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I've been all over the place when it comes to subjects of personal interest to me over the years, but acting always held a special place in the back of my mind. I think that's because when I was younger, I spent almost all of my free-time with my elementary and middle-school friends playing table-top RPGs like Vampire: The Masqurade, Mage: The Ascension, Dungeons and Dragons, Pathfinder, Rifts, Exalted, Shadowrun, GURPS, Eclipse Phase... honestly, I'm just looking over at my bookcase right now. I have boxes in storage with old editions of most of those, and I just keep the newest editions of the core books for my favorite RPG systems on my shelves.
I went to community college while I was still in high-school so I could finish early and move straight into an AA program. During that time I changed major twice before I settled on psychology. I minored in theater arts, and I spent a lot of my time hanging out around the theater building with other theater students, sharing notes and ideas, or just thoughts about society and life and stuff that college students talk about in the 10-15 minute gaps between classes. I took a few drama courses, just to see what acting was like. I especially enjoyed the improvisational acting courses I took. I took general intro to acting as well, so I had a taste of different styles of acting, and I'm glad I did because it gave me a huge respect for a few of the big actors that are genuinely talented versus the majority of other ones that are propped up by connections and are rather mediocre and not quite as gifted.
Anyway, I don't want to linger too much on criticism, I'm just saying, I came to better understand what acting requires and what kinds of parts are really challenging to take on and why those actors who do and succeed are actually really impressive. And by extension, whenever I hear about tragedies where some highly gifted and talented actor burns out on drugs or gets caught up in some kind of shady stuff and it costs them their life, I can sympathize and even empathize in a lot of cases. I had friends who really did want to be actors, and it's a rough life when you are starting out at the bottom, with almost no chance of ever making it big, and some really tough decisions and hard realities you have to overcome somehow in order to find it within you to still give it your best shot.
I never had that courage really. I took some acting classes, sure, to get a taste and a better appreciation for the art of acting, but I knew even then there was no way I was ready for that. I made up my mind I wasn't going to be an actor, and I took mostly technician courses, like stagecraft and set design and prop design. I took all the "design" courses, sound design, lighting design, costume and make up design. I even took some of the business and management courses so I could get the chance to be an assistant stage manager for one of the shows they were running. It was a really low budget attempt at Alice, but we got over a hundred people to show up, which was kind of a miracle even back then - like, I'm talking over 20 years ago. I can't imagine that many people turning out for a student run stage production at your local community college in this day.
Now I've been studying a lot of stuff that has led me full circle and brought me back to my old interests in acting, and I think it's time for me to take another dive into that hobby and develop it a bit. I see a way that it can be extremely practical in my own spiritual craft, and I think incorporating the lifestyle of an actor as depicted in the trilogy by Stanislavski, the mindset and the union of the inner and external, is the next step I need to take in my development as a sovereign individual. I believe the next phase of my development requires me to be able to "build a character" and "create a role" and "live as an actor" the way Stanislavski teaches in his three books. This will allow me to shed my skin, my ego, my "self", and step into different "selves", different egos, and become a more of a shapeshifter, a trickster entity.
I recently made a thread about "post-nihilism" and the spiritual awareness that it requires to understand this philosophy, this technique for moving past and going beyond nihilism without rejecting it or trying to "rise above" it. Instead, it requires one to cultivate a more "zen-like" mentality as I describe it, trying to master a state they call "satori", which roughly translates as "no-mind". Every thought, feeling, sensation, and so forth, is recognized as a projection of the ego and given no energy, no attachment - it is allowed to simply exist. You are allowed to simply exist. Everything is permitted to simply exist as such, as it is, for one moment, without being interpreted, without being manifested, and without being interrupted in any way. Everything, for a moment, is permitted to simply "flow".
In such a state, something will organize itself automatically. A small space will clear itself on its own and the deepest parts of your own soul present themselves without you having to expend any energy in bringing them forth. Instead, it is the exact opposite, one allows everything to simply fall away, letting go of the importance of meaning itself, the importance of knowing, the importance of caring, and just completely let go for one moment. To do this actually takes IMMENSE willpower, to even achieve it, let alone to extend it, to make it an ongoing practice and way of life that one cultivates and embodies. It is so difficult because it requires a person to break free from the robotic program living in their mind that Freud called the "super-ego" and Lacan called the "Name-of-the-Father" or the "symbolic order". That is no easy task, and most people will actually work to undermine your attempt to do so, should you choose to. It will not even be enough for their own cowardice to prevent them from achieving what they have decided they cannot, they must also make sure that you do not believe for one second that you can do it either. Crabs in a bucket, as they say.
But assuming you can actually do this, even for one moment, then you can experience what I believe is somewhat analogous to the "single-pointed awareness" described by Peter J Carroll in his book Liber Null and Psychonaut. In other words, I believe that to enter a zen state of satori is very much like entering a magical trance state, or a state of "gnosis", where one can receive information directly from the unmanifest spiritual world and bypass the conscious rational mind entirely. I believe that it will benefit me immensely to get back into acting and practice it as a hobby at least, perhaps even look into taking a few lessons at my local university if I can afford it or make the trip. I really think this is key to my development at this phase in my life, and where my head and heart are right now. Especially after reading MindWar and learning about Xeper and becoming more informed about what the "vampiric way" is. I'm not saying I think I'm a vampire or that I'm trying to become a vampire, but that, in spending the past several months reading everything I can get my hands on that has to do with vamprism and vampires in the occult community, I have thereby become exposed to a lot of currents that I had not the imagination to figure out before on my own. Many of these currents have helped me to mature as a person, without necessarily having to join them and become caught up in any of the cults and orders they present.
In any case, I'm quite excited to finally get back into acting, starting with reading through Stanislavski's trilogy, and then maybe looking into local classes or improv comedy clubs that have open nights for beginners, something like that. That'd be great energy in my life in any case, and just a good decision in general I think. So, yeah. That's my plan for now. Whoever you are, if you actually read all of this, wow! Thank you! I hope some of it was inspirational or helpful to you, or at least amusing! Have a great week.
I went to community college while I was still in high-school so I could finish early and move straight into an AA program. During that time I changed major twice before I settled on psychology. I minored in theater arts, and I spent a lot of my time hanging out around the theater building with other theater students, sharing notes and ideas, or just thoughts about society and life and stuff that college students talk about in the 10-15 minute gaps between classes. I took a few drama courses, just to see what acting was like. I especially enjoyed the improvisational acting courses I took. I took general intro to acting as well, so I had a taste of different styles of acting, and I'm glad I did because it gave me a huge respect for a few of the big actors that are genuinely talented versus the majority of other ones that are propped up by connections and are rather mediocre and not quite as gifted.
Anyway, I don't want to linger too much on criticism, I'm just saying, I came to better understand what acting requires and what kinds of parts are really challenging to take on and why those actors who do and succeed are actually really impressive. And by extension, whenever I hear about tragedies where some highly gifted and talented actor burns out on drugs or gets caught up in some kind of shady stuff and it costs them their life, I can sympathize and even empathize in a lot of cases. I had friends who really did want to be actors, and it's a rough life when you are starting out at the bottom, with almost no chance of ever making it big, and some really tough decisions and hard realities you have to overcome somehow in order to find it within you to still give it your best shot.
I never had that courage really. I took some acting classes, sure, to get a taste and a better appreciation for the art of acting, but I knew even then there was no way I was ready for that. I made up my mind I wasn't going to be an actor, and I took mostly technician courses, like stagecraft and set design and prop design. I took all the "design" courses, sound design, lighting design, costume and make up design. I even took some of the business and management courses so I could get the chance to be an assistant stage manager for one of the shows they were running. It was a really low budget attempt at Alice, but we got over a hundred people to show up, which was kind of a miracle even back then - like, I'm talking over 20 years ago. I can't imagine that many people turning out for a student run stage production at your local community college in this day.
Now I've been studying a lot of stuff that has led me full circle and brought me back to my old interests in acting, and I think it's time for me to take another dive into that hobby and develop it a bit. I see a way that it can be extremely practical in my own spiritual craft, and I think incorporating the lifestyle of an actor as depicted in the trilogy by Stanislavski, the mindset and the union of the inner and external, is the next step I need to take in my development as a sovereign individual. I believe the next phase of my development requires me to be able to "build a character" and "create a role" and "live as an actor" the way Stanislavski teaches in his three books. This will allow me to shed my skin, my ego, my "self", and step into different "selves", different egos, and become a more of a shapeshifter, a trickster entity.
I recently made a thread about "post-nihilism" and the spiritual awareness that it requires to understand this philosophy, this technique for moving past and going beyond nihilism without rejecting it or trying to "rise above" it. Instead, it requires one to cultivate a more "zen-like" mentality as I describe it, trying to master a state they call "satori", which roughly translates as "no-mind". Every thought, feeling, sensation, and so forth, is recognized as a projection of the ego and given no energy, no attachment - it is allowed to simply exist. You are allowed to simply exist. Everything is permitted to simply exist as such, as it is, for one moment, without being interpreted, without being manifested, and without being interrupted in any way. Everything, for a moment, is permitted to simply "flow".
In such a state, something will organize itself automatically. A small space will clear itself on its own and the deepest parts of your own soul present themselves without you having to expend any energy in bringing them forth. Instead, it is the exact opposite, one allows everything to simply fall away, letting go of the importance of meaning itself, the importance of knowing, the importance of caring, and just completely let go for one moment. To do this actually takes IMMENSE willpower, to even achieve it, let alone to extend it, to make it an ongoing practice and way of life that one cultivates and embodies. It is so difficult because it requires a person to break free from the robotic program living in their mind that Freud called the "super-ego" and Lacan called the "Name-of-the-Father" or the "symbolic order". That is no easy task, and most people will actually work to undermine your attempt to do so, should you choose to. It will not even be enough for their own cowardice to prevent them from achieving what they have decided they cannot, they must also make sure that you do not believe for one second that you can do it either. Crabs in a bucket, as they say.
But assuming you can actually do this, even for one moment, then you can experience what I believe is somewhat analogous to the "single-pointed awareness" described by Peter J Carroll in his book Liber Null and Psychonaut. In other words, I believe that to enter a zen state of satori is very much like entering a magical trance state, or a state of "gnosis", where one can receive information directly from the unmanifest spiritual world and bypass the conscious rational mind entirely. I believe that it will benefit me immensely to get back into acting and practice it as a hobby at least, perhaps even look into taking a few lessons at my local university if I can afford it or make the trip. I really think this is key to my development at this phase in my life, and where my head and heart are right now. Especially after reading MindWar and learning about Xeper and becoming more informed about what the "vampiric way" is. I'm not saying I think I'm a vampire or that I'm trying to become a vampire, but that, in spending the past several months reading everything I can get my hands on that has to do with vamprism and vampires in the occult community, I have thereby become exposed to a lot of currents that I had not the imagination to figure out before on my own. Many of these currents have helped me to mature as a person, without necessarily having to join them and become caught up in any of the cults and orders they present.
In any case, I'm quite excited to finally get back into acting, starting with reading through Stanislavski's trilogy, and then maybe looking into local classes or improv comedy clubs that have open nights for beginners, something like that. That'd be great energy in my life in any case, and just a good decision in general I think. So, yeah. That's my plan for now. Whoever you are, if you actually read all of this, wow! Thank you! I hope some of it was inspirational or helpful to you, or at least amusing! Have a great week.