If anyone here knows anything occult related that could help me to treat my depression, that I have been trying to for months with psychiatrist and psychologist and doesn't seen to be working, I would really appreciate.
Trigger warnings, just in case anyone, including you, is sensitive around some heavy psychological stuff.
I saw a LOT of really good points being made in this comment section. A somebody who has nearly committed suicide multiple times and has been through multiple sessions of anti-depressants, there were a few main points for me that I was having to go through to get better.
This may not be specifically relatable to you but perhaps i can offer some insight.
My main issue was the shame I internalized as a child in order to survive the abuse and neglect my parents were putting me through. I had to accept the belief that what I was going through was
my fault because as a very young child the reality that I wasn't actually safe and that my own parents were not going to keep me safe and were harming me and neglecting me was such a terrifying fact for my child mind to accept. Since I was too young and vulnerable to accept that I had to internalize the idea that I was a bad shameful kid and that I deserved to feel this way and be treated this way. This belief/shame, though very harmful and damaging, helped me survive because it allowed me to still see my parents as people who were trying to protect me because that alternative was too terrifying for me. I came to this realization through the use of psychedelics and it was quite a harrowing experience but I'm glad I finally realized this because it helped me move forward.
Another thing that was a big obstacle for me was my constant need to "figure myself out" or to "figure out" why I was abused. This was a mental trap. I didn't realize it but I kept trying to look for the logic in "why" i was abused. I kept looking for the "reason" but it trapped me in a loop of rumination because truthfully, there was no reason, and I think that is a big factor that keeps a lot of people stuck; trying to look for the "reason" or the "justification". The way that I got myself out of this was to just understand that it just happened to me. It was done to me and it wasn't my fault at all. There was no reason, there was no justification, and the fact that I
was abused didn't mean anything
about me at all. I was just abused. It didn't mean I deserved it, it didn't mean I was bad, It didn't mean i was shameful or that there was any reason for it at all. This was a tough one for me but in the end I did finally get through it.
Another thing I noticed in my experience going through my depression was that I was always "fighting" it. I can't speak for everyone obviously but I kept trying to "think" my way through my feelings, I kept trying to use my mind to get through, but the problem with that was that the depression, the trauma, the abuse was stored in my body as tension and beliefs. My therapist actually mentioned this to my and he said that traditional talk therapy doesn't seem to work with me because though I was very
aware of my feelings and my emotions, I wasn't actually
feeling my feelings and emotions. I had gotten so used to intellectualizing my feelings as a coping mechanism that I sort of detached my feelings and emotions from my physical body but the truth is, emotions and feelings aren't just a mental phenomenon, they are somatic, physical experiences as well. When I realized this, I actually started to allow myself to cry, be angry, sad, grieve etc. It was quite an intense experience but it as liberating in a way that you would not believe. I finally started to honor my emotions and myself as someone who deserved to take up space and as someone who deserved to be heard and as someone who wasn't shameful or bad or wrong.
Every single time we suppress an emotion, it doesn't go away, it gets "saved" in the body, and this continuous "saving" and "storing" of emotions and feelings can build up and when they are allowed to build up enough, they will create things like anxiety and depression.
I hope any of this was of some help to you. If you have any questions let me know and I'll do my best to help.
Remember, The sun is always shining, even at night.