[Help] My love life is getting in the way of my mundane work and magical accomplishments.

[mjesecC]

I guess this request might sound a bit odd because—especially in my country, that is—people usually try to find a loving person to partner against the world with, often applying some good ol' macumba here and there to get it at all costs.
The thing is, I'm autistic and people I love tend to become this hyper focus I don't seem to be able to shake off easily, and it gets in the way of everything.
Any advice on how one could harden one's heart? LHP 'solutions' are more than welcome.

 

[Xenophon]

I'd look into what psychology says about the topic of romantic hyper-focus before trying heart-hardening or magick. It's difficult to harden the heart in one direction and only a little. It tends to become a hyper-focus of its own. I am speaking here of heart-hardening by mundane means as practiced, say, by the (pre-woke) military or guyish-guys Bruderschaften.

I did, however, know an ex-priest/then-therapist/often-doormat who took back a lot of his own life with the dictum, "Disappoint one person daily and do not apologize. If they know you well, so much the better." Visiting him after a hiatus of about eight months, I noticed that folks in his small town had started to characterize the erstwhile nice guy as "a feisty little bastard." (Spoken with a note of admiration.)

 

[Pyrokar]

Quite an uncommon request
we usually get the literal opposite of that.
So much, that im completely stumped as to how i'd even approach that goal.
seems like something a pathworking might be able to help with...yes.

consider assumption of Godforms or Pathworking, my two cents.
it's not a perma-cure but in the fine print of both those methods you would technically be assuming the position
of "someone" else, who naturally wouldn't have any connections to people in your life (unless they dabble with the same ofc)

then again, ideally you wouldn't want it to be permanent correct?

 

[8Lou1]

do yo have ocd too? if so, what seems to work is tinkering with the ocd openly. what i mean is when you dont do an ocd while a loved one sees it, it surprises them and it changes their look just a little bit about you. so if you then have that focus thingy going on, its wrong cause they have changed the view of you. you are therefore no longer focusing on them, but slightly next to them.

and when you realize that, you will notice more space for yourself.

 

[mjesecC]

I'd look into what psychology says about the topic of romantic hyper-focus before trying heart-hardening or magick. It's difficult to harden the heart in one direction and only a little. It tends to become a hyper-focus of its own. I am speaking here of heart-hardening by mundane means as practiced, say, by the (pre-woke) military or guyish-guys Bruderschaften.

I did, however, know an ex-priest/then-therapist/often-doormat who took back a lot of his own life with the dictum, "Disappoint one person daily and do not apologize. If they know you well, so much the better." Visiting him after a hiatus of about eight months, I noticed that folks in his small town had started to characterize the erstwhile nice guy as "a feisty little bastard." (Spoken with a note of admiration.)

Thanks a lot for your input! I'm up to pick on y'alls brains to try and understand this issue beyond 'regular' therapy.

Post automatically merged: Jul 12, 2024

Quite an uncommon request
we usually get the literal opposite of that.
So much, that im completely stumped as to how i'd even approach that goal.
seems like something a pathworking might be able to help with...yes.

consider assumption of Godforms or Pathworking, my two cents.
it's not a perma-cure but in the fine print of both those methods you would technically be assuming the position
of "someone" else, who naturally wouldn't have any connections to people in your life (unless they dabble with the same ofc)

then again, ideally you wouldn't want it to be permanent correct?

Thank you for your input! It's great food for thought. As I told Xenophon, I'm trying to look at this matter from different points of view. I'm on therapy to work on past trauma from 4bus1v3 relationships, but I'm still too tolerant with things that are 4bus1v3 and hurtful to me ~personally, even if my SO is not blatantly v10l3nt.
As I'm deeply thinking about this, it's becoming quite clear I want to better protect my heart from hurt and have a sort of armor to approach conflict (which is always going to happen one way or another) without losing my grip and freaking out.

Post automatically merged: Jul 12, 2024

I'd look into what psychology says about the topic of romantic hyper-focus before trying heart-hardening or magick. It's difficult to harden the heart in one direction and only a little. It tends to become a hyper-focus of its own. I am speaking here of heart-hardening by mundane means as practiced, say, by the (pre-woke) military or guyish-guys Bruderschaften.

I did, however, know an ex-priest/then-therapist/often-doormat who took back a lot of his own life with the dictum, "Disappoint one person daily and do not apologize. If they know you well, so much the better." Visiting him after a hiatus of about eight months, I noticed that folks in his small town had started to characterize the erstwhile nice guy as "a feisty little bastard." (Spoken with a note of admiration.)

Just to add to my previous reply, I'm feeling too vulnerable from past relations still, so after sleeping on it and reading your messages, I'm working on pinpointing what exactly I need to work on, especially when it comes to people-pleasing and doormating. I'd love to be known as a feisty lil b1tch someday instead of "holy shat, I'd bet you'll be canonized someday!"

Post automatically merged: Jul 12, 2024

do yo have ocd too? if so, what seems to work is tinkering with the ocd openly. what i mean is when you dont do an ocd while a loved one sees it, it surprises them and it changes their look just a little bit about you. so if you then have that focus thingy going on, its wrong cause they have changed the view of you. you are therefore no longer focusing on them, but slightly next to them.

and when you realize that, you will notice more space for yourself.

Thanks a lot for your input!
I was placed in the spectrum (support level II) as an adult and still looking into other neurodivergences, so I don't really know it OCD is in my package or not I'll definitely check
On the relationship, it's long-distance, so I guess it adds to my truckload of hurt, hence me feeling too vulnerable and whatnot
With y'alls cents I'm definitely getting that I need to work on this sense of vulnerability and thickening my skin, not actually hardening the heart, which I might still need for other areas in life

 

[8Lou1]

Not to annoy you, but just to point you in a healing direction: the fact that you cant write abusive, violent or bitch says it all.

Ive had my share of those and it gets better.

 

[Mannimarco]

I guess this request might sound a bit odd because—especially in my country, that is—people usually try to find a loving person to partner against the world with, often applying some good ol' macumba here and there to get it at all costs.
The thing is, I'm autistic and people I love tend to become this hyper focus I don't seem to be able to shake off easily, and it gets in the way of everything.
Any advice on how one could harden one's heart? LHP 'solutions' are more than welcome.

As far as hardening ones heart, that could probably be achieved by many means, sigils, candles, or whatever it is you're into. I wouldn't recommend it, but I don't see why any normal magick wouldn't work.

However, it seems to me that hardening your heart is not the best solution to your problem. In addition to the psychological techniques mentioned already, I'd recommend inner healing with a good shaman. Once you've reclaimed your personal power, sovereignty, identity, will, etc, and healed all your traumas and blockages, succeeding at anything gets easier. Especially magick and relationships.

 

[mjesecC]

Not to annoy you, but just to point you in a healing direction: the fact that you cant write abusive, violent or bitch says it all.

Ive had my share of those and it gets better.

Thank you so, so much <3

Post automatically merged: Jul 12, 2024

As far as hardening ones heart, that could probably be achieved by many means, sigils, candles, or whatever it is you're into. I wouldn't recommend it, but I don't see why any normal magick wouldn't work.

However, it seems to me that hardening your heart is not the best solution to your problem. In addition to the psychological techniques mentioned already, I'd recommend inner healing with a good shaman. Once you've reclaimed your personal power, sovereignty, identity, will, etc, and healed all your traumas and blockages, succeeding at anything gets easier. Especially magick and relationships.

Thank you so much for your input! Yesterday I wasn't in a good place mentally and could only think of putting off a small fire with a tsunami. I'll experiment with the suggestions and keep in my healing path with therapy and religion.

I'm currently on an initiation journey in Quimbanda, which aligns with your shamanic suggestion s2

 

[Ziran]

Any advice on how one could harden one's heart?

Not hardening the heart, based on what you wrote, this is better: Zouwang, "Sitting in Oblivion"

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

 

[mjesecC]

Not hardening the heart, based on what you wrote, this is better: Zouwang, "Sitting in Oblivion"

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

Thank you so much <3

 

[Ziran]

LHP 'solutions' are more than welcome.

Just in case? Perhaps something that feels a lot less like homework? From the Western Esoteric perspective? Something simple. Something effortless? Weightless? A companion forever at the ready, in your ... "bag of tricks"?

LHP is not a path like other paths. It's a path including all paths and no paths tailor made for the practitioner by the practitioner. Because of this if I am offering an LHP 'solution' the very best I can and should do is: only speak for myself about myself. Nothing more and nothing less.

The thing is, I'm autistic

My mind is not autistic. This is important to keep in mind. Whatever I offer to share from an LHP perspective is what works for me. If it works for others, it is likely that our minds and hearts, our cultural context, our trials and triumphs in our life experiences are congruent. Not identical in magnitude, but at least of a similar form.

Because I am not an autistic person, my capabilities for helping you are compromised. But, I'm still willing to try. This is what works for me, from an LHP point of view.

in my country, that is

In your native language? What is a word equivalent in form ( articulation ) and function ( literal meaning and abstract metaphor ) which links up with the English word .... "MIST"?

MmmisssssssssT.

this hyper focus

For me, myself. A few deep breaths of increasing depth. The word "mist". A song lyric. And a haunting melody are what works. It's easy to remember, effective. Can be deployed nearly instantly as needed anytime anywhere. But, this is me, myself, my own practice.

I live in an area with mountains. I cannot even begin to count the number of times I've rambled through a misty cloud along the ridges, or on the misty banks of peaks that grace my home. We also have rainforests here. And in general it's very wet, 9 months of the year. It is easy for me to bring myself into the mist in my psyche in a profound and deeply personal manner.

The word choice "mist" is intentional. The way it is articulated, resonates in my ears. The vocal apparatus is "tuned" in and facilities a sort of mystical feedback loop. I could write many many words about its underlying mechanics and how these qualities bring "loft" to this technique for me.

It is all very musical. But there's also mental imagery, intentional tactile projection. But the musical aspect is a key ingredient for not just this technique but for almost anything I do which is needed "in the moment". I can elaborate more as needed or desired. For you or any of the others reading the thread.

If you want to try it yourself, using a similar word with similar qualities from your native language will help increase the likelihood for success. If there is a song lyric and haunting melody from your own cultural context, that also helps. If you haven't had your own walk-abouts in the misty mountains or rainforests, spending time meditating on those images and the corresponding sensations will also increase the effects when they are employed in the moment.

That's what works, for me, for hyper focus, from an LHP perspective.

---

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

MIST

Post automatically merged: Jul 13, 2024

LHP 'solutions' are more than welcome.

MIST: Field Research / Further Inspiration

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

@Pyrokar , I think you'll like this. ^^

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

- Montreal, Est 1821: "home to momentous firsts thanks to brilliant and curious minds."

 

[Xenophon]

Thanks a lot for your input! I'm up to pick on y'alls brains to try and understand this issue beyond 'regular' therapy.

Post automatically merged: Jul 12, 2024

Thank you for your input! It's great food for thought. As I told Xenophon, I'm trying to look at this matter from different points of view. I'm on therapy to work on past trauma from 4bus1v3 relationships, but I'm still too tolerant with things that are 4bus1v3 and hurtful to me ~personally, even if my SO is not blatantly v10l3nt.
As I'm deeply thinking about this, it's becoming quite clear I want to better protect my heart from hurt and have a sort of armor to approach conflict (which is always going to happen one way or another) without losing my grip and freaking out.

Post automatically merged: Jul 12, 2024

Just to add to my previous reply, I'm feeling too vulnerable from past relations still, so after sleeping on it and reading your messages, I'm working on pinpointing what exactly I need to work on, especially when it comes to people-pleasing and doormating. I'd love to be known as a feisty lil b1tch someday instead of "holy shat, I'd bet you'll be canonized someday!"

Post automatically merged: Jul 12, 2024

Thanks a lot for your input!
I was placed in the spectrum (support level II) as an adult and still looking into other neurodivergences, so I don't really know it OCD is in my package or not I'll definitely check
On the relationship, it's long-distance, so I guess it adds to my truckload of hurt, hence me feeling too vulnerable and whatnot
With y'alls cents I'm definitely getting that I need to work on this sense of vulnerability and thickening my skin, not actually hardening the heart, which I might still need for other areas in life

No need to go full-auto obnoxious. Maybe just find one thing you need to be more assertive on and pair practical work with a spell to reinforce resolve.

 

[Pyrokar]

Great drop Zirman

Banger post you were correct to summon me.
Tesla loved that ion ninjutsu i got the purple tablet thingy

last but not least it's also a big hint that is easily missed. a song element to a spoken component is serious shinobi shit (The sss)
i have one of my own

my lhp contribution would be a tad pragmatical

beat the crap out of your abuser. it's funny but it's true
simply destroy them mentally even ritualistically as often as you can in multiple ways
begin working out in secret. or learning how to use a.....a kunai. learn how to pop a shuriken in they ass.
your attitude will rise, you'll start working out rejecting their abuse instead of taking it.
you'll dedicate a shrine to the devil, death, babies, blood, guts you know how the movie goes
like really, really get the hate all up in there. You won't want to look at them within months.

if that's not sith meditation ya'll are just jealous

 

[Xenophon]

Great drop Zirman

Banger post you were correct to summon me.
Tesla loved that ion ninjutsu i got the purple tablet thingy

last but not least it's also a big hint that is easily missed. a song element to a spoken component is serious shinobi shit (The sss)
i have one of my own

my lhp contribution would be a tad pragmatical

beat the crap out of your abuser. it's funny but it's true
simply destroy them mentally even ritualistically as often as you can in multiple ways
begin working out in secret. or learning how to use a.....a kunai. learn how to pop a shuriken in they ass.
your attitude will rise, you'll start working out rejecting their abuse instead of taking it.
you'll dedicate a shrine to the devil, death, babies, blood, guts you know how the movie goes
like really, really get the hate all up in there. You won't want to look at them within months.

if that's not sith meditation ya'll are just jealous

Is this your own composition or from a song? If it's the former, you really should record it. It has some real energy. (I'm listening to Mongolian metal music just now, so I'm pumped.)

 

[Pyrokar]

Is this your own composition or from a song? If it's the former, you really should record it. It has some real energy. (I'm listening to Mongolian metal music just now, so I'm pumped.)

im glad you asked
get whatever passes for youtube in the hood and look up "Snowgoons The hatred"
shall i copy paste the chorus lyrics at least?

 

[Djnenas]

I guess this request might sound a bit odd because—especially in my country, that is—people usually try to find a loving person to partner against the world with, often applying some good ol' macumba here and there to get it at all costs.
The thing is, I'm autistic and people I love tend to become this hyper focus I don't seem to be able to shake off easily, and it gets in the way of everything.
Any advice on how one could harden one's heart? LHP 'solutions' are more than welcome.

No need to harden your heart for nothing nor anybody as it will end up creating energy blockages that will eventually manifest in real physical illness/disease. Something as simple as prioritizing your choices will do. You could start by writting it down (when we put things in paper and we can see it, it becomes more real and manageable to us as sentient, physical beings). Sit down in a place where you wont be disturbed and where you can have some time to yourself to do some soul searching. Write down all your priorities at the emotional level. Who's who in your life? What's what?? What does it mean in your life? What does it mean to you? Write it all down. Dont worry about where in importance or priority they belong just yet. Once they are all identified now think with your heart as to where they belong. And just like that you will have a clearer picture of what's what in your life and their level of priority in your life. Spread your love and attention among everything in its proper way. Use that list to guide and navegate your emotions better by keeping everything in its proper place without overwhelm. Talk to yourself when you feel your over reacting or giving too much thought/focus to anything you feel you shouldn't. There isn't a better therapist than yourself cause you know better when things get out of control emotionally. Find things to do to occupy your time on... to release any emotional overcharge (the "hyperfocus" you mentioned) try reading, a walk in the park, etc... Guide yourself to a life of ease and self understanding. Be patient with your heart and mind. It didn't take a day or two to create whatever discomfort you're feeling... Be kind to yourself and your self will be kind right back I sincerely hope this helps you as much as it helped me in my time of dire need. No psychiatric meds cocktail could ever help me as much as i did myself. It has taken years to achieve some level of normalcy but it has been worth it every minute of every day. We live in a world that pushes us towards finding comfort and/or answers in doctors, medicines, etc... disconnecting us from ourselves, from our bodies. Our bodies "talk" to us at all times if we are just willing to listen. Doctors and medicine are a good resource when everything else is in place. Learn to listen to your body, your heart... you'll be amazed.

 

[pixel_fortune]

I guess this request might sound a bit odd because—especially in my country, that is—people usually try to find a loving person to partner against the world with, often applying some good ol' macumba here and there to get it at all costs.
The thing is, I'm autistic and people I love tend to become this hyper focus I don't seem to be able to shake off easily, and it gets in the way of everything.
Any advice on how one could harden one's heart? LHP 'solutions' are more than welcome.

Date another autistic person with their own special interests that are different to yours, who supports you to follow your own and spend time apart?

ANd then I guess for you I would say, rather than try to harden your heart to them, to throw your focus into a secondary special interest.

(I'm not sure how much help this is. My love life only got in the way when I dated Drama people who didn't communicate honestly, so I was always obsessing about what they meant and what their actions meant and blablabla

Now that I'm dating an honest (autistic) guy, I can just say "hey that thing you said earlier has kind of been bothering me, what did you mean by it?" and I get a straight answer and don't have to pick it apart

 

[David Wilson-Steer]

I guess this request might sound a bit odd because—especially in my country, that is—people usually try to find a loving person to partner against the world with, often applying some good ol' macumba here and there to get it at all costs.
The thing is, I'm autistic and people I love tend to become this hyper focus I don't seem to be able to shake off easily, and it gets in the way of everything.
Any advice on how one could harden one's heart? LHP 'solutions' are more than welcome.

Don't fight it! Immerse yourself in it. It is part of your magic. Magic is not in the books it's in the way you respond to life. WE all have magic inside us. It's instinctual. The most powerful magical force in the universe is love. But love that's unconditional. Love that doesn't ask for anything in return. Everytime you touch a lover, that's a magical act.

 

[Altan]

I believe the heart need not be hardened. It can be strengthened, and part of that is taking your conditional (romantic) love and bathing in it until it becomes an unconditional state. This may create more difficulty at first because you may feel more sensitive, but that is where the mind comes in. That protects the heart. So does the gut or instinctive self.

It helps to reprogram the mind on one end, relax it with meditation on the other and reinforce the sense of feeling energy and circulating it, as through the navel area where those grounded body sensations arise. Sensitivity is a strength that requires cultivation in a world that can be too chaotic for it.

I agree with the above post as well. It is not the type of thing a rational cynic would agree with, but these clichés can have more truth in them than a thousand masterful techniques all woven together. They just need to be appreciated in a hands-on sense immersion in them is a way to understand the situation- but usually well after the emotional ride is past.

Long distance relationships can especially be a roller coaster ride. But if you turn away for the sake of peace of mind, you may later feel you missed out on something. If you sit and suffer or blindly follow all emotional impulse, you may still wonder if there was a better way.

 

[David Wilson-Steer]

I guess this request might sound a bit odd because—especially in my country, that is—people usually try to find a loving person to partner against the world with, often applying some good ol' macumba here and there to get it at all costs.
The thing is, I'm autistic and people I love tend to become this hyper focus I don't seem to be able to shake off easily, and it gets in the way of everything.
Any advice on how one could harden one's heart? LHP 'solutions' are more than welcome.

I would think that finding someone that you can practice your magic with would be my take on this. But love relationships do interfere with life generally so don't worry about it too much. And being in love is a very powerful magic. Remember, magic is not that stuff you read in the books. That's just someone's idea of magic. In fact, it's one person's idea and all the other books have copied that first book. Magic is in the doing and the way you do it is the way you feel you should do it. It's like making a sandwich. You use whatever's in the fridge and sometimes you make a sandwich without even using bread. Adapt, play with it, have fun and fall in love often.