I feel like we're all standing at the edge of chaos

[GhostGirl]

I used to be a Christian, and when you are such, there tends to be this… Mental safety net. That there was at least SOMEONE watching over everything and that, someway, somehow, things would be made right. Having broken away from that religion and going into the vast world of magick and the occult, I feel far less comfortable and much more afraid.

Usually I’ve noticed that when people come into this kind of occult life, they tend to be very excited or at least perfectly fine with everything, spiritual wise. But for me, breaking off from Christianity has just slowly filled me with dread.

I know that there are such beautiful wonders in the spirit world too amazing to even write about. I know that there’s many, many good people out there and (I hope) also good deities, but it seems my focus inevitably gets drawn not to that, but to the horrible, unfair, and oppressive darkness that opposes light and life in general. The sheer selfishness that threatens to, sooner or later, engulf everything into a truly endless nightmare of misery with nothing and no one to save us.

If there’s no deity that is truly all-powerful or, alternatively, if there’s no powerful enough deity that is willing to intervene in a spiritual sense to pull us from those horrible beings and energies which sap energy and and inflict endless pain… What then are we supposed to do? Are we all just dicking around on the edge of a cliff, completely oblivious to, or trying to ignore the abyssal fiends and entities which belong there waiting for us to fall in?

This shit keeps me up at night. I don’t have any answers. I just try to accumulate as much knowledge and power to myself as possible and hope dearly that things aren’t as bad at all in the spiritual realm as I’m imagining.

 

[SkullTraill]

I used to be a Christian, and when you are such, there tends to be this… Mental safety net. That there was at least SOMEONE watching over everything and that, someway, somehow, things would be made right. Having broken away from that religion and going into the vast world of magick and the occult, I feel far less comfortable and much more afraid.

Usually I’ve noticed that when people come into this kind of occult life, they tend to be very excited or at least perfectly fine with everything, spiritual wise. But for me, breaking off from Christianity has just slowly filled me with dread.

I know that there are such beautiful wonders in the spirit world too amazing to even write about. I know that there’s many, many good people out there and (I hope) also good deities, but it seems my focus inevitably gets drawn not to that, but to the horrible, unfair, and oppressive darkness that opposes light and life in general. The sheer selfishness that threatens to, sooner or later, engulf everything into a truly endless nightmare of misery with nothing and no one to save us.

If there’s no deity that is truly all-powerful or, alternatively, if there’s no powerful enough deity that is willing to intervene in a spiritual sense to pull us from those horrible beings and energies which sap energy and and inflict endless pain… What then are we supposed to do? Are we all just dicking around on the edge of a cliff, completely oblivious to, or trying to ignore the abyssal fiends and entities which belong there waiting for us to fall in?

This shit keeps me up at night. I don’t have any answers. I just try to accumulate as much knowledge and power to myself as possible and hope dearly that things aren’t as bad at all in the spiritual realm as I’m imagining.

I sympathize with your predicament. I parted ways with religion when I was much younger, so it didn’t hit me immediately. For me, existential dread and the futility of life hit me some time after that when I really started exploring philosophy, science and cosmology.

I think one of the reasons religion and spirituality feel so warm, natural and welcoming for sapient beings is because of how dark, cold, meaningless and brutal reality/nature/the universe is.

I don’t think there’s any solution to this aside from blissful ignorance, religion, or some other form of spirituality. Without that there is only the crushing abyss of the eternal void.

As for malevolent beings, entities, energies etc, yeah. You just have to believe that you are either too insignificant to be targeted for meddling. Or you have to believe that there is some divine power that you can attain that will enable you to protect yourself from them. Or just live with the dread.

The whole purpose of the occult is to combat this soul crushing powerlessness.

 

[Robert Ramsay]

I actually find non-belief in a spiritual realm quite comforting. It gives me one less thing to worry about. Since it means that 'meaning' is a human thing, and not an intrinsic property of the universe, I can put all my effort into making sure my life means something to me and to the people I care about.

Definitely, the occult has played a big part in investing my life with meaning.

 

[SkullTraill]

I actually find non-belief in a spiritual realm quite comforting. It gives me one less thing to worry about. Since it means that 'meaning' is a human thing, and not an intrinsic property of the universe, I can put all my effort into making sure my life means something to me and to the people I care about.

Definitely, the occult has played a big part in investing my life with meaning.

Honestly I think OP was more talking about not having a benevolent overlord to safekeep us from malevolent occult entities.

 

[Robert Ramsay]

Honestly I think OP was more talking about not having a benevolent overlord to safekeep us from malevolent occult entities.

oh sorry! I guess that since I don't believe in the malevolent occult entities, the question doesn't come up for me

 

[Romolo]

If there’s no deity that is truly all-powerful or, alternatively, if there’s no powerful enough deity that is willing to intervene in a spiritual sense to pull us from those horrible beings and energies which sap energy and and inflict endless pain… What then are we supposed to do? Are we all just dicking around on the edge of a cliff, completely oblivious to, or trying to ignore the abyssal fiends and entities which belong there waiting for us to fall in?

I understand you. Try to see it like this: the God of the sky god religions is refracted into all elements around you: the wind, the golden ripples on a pond, the warm soil after a summer rain. Those are all fragments of the divine. God might not exist anymore in the same dogmatic way of Christianity (and this idea can cause great distress), but maybe in this way, God has been ”freed” from the concept of being, and this offers great freedom and opportunity for moments of grace.

In qabalah, Tiphareth shines on the lower part of the Tree. Tiphareth is the Sun whose rays lifts your chin up and fill the eyes with beauty. It is the moment the internal monologue shuts down and the grasshoppers fill your ears. Conduct your rituals and spells under the rays of Tiphareth, but also add to that the playful hip swing of Netzach and the eloquence and poetry of Hod, and all that is lacking under strict religious dogmas.

My druid practice equally prescribes no roof between yourself and heaven, but honors the Sun. Contact with the divine can happen wordlessly during transubstantiation, when you drink a cup of water while the sunlight merges with the water surface.

 

[Morell]

I used to be a Christian, and when you are such, there tends to be this… Mental safety net. That there was at least SOMEONE watching over everything and that, someway, somehow, things would be made right. Having broken away from that religion and going into the vast world of magick and the occult, I feel far less comfortable and much more afraid.

Usually I’ve noticed that when people come into this kind of occult life, they tend to be very excited or at least perfectly fine with everything, spiritual wise. But for me, breaking off from Christianity has just slowly filled me with dread.

I know that there are such beautiful wonders in the spirit world too amazing to even write about. I know that there’s many, many good people out there and (I hope) also good deities, but it seems my focus inevitably gets drawn not to that, but to the horrible, unfair, and oppressive darkness that opposes light and life in general. The sheer selfishness that threatens to, sooner or later, engulf everything into a truly endless nightmare of misery with nothing and no one to save us.

If there’s no deity that is truly all-powerful or, alternatively, if there’s no powerful enough deity that is willing to intervene in a spiritual sense to pull us from those horrible beings and energies which sap energy and and inflict endless pain… What then are we supposed to do? Are we all just dicking around on the edge of a cliff, completely oblivious to, or trying to ignore the abyssal fiends and entities which belong there waiting for us to fall in?

This shit keeps me up at night. I don’t have any answers. I just try to accumulate as much knowledge and power to myself as possible and hope dearly that things aren’t as bad at all in the spiritual realm as I’m imagining.

I think it was some pagans who invented the term "suitcase Jesus," which means any aspect of Christianity, which remains with you despite the fact that you left the religion.
It is spoken about in deconstruction of Christianity after leaving it. The fact is that even after leaving Christianity, many pagans, although no longer believing in Jesus, still carry with them a lot of mind sets. Some examples are fear of hell, guilt of being dammed, finding new one and only true religion, need to convert others to your religion, elitism, claiming your religion to be the only truth...
Deconstructing therefore takes a long time even after leaving the faith in Christ. So what you say and feel is quite normal, simply your current stage of that process.

I'll tell you something that will help you along the way: The world and how it works doesn't change basing on what you know or believe about it.

Do you believe that there is the highest god? The world works, Do you not believe? The world works. Whether you need someone powerful by your side is how you perceive it.
Another secret: to construct and deconstruct how we understand our world is a skill that you need any time you are trying to learn and find out how the world is and works. Since you're never truly right, you always need to be able to let go of your opinion (deconstruct) so you can accept better one.

 

[Accipeveldare]

I used to be a Christian, and when you are such, there tends to be this… Mental safety net. That there was at least SOMEONE watching over everything and that, someway, somehow, things would be made right. Having broken away from that religion and going into the vast world of magick and the occult, I feel far less comfortable and much more afraid.

Usually I’ve noticed that when people come into this kind of occult life, they tend to be very excited or at least perfectly fine with everything, spiritual wise. But for me, breaking off from Christianity has just slowly filled me with dread.

I know that there are such beautiful wonders in the spirit world too amazing to even write about. I know that there’s many, many good people out there and (I hope) also good deities, but it seems my focus inevitably gets drawn not to that, but to the horrible, unfair, and oppressive darkness that opposes light and life in general. The sheer selfishness that threatens to, sooner or later, engulf everything into a truly endless nightmare of misery with nothing and no one to save us.

If there’s no deity that is truly all-powerful or, alternatively, if there’s no powerful enough deity that is willing to intervene in a spiritual sense to pull us from those horrible beings and energies which sap energy and and inflict endless pain… What then are we supposed to do? Are we all just dicking around on the edge of a cliff, completely oblivious to, or trying to ignore the abyssal fiends and entities which belong there waiting for us to fall in?

This shit keeps me up at night. I don’t have any answers. I just try to accumulate as much knowledge and power to myself as possible and hope dearly that things aren’t as bad at all in the spiritual realm as I’m imagining.

As most practitioners should know, studying the esoteric has its good and bad sides. It's very risky at times. However, if you do things right you may discover many beautiful things are to be found in the occult. The universe is like a double bladed dagger. One side is dull and harmless and the other can cut you deep. Whether you choose to learn from these cuts is your choice. I wish you luck on your journey.

 

[Shade]

Honestly I think OP was more talking about not having a benevolent overlord to safekeep us from malevolent occult entities.

That lady on YT that seems to be popular amongst many people here called “The Alchemist” covered this just yesterday. she mentions that the law of one is a very powerful tool, it’s something I kind of hinted on in the “Protection Divine Will” opinion thread.