Heart and healing

[Wannabewizard]

I would like to find definite ways/methods of healing the emotional heart from trauma, abandonment and rejection.
They are times when I feel I cannot take it any more and making a swift 'exit' seems inviting, but I know better.
Formerly it was mostly coped with through dissociation and escapism into video games etc, to the point of a kind of unintentional meditation.
I have coped more recently through the moderate use of Kratom and medicinal plants, but of course they are only a stop gap.
It is not a physical malady, I have had that checked out.
I shut down psychically to avoid unwanted attraction, but in doing so the pain increases as I have chosen to stop leaking energy. The energy leak seems to work as a safety valve to avoid losing center/consciousness.

I do have other physicall pains from diagnosed muscular skeletal problems, so I am nearly always in a mindfullness medtation to cope with all that.
The hurt Innerchild is addicted to psychic 'shining' to escape, in just the same way as any drug.
I am aware that what I am describing is 'mental illness' but from the true emotional/spiritual aspects.

The pain is likened unto being kicked repeatedly from the inside chest, or that a Giegers face hugger Alien is trying to burst out.
There is a great deal of this trapped emotion/energy messing with the mind.
Asking for help from Archangel Raphael, he arrested a thought form in the mind that was extremely destructive. That brought some peace, but still needs removing completly, after completing some more work.

Someone here suggested before that there is a heart parasite and I agree. It wants controll to the degree to become me, and cause harm.
It's pretty hard to establish what is the authentic self, something I am still coming into.
There is a whole lot of internal Daemons going on. I think it's time to release some and clean house.

I know this seems bad, but I doubt I am alone in this, difference is I am honest about it. I get to ask for help with from the vantage point of a magician and mystic.
I have a repressed subconsious aspect that took the trauma that was built upon, it reminds me of the survivor in the 'Firefly' episode 'Bushwacked'.
The only way to survive Reavers, was to become one.

I am suspicious about accidental Tulpas/servitors from me, or deliberately having them created in me from somone else whilst in a trance.
I dont know how to deal with the standard form of these. By now there are some that must have gained some mass.
I have haunted myself sometimes through intense fear surfacing occasionally, manifesting in Psychic projections/poltergeist type activity.

The only way I found to sleep, is to dose with sleeping pills, but they are a very negative and short term narcotic.
I appear to be an all to easy target for nasties, entering or exiting sleep stages.

I have had full on fight with entities in the dream world, I seem to go immediatly to Astral rather than actuall sleep, I am not even trained yet in Astral work.
I have frequently been 'inception' level depth and virtually unable to exit, having to literally smash my way out of the dream/Astral to survive.

There must be a better way to recover than pulling random junk of the internet and guesswork.
It's as if I am after a 'How to heal after abuse book', but without all the cultyness of the New Age.

I am making up my heart healing as I go along, Help!

 

[Shaman]

If you want I can send you kundalini energy. Healed someone's back pain from another forum using it, it should work. Though it's a bit risky so let me warn.

 

[Wannabewizard]

I think you ought to tell me a bit more about it first.
No offense intended, I have already had some 'help' before and whilst it did the job, it near finished me off.

 

[Shaman]

I think you ought to tell me a bit more about it first.
No offense intended, I have already had some 'help' before and whilst it did the job, it near finished me off.

I honestly don't even know what kundalini is yet, I know only that it's a type of "divine feminine life force". It can be used for healing and such but of course risks can happen so keep that in mind. Most people have a positive experience though.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

I would like to find definite ways/methods of healing the emotional heart from trauma, abandonment and rejection.
They are times when I feel I cannot take it any more and making a swift 'exit' seems inviting, but I know better.
Formerly it was mostly coped with through dissociation and escapism into video games etc, to the point of a kind of unintentional meditation.
I have coped more recently through the moderate use of Kratom and medicinal plants, but of course they are only a stop gap.
It is not a physical malady, I have had that checked out.
I shut down psychically to avoid unwanted attraction, but in doing so the pain increases as I have chosen to stop leaking energy. The energy leak seems to work as a safety valve to avoid losing center/consciousness.

I do have other physicall pains from diagnosed muscular skeletal problems, so I am nearly always in a mindfullness medtation to cope with all that.
The hurt Innerchild is addicted to psychic 'shining' to escape, in just the same way as any drug.
I am aware that what I am describing is 'mental illness' but from the true emotional/spiritual aspects.

The pain is likened unto being kicked repeatedly from the inside chest, or that a Giegers face hugger Alien is trying to burst out.
There is a great deal of this trapped emotion/energy messing with the mind.
Asking for help from Archangel Raphael, he arrested a thought form in the mind that was extremely destructive. That brought some peace, but still needs removing completly, after completing some more work.

Someone here suggested before that there is a heart parasite and I agree. It wants controll to the degree to become me, and cause harm.
It's pretty hard to establish what is the authentic self, something I am still coming into.
There is a whole lot of internal Daemons going on. I think it's time to release some and clean house.

I know this seems bad, but I doubt I am alone in this, difference is I am honest about it. I get to ask for help with from the vantage point of a magician and mystic.
I have a repressed subconsious aspect that took the trauma that was built upon, it reminds me of the survivor in the 'Firefly' episode 'Bushwacked'.
The only way to survive Reavers, was to become one.

I am suspicious about accidental Tulpas/servitors from me, or deliberately having them created in me from somone else whilst in a trance.
I dont know how to deal with the standard form of these. By now there are some that must have gained some mass.
I have haunted myself sometimes through intense fear surfacing occasionally, manifesting in Psychic projections/poltergeist type activity.

The only way I found to sleep, is to dose with sleeping pills, but they are a very negative and short term narcotic.
I appear to be an all to easy target for nasties, entering or exiting sleep stages.

I have had full on fight with entities in the dream world, I seem to go immediatly to Astral rather than actuall sleep, I am not even trained yet in Astral work.
I have frequently been 'inception' level depth and virtually unable to exit, having to literally smash my way out of the dream/Astral to survive.

There must be a better way to recover than pulling random junk of the internet and guesswork.
It's as if I am after a 'How to heal after abuse book', but without all the cultyness of the New Age.

I am making up my heart healing as I go along, Help!

Honestly, from a schizophrenic who has had a couple psychotic breaks and near suicide attempts, I recommend therapy. My first group therapy round was a joke, as others tried to hijack the therapy session for themselves. The first psychotic break left me disassociated. I ended up changing jobs and smoking a shit ton of weed to cope. I ended up getting into black magic in that psychological state, which at the end was not pretty.

Getting past that, I moved across the country and have been getting care in all areas, including a psychiatrist and a therapist as well. It has been helpful. Going through my online journal of recorded dreams, I recognized backlogging them into a physical journal helped immensely.

Dealing with recognized fears and phobias have been helpful.

Nobody wants to deal with a trainwreck, even "fixers". Codependant relationships can introduce new trauma.

Therapy is your key.

 

[Shaman]

Honestly, from a schizophrenic who has had a couple psychotic breaks and near suicide attempts, I recommend therapy. My first group therapy round was a joke, as others tried to hijack the therapy session for themselves. The first psychotic break left me disassociated. I ended up changing jobs and smoking a shit ton of weed to cope. I ended up getting into black magic in that psychological state, which at the end was not pretty.

Getting past that, I moved across the country and have been getting care in all areas, including a psychiatrist and a therapist as well. It has been helpful. Going through my online journal of recorded dreams, I recognized backlogging them into a physical journal helped immensely.

Dealing with recognized fears and phobias have been helpful.

Nobody wants to deal with a trainwreck, even "fixers". Codependant relationships can introduce new trauma.

Therapy is your key.

How would you say medication affects psychic/magickal practices? Does it get weaker?

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Yes. Antipsychotics affect the brain areas which work with visualization, particularly color. Since I've been on a medication reduction plan, visualization ability is on the increase, even color. Still, until completely off antipsychotics and just Zoloft and Keppra as the plan, there are still moments of aphantasia.

 

[Wannabewizard]

Ok. I am looking for help. Trouble is I don't see any help, having been looking for it forever. And It assumes that you have have money to spend on getting better, when the financial structure is set up to keep you poor.
That's why I have get a handle on money magic, as I don't see it coming from anywhere else.
It is literally like living in the Shawshank redemption, planing a prison break for when there is an opportunity for the energy to be there to escape.
Even better would be an entire healing for the whole body so I could do some sort of work.

I have been told that I dont belong in the country where I live, and it's true. This birth country is toxic to me. When I managed to get away I felt better! This likely due to proximity to areas where bad things happened and the people would sooner step over you than help if you collapsed.
Even somone who has said they would help has triggered a lot of problems, as they are not even close to being a counsellor.

If I could pick anywhere to go right now, it would probably be South America/Mexico. Maybe go to Satyuga Ashram.
I like and need true freedom, the kind where I can build my house where I like and no one will bother me. In short, I see I would be better of in the 'third world' living free, than the 'first world' living a slave.

I am obviously here for a higher purpose, what ever that my be, but it's been so long, I wonder If I will ever see it.
If some one offers me a way out, I would be glad to take it.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

Perhaps try Core Shamanism? Too bad Lady Eva is no longer here that I'm aware of, as she knew her shit in every area of magic. including Core Shamanism.
Or perhaps try communicating with your HGA?

 

[Wannabewizard]

Could go through to HGA. Bit hit and miss with all the noise, both internal and external. I need a monastery
Is Core Shamanism a practice, book, or website? I have shamanic books and a drum.
I'm put off by big pharma anti-psychotics, I see what they did to my brother. I would not even call this schizophrenia anymore, far more like borderline personality disorder and improving. Things used to be a lot worse, all spiritual causes with an effect in the mind.
There is defiantly a book, and a movies worth of material here

 

[HoldAll]

I think this is the book that started the Core Shamanism thing:

Book – PDF - Michael Harner - The Way of the Shaman

This classic on shamanism pioneered the modern shamanic renaissance. It is the foremost resource and reference on shamanism. Now, with a new introduction and a guide to current resources, anthropologist Michael Harner provides the definitive handbook on practical shamanism – what it is, where it...

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