[Help] Of Terror, Shadows and Dismemberment

[Hermetika]

I'm new to taking action in the Spiritual realm so forgive this long winded neophyte question about protection.

Background
I have been doing a lot of shadow work over the last year because up until a few years ago I was completely light polarized - yes I embraced the new age stuff most of my life. Anyway, chasing enlightenment and rejecting the dark side of the Spiritual realm (and myself) has caused nothing but chaos in my life and so I am trying to wade slowly into the darker waters of my psyche and spirit.

But now that I am consciously trying to work with and explore the darkness through my shadow work, I've noticed during my meditations and breathwork practices that an engulfing sense of terror, dread and what feels like the cusp of metal breakdown is constantly starting to emerge. At times it almost swallows me!

Fortunately I'm familiar with the concept of shamanic dismemberment but holy shit there is no amount of knowing about it that assists me when it is happening. I will note that before I do my shadow work meditations, I do have a ritual where I call on my ancestors, spirit guides, HGA, divine masculine/feminine protectors and all those who have my best interests in heart, mind and soul to protect me, so I know I'm protected. I ground myself afterwards through movement and dancing. Yet I still feel absolute terror and the sense of my own annihilation because of what I am doing. Especially before I go to sleep.

I will add a final background note here, I suspect that through my shadow work I am tapping into the night terrors I experienced as a child. Looking back now, I strongly believe I was tormented and possessed as a child by dark forces that attached themselves to me. I wasn't able to protect myself as a child so this is why I am asking for assistance with how to do this now.

Sorry for making this sound like a therapy session, I do have a counselor lol.

In short, I am curious to know from those of you that work in and with the darker realms what your your go-to protection step is or would be in this situation? Thx.

 

[petengerrys]

This is my experience. So, your mileage may vary.

When doing work like that... You explore, you feel the abyss. The fear. And then you start to fall deeper. Like you are being sucked in deeper. Don't just explore, fall, and sucking energy. It is endless.


If I am correct in what I said above, see below:

That energy is something you bind, take ahold of it and use the energy to move in another direction.

That other direction is the reason behind the fear. For simplicity sake, say that you fear walking over bridges. You take all that fear, bind it, and then accept you are going to walk over the bridge. Breath out and accept your fate that you will walk over that bridge. Be the conductor of that energy as you move with your will.

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Don't just stroll around the underworld. Move with a purpose.

Whether you fall under the christian cosmology or not, this is a good tool to know if what you are doing is aiding toward your goals or countering them. As an example, I would be conscious of everything you are doing and asking yourself, is this moving me toward consolation or desolation. Keep track and a notebook of it. You could have the right intent, but the actions maybe misaligned.

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That is my number 1 protection step. Making sure I'm aligned with my practice.


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Aside from that, I would limit breath-work practices a bit. They can overload your nervous system and put you into a fight or flight.

 

[Beyond Everything]

, I do have a ritual where I call on my ancestors, spirit guides, HGA, divine masculine/feminine protectors and all those who have my best interests in heart, mind and soul to protect me, so I know I'm protected. I ground myself afterwards through movement and dancing. Yet I still feel absolute terror and the sense of my own annihilation because of what I am doing. Especially before I go to sleep.

Ok look- not to be harsh here but you 'call in' all these supposed allies, and yet you're still feeling terrified after doing whatever work you're engaged in. Something is amiss there. Why is it you feel you need all these floaty things? You're just programming your subconscious/energy complex for dependency and not to develop yourself as your own power (ah haaa, see a gaping flaw in so many spiritual and magical systems?).

What needs to be developed/realized is your own sovereignty. And terror (or anything else 'negative') shouldn't be lingering if you're doing effective work. It's just energy, afterall.