it is not supposed to, but be advised some seriously grievous shit went down with her being
Autistically codependent and religiously programmed from the abuse of her parents, that went unchallenged and passed for 'normal' for generations.
I had wrote to her about it along the course of shadow work journelling, and she has apologized for anything she failed at, but she is totally unconscious of what those things actually are. This is a big problem for a dissociated world at large, and for me personally, as anything done to me from parents, is also in me to do unto others. This is bad left unattended, it is important to catch myself expressing the pain of an event as it surfaces like an old shrapnel wound, as it easily turns into attack and cursing, loss of emotional controll. I have seen it in others and myself, it is ugly. It terrified the girl I had as she connected the dots too late and it was over for us. It is the face of my mother, her scowel, the scowel of my mothers mother and so on. There has been a hell of a lot of gaslighting about it, making me doubt it was ever real, but that is all part of the family manipulation. It's like a tradition no one ever questions.

I honestly dont how how this question is being asked regarding repect, and that is part of the problem, stripping the layers away with realisation, untill finally I can regognise the truth. Going through the same problem a little bit more than than last time on the cycle, untill at long last, it is finally done. If I were to meet her now (or any other connected to specific events) the BPD symptoms will be there.
I am also an Autist, unsurprisingly, thought it took far to long to realise that and the damage of uncounciousness was done to many people. What is happening here, is not just undoing generational truama, it's is undoing Autism, all the narc horrors that seem to get celbrated in the world.
Many compacted layers in the sewer of the soul, crawling out Shawshank redemtion style.

I do not conciously blame my mother anymore, or father for that matter, (and there are others) but that does not stop the subconcious mind/Mr Hyde/thoughtforms from going full woke with it. It's got to stop. I gladly leave parents in the past, though it's clear my Mother keeps trying to attach.
She he been in my recent dreams/astral attacking me with her 'accidental' cursing/disapproval, that she does not know about conciously trying to latch on. Any interaction seems to connect in this way, it's vampiric. Made me so sick.

I did not know what Narcissism is until playing 'Deponia' on PC. The MC is desribed as a Narc. And then I began to see.
No idea that such a thing as choice existed in social settings untill playing 'Mass effect'.

I can see how this is all connected spiritually and it's up to me to heal the wounds while I can. There are energy threads running through this, a web even. And if you watch the spider at work on it's web, you will see that a little tug in one corner will move the whole web, alerting the waiting spider. So it is with my entire structure.

This Egregore is going between the both of us for energy snacks, it's time I wrangled it to keep it away from her and under my control. I have been led on this path to this point. It will stop the triggering of the both of us regarding truama and possibly any siblings who were also exposed to it.
When our Mother 'prays' for us is when the trouble starts and the Psychosis begins. I have seen it in all of us.
so if there is advice to repurpose this, I would like to know what to do in what has been a very old and complex problem.

 

[8Lou1]

i get the point, i have a similar background. sadly these things only resolve after you truly loose your patience and then some.
i had 2 mums: 1 who didnt want help and therefore i created a work around, but also kicked her out of my life by telling her i dont want to ever see her again. and the other wanted help and was able to heal a lot of her pains and mistakes before her death. it was a hell of a ride, but looking back im happy i was able to help.

praying in this case is nasty. learn to accept it and make friends along the roads she sends you. the love of a mother for her children is powerful, you can return it by sticking to your truth in silence and letting god force the rest upon your family. eventually god is the Decider and He seems to appreciate care for family members a lot. i had to duck tape family together with a smile for Her and i learned that there is joy in a christmass dinner with a psychotic family, that there is joy in helping the elderly, in the disabled, etc., that we all need compassion.

we are the strong ones protecting the weak.

 

[Dascent]

Within You, only You can exist and an "alter Ego" as you named it is a personality aspect you believe (in a conscious or unconscious way) you need or benefit from.
Ask yourself why you need to keep this personality, because you already know and you are aware of its influence, therefore it is a choice and not a manifested consequence in which you have no power of decision or control.
Let me phrase it ...
Deep down you believe that this aspect of you is necessary for your own survival, for your state of being.
You created the environment and lead to believe you are powerless because you define this manifestation as a negative experience therefore the mechanism of what we don't prefer comes with energy of self-doubt, lost control of, dissociated, disconnected experience.

My suggestion is to practice the state of self-empowerment.
Love yourself, trust yourself, know yourself more and any aspect of yourself (which might be defined as negative). Approach and define it from a place of compassion, love, acceptance rather than "get rid of it", invalidate it.
Allow yourself to help yourself because it is a choice you keep repeating hopefully for a lesson learned.

There is nothing else in your UNIverse but You and other aspects of you, other reflections of you trying to help you learn more about yourself.
Define it as an opportunity rather than an inconvenient.
When you accept yourself (I am who I am and that is enough) all aspects of you are integrated and become One.
The personality construction which integrates many other aspects, attributes and behavioral patterns to allow you the life you chose to experience in this reality.