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- Jan 21, 2026
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<Begin Entry>
MY START:
I guess it's best to start this off with a bit of backstory into myself as an individual, and my reasons for fascination with magic and the occult.
Thinking about it, the start of it all begins with my first surgeries as a child. I developed something called a cholesteatoma in my right ear around the age of 4 (basically a form of skin cancer in the inner ear (you will come to understand the relevance of this in a second)) so I had to have a surgery where they cut behind the ear and pull it forward, then drill out a bunch of bone in order to cut away the tumor of skin cells.
I've had this specific surgery at 3 separate stages of my childhood, the first was not a success (4 going on 5 yrs old), the second to my knowledge was a success(5 yrs old), and the third was to correct a problem that was caused by the surgery that led to constant drainage (around 9-10 yrs old).
When the first one happened my family was living in a small trailer that was placed on the property of where an old house once stood. It had two bedrooms at one far end of the trailer and the living room was at the other end. The hallway was maybe 10-15 feet connecting it all.
So after my first surgery, I was given a get well teddy bear with a heart on it, that had a balloon tied to it, the balloon had a smiley face on it. So I go home, a week or so goes by, and I'm recovering from the surgery decently well. I still have the balloon but it's basically flat. I used to sleep on the top bunk of a bunk bed with my older brother on the bottom at the time. Well, I wake up one morning feeling incredibly nauseous and do my best to get out of bed. My mom is in the living room on the couch at the far end basically able to see down the hall and in to my room from the couch, she was chatting with an uncle and a few much older cousins of mine. So I leave my room and the balloon is laying down on the ground right next to my bedroom door in the hallway, I walk down the hall and tell my mom I'm not feeling well and sit next to her, cuddling up to her. From what little me could gather, my mom and my uncle and cousins were talking about a guy they had heard died in the house that used to be where our trailer was. Well not long after I sit down, maybe a minute or so, the balloon gets up off the ground and turns, and floats towards me. It stops maybe 2 feet away from my face? I'm not sure the distance to be honest, but it was very close, and just hovers in front of me. Everyone in the room and this point is completely quiet and looks shocked, I'm confused but also scared, and I look to my mom. Who from memory was visibly shaken, she looks at me and and then back at the balloon and tells it something along the lines of "turn around and go back". And the balloon immediately responds, turning and floating back down the hallway, laying in the exact spot it got up from. I don't remember much of what happened after that moment, but that I could never forget, the image of that balloon is stuck in my memory and has been known in my family as "The balloon incident" since.
So that was my first of many experiences with anything unexplainable, or odd, or even entities. I have more on the way still, but this one I credit to my fascination with the supernatural.
I will definitely be talking about my further experiences up to this point in my life at some point in this journal, but this is a good start.
WHERE MY STUDY OF THE OCCULT STARTED:
I started researching wicca around 10 or 11, learned about Gerald Gardner and really fell in love with it, but then I feel as if I out grew it around 15 or so and begin to research into Alistair crowley and his particular brand of magick, along with a few other honorable mentions that I had talked about when I introduced myself.
This leads me to my journey starting to really want to dive deeper and try to take my practice more scientifically, leading me to this forum not long ago and to my question of what to try to dive deeper.
I was suggested to maybe try my hand at chaos magic, and discovered the liber null (my current read and book of practice... Also my favorite yet!)
WHERE IM AT NOW:
I'm currently doing the exercises as described in the liber mmm along with working with the hemi-sync tapes to help induce magical trance as a recent experiment. I'm keeping physical journals of my progress through liber mmm on a day to day basis.
THE PLAN FOR THIS JOURNAL FOR THOSE WHO MAY END UP READING:
I plan on logging success within each syllabus of the liber null along with failures and set backs.
I plan on logging any and all of experiences of the supernatural and of entities (spirits, energy, whatever you may call it) I encounter going forward.
Along with occasional stories from my past experiences when relevant.
Every entry will be marked with a <Begin Entry> tag and an <End Entry> tag for future readability
<End Entry>
MY START:
I guess it's best to start this off with a bit of backstory into myself as an individual, and my reasons for fascination with magic and the occult.
Thinking about it, the start of it all begins with my first surgeries as a child. I developed something called a cholesteatoma in my right ear around the age of 4 (basically a form of skin cancer in the inner ear (you will come to understand the relevance of this in a second)) so I had to have a surgery where they cut behind the ear and pull it forward, then drill out a bunch of bone in order to cut away the tumor of skin cells.
I've had this specific surgery at 3 separate stages of my childhood, the first was not a success (4 going on 5 yrs old), the second to my knowledge was a success(5 yrs old), and the third was to correct a problem that was caused by the surgery that led to constant drainage (around 9-10 yrs old).
When the first one happened my family was living in a small trailer that was placed on the property of where an old house once stood. It had two bedrooms at one far end of the trailer and the living room was at the other end. The hallway was maybe 10-15 feet connecting it all.
So after my first surgery, I was given a get well teddy bear with a heart on it, that had a balloon tied to it, the balloon had a smiley face on it. So I go home, a week or so goes by, and I'm recovering from the surgery decently well. I still have the balloon but it's basically flat. I used to sleep on the top bunk of a bunk bed with my older brother on the bottom at the time. Well, I wake up one morning feeling incredibly nauseous and do my best to get out of bed. My mom is in the living room on the couch at the far end basically able to see down the hall and in to my room from the couch, she was chatting with an uncle and a few much older cousins of mine. So I leave my room and the balloon is laying down on the ground right next to my bedroom door in the hallway, I walk down the hall and tell my mom I'm not feeling well and sit next to her, cuddling up to her. From what little me could gather, my mom and my uncle and cousins were talking about a guy they had heard died in the house that used to be where our trailer was. Well not long after I sit down, maybe a minute or so, the balloon gets up off the ground and turns, and floats towards me. It stops maybe 2 feet away from my face? I'm not sure the distance to be honest, but it was very close, and just hovers in front of me. Everyone in the room and this point is completely quiet and looks shocked, I'm confused but also scared, and I look to my mom. Who from memory was visibly shaken, she looks at me and and then back at the balloon and tells it something along the lines of "turn around and go back". And the balloon immediately responds, turning and floating back down the hallway, laying in the exact spot it got up from. I don't remember much of what happened after that moment, but that I could never forget, the image of that balloon is stuck in my memory and has been known in my family as "The balloon incident" since.
So that was my first of many experiences with anything unexplainable, or odd, or even entities. I have more on the way still, but this one I credit to my fascination with the supernatural.
I will definitely be talking about my further experiences up to this point in my life at some point in this journal, but this is a good start.
WHERE MY STUDY OF THE OCCULT STARTED:
I started researching wicca around 10 or 11, learned about Gerald Gardner and really fell in love with it, but then I feel as if I out grew it around 15 or so and begin to research into Alistair crowley and his particular brand of magick, along with a few other honorable mentions that I had talked about when I introduced myself.
This leads me to my journey starting to really want to dive deeper and try to take my practice more scientifically, leading me to this forum not long ago and to my question of what to try to dive deeper.
I was suggested to maybe try my hand at chaos magic, and discovered the liber null (my current read and book of practice... Also my favorite yet!)
WHERE IM AT NOW:
I'm currently doing the exercises as described in the liber mmm along with working with the hemi-sync tapes to help induce magical trance as a recent experiment. I'm keeping physical journals of my progress through liber mmm on a day to day basis.
THE PLAN FOR THIS JOURNAL FOR THOSE WHO MAY END UP READING:
I plan on logging success within each syllabus of the liber null along with failures and set backs.
I plan on logging any and all of experiences of the supernatural and of entities (spirits, energy, whatever you may call it) I encounter going forward.
Along with occasional stories from my past experiences when relevant.
Every entry will be marked with a <Begin Entry> tag and an <End Entry> tag for future readability
<End Entry>