- Joined
- Dec 11, 2024
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My birthday is this Friday and I'm reflecting a lot today. I've came a long way. Recently I've been talking to my aunt and I'll be moving out the group home and living in her house while saving up to leave for germany. Prior to moving here it was predicted I would not be able to handle college or living on my own. This was a couple of years ago back in 2021 I think. Now the group home thinks I'm ready to move out and honestly doesn't seem to get why I've been here so long.
My aunt she now owns two houses. I don't remember her being so successful in the past I recall her bankrupted. I also recall her much more awful when I was a kid. Now she seems a lot happier. I think divorcing my uncle, marrying a new spouse that supports her, having a lot of therapy, and losing a ton of weight has helped her a lot. I never imagined I'd be trusting her enough again to do this. I recall a couple years ago doing a spell to let go of past trauma that her and my uncle caused a cord cutting. I reckon it worked as we got back in touch many months later and our relationship has changed a lot. Things are good between us and I've forgiven her a lot. She is not the same person who helped raised me. One of those houses she has is where I'll be living alone mostly. They said every other week they will stop by to hang out but I'll mostly be on my own except for the cats. They decided they'll leave their four cats for me to take care of so I'll have company. They also said since I can't drive and will mostly be living on SSI they will take me to do things out in the community on occasion.
I've never really lived on my own for an extended period of time. Sounds peaceful. Therapy and other things seem to have helped me a lot. It used to be I'd be afraid to even walk down the street on my own now I go frequently by myself into the community. I used to have meltdowns and shutdowns a lot more frequently but therapy has taught me more on how to manage my emotions.
Regarding religion I believe my occult beliefs have helped me a lot to be much happier and more sure of myself. Upon learning that the cats will be staying with me i ordered a clicker and some cat training books. Since my patron deity is the cat goddess Bastet I think training the cats to do tricks to build a good bond with them and taking frequent notes on cat behavior is a good idea. I also should have more time to do rituals and such maybe incorporate ideas that come to mind from observing the cats. After all the most ive ever felt spiritual is when I'm dressed like a cat and practicing mental/sensory shifts.
I'm almost finished with my associates as well. This December I'll have it. I never thought I'd make it to 23. In fact sometimes I have wished I had died when I attempted suicide at 14/15 years old. But now i have a ton of hope for the future and am really proud of how far I've come. I still have a long way to go but I have hope I can actually do this. I can leave the group home.
I had a break up last year. It feels so long ago now. Not important anymore. I still wish to be friends with them but doubt id ever be again. I have too much else on my plate to think about it. But one the reasons it hit me so hard is that the person I dated gave me hope that they'd be able to take care of me. They were older and knew more about the world. They also had a lot of money tho i tried not to think about that too heavily. I had so much hope of having a better life then i ever envisioned for myself someone I felt could guide me to do better. And I think part of me worried without that guidance I'd fail. I feared failure, scared of being alone and such. I'm disabled and I feared I'd never be able to handle being on my own even tho others said I could. When they broke up with me not only was my heart broken but I felt I failed at everything. Even if I knew it wasn't true. Now I realize I have a lot more resources than that one person I have a lot of people willing to help me succeed and live on my own help me grow and it was foolish to rely so heavily on them. It's also OK to fail. I'll do that a lot in life.
I hope I can succeed in life. I pray that I continue on my journey in the occult, in growing as a person, in living on my own, and such. I thank the gods for their assistance and thank myself for my strength.
Tl;dr: my birthday is this Friday. I'm moving out the group home into my aunts house to save more for germany. I'll mostly be on my own. I'm hopeful things will go well and am proud at how far I've come. I'm going to work on a lot of occult things related to the goddess Bastet.
My aunt she now owns two houses. I don't remember her being so successful in the past I recall her bankrupted. I also recall her much more awful when I was a kid. Now she seems a lot happier. I think divorcing my uncle, marrying a new spouse that supports her, having a lot of therapy, and losing a ton of weight has helped her a lot. I never imagined I'd be trusting her enough again to do this. I recall a couple years ago doing a spell to let go of past trauma that her and my uncle caused a cord cutting. I reckon it worked as we got back in touch many months later and our relationship has changed a lot. Things are good between us and I've forgiven her a lot. She is not the same person who helped raised me. One of those houses she has is where I'll be living alone mostly. They said every other week they will stop by to hang out but I'll mostly be on my own except for the cats. They decided they'll leave their four cats for me to take care of so I'll have company. They also said since I can't drive and will mostly be living on SSI they will take me to do things out in the community on occasion.
I've never really lived on my own for an extended period of time. Sounds peaceful. Therapy and other things seem to have helped me a lot. It used to be I'd be afraid to even walk down the street on my own now I go frequently by myself into the community. I used to have meltdowns and shutdowns a lot more frequently but therapy has taught me more on how to manage my emotions.
Regarding religion I believe my occult beliefs have helped me a lot to be much happier and more sure of myself. Upon learning that the cats will be staying with me i ordered a clicker and some cat training books. Since my patron deity is the cat goddess Bastet I think training the cats to do tricks to build a good bond with them and taking frequent notes on cat behavior is a good idea. I also should have more time to do rituals and such maybe incorporate ideas that come to mind from observing the cats. After all the most ive ever felt spiritual is when I'm dressed like a cat and practicing mental/sensory shifts.
I'm almost finished with my associates as well. This December I'll have it. I never thought I'd make it to 23. In fact sometimes I have wished I had died when I attempted suicide at 14/15 years old. But now i have a ton of hope for the future and am really proud of how far I've come. I still have a long way to go but I have hope I can actually do this. I can leave the group home.
I had a break up last year. It feels so long ago now. Not important anymore. I still wish to be friends with them but doubt id ever be again. I have too much else on my plate to think about it. But one the reasons it hit me so hard is that the person I dated gave me hope that they'd be able to take care of me. They were older and knew more about the world. They also had a lot of money tho i tried not to think about that too heavily. I had so much hope of having a better life then i ever envisioned for myself someone I felt could guide me to do better. And I think part of me worried without that guidance I'd fail. I feared failure, scared of being alone and such. I'm disabled and I feared I'd never be able to handle being on my own even tho others said I could. When they broke up with me not only was my heart broken but I felt I failed at everything. Even if I knew it wasn't true. Now I realize I have a lot more resources than that one person I have a lot of people willing to help me succeed and live on my own help me grow and it was foolish to rely so heavily on them. It's also OK to fail. I'll do that a lot in life.
I hope I can succeed in life. I pray that I continue on my journey in the occult, in growing as a person, in living on my own, and such. I thank the gods for their assistance and thank myself for my strength.
Tl;dr: my birthday is this Friday. I'm moving out the group home into my aunts house to save more for germany. I'll mostly be on my own. I'm hopeful things will go well and am proud at how far I've come. I'm going to work on a lot of occult things related to the goddess Bastet.
