Hole in the chest

[Tiana Silvermoon]

For several years now I've been living with a feeling of a hole in my chest and speaking with other people I've noticed that some have this feeling too. Sometimes in their chest, sometimes in stomach, sometimes both. As far as I know, those are people with depression in some form.

The hole might feel like something empty that needs to be filled, in my case it feels like something devouring me, both trying to get out of it and suck me in. I "warmly" call it my own personal Portal to Hell.

I have a little sketch to illustrate it:

In the first figure there is no hole. Person is normal in that regard.
In the second the hole has appeared but feels small. It hurts in some sense, but it's not overwhelming.
In the third it has grown big and powerful and became a real part of a person. You can see how it bursts forth, and the "pain" it inflicts is so big that it's impossible to take your mind off it.
In the fourth figure you can see it closed. It doesn't do anything, but you can feel it's still there, ready to open at any moment.

When I mention "pain" I don't mean it in a physiological sense, it's aching more in your mind, but with localization in your body. Hard to explain. Maybe this feeling is familiar to you if you've ever lost someone (or something) very dear to you, it's quite similar, just doesn't fully go away.

Treating the depression helps to bring it to the fourth state, but it's very unstable. And it doesn't bring it to the first state.

So, my question is - do you think it's something psychosomatic or something of ethereal nature? If the latter, then what exactly is it?

(Sorry if I've posted it to the wrong section, I wasn't sure if it goes here or to Q&A or somewhere else)

 

[Pyrokar]

Oh, it's something alright, neither psychosomatic nor ethereal for me.
Mine likes to pulse.

Obligatory nice boobs comment.

@Ziran check it out

 

[DiLoco_DelEted]

I would say an astral parasite. Ive had that feeling before.

 

[HoldAll]

Before somebody can write something about astral parasites (too late...) or the need to cleanse here: As a fellow sufferer from depression, I'd say it's psychosomatic, like some people with depression get splitting headaches. There is such a thing as 'masked depression' where depressed patients get somatic instead of mental symptoms. Maybe you're in the middle of this spectrum but that's just amateur psychiatry on my part.

You mentioned "treating the depression" - have you stopped treatment? It seemed to have helped a bit.

 

[Roma]

I call such entities octopuses, because of their many tentacles

Here are some comments about dealing with them

https://wizardforums.com/search/17717/?q=octopus&c[users]=Roma&o=date

An octopus on the head works to control brain thoughts - and thus prevent its existence being considered

 

[Ziran]

then what exactly is it?

Exactly? Based on what you've written I would call it an "engraving" on the heart. Not the literal heart, it's the seat of emotion.

When I mention "pain" I don't mean it in a physiological sense, it's aching more in your mind, but with localization in your body. Hard to explain.

I think you explained it perfectly. It's a sort of referred pain? A phantom pain? The mind doesn't understand/know how to process it, so it refers to the sensation as "pain". But, it's not physical pain. In a lot of ways, it's worse.

Treating the depression helps to bring it to the fourth state, but it's very unstable. And it doesn't bring it to the first state.

Right. The treatment, in this case, is sort of like a window of opportunity.

do you think it's something psychosomatic or something of ethereal nature?

My answer to the question is: it's absolutely real.

 

[Taudefindi]

As @HoldAll said, before jumping straight into the supernatural reasons it's always best to find out the mundane reasons first.
Best option would be to seek professional help and maybe research about this in psychology books, forums and etc.

Then, after exhausting the mundane reasons, you can dig into the supernatural ones.

 

[Konsciencia]

I feel that way, when I am trapped in my own mind. As if I have no self-control. I am dealing with it now as I speak. It's like a whole part of me. Is swallowed

 

[HoldAll]

As @HoldAll said, before jumping straight into the supernatural reasons it's always best to find out the mundane reasons first.
Best option would be to seek professional help and maybe research about this in psychology books, forums and etc.

Then, after exhausting the mundane reasons, you can dig into the supernatural ones.

I really hate the parasite explanation in such cases, it's not even appropriate as an analogy. Depressions come from the inside, IMHO, not like some foreign body from outside, like a flu bug or something. Call it 'the Jungian shadow' or something similar but not a Lovecraftean chesthugger.

 

[Vandheer]

So, my question is - do you think it's something psychosomatic or something of ethereal nature? If the latter, then what exactly is it?

Feelings and mental patterns are connected to subtler bodies, or subtler aspects of one body if you will.

Folk here already gave good suggestions so I can't add much but I wonder, do you do energy work by any chance? Did you ever try your emotional center? It is the area you are describing.

 

[TheMouse]

that’s a really good illustration of something i work with quite a bit . . . . i do a lot of work clearing personal, ancestral, family trauma (on myself and others) . . . ive seen this sort of black in visions and on energy bodies for decades . . . and have various ways of working with it . . . to clear it . . . . lately ive been working with the idea through visions that trauma is an Infection and this black ink infection stuff pours out of infected sites in the body and can create black smoke pollution stuff throughout the energy body . . . . this particular spot, heart chakra, a lot of people have trauma here . . . . . nice work documenting your processes!

 

[Tiana Silvermoon]

Sorry for the silence, I didn't expect so many answers and wanted to get to my PC to reply to everybody

Oh, it's something alright, neither psychosomatic nor ethereal for me.
Mine likes to pulse.

I have the feeling it pulses sometimes too. Wouldn't call it alright though

I would say an astral parasite. Ive had that feeling before.

Curious. Did you do something to get rid of it or is it still there?

Before somebody can write something about astral parasites (too late...) or the need to cleanse here: As a fellow sufferer from depression, I'd say it's psychosomatic, like some people with depression get splitting headaches. There is such a thing as 'masked depression' where depressed patients get somatic instead of mental symptoms. Maybe you're in the middle of this spectrum but that's just amateur psychiatry on my part.

Yeah, I thought about it being psychosomatic a lot, yet it kinda feels weird to have exact feelings of such a thing with other people.

You mentioned "treating the depression" - have you stopped treatment? It seemed to have helped a bit.

Yes, at the moment I'm not under treatment, because it didn't really help with my problem nor that "hole". There were some moments when I felt better, but it seems to be a seasonal depression and those "better moments" always were on summer so it's impossible to say if I was really better or it was my natural seesaw cycle. It was almost a year without medication for me and I definitely don't feel worse than with it.

I call such entities octopuses, because of their many tentacles

Here are some comments about dealing with them

Thank you for the advice
Doesn't feel like an octopus though. More like a pitch-black hole with bursting out smoke that doesn't dissolve and instead has a bit more solid form. But I see no harm in meditating the way you suggest in one of your posts and will try it, thank you.

Exactly? Based on what you've written I would call it an "engraving" on the heart. Not the literal heart, it's the seat of emotion.

What do you mean by "engraving"?

I think you explained it perfectly. It's a sort of referred pain? A phantom pain? The mind doesn't understand/know how to process it, so it refers to the sensation as "pain". But, it's not physical pain. In a lot of ways, it's worse.

Thank you, I'm glad I could show what I mean with that. Can't say it's worse than physical pain though... For me they're equal. Both make you suffer, both can make you wish to... let's say, leave.

As @HoldAll said, before jumping straight into the supernatural reasons it's always best to find out the mundane reasons first.
Best option would be to seek professional help and maybe research about this in psychology books, forums and etc.

Then, after exhausting the mundane reasons, you can dig into the supernatural ones.

The thing is, I'm not jumping to supernatural reasons. I live with this feeling for about 8 years, and for the most part of these years I've cut myself from all things esoteric (until this summer), was 100% materialist and skeptic. Also I was going through medical treatment for the depression. But as this feeling is still with me and, as I see even here, resonates with some people, I became curious if this could be something else.

I feel that way, when I am trapped in my own mind. As if I have no self-control. I am dealing with it now as I speak. It's like a whole part of me. Is swallowed

I'm very sorry you're going through this. I understand you very much. But you're stronger than it is even if it doesn't feel so.

Feelings and mental patterns are connected to subtler bodies, or subtler aspects of one body if you will.

You know, I think your explanation resonates with me the most. I was thinking about this stuff for a long time and my conclusion is that depression causes it, not the other way around. But it's not just psychosomatic, it affects you on some other levels.

do you do energy work by any chance? Did you ever try your emotional center? It is the area you are describing.

I never worked with energies before I had this "hole" and tried to do some chakra meditations a few months ago, but it didn't seem to help.

that’s a really good illustration of something i work with quite a bit . . . . i do a lot of work clearing personal, ancestral, family trauma (on myself and others) . . . ive seen this sort of black in visions and on energy bodies for decades . . . and have various ways of working with it . . . to clear it . . . . lately ive been working with the idea through visions that trauma is an Infection and this black ink infection stuff pours out of infected sites in the body and can create black smoke pollution stuff throughout the energy body . . . . this particular spot, heart chakra, a lot of people have trauma here . . . . .

I see. This fits into the explanation by @Vandheer in my opinion. Something hurts you badly and this affects your subtler body.
You say you're dealing with this a lot, so I'm wondering: does this hole ever disappear or does it stay forever "closed" as I showed on fourth sketch?

nice work documenting your processes!

Thank you

 

[Konsciencia]

Oh yeah, I am very strong.

 

[Ziran]

What do you mean by "engraving"?

It's an impression, but the impression isn't from pressure like a stamp, it's removal. Wounds heal, but an engraving, will always be there even if it is filled, even if it's covered. Imagine a tattoo, except instead of using ink, they use a chisel. It's not so much the action of chiseling, but the mark that's left behind. It's a vacancy, a void. The mark is produced by an absence, by a lack. But it cannot ever be replaced or repaired. It just is.

Thank you, I'm glad I could show what I mean with that. Can't say it's worse than physical pain though... For me they're equal. Both make you suffer, both can make you wish to... let's say, leave.

Do you want to leave?

 

[TheMouse]

does this hole ever disappear or does it stay forever "closed" as I showed on fourth sketch?

ive seen all sorts of etheric holes heal and transform completely . . . . as ive been working with it . . the black stuff is some sort of toxic “blood” oozing from the trauma infection wound . . . once you clear the infection . . . the blackstuff is gone but the hole is still there . . just like a physical body . . an infection damages the tissues . . . so you clear the infection . . Scrub the Wound (Ouch!!) . . and Then work to heal the hole left by the infection . . . it’s all energy and can freely vibrate into all sorts of shapes when there isnt some Toxin messing with it . . . . .

about its relationship with depression . . these are my thoughts about that . . . yours may differ and that’s cool . . . . . . . ive spent about 50 years trying to figure out my own depression (im 55) . . . this black stuff is Very connected to, not only our own personal mental struggles, but to Deeply Rooted Family and Ancestral Trauma Patterns that play out in our toxic relationships with our parents and siblings and wound us in deep ways from such an early age it's difficult to even See because our "Normal" is so effed up . . . . . i have located many of these holes and pockets of blackstuff in my own energy body . . through decades of visionary practices . . . . clearing my own depression has been a sllooooowwww process of recognizing and healing all of these holes (i just found a new one 4 days ago! shit takes Time lolol) . . . . yeeeears of weird and improvisational personal healing experiments . . . ive watched in visions as these holes bleed ink into my clear waters and bring the dark feelings and thoughts . . . and ive watched this blackstuff tranform in an instant into healthy harmonious golden energy pulsing out forever healing everything in its path . . . . .

one of the most powerful things ive used when working with this blackstuff in my visions, and im not just saying this because of your name lololol, is SILVER . . the Great Cosmic AntiBiotic!! . . . it works in All the Realms . . . . you seem to be good at visions and have a relationship with Silver, so it might be interesting to get a little visionary etheric spray bottle filled with the Essence of Silver (maybe draw it, that’s powerful) . . . and spritz the blackstuff with the Essence of Silver . . . and see what interesting stuff that does . . . . . if you’re feeling bolder, you can go get a Great Silver FireHose and Blast the Hole with a SILVER Stream . . . and clean it all out Real Good! . . . . that’s the kind of thing i’d do lololololol . . . . . but be prepared for that family crud to bubble up to the Surface and definitely have a way to Release and Ground That Energy . . . . . oh yeah . . and dont forget to give it permission to leave . . . . . . . you got this . . . seriously, so many people walking around with these sorts of wounds and No awareness, no language to articulate and map them . . . just being able to Draw this feeling is a Gift . . . . you rock.

 

[Mannimarco]

For several years now I've been living with a feeling of a hole in my chest and speaking with other people I've noticed that some have this feeling too. Sometimes in their chest, sometimes in stomach, sometimes both. As far as I know, those are people with depression in some form.

The hole might feel like something empty that needs to be filled, in my case it feels like something devouring me, both trying to get out of it and suck me in. I "warmly" call it my own personal Portal to Hell.

I have a little sketch to illustrate it:

In the first figure there is no hole. Person is normal in that regard.
In the second the hole has appeared but feels small. It hurts in some sense, but it's not overwhelming.
In the third it has grown big and powerful and became a real part of a person. You can see how it bursts forth, and the "pain" it inflicts is so big that it's impossible to take your mind off it.
In the fourth figure you can see it closed. It doesn't do anything, but you can feel it's still there, ready to open at any moment.

When I mention "pain" I don't mean it in a physiological sense, it's aching more in your mind, but with localization in your body. Hard to explain. Maybe this feeling is familiar to you if you've ever lost someone (or something) very dear to you, it's quite similar, just doesn't fully go away.

Treating the depression helps to bring it to the fourth state, but it's very unstable. And it doesn't bring it to the first state.

So, my question is - do you think it's something psychosomatic or something of ethereal nature? If the latter, then what exactly is it?

(Sorry if I've posted it to the wrong section, I wasn't sure if it goes here or to Q&A or somewhere else)

How much occult/magickal experience do you have, and in what systems? What are your occult strengths and weaknesses? What are your abilities with divination and meditation? Do you have a strong worldview or belief system?

That thing sounds like it's alive and made of void energy. It's impossible to recommend anything without more info.
Best wishes to you.

 

[Tiana Silvermoon]

It's an impression, but the impression isn't from pressure like a stamp, it's removal. Wounds heal, but an engraving, will always be there even if it is filled, even if it's covered. Imagine a tattoo, except instead of using ink, they use a chisel. It's not so much the action of chiseling, but the mark that's left behind. It's a vacancy, a void. The mark is produced by an absence, by a lack.

Ah, I see. You mean it's like a scar, right?

But it cannot ever be replaced or repaired. It just is.

Doesn't sound very reassuring... I don't mind a scar as long as it doesn't hurt, but as this stuff is very uncomfortable to live with, to say the least, I don't really want to believe it's to be here with me - in me - forever.

Do you want to leave?

No, I don't. There were brief moments when I did, but there was nothing worth real attention so far.

ive seen all sorts of etheric holes heal and transform completely . . . . as ive been working with it . . the black stuff is some sort of toxic “blood” oozing from the trauma infection wound . . . once you clear the infection . . . the blackstuff is gone but the hole is still there . . just like a physical body . . an infection damages the tissues . . . so you clear the infection . . Scrub the Wound (Ouch!!) . . and Then work to heal the hole left by the infection . . . it’s all energy and can freely vibrate into all sorts of shapes when there isnt some Toxin messing with it . . . . .

Hmm. Interesting analogy, I like it.

about its relationship with depression . . these are my thoughts about that . . . yours may differ and that’s cool . . . . . . . ive spent about 50 years trying to figure out my own depression (im 55) . . . this black stuff is Very connected to, not only our own personal mental struggles, but to Deeply Rooted Family and Ancestral Trauma Patterns that play out in our toxic relationships with our parents and siblings and wound us in deep ways from such an early age it's difficult to even See because our "Normal" is so effed up . . . . . i have located many of these holes and pockets of blackstuff in my own energy body . . through decades of visionary practices . . . . clearing my own depression has been a sllooooowwww process of recognizing and healing all of these holes (i just found a new one 4 days ago! shit takes Time lolol) . . . .

Didn't think about connection to the Family and Ancestors, to be honest. I first felt this "hole" stuff when I had a relationship crisis with my husband. Then it disappeared and came back much later with different circumstances, but grew bigger and refused to leave. But I will think about other possible roots it (and my depression for that matter) might have.

one of the most powerful things ive used when working with this blackstuff in my visions, and im not just saying this because of your name lololol, is SILVER . . the Great Cosmic AntiBiotic!! . . . it works in All the Realms . . . . you seem to be good at visions and have a relationship with Silver, so it might be interesting to get a little visionary etheric spray bottle filled with the Essence of Silver (maybe draw it, that’s powerful) . . . and spritz the blackstuff with the Essence of Silver . . . and see what interesting stuff that does . . . . . if you’re feeling bolder, you can go get a Great Silver FireHose and Blast the Hole with a SILVER Stream . . . and clean it all out Real Good! . . . . that’s the kind of thing i’d do lololololol . . . . . but be prepared for that family crud to bubble up to the Surface and definitely have a way to Release and Ground That Energy . . . . . oh yeah . . and dont forget to give it permission to leave . . . . . . . you got this . . . seriously, so many people walking around with these sorts of wounds and No awareness, no language to articulate and map them . . . just being able to Draw this feeling is a Gift . . . . you rock.

Thank you for the advice, I'll try that too.
And thanks for the compliment

How much occult/magickal experience do you have, and in what systems? What are your occult strengths and weaknesses? What are your abilities with divination and meditation? Do you have a strong worldview or belief system?

That thing sounds like it's alive and made of void energy. It's impossible to recommend anything without more info.
Best wishes to you.

Hmm... Not much experience, to be honest. I started in my early teens, it was something between a game and reality back then. Pretty soon I've seen some stuff that made me believe and take it seriously. I always liked mythology and (to some extent) philosophy of different religions, so the point where I stopped and from where I'm continuing my path is Wicca. I see it as a good base for how I see the world, though my way might be somewhat different from a traditional Wiccanian way. I started meditation somewhere in March and sometimes it helps me to cope with some things. As for my abilities, to be honest, I always was more of a watcher and listener than a practicer. I like to feel that world is more than you can see with just your eyes, but meddling with it wasn't something I did. Maybe just small stuff like cleansing my home and such. At some point of my life I've cut it out and threw away. Years later something changed and I've started to feel things again and at this moment I'm reestablishing my relationship with gods and spirits. Speaking of divination, a friend gifted me a deck of cards inspired by Wicca, said maybe it could help with some of my issues, so I'm trying to befriend it Have a lot to cover for that though.

That said, when I was asking Goddess to help me with something and meditating on it not so long ago, I felt like this hole was tied up with light blue lace. It's a temporary solution as I see it, something that prevents the hole from opening for some time. The lace was comforting cold when it appeared, and the closed hole now sometimes feels like it burns a little. But it's better than the feeling when it was open.

 

[Mannimarco]

If you have some meditation/visualization abilities you could try the violet flame meditation, or maybe Ariel gatoga's solar light meditation. Both should fit nicely with your worldview, and have a wide range of energetic/metaphysical benefits. I'm not sure if they will remove an actual void parasite, but they might weaken it, and once you do get rid of it you'll have to keep up a practice to heal the damage and keep other such things away.

 

[Roma]

It's a temporary solution as I see it, something that prevents the hole from opening for some time.

I often find that there are permissions for such interference.

https://wizardforums.com/search/17841/?q=permission&c[users]=Roma&o=date

 

[Mannimarco]

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Post automatically merged: Dec 5, 2023

Both of these have different variations, which you could experiment with, but neither will harm you and they are generally beneficial.