Journal My Artistic Gnosis

[stalkinghyena]

Things have been busy for me in terms of mundane life but also magical revelation. To help me stay on track I will make a depository of my current astrological, alchemical and magical artwork projects. Though I have a couple of other journals on WF that I hope to follow up on, I intend to make this one my “primary”, so to speak.

By the term “artistic gnosis” I am referring to my own technique of using my art as a means of magical exploration. I consider this synonymous with Kenneth Grant’s “creative occultism”, to which he refers the likes of Spare, Dali, and others. At any rate, I view these works as my own “visual essays” on forces and energies within the occult spectrum. The “gnosis” or knowledge is what I attain in the action of creation, though I admit what I see and feel and show comes through the various filters of my being in this world – the stamp of my personal “wheel”.

For the first three entries I will be showing some of my main current project, the Zodiac Signs and 36 Faces found within their Decans. All of the following images are fairly small, being 9x12in (22.86x30.48 cm), oil paint on flat canvas sheets. I started the series in the year 2009, at around the same time as the Tarot of the Golden Serpent. My hope was that I could complete this series quickly and with simplicity, but this proved to be folly, so I set it aside until completion of the TGS. These astrological images have mutated from multiple reworkings, and may continue to do so in relation to my studies. In fact, I soberly consider what I show now to still be “works in progress”.

I begin this journal while the Moon is in Aries, with four images pertaining to that sign and some commentary. Future entries will conform to astrological timings as I deem appropriate.

ARIES

Here I tried to depict the explosive and rushing force of pure Aries. As a sun sign Aries myself, I enjoyed trying to depict what the astrologer Rick Levine referred to in terms of the energy of the sign as the impulsive action of “Ready! Fire! Aim!”

This above image is actually a very recent addition to the series which began with the images below. I decided that, since I intend to publish a future Tarot style deck based on this work, I might as well include the 12 Signs. This may expand yet further than this.

The following are the three Faces of Aries. Beneath each image is an appended quote from Picatrix Book 2, Chapter 11 that describes the image of each Decan and its associated powers. The edition I am using for this purpose is the translation by Dan Attrell and David Porreca. I do have Warnock's translation in tattered hard copy, which I have been using as one reference while painting these.


ARIES I

"The first face of Aries is Mars, and in it (according to the opinion of a great sage in that science) there ascends the image of a black man, anxious, with a large body, red eyes, holding a chopping axe in his hand, and girded in a white cloth. There is great worth in him. This is the face of strength, nobility, and worth without modesty. This is its form."

Warnock gives him as “restless” and “wealth without shame.”

The Golden Dawn has the figure with a red mantle and holding a sword, the latter which I featured in the first phase of composition. Later I felt the axe more appropriate as it is a more brutal and less elegant weapon which seems to suit Aries energies much more.

According to the GD classification, the angel (or daimon) ruling the 1st Decan is Zazer, whose number from Hebrew gematria is 214.

I have inscribed the name on the figure in Malachim script, and have done this for all the other images to follow. I do not claim that the image and the angel are the same, this is a correspondence I have worked from. My initial thinking is that these names may have a protective value, but a process of identification is probably inevitable and maybe even okay. Regrettable, I have not yet found the origin of these names from which the GD derived them, though I am still looking. In many ways I view the Decans as being like their own houses with depths and denizens and variations within them. They are spaces, vast and deep though confined to zodiacal divisions. However, the Faces as presented are but a starting point for investigation. What else lies further within these spaces, their powers and images, only an intrepid skryer may know.


ARIES II

"In the second face of Aries ascends a woman dressed in green clothes and missing a leg. This is the face of splendor, excellence, value, and rule. This is its form."


Yates initially colored my interpretation with a remark of pity about the woman being crippled. In fact, for some reason nested in my sympathies, her relation of this image impelled me to begin the work of painting the Decans.

A spirit I evoked long after my first “completion” of this showed me a somewhat different interpretation in that the woman was dancing, balanced on one leg with leg drawn up.

Coppock in his appendix gives a description based on the Arabic Picatrix where she is surrounded by jewels and children. This kind of insinuated itself into my mind, at least with regards to the jewels, and I had to do yet another revision before posting this.

The angel ruling the 2nd Decan of Aries is Behahemi, whose number is 62.


At this point I would like to note that my initial attempts at the Faces were based on the images presented by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, which can also be found reproduced in Crowley’s 777 and Skinner’s Tables. After years of wrestling I decided to at least try to steer my course as faithfully as possible toward the Picatrix images, and there is a bit of personal history to that which is a bit much to recount right now. Some of the variants from the GD I kept because of the amount of work it would take to amend then, or I thought they were just cooler. At the same time I knew I had to make them my own by adding my own visionary touches, and this seems very much in line with the traditions of depicting the Faces. I am still hoping to find their source. As I noted above, Coppock’s work presented further complications with his appendices of comparisons of the Decans.



ARIES III

"In the third face of Aries ascends an unsettled man, holding a golden bracelet in his hands and dressed in red clothes, desiring to do good yet incapable. This is the face of subtlety, subtle craſts, novelties, instruments, and the like. This is its form."

GD gives that he has golden bracelets on his wrists, which is what I depicted. Agrippa that he is holding a hoop of gold, which can be found in the Palazzo de Schifanoia.

The angel ruling is Satander, whose number is 323.

On the three Faces, I offer this brief explanation for those who do not know. For each astrological sign there are three divisions of 10 degrees called “decans”, “decanates” or even “decades”. Each decan has a “Face”, or image much like the Zodiac sign has an image which broadly represents its energies. The Faces themselves have both an astrological and magical value. That is, the Faces can be used in chart interpretation or as talismans or the for evocation of spirits, among other things. There are many variants of the Faces stretching back to ancient Egypt, many of these so varied as to be difficult to compare in terms of commonality.

In addition, each Face has a planetary ruler which follows a certain pattern of ordering. There are quite a few variations of these orderings, each with its own logic rooted in the cultures that used them. Picatrix 2, 11 starts with Mars, then the Sun and Venus for the Decans of Aries. In the next chapter, however, another set of variations is given “according to the Hindus”.

The Picatrix 2,11 order is also the same used as corresponding to the Minor Arcana according to the Golden Dawn. Also, the Rider-Waite-Smith Minors can also be viewed as depictions of the Decans, modified to Waite’s taste through the hand of Smith. This order I recently noticed is also indicated in the GD version of the Enochian Watchtower Tablets.

Austin Coppocks 36 Faces of the Zodiac gives a good summary history with appended charts for comparison.

In relation to ritual magic, the Decan spirits appear before King Solomon and warn him that they may not be commanded by him. The Decans are also referred to as part of the cosmic order in the Corpus Hermeticum and Gnostic texts such as the Pistis Sophia and the so-called Books of Jeu.

Another note that in the early development of the series I was thinking in terms of a seasonal pattern. This proved kind of tough in some later images, but I am still revising. In the case of Aries I, the initial awakening of Aries energies at the end of winter. Aries II shows the effort of new life striving to break through the spring thaw, though I think that it signifies an indicator of “Aries burnout”. Aries III shows the sudden rush of activity to take advantage of the thaw via a farming allegory. This pattern continues somewhat, though the seasonal emphasis is mainly in the early signs. A consideration with regards to traditional astrology is that its focus has mainly been on the Northern Hemisphere.

In 777, the Decans are listed as being "Angular, Cadent, and Succedent." These terms are generally referred to the House Systems of astrology, and determine a type of energetic make up. For simplicities sake, Aries I as Angular would be the fresh appearance of the energy at its strongest. In the Cadent phase (Aries II) it weakens, and in the Succedent phase (Aries III) it begins transformation into the next astrological Sign.

In closing this entry, I would like to say I conceive of this effort on WF as a kind of real expedition through vision. The aim and end of this effort of “my artistic gnosis” is a kind of map making, a personal quest for the source of what I like to call “The Astral Nile”. On the deeper meaning of this phrase I may elucidate later, but for now I wish to express thanks to WF and its members for your attention and appreciation.

A final and important note is that all my works are dedicated to the Powers that guide me. Though I do not name them, they are not anonymous. They live in my brush strokes and everything else I do and create. My work is my praise and offering to them.

 

[stalkinghyena]

Now Luna is in Taurus.


TAURUS

In Taurus I tried to find the “corrective” of Aries. That is, the impulsive rushing force of the latter manifestation of Spirit has now transformed into a more relaxed state of fixity and steadiness. As the second “bestial sign”, the horns of power are still present, but instead of the militant assault of Aries, we have a more territorial and fortified position in Taurus. I do not want to give a breakdown of Sign qualities as I see them, but I think one or two features are worth noting. Here I depict the stubborn starry bull munching on the same flowers that adorn it.


TAURUS I

“In the first face of Taurus ascends a woman with curly hair, with a single son wearing clothes similar to fire, and she also is dressed in similar clothes. This is the face for plowing and working the land, science and geometry, sowing and craſting. This is its form.”

The angel of this Decan is Kedamidi, whose number is 78

In reading Yates, I recall her going over the notion of “seminal ideas” and this impressed itself upon me as I depicted the farmland scene stretching back into the horizon. My initial version based on the GD did not mention the child, which I later added after some grumbling upon the depiction in the Palazzo de Schifanoia and, of course, Picatrix.



TAURUS II

“In the second face of Taurus ascends a man looking like a camel, with hooves in place of his fingers like cattle. He himself is wholly covered with a torn linen cloth. He wishes to work the earth, sow, and craſt. This is the face of nobility, political power, and rewarding the people. This is its form.”

The angel here is Minachari, whose number is 309.

I note here that I have been using Godwin’s Cabalistic Encyclopedia for reference of these spirits. For some reason he gives Minachari as 315. I note the book, though useful, does have a number of mistakes.


The original version of Taurus II based on my interpretation of the GD description I felt was much more beautiful than the new revision. It was basically more closer to Taurus I, as “a man in flame colored robes”. After more stewing and teeth grinding I went back over it because I feel the current one is more appropriate, but with echoes of the flames I had painted before still on the “torn linen cloth”. I felt sad I had to do it, but it seemed necessary for the work. In spite of the fantastic elements of his form, this is the “working man”, the guy whose life centers around clocking in and out of a job in its cyclical routine.



TAURUS III

“In the third face of Taurus ascends a red-colored man with very large, white teeth visible outside his mouth and with a body similar to an elephant with long legs. With him ascends one horse, one dog, and one calf. This is the face of wickedness, poverty, misery, and fear. This is its form.”


The angel is Yakasaganotz, whose number is either 1049 or 239 depending on the emphasis on Tzaddi as final.

Godwin makes a point of showing both, which is sometimes helpful in contemplation.

The GD image gives a “stag” instead of a dog. I decided to stick with the former. The unpleasant associations of Picatrix to this Decan, and others, made me wonder at what its uses may have been for. I have ideas, but I don’t think it has to be all that bad. I think more positive associations can be found in the relationship of Saturn in Taurus, though I don’t think in any way they lend to fluff or cheeriness. In some sense I think this image lends itself to a species of domination over Nature through dangerous forms of work.

It’s often been noted that the Decan images can range from the beautiful to the bizarre and even ugly. An interesting association I made while revising Taurus III was found in the influence of Carolyn Graves’ book Daemons and Spirits in Ancient Egypt. She goes on at length about the strange but ubiquitous figure of Bes, a spirit she classes as being ambiguous – benevolent in some cases, but also potentially malevolent. In some kind of acknowledgment of the Egyptian origins of Decan astrology this prompted me to incorporate both a sistrum and the central figure grasping its tail.

Another way to look at the Decan images is that they are hieroglyphs of a sort. I think this could be extended pretty much all magical imagery. That is to say, they are representational of forces that would otherwise be invisible or occult, though there effects could be understood via analogy.

 

[stalkinghyena]

Moon in Gemini today – here is where I get confused. Or more confused...


GEMINI

Here I depict the twins as nebulous and mask bearing, their heads joined by a singular eye. In most books I have read, the first note is that Gemini represents “duality”. Well, shit, everything is dual. Aries can be intense action followed by a collapsing burnout. Taurus can a hard determined worker who indulges in bouts of laziness. In Gemini, however, we have “thinking”. While the duality in these prior cases is progressional, in Gemini one could say it is instantaneous. It being the first “human sign”, now we have the curse of Buddha – the human mind in its “monkey” state of processing information and making decisions in perpetual reaction to external and internal conditions.

While contemplating my own Gemini placement in my natal chart, I had an image of a figure constantly changing masks. This is what I tried to capture, while embellishing it with psychedelia. The image of switching masks seemed to tap into a notion that the human personailty (itself a mask) is composed of multiple “personalities” under the surface. That is, in a certain sense, every action of the human mind can be personified, and this is one way we experience ourselves in dreams.


GEMINI I

In the first face of Gemini ascends a beautiful woman, the mistress of stitching, and with her ascend two calves and two horses. This is the face for scribal work, computation and number, giving and receiving, and science. This is its form.

The angel is Sagarash, whose number is 563.

GD neglected to mention the calfs, though the general representation was the same. I want to rank this one as the most pleasant of my Decan depictions.


GEMINI II

In the second face of Gemini ascends a man whose face is similar to an eagle, and his head is covered by a linen cloth. He is covered and equipped with lead chain-mail and on his head is an iron helmet, above which is a silken crown, with a bow and arrows in his hand. This is the face of oppression, evils, and subtleties. This is its form.

The angel is Shehadani, whose number is 369.

I was very much impressed with the notion of the hunt or the chase with this Decan. I decided scale-mail was more appropriate here, except where appended to the helmet.


GEMINI III

In the third face of Gemini ascends a man covered in chain-mail with a bow, arrows, and a quiver. This is the face of daring, honesty, the division of labor, and encouragement. This is its form.

The angel is Bethon, whose numbers are 918 or 468.

I note the name here keeps directing my mind via similarity to Bethor, the Olympic Spirit of Jupiter. This prompts me with the realization that Jupiter is in “detriment” in Gemini. The association of this Decan is to Sol in the Picatrix 2,11 order. I find an interesting contemplation of the Olympic Spirits in their layout on the Zodiac wheel, but I have not delved deep into further relations yet.

Philosophy as intellectual tradition seemed to suggest itself to me as a deeper meaning here.

And now I come to a point of pause in the Zodiac progression. As I row up my “Astral Nile”, I come to the “First Cataract”. That is to say, I have to work to complete the Sign and Decans of Cancer, which are getting some interesting revisions. In terms of painting, this shouldn’t take long, but there is another component I have neglected to mention. There is a ritual magic element involved in developing these depictions, one I won’t go into until I have completed the series, if I decide to mention it at all. Suffice to say, it is the merging of two projects, one seen, the other unseen. I can characterize this as “research”, but with these things there are layers of potential which I discover as I go along.

I have other works I want to put in this journal, though I haven’t decided which ones, what to say about them, or when to do it.

 

[djcullgirl]

WOW! Truly, truly amazing. I really need to get a mystery machine, so i can get you to paint it.

 

[stalkinghyena]

Thank you so much!

I really need to get a mystery machine, so i can get you to paint it.

"Mystery machine" - I like the term. I think we all live inside of one.

 

[djcullgirl]

if the universe is a mystery machine, it definitely has some shit like that aerosol'd on the side

 

[stalkinghyena]

Moon in Libra conjunct with Sol, Mercury, South Node and Lilith.

At the "First Cataract" I reminisce over an artefact. It's a bigger piece, 28x48 inches, hanging in the other room which I call

ANGELS AND NEEDLES

I don't do many large paintings, mainly due to storage space but also because a big canvas can be intimidating. Some of Dali's paintings I have seen up close are so monstrous, like monuments jutting from a wasteland that I feel dwarfed and miniscule in my own plebian efforts. But I am happy with my little mastabas in the shadow of his obelisks and pyramids.

The above painting had its roots in an early childhood obsession with the question: "How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" My friends and I used to argue such things on the school bus, but my Dad resolved it satisfactorily. He said that an infinite number could dance on the head of a pin because they are spirits of God and He can do anything.
But the question itself tripped me out still and I would think about in one of youthful "space outs" as I wondered about things. Associated with this also, as part of the space cadet training, was the phrase, "the eye of the needle". They seemed to intermix in my mind, inducing trance. One thing that also tripped me out back then was how a little grain of salt could grow inside the eye of a needle - somehow this had to do with the angel question. I recall going through a whole bunch of needles in my Mom's sewing kit, looking for one that did not have that grain of salt. I did not find any.

As to the painting, the actual initiation of the design began when I was in the military in the late 90's, some time after I picked up a used book in and Australian bookstore while on deployment. I can find it now, if I still have it, nor can I remember the author's name, but the title of it was simply Chaos. It was about the origins of Chaos Theory, the principle scientists and researchers who developed it. There was a lot of discussion of oddball individuals studying things like turbulence in fluid mediums, television static, the shape of coastlines and it was also my first direct experience of the fractal known as the Mandelbrot Set:

There were some nice color plates of this one, showing the various zoom ins and aspects of this infinitely repeating thing that eerily seemed organic and reminded me somewhat of the Kabbalistic Tree of Life.

Anyways, this kind of influenced my idea, though I am by far no fractalist by any means. With this stuff in my mind I would do a sketch of the central angel in Angels and Needles and realize I would need to go a lot bigger if I wanted to express myself properly. What I fixated on was the chaos books' discussion of bifurcation. It even gave a little game where you can flip a coin and drawing lines based on the way it fell to demonstrate the "chaos" of bifurcation. In the painting I tried to lock onto this notion with an angel holding two needles, angels standing on each on, and repeat pattern. I suppose if I were a computer artist I could make it more convincing, but it is what it is.

I started the actual painting in the early 2000's, while I was watching Alien 3 on a cable channel. I remember taking a nap after my efforts only to wake up and find the movie on again. I worked a little more, went back to sleep, and woke up to the movie again. I was not able to complete the work until 2014 for various reason ranging between time and interest. Painting monochromatically is harder than it might seem, and I had to learn the hard way that linseed oil is useless to me - it turns the whites all yellow. Also, the wings were a bitch to depict for some reason - I just could not get the lines of feathering right. Perhaps it is ironic that frequently used a 25 cent coin for reference when I got frustrated. I think that, psychologically speaking, there was much bifurcation during the development of this work.

 

[djcullgirl]

Your work is amazing! really, truly. great job

 

[stalkinghyena]

Moon in Pisces conjunct with Neptune in retrograde. In my own natal chart I have nickname my retro Neptune as "Priest of the Infinite".

THE EMPYREAN

This is another large canvas (30x40 inches) in similar monochrome as Angels and Needles in the last journal entry, though based on a somewhat more recent conception than the prior. Instead of conception I should say experience because the image here was spawned through a directly received vision which I will explain below. But first I want to note that, after hanging semi-finished on my wall for years, I took it down and made it my first priority after completing the TGS series. The TGS left me in a weird void state of mixture of routine reinforced restless energy and a sense of standing on the edge of an Abyss. So I thought it was fitting that I should go full throttle and get this one done as it took me back the intense vision I had years before.

The background is that in around the year to 2007 - 2008 I was in revelatory phase of my magical studies and practice that was yet still plagued with burning and irritating questions. These I could not emotionally or intellectually resolve, either by study or conversations with people online. In fact, I only irritated myself more and more the deeper I tried to reconcile apparent differences and contradictions - "paradoxes of the highest science" as Levi might frame it. These questions might seem familiar, and I had found myself in clashes with others over them in dogmatic dueling.
Things like whether the GD system which I had followed for years was all "ignorant" Anglosophic bullshit; whether the head of the Eagle should be in the East and the man in West instead of the other way around; RHP versus LHP interpretations (sound familiar? ); where the Archangels are stationed; Kamael vs Samael and is Raphael of Mercury or the Sun (add Michael for confusion)?; how depressing the Sefer Yetzirah is compared to the Principia Discordia; and why not just say fuck it and be a chaote; spelling Magyick right; why does every discussion end up pointing to Crowley?; oh, and worst of all - "correct" Hebrew letter assignments and the ONE TRUE K-C-Q-ABBALAH!

Yes, I was bugged in those days and had some folks to talk down to me to help it along. Dammit, I wanted TRUF!!!

I was in the habit of trying to astral project at the time, but having a dismal time of it as I couldn't help falling in a flotsam and jetsam world of shifting meaningless imagery. But one day in the midst of my annoyance I felt the pull of promised answer from one of the Archangels I regularly invoked in my questionable GD based rites. Sure, it could have been a wishful image of mine, but strangely the angel told me calmly to burn "Solomon's Seal", of which I had a packet, and to relax and begin. I sat back in complete darkness and took in the scent which reminded me of assafoetida but had a somewhat vivifying edge I could not explain.

As I slipped into a calming trance, I saw the Kerubic faces of the Angels in their stations, but confusingly, abnormally, and I felt the irritation of one of my text based confusions, and I asked which was right? They laughed at the question and then they started to spin like a wheel. Just as I felt what they were trying to demonstrate, the wheel sped up and I was zipped upwards in a rapid motion, like a high speed elevator propelled by the spinning of the angels. I can't explain the sensation other than a pleasant vertigo as I saw images of world upon world racing past me filled with people and scenes to fast to catch.

Then the ascent abruptly stopped and I faced another question, but my state of consciousness had become so deep that I was like a spectator caught in a thrall. Facing me to my right was an old man with a staff in shades of blue like the painting above, his eyes black, his face severed, preaching over a crowd of listeners. I realized that this was symbolic of the so-called "Right Hand Path", and that the figure was the archetype of a Moses or Zoroaster, a law giver and preacher in a somewhat menacing form.

To my left I saw a man covered in leaves and bearing a cup, and my immediate sense was this was a type of Dionysos or Lucifer or any sundry seductive lures of intoxication and ecstasy which the other guys warned only meant madness and sin. I even heard screams of revelry and the mad wailing of some Nietzschean tragic chorus. Okay, so Left Hand Path here.

Both of the paths seemed so ominous to me that I recoiled and begged to see something a little milder, a middle way that didn't involve me cutting my dick off on one hand or ending up a junky on the other. Such was my understanding reacting emotionally to the utter confusion of what I should fucking do. I felt the calming impulse of one of the Angels, or maybe all of them, and within I knew that both paths, with discipline and consideration and, above all, Wisdom, led to the same place. So....I must choose, look, and see.

I calmed and considered. LHP seemed more fun, more exciting, and it got my lower self going in a way I would rather not mention. But my curiosity automatically drifted to the "RHP" and the cold image of the Great Law Giver with his staff and his congregation. I somehow felt that I had a responsibility to explore and master both paths. I chose to go "right", just to see, and I was zoomed upward again.

I was really deep in the vision state now. I won't even bother to call it "astral projection", though I had no real awareness of my body or any form whatsoever until what I saw next. As I tried to represent in the painting above, I saw a vast plaza of filled with vague figures that gradually took human like form. The sense of the bluish light still burns in my brain, and has come to me again and again, something I just call "spirit blue". The figures I saw were titanic - I felt less than an ant in their presence, and the buildings beyond only reinforced my mortal insignificance. At first I thought the giants looked like women in robes, their hair in Grecian style, but as I was drawn to one of them I saw it was hooded and wearing an opal mask filled with the stars and galaxies of an independent manifesting Universe. Each of these beings, I realized, was the Master of its own Cosmos, a complete demiurge, powered by the fire of pure divine Will. I suspected, furthermore, that each one was once a corporeal being, like a human, but they could have been from anywhere and any time in the vastness of infinity. At the same time I wanted to call them "Archons", a term more familiar to Gnosticism, but these were not hostile. They were, if anything, indifferent. This realization left me feeling cold.
But then I saw even greater beings. In the painting the viewer will note eyes mounted on top of wings, walking among these "Archons". One of them took sudden flight, zipping up above the structures which merged into the vortex beyond. Another one I saw more closely and I felt it buzz with what I can only describe as electric power - but that is a poor description. Strange as they looked, a very intense impression of these entities struck me that they were "Chasmalim" and that they were made of pure Love.

My vision was drawn to the vortex beyond the city with its varied architecture. Today I want to call it a type of "City of the Pyramids" in Crowley speak but I was just a bug here with a melting mind. The Vortex I saw was so beautiful, a great mystery I could only describe as "God", or some extension of God. I had no words. I made no immediate association with the Ain Soph, at least I don't think so. I was in fucking awe.

But then something changed - like a click inside me. In that moment, gazing at the immensity of the Vortex, I felt it wanted to pull me in and devour me into its oblivion. That freaked me out - I mean, it struck me with a deep horror of my own insignificance, unimportance and my doom of being absorbed into the All and I was immediately kicked out of the vision and left utterly shaking.

Now, keeping in mind that the vision was representation, was that the "end" of the whole RHP thing? Fuck if I know, but honestly I don't think that scene anything to do with puny human definitions of morality and ritual purity and practice. I think my mind translated into my inner eye an energetic level of being that is more fundamental to our own and accessible for knowledge. I could explain this that or whatever and spin a moral to it all but, lets face it, there's just the narrative to build and go on. For all I know I was just a moth that lighted on a live wire running through the subtle currents of energy that my neurons or subtle body may be only faintly, perhaps microscopically aware of. Or I am just a weird kind of dreamer.

I understand if the above is too long to read and not palatable for anything other than a quick skim and lunatic dismissal. I've been wanting to relate it for a long time, just to get it out of my mind and fuck the typos. Anyways, this image stuck with me and I think I tried to draw it on paper but there zero justice there, just an organization of the layout. I forgot about it, except for the occasional reminder via other work, until I came across the song below. Then I went out and bought a big canvas and started the painting.

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