From the chains and into the wilds

[whimsicalwarlock]

Hello!
I wasn't sure exactly where to put this because the subjects of this kind of spread out. Theres a few different questions/concerns that I have because I'm doing different things magickally that are technically working for me but are also coming at a sort of cost, and I'm wondering how to break free from this stuff because it's feeling very oppressive and I need some insight.

I've recently been reading Christopher Penczacks "Inner Temple" and I've done the intention ritual and decided I was serious about my approach and want to stay the path and continue learning. I felt good about my choice and dont feel I've made any sort of mistake. Ever since I did that, my dreams have come back as they were nearly nonexistant before and they are much more vivid. With those dreams came some very uneasy things i've dealt with in my past, I was sensing some doubt and I don't have any sort of banishings or protection spells that i'm familiar with that would allow me to really stand in my own power. I used some old ones i have used before and i somewhat regret it because it feels like i'm giving up my own power and trusting in a higher oppressive deity to "take care of me"

I've gone from christianity, to high magick, and now i'm deciding to give up all christian oriented things because they always seem to place me back into a state of powerlessness. I don't want to call on yahwah, EE-AH-OH-EH, adonai, or anything of that sort. It seems like, even though the banishings and protections have worked before and still do they always place me in a state of powerlessness so that i HAVE to depend on it to move forward. This does not sit right with me.

I'm really feeling disarmed. I'm not sure what to do here. What banishings and protections can be used that do not use the bible or The monotheistic "dictator god" to establish self protection and/or banishings? Am I looking at this all wrong and just need to deconstruct old beliefs but still use these methods or am i right in that i need to stop using the four angels and others all together? I'm really not sure how to move forward here. i feel like i'm starting all over again.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Beyond Everything]

You can 'go with the flow' and do what most other people do in the occult and let these egregores have their sway over you. You'll get commensurate results to what they do- and then after death you'll vanish

Or you can start listening to that voice and advance yourself as your own truly independent power.

 

[whimsicalwarlock]

You can 'go with the flow' and do what most other people do in the occult and let these egregores have their sway over you. You'll get commensurate results to what they do- and then after death you'll vanish

Or you can start listening to that voice and advance yourself as your own truly independent power.

I've been feeling the pull to stand on my own two feet for quite some time now but now I'm feeling sort of aimless, like theres no real clear path forward, and thats the part that discourages me.
I think theres an element of strong self-doubt at play here that I need to work on.