[Help] Overcoming the "Rot"

[Mars]

I have identified something in me, some might call this a "curse" others might say this is an "egregore". I don't know what it is exactly, but I can feel it, I understand how it works and can point to the feeling, yet I can not overcome it.

I named it the "Rot". Inspiration for it is taken from the german term "Zersetzung". Zersetzung was a psyops tactic used by the Stasi to completely destroy peoples mind from the inside, I link the wiki

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

for anyone wanting to read up.

well this "rot" I have is doing similar. The feeling is located around my swadisthana (navel region) and vishudha chakra (neck) when its active.

In the swadisthana region it is a bland and dull feeling, like an upset stomach but it has an aura that beams around it. Like a field, as if it were blocking(?) This chakra(?) Like as if something would suddenly be inside my stomach like a stone.

And in the neck it is a distinct feeling of pulling down. As if something literally pulls the bones inside my neck down to the ground. Similar to the feeling you get shortly before falling asleep or if someone would hit you there hard.

It is pulling me down mentally and emotionally whenever I'm meant to create things too. And this is the most sinister aspect of it.

Either when working on myself or improving myself, or when I work on my career and business.

During work, when I'm about to reach a flow state it often catches me before I enter it. It pulls me down into a super negative state. It is linked to sexual energy or kundalini. Otherwise I could perhaps "march through it" but during this flow state it catches me.

Whenever I'm about to realise myself it strikes. I do notice that my thought patterns shift as well as my feelings. They become disgusting and I do feel disgusting. it's as if I'm suddenly in a completely different state of mind. And I suddenly hate everything I do. My work, working out, my goals, aspirations everything. Everything is suddenly the dumbest thing possible, bound for failure, and ridiculous. Despite it being actual things that work. Like it's turning everything around. It is super potent negativity.

And it pulls up from the depths the most negative moments or events I know. And pulls them over it. It kills my magic.

With meditation and similar I figured out many things that were the root for this, and was able to work on some, yet its effects remain. Because initially I thought this comes up because I need to work on something or resolve something. But this is going on for too long and I already worked through more than what normal people would.

I am currently not able to break through it. To strangle it like Hercules strangles the snake. It also controls aspect of sexuality and makes me want to seek out fucked up shit to masturbate to. And this is what gets me the most.

It is not making me want to have sex (like swadisthana should), but to masturbate specifically, like a little cuck. And I literally become like that stereotype of the disgusting basement dweller jerking it to hentai clips.

I don't get it. It is completely overriding everything and tells me "go on, look up [fucked up thing] and jerk to it"

I think it is like depression, but it comes in waves and peaks. Usually after meditation it subsides again. It's completely gone after it. it is like a migraine or a headache. Or as if I was being drugged for 1 or 2 hours.

And then it comes up again whenever I work on things that will make me successful or are related to realising myself. Creative work especially. I will write something, perhaps 500 words and then it comes up again. I edit something and it comes up again. I'm meant to do this or that related to my career and it comes up again. Mostly when I encounter like problems or when something doesn't work out or when I need to think on how to do certain things. it makes me want to rot away my time. Like depression. Despite me knowing I have better things to do. Hundreds of better things. It makes all of it seem pointless and the only thing that isnt is jerking off or self pitying me.

It is seriously fucking with me and I do not know what else to do. Perhaps anyone could help me please? Or knows what this is? Or had similar? Or has perhaps an idea based on different concepts?

It is just really really difficult to not get caught by it, because literally my entire self changes, I sometimes have troubles speaking and slurr, my thoughts are super negative and toxic and I get the intense desire to masturbate. My entire being is swapped. (No it isn't a stroke or anything medical) as if an aspect of me is suddenly gone.

I do have very potent sexual energy, thats why I posted it here. And I do use this energy for other things like transmuting it. Yet this shit comes up. This cant be a succubus right? Stealing my Vril energy or whatever. And I have this since ever. As a teen perhaps already. And it exclusively comes up when I do creative work or start to overthink.


Any help appreciated...

 

[8Lou1]

well it is said that people with more then average sexual energy going on, have a nick for magick/witchcraft/spirituality.
you need to learn to set boundaries. you say meditation helps. you could set questes/questions for your self like a guided meditation. we also have a nofap topic on wf, so maybe read that and ask more questions there. i for myself eventually got over the idea that fapping is bad and i also found a spiritual path where nymphomania is actually spiritwork. i found that tru realizing that the fantasy during fap was like spirits using masks and learning who they actually are and then kicking their butts for trying to control me.

 

[whimsicalwarlock]

I have identified something in me, some might call this a "curse" others might say this is an "egregore". I don't know what it is exactly, but I can feel it, I understand how it works and can point to the feeling, yet I can not overcome it.

I named it the "Rot". Inspiration for it is taken from the german term "Zersetzung". Zersetzung was a psyops tactic used by the Stasi to completely destroy peoples mind from the inside, I link the wiki

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

for anyone wanting to read up.

well this "rot" I have is doing similar. The feeling is located around my swadisthana (navel region) and vishudha chakra (neck) when its active.

In the swadisthana region it is a bland and dull feeling, like an upset stomach but it has an aura that beams around it. Like a field, as if it were blocking(?) This chakra(?) Like as if something would suddenly be inside my stomach like a stone.

And in the neck it is a distinct feeling of pulling down. As if something literally pulls the bones inside my neck down to the ground. Similar to the feeling you get shortly before falling asleep or if someone would hit you there hard.

It is pulling me down mentally and emotionally whenever I'm meant to create things too. And this is the most sinister aspect of it.

Either when working on myself or improving myself, or when I work on my career and business.

During work, when I'm about to reach a flow state it often catches me before I enter it. It pulls me down into a super negative state. It is linked to sexual energy or kundalini. Otherwise I could perhaps "march through it" but during this flow state it catches me.

Whenever I'm about to realise myself it strikes. I do notice that my thought patterns shift as well as my feelings. They become disgusting and I do feel disgusting. it's as if I'm suddenly in a completely different state of mind. And I suddenly hate everything I do. My work, working out, my goals, aspirations everything. Everything is suddenly the dumbest thing possible, bound for failure, and ridiculous. Despite it being actual things that work. Like it's turning everything around. It is super potent negativity.

And it pulls up from the depths the most negative moments or events I know. And pulls them over it. It kills my magic.

With meditation and similar I figured out many things that were the root for this, and was able to work on some, yet its effects remain. Because initially I thought this comes up because I need to work on something or resolve something. But this is going on for too long and I already worked through more than what normal people would.

I am currently not able to break through it. To strangle it like Hercules strangles the snake. It also controls aspect of sexuality and makes me want to seek out fucked up shit to masturbate to. And this is what gets me the most.

It is not making me want to have sex (like swadisthana should), but to masturbate specifically, like a little cuck. And I literally become like that stereotype of the disgusting basement dweller jerking it to hentai clips.

I don't get it. It is completely overriding everything and tells me "go on, look up [fucked up thing] and jerk to it"

I think it is like depression, but it comes in waves and peaks. Usually after meditation it subsides again. It's completely gone after it. it is like a migraine or a headache. Or as if I was being drugged for 1 or 2 hours.

And then it comes up again whenever I work on things that will make me successful or are related to realising myself. Creative work especially. I will write something, perhaps 500 words and then it comes up again. I edit something and it comes up again. I'm meant to do this or that related to my career and it comes up again. Mostly when I encounter like problems or when something doesn't work out or when I need to think on how to do certain things. it makes me want to rot away my time. Like depression. Despite me knowing I have better things to do. Hundreds of better things. It makes all of it seem pointless and the only thing that isnt is jerking off or self pitying me.

It is seriously fucking with me and I do not know what else to do. Perhaps anyone could help me please? Or knows what this is? Or had similar? Or has perhaps an idea based on different concepts?

It is just really really difficult to not get caught by it, because literally my entire self changes, I sometimes have troubles speaking and slurr, my thoughts are super negative and toxic and I get the intense desire to masturbate. My entire being is swapped. (No it isn't a stroke or anything medical) as if an aspect of me is suddenly gone.

I do have very potent sexual energy, thats why I posted it here. And I do use this energy for other things like transmuting it. Yet this shit comes up. This cant be a succubus right? Stealing my Vril energy or whatever. And I have this since ever. As a teen perhaps already. And it exclusively comes up when I do creative work or start to overthink.


Any help appreciated...

I've dealt with stuff like this before. This is almost identical to how I've felt though you went into a lot more detail.

There was one time was able to almost..Transmute(?) it through masturbation, (after climax it felt as if it went out like a snuffed flame imploding on itself and spiraling downwards until it vanished and i felt very light and free afterwards) but i haven't been able to replicate that. I never considered it to be linked to kundalini but I think it makes sense to assume it does considering the way it feels and how it behaves.

I still haven't really made a whole lot of progress with it. Its a hell of a thing to try to deal with. I feel it almost daily, when I'm feeling it. It will also come and go in waves. Sometimes I might go an entire week or longer without feeling it at all, and then I'll feel it daily for what seems like a couple weeks.

I definitely resonate with the "stone" feeling you're describing, it feels a lot like that for me as well. Mine seems to be more closely centered on my solar plexus rather than the sacral. I feel like i also get what your saying about the neck, although mine feels more centered on the throat and I have the sensation of almost needing to vomit rather than what you're describing, so there's small differences but what you're describing definitely sounds very similar to what I experience.
I also have a very high sex drive so I wonder how common this is among people with high sex drives.
Sorry I couldn't really provide any insight, but at least we both know its not an isolated incident.

Post automatically merged: Nov 14, 2024

well it is said that people with more then average sexual energy going on, have a nick for magick/witchcraft/spirituality.
you need to learn to set boundaries. you say meditation helps. you could set questes/questions for your self like a guided meditation. we also have a nofap topic on wf, so maybe read that and ask more questions there. i for myself eventually got over the idea that fapping is bad and i also found a spiritual path where nymphomania is actually spiritwork. i found that tru realizing that the fantasy during fap was like spirits using masks and learning who they actually are and then kicking their butts for trying to control me.

Interesting addition, talking about getting over the idea that fapping is bad. my childhood had some very heavy beliefs of shame being put into my head around my sexuality, so there may be something to that. Now that i think about it, there's def been some times where instead of feeling shameful about it i'd just brush it off and just let myself feel okay with my sexual expression rather than beating myself up for it and it would feel VERY different, if i could even feel it at all.

 

[Yazata]

Almost seems like this is written for Roma to reply. I know you don't like the Hebrew based LBRP @Mars but have you tried doing something similar maybe based on Germanic deities? Likely. But.
Darkness is always driven out by light. Form a cross of radiant light and turn it into a swastika, whirling and breaking through / cutting off the Rot. After a significant amount of rotations (or a number relevant to you) contract the doubled solar rune into your heart.

 

[Mars]

Thanks for the replies so far!

It's not necessarily that I feel like masturbation is bad, but rather an energy that should be expressed through sex or with another one.
I know from Tantric practices that this "hornyness" is like some form of magic that can and should not be dispelled through masturbation.

I see masturbation as something that like isolates you from others. As sex is something that is enjoyed with others and a social element. But with masturbation I literally stay in my mind or masturbate to whatever stuff that technically isn't real

I never considered it to be linked to kundalini but I think it makes sense to assume it does considering the way it feels and how it behaves.

I read that someone made himself horny on purpose to get the Kundalini to rise. So I figured it must be similar.


Issue really is that I don't have a girlfriend or someone to have sex with. And perhaps there is this base energy or desire that is not being satisfied and now shows itself as disgustingly as this. But when I don't have someone but want someone I should use this energy to "get" someone instead of just accepting it by jerking it out. Either working out, or talking up more women, becoming more assertive or becoming magnetic and "dreamy" to be around with. I don't want to get an escort or similar, that's just fake sex and I don't want to give this energy to someone who isn't really connected to me.

i found that tru realizing that the fantasy during fap was like spirits using masks and learning who they actually are and then kicking their butts for trying to control me.

This is interesting because I have somewhat telling fantasies. I used them to figure out what I need and what needs healing in my life.

Form a cross of radiant light and turn it into a swastika, whirling and breaking through / cutting off the Rot. After a significant amount of rotations (or a number relevant to you) contract the doubled solar rune into your heart

This is great ^^

 

[IllusiveOwl]

What you're describing is a big, gaping hole in your life that you're using porn to fill.

I will bite back my curiosity in asking what you're gooning to and just assume it's something antisemitic with a BDSM flair. Regardless all sexual depravities are different faucets of a single diamond-plug.

From the sound of it you're at the devil card. You recognize how this habit is harming your life, but you're not willing to take the loose chain off from around your neck because you don't know any alternative.

The phrase "Every good family is the same, every bad family is uniquely different." Comes to mind here. Speaking as someone who's engaged in a stable relationship, love, especially sexual love, is about equality, unity, understanding, vulnerability, things that your GoonTube doesn't have in an unaltered way because titilating depraved fantasies are built off power, anger, domination, etc, which is pretty up your alley given your... name and post history. Violence can be sexual, the ID is messy and easy to manipulate, but love, Etidorpha, in its uncorrected form, is the ultimate human experience.

This problem sounds bigger than the symptoms, and that's what you've listed here, symptoms.

 

[SkullTraill]

This is one of those threads that make people close off the site and never return. The fact that you are this aware of your problem means it is most certainly an issue of self-control and discipline rather than some occult reason.

If you give any porn addict a cursory introduction to kundalini or some shit, chances are they are gonna be like “holy shit yessss that’s why I can’t stop jerking it! It’s totally beyond my control, please someone lift this curse!”

But the truth is this is well within your control, and this thread is starting to become extremely distasteful. I’ll leave it be for the moment, only because of the immense restraint and discipline of those replying to this thread without derailing it.

As for my advice, aside from the regular banishing and cleansing spiel, which you are surely already capable of, know that you are watching yourself descend into the depths of depravity. It’s a vicious cycle and you are a few revolutions deep. Set your immediate focus to exercise, diet, meaningful work, and self-improvement. Don’t set yourself up for failure by trying to jump straight into dating or tryharding anything else. Make immediate but small steps towards improvement. It’s hard, I know, but if you don’t start now it will only get worse. You just have to.

From now on, do 15 pushups before every fap. No pushups, no fap. If you do, no dinner for you. Build some character, build some discipline.

 

[Mars]

This is one of those threads that make people close off the site and never return. The fact that you are this aware of your problem means it is most certainly an issue of self-control and discipline rather than some occult reason.

If you give any porn addict a cursory introduction to kundalini or some shit, chances are they are gonna be like “holy shit yessss that’s why I can’t stop jerking it! It’s totally beyond my control, please someone lift this curse!”

But the truth is this is well within your control, and this thread is starting to become extremely distasteful. I’ll leave it be for the moment, only because of the immense restraint and discipline of those replying to this thread without derailing it.

As for my advice, aside from the regular banishing and cleansing spiel, which you are surely already capable of, know that you are watching yourself descend into the depths of depravity. It’s a vicious cycle and you are a few revolutions deep. Set your immediate focus to exercise, diet, meaningful work, and self-improvement. Don’t set yourself up for failure by trying to jump straight into dating or tryharding anything else. Make immediate but small steps towards improvement. It’s hard, I know, but if you don’t start now it will only get worse. You just have to.

From now on, do 15 pushups before every fap. No pushups, no fap. If you do, no dinner for you. Build some character, build some discipline.

Wait why? Why is this thread this bad? I'm genuine with this issue. I'm just not embarrassed to admit it or talk about it. I'm sober about this.

Oh also I'm not a porn addict, it just manifests itself as such.

I wanted to reply to @IllusiveOwl reply, which was very helpful but if you already say this thread is on the verge to be removed?

Like can we not have a thread about those things? Or should we talk about it like renaissance alchemists?

"The fire fueled by sulfur and corrosive waters is burning my blackened mercury during the moonshine before it turns red"

Literally the same^

Post automatically merged: Nov 15, 2024

What you're describing is a big, gaping hole in your life that you're using porn to fill.

I will bite back my curiosity in asking what you're gooning to and just assume it's something antisemitic with a BDSM flair. Regardless all sexual depravities are different faucets of a single diamond-plug.

From the sound of it you're at the devil card. You recognize how this habit is harming your life, but you're not willing to take the loose chain off from around your neck because you don't know any alternative.

The phrase "Every good family is the same, every bad family is uniquely different." Comes to mind here. Speaking as someone who's engaged in a stable relationship, love, especially sexual love, is about equality, unity, understanding, vulnerability, things that your GoonTube doesn't have in an unaltered way because titilating depraved fantasies are built off power, anger, domination, etc, which is pretty up your alley given your... name and post history. Violence can be sexual, the ID is messy and easy to manipulate, but love, Etidorpha, in its uncorrected form, is the ultimate human experience.

This problem sounds bigger than the symptoms, and that's what you've listed here, symptoms.

Yes there is. A genuinely big one. I appreciate that you notice this and your reply which is very helpful!


Without sounding too dramatic but I hate my life and it is so immensely boring I could write novels describing how boring it is. And because I try to change it but fail I get so angry all the time. That's why I come across as arsehole here.

It does feel as if there is something holding me back. That is more than a lack of discipline or similar. It's tangible and feels somewhat as originating from somewhere outside.

Fantasies can vary, they do involve domination but also submission on my part.

It doesn't feel as if the chain is lose. And this genuinely always comes up when I'm working creatively. Like writing scripts or filming videos. Or making artwork or similar. Sometimes during meditation too. And always during sleep paralysis.

I do hate gooning. Like really. I feel how it saps off my virility.

I think you can genuinely help me. I do notice this quality in you I think I lack. It's in the way you write.

 

[IllusiveOwl]

but also submission on my part.

Hot.

I hate my life

This is something that requires immense contemplation, not magical practice, however in its contemplation ego-death is natural. What is being hated here is a bundle of habits, idiosyncrasies, and opinions wrapped in a bow that has your name written on it. You, of course, are none of these, the fact that it's even possible for you to hate this complex is evidence enough if this distinction between observer & observed.

It's tangible and feels somewhat as originating from somewhere outside

This is very correct. Examine the way emotions and thoughts feel, they happen to you, and boy can they be nasty. This is why psyops and magical suggestion works: if you feel something, you believe instantly that it is yours just because you feel it, or think it. You want Coca-Cola and buttery popcorn before the movie.

It doesn't feel as if the chain is lose.

This is a trick, a hall of mirrors. The chain is heavy, but it is effortless to lift. An example: a man goes to see the doctor, saying "My leg hurts when I punch it, look!" He then punched the shit out of his leg, to which the doctor said "I see. Stop punching your leg." And then the man was cured.

To bring your attention to the card: you hate, you're angry, you judge people and feel superior or inferior to them, these habits enslave you to the devil with your fiery tail. You desire the pleasure of sex, domination & submission, hedonism, these make you their slave, even when you are in charge you answer to the passions, giving you the tail of grapes.

Why are your chakras silent? Because you do not love, and Love is what fuels life.

I hate to break it to you, but other people are all there is, even spirits, Gods, bugs, rocks, vegetables, and Jews, all of them are "people", just consciousness in different vehicles.

Hate, violence, drama, opinion, politics, war, it's a game people create with words to overlap the carniverous nature of the Oroborosian reality. You have lost your connection with people to focus on the game: all of it is the snake eating itself.

I am not preaching RHP ideology, in fact I lean more towards LHP. What I am preaching is freedom, and these habits are chains. Ironically, once you are free, you'll probably be smashing pussy like an Orc; women and men love what they want themselves, and everyone wants freedom.

 

[Mars]

Hot.

This is something that requires immense contemplation, not magical practice, however in its contemplation ego-death is natural. What is being hated here is a bundle of habits, idiosyncrasies, and opinions wrapped in a bow that has your name written on it. You, of course, are none of these, the fact that it's even possible for you to hate this complex is evidence enough if this distinction between observer & observed.

This is very correct. Examine the way emotions and thoughts feel, they happen to you, and boy can they be nasty. This is why psyops and magical suggestion works: if you feel something, you believe instantly that it is yours just because you feel it, or think it. You want Coca-Cola and buttery popcorn before the movie.

This is a trick, a hall of mirrors. The chain is heavy, but it is effortless to lift. An example: a man goes to see the doctor, saying "My leg hurts when I punch it, look!" He then punched the shit out of his leg, to which the doctor said "I see. Stop punching your leg." And then the man was cured.

To bring your attention to the card: you hate, you're angry, you judge people and feel superior or inferior to them, these habits enslave you to the devil with your fiery tail. You desire the pleasure of sex, domination & submission, hedonism, these make you their slave, even when you are in charge you answer to the passions, giving you the tail of grapes.

Why are your chakras silent? Because you do not love, and Love is what fuels life.

I hate to break it to you, but other people are all there is, even spirits, Gods, bugs, rocks, vegetables, and Jews, all of them are "people", just consciousness in different vehicles.

Hate, violence, drama, opinion, politics, war, it's a game people create with words to overlap the carniverous nature of the Oroborosian reality. You have lost your connection with people to focus on the game: all of it is the snake eating itself.

I am not preaching RHP ideology, in fact I lean more towards LHP. What I am preaching is freedom, and these habits are chains. Ironically, once you are free, you'll probably be smashing pussy like an Orc; women and men love what they want themselves, and everyone wants freedom.

Very insightful! You are mentioning very specific things that align well.

But this is only the love and romantic aspect, there is more to it. I know that I need love and an partner. But something is preventing me from this. An aspect of the "rot". I do try but it's not working out. Very often when I want to connect it feels as if something drops in me.

I used to jokingly say, "something doesn't want me to have an partner, it is jealous". But this starts more and more to be real. Like some even told me they get a very strange feeling at a certain point, then they break it off. Like when we are about to get to know each other and so on. Perhaps I'm already a slave to a mistress (hot ngl). But unfortunately not to one on the material plane.

Yet did I ever tell? I have figured out a method to induce sleep paralysis. I never see any of these "demons" when I induce it like this. Never. I try so hard too. This is one of the few things that genuinely concern me in life. Is the state of sleep paralysis responsible for seeing them? Or are they responsible for inducing sleep paralysis as a side effect? Because if they induce it as a byproduct it is concerning on why it happens to some. And what this would mean. And sleep paralysis is just a state you can go into. But seeing beings or whatever is just based on if one is near.

becasue except when the sleep paralysis happens "naturally" then I see it. It's always the same being too. When it happens one days I'm not actively inducing it.

It just feels as if I'm being prevented from actually falling in love with someone. Everything else works. But as soon as I actually start to love someone it fails. Like the dates and so on. As if me falling in love triggers a terror radius women perceive.

That's why I think it's akin to a curse.

Post automatically merged: Nov 15, 2024

I do mention this specifically because I'm about to go to sleep now and in the past whenever I talked about this with others I had sleep paralysis. (Like in Re:Zero when Subaru mentions his power of return by death he dies instantly.)

Perhaps if I don't reply and never come online again after this, she has taken me to her realm where I'm "forced" to serve her for all eternity (oh no). Know that I'm happy if thats the case lmao.

 

[IllusiveOwl]

But this is only the love and romantic aspect, there is more to it. I know that I need love and an partner. But something is preventing me from this. An aspect of the "rot". I do try but it's not working out.

"My name is Etidorpha. In me you behold the spirit that elevates man, and subdues the most violent of passions. In history, so far back in the dim ages as to be known as legendary mythology, have I ruled and blessed the world. Unclasp my power over man and beast, and while heaven dissolves, the charms of Paradise will perish. I know no master. The universe bows to my authority. Stars and suns enamored pulsate and throb in space and kiss each other in waves of light; atoms cold embrace and cling together; structures inanimate affiliate with and attract inanimate structures; bodies dead to other noble passions are not dead to love. The savage beast, under my enchantment, creeps to her lair, and gently purrs over her offspring; even man becomes less violent, and sheaths his weapon and smothers his hatred as I soothe his passions beside the loved ones in the privacy of his home.

I have been known under many titles, and have comforted many peoples. Strike my name from Time's record, and the lovely daughters of Zeus and Dione would disappear; and with them would vanish the grace and beauty of woman; the sweet conception of the Froth Child of the Cyprus Sea would be lost; Venus, the Goddess of Love, would have no place in song, and Love herself, the holiest conception of the poet, man's superlative conception of Heaven;s most precious charms, would be buried with the myrtle and the rose. My name is Etidorpha; interpret it rightly, and you have what has been to humanity the essence of love, the mother of all that ennobles. He who loves a wife worships me; she, who in turn makes a home happy, is typical of me. I am Etidorpha, the beginning and the end of earth. Behold in me the antithesis of envy, the opposite of malice, the enemy of sorrow, the mistress of life, the queen of immortal bliss.

"Do you know," she continued, and her voice, soft and sweet, carried with it a pleasurable sense of truthfulness indescribable, "do you know that man's idea of heaven, places me, Etidorpha, on the highest throne? WIth the charm of maiden pure, I combine the devotion of wife and the holiness of mother. Take from the life of man the treasures I embody, and he will be homeless, childless, loveless. The thought of Heaven will such a case be the dismal conception of a dreary platitude. A life in such a Heaven, a Heaven devoid of love (and this the Scriptures teach), is one of endless torment.

"Love, by whatever name the conception is designated, riles the world. Divest the cold man of science, of the bond that binds him to his life-thought, and his work is ended. Strike from the master in music the chord that links his soul to the voice he breathes, and his songs will be hushed. Deaden the sense of love which the artist boars his art, and as the spirit that underlies his thought-scenes vanishes, his touch becomes chilled, and his brush inexpressive. The soldier thinks of his home and country, and without a murmur sheds his life blood.

"And yet there are debasing phases of love, for as love of country builds a nation, so love of pillage may destroy it. Love of the holy and the beautiful stands in human life opposed to love of debasing and vicious, and I, Etidorpha, am typical of the highest love of man. As the same force binds the molecules of the rose and the violet as well as those of noxious drugs, so the same soul conception may serve the love of good or the love of evil. Love may guide a tyrant or actuate a saint, may make man torture his fellow, or strive to ease his pain.

"Thus, man's propensity to serve his holy or his evil passion may each be called a degree in love, and in the serving of that passion the love of one heart may express itself as the antithesis of love in another. As bitter is to some men's taste more pleasant than sweet, and sour is yet more grateful to others, so one man may love the beautiful, another delight in the grotesque, and a third may love to see his neighbor suffer. Amid these, the phase of love that ennobles, brings the greatest of pleasure and comfort to mankind, but the love that degrades is love nevertheless, by whatever name the expression of the passion may be called. Love rules the world, and typical of man's interest, holiest love, I, Etidorpha, stand the Soul of Love Supreme." she hesitated.

"Go on."

"I have already said, and in saying this have told the truth, I come from beyond the empty shell of a materialistic gold and silver conception of Heaven. Go with me, and in my home, you will find man's soul devotion, regardless of material surroundings. I have said, and truly, the corridors of the Heaven mansion, enriched by precious stones and metals fine, but destitute of my smiles and graces, are deserted. The golden calf is no longer worshiped, cobwebs cling in festoons motionless, and the dust of selfish thoughts perverted, dry in black as the soot from Satan's fires settling therein, as the dust of an antiquated sarcophagus, rest undisturbed. Place on the side of Heaven of which gold-bound misers sing, and on the other Etidorpha and the treasures that come with me to man and woman, (for without me neither wife, child, nor father could exist,) and from any other heaven mankind will turn away. The noblest gift of Heaven to humanity is the highest sense of love, and I, Etidorpha, am the soul of love."
-Etidorpha, p.263

You have a lot of work to do, but know that nothing is impossible and you are an unbound, undefined luminous being. The only power others have over you is the power you give, etc.

 

[Lurker]

You’ve gotten a lot of fine advice already, but I’m going to approach this from a different angle – your unconscious mind. The unconscious mind thrives on the intensity of emotion, but it can’t discern between the polarity of emotion, meaning whether the behavior consciously makes you feel good or bad. That means it will drive you to repeat behaviors that create intense emotions, regardless of their polarity. The point is that the more anxiety, guilt, and self-loathing you feel, the more your unconscious will drive you to engage in the behaviors that created all of those intense emotions. If you can’t control your fetish, then you should try to detach yourself from it emotionally. Don’t let it make you feel guilty. After all, you aren’t out there hurting other people with it.

To think about this in relation to magick, one of the methods for casting sigils is to masturbate while focusing on it. AOS believed there was a censor that prevented intentionally - meaning consciously - passing symbols to the unconscious, but orgasm was one of the ways to slip something like a sigil past the censor. The point is that when you masturbate while focusing on your fetish you are programming your unconscious mind for it by slipping the fantasy past the censor when you orgasm.

There are psychologists who specialize in helping people deal with fetishes. If yours is really that debilitating, you might consider finding one. Then pile on with whatever magick you think might help. (Personally, if I have a toothache, I'm not picking up a wand, I'm picking up my phone to call the dentist. I'll worry about magick later.)

Post automatically merged: Nov 17, 2024

In the sentence of my second paragraph I should have said ". . . slipping the fantasy and all of the symbolism in it past the censor . . . " Also, the unconscious cannot tell fantasy from reality.

 

[WZRD_N17]

My first proper post on this Site, but I felt like contributing because this subject was something that I struggled with for a long time. I embarked on a forex Trading Journey for a long time. The one killer for many traders is the 'Rot'. Due to the volatile Nature of the Market ,Many of us get exposed to these challenges that hold us back. Anyways, to cut the long story short, through metaphysical studies I created a formula, hopefully you find help from it and if anyone wishes to improve on my formula or find ways to enhance it, be my guest.

PROBLEM: Porn Addiction(from different schools of thought) A symptom of an Astral entity having more power over you(Astral school). A manifestation of a SELF imposed obstacle preventing your from reaching your goals(subconscious school). A symptom of an unbalanced sacral charkra in need of allignment caused by a trauma of some sort,hidden in our shadow self.(charkra school).A habit to distract ourselves from feeling the pain that lingers in our heart.
[Astral Entity][imposed by Self][Sacral Chakra imbalance][Trauma in our Subconscious]

Tools for the Solution:
1)understanding of the Astral and thought forms--->Thought forms are entities that exist which follow the rules of the jungle, they want to survive, they want to eat. some are created from your mind. Every time you engage in the Porn ritual you Give it energy. The more you do it, the stronger it gets.
2)understanding of the subconscious-the language of the subconscious is visual, imagery and senses. some mental images and emotions attached to those images are very intense, they so intense they can influence our conscious thoughts. Hence why its hard to stop certain habits.

Solution:

step 1 :Meditate- in order to deal with the Astral entities that plague you or rewrite your subconscious mind, you have to start with meditation to enter your inner world, my technique starts by staring at a flame from my lighter for 5 seconds which puts me in an alpha set then I close my eyes.

step 2- Create an Astral entity//Mental image- Personally,I visualized a dog from my Childhood named Tiger.wasn't my Dog but I had a emotional connection to the Dog.As I write this,I KNOW the dog is right next to me.The purpose of the Dog is to protect me from any entity which wants to influence my thoughts.

Step 3-Visualize your entity in action- In your meditation, picture scenarios where you get triggered into watching porn, Maybe you were scrolling and you saw an image which activated your lust.Visualize that scene vividly,Now visualize your Astal entity DEVOURING that TRIGGER.I visualize Tiger crunching eating the pornstar or the entity influencing the pornstar,Succubi or whatever it is. This is what my Tiger feeds on.Everytime TIGER feeds on those types of Spirits,I Feel energized,feel the state of energy fuel you.

Step 4-Habitualize the process in Reality- Every time you identify a Trigger, quickly visualize your Astral pet Devouring that trigger till you don't feel the urge. The more you Do this, the easier it gets. Eventually you will get to a point were you don't see tiger in action, all you do when you see your trigger is say the name of your Pet which triggers the process. Eventually you no longer get the urge because Tiger got so strong from feasting on the Succubus entities they no longer appear. For added effect, you could create a routine of performing this mental ritual to strengthen the effect

Conclusion:
For me, It took 2 days to fully solve this astral problem ,I feel nothing anytime a trigger pops out, I once went through a traumatic event which would have normally led me to doing the detrimental deed but I felt nothing, no urge, no desire, nothing. I hope this helps someone and I am open to suggestions.

recommended reading:[Hidden power-James K. Van Fleet][Creating Magickal Entities:A complete Guide to Entity Creation-David Michael cunningham][How to use Astral Power:Key to a Miraculous New Life]<--it has a meditation formula I like.
A book I'm looking for though is [Entity Attachment Removal - Self-Help Procedure: The ABC of Releasing Spirit Attachments for Do It Yourselfers] <------hopefully it can finetune my formula. Anyways ,hopefully this saves somebody

 

[Mars]

My first proper post on this Site, but I felt like contributing because this subject was something that I struggled with for a long time. I embarked on a forex Trading Journey for a long time. The one killer for many traders is the 'Rot'. Due to the volatile Nature of the Market ,Many of us get exposed to these challenges that hold us back. Anyways, to cut the long story short, through metaphysical studies I created a formula, hopefully you find help from it and if anyone wishes to improve on my formula or find ways to enhance it, be my guest.

PROBLEM: Porn Addiction(from different schools of thought) A symptom of an Astral entity having more power over you(Astral school). A manifestation of a SELF imposed obstacle preventing your from reaching your goals(subconscious school). A symptom of an unbalanced sacral charkra in need of allignment caused by a trauma of some sort,hidden in our shadow self.(charkra school).A habit to distract ourselves from feeling the pain that lingers in our heart.
[Astral Entity][imposed by Self][Sacral Chakra imbalance][Trauma in our Subconscious]

Tools for the Solution:
1)understanding of the Astral and thought forms--->Thought forms are entities that exist which follow the rules of the jungle, they want to survive, they want to eat. some are created from your mind. Every time you engage in the Porn ritual you Give it energy. The more you do it, the stronger it gets.
2)understanding of the subconscious-the language of the subconscious is visual, imagery and senses. some mental images and emotions attached to those images are very intense, they so intense they can influence our conscious thoughts. Hence why its hard to stop certain habits.

Solution:

step 1 :Meditate- in order to deal with the Astral entities that plague you or rewrite your subconscious mind, you have to start with meditation to enter your inner world, my technique starts by staring at a flame from my lighter for 5 seconds which puts me in an alpha set then I close my eyes.

step 2- Create an Astral entity//Mental image- Personally,I visualized a dog from my Childhood named Tiger.wasn't my Dog but I had a emotional connection to the Dog.As I write this,I KNOW the dog is right next to me.The purpose of the Dog is to protect me from any entity which wants to influence my thoughts.

Step 3-Visualize your entity in action- In your meditation, picture scenarios where you get triggered into watching porn, Maybe you were scrolling and you saw an image which activated your lust.Visualize that scene vividly,Now visualize your Astal entity DEVOURING that TRIGGER.I visualize Tiger crunching eating the pornstar or the entity influencing the pornstar,Succubi or whatever it is. This is what my Tiger feeds on.Everytime TIGER feeds on those types of Spirits,I Feel energized,feel the state of energy fuel you.

Step 4-Habitualize the process in Reality- Every time you identify a Trigger, quickly visualize your Astral pet Devouring that trigger till you don't feel the urge. The more you Do this, the easier it gets. Eventually you will get to a point were you don't see tiger in action, all you do when you see your trigger is say the name of your Pet which triggers the process. Eventually you no longer get the urge because Tiger got so strong from feasting on the Succubus entities they no longer appear. For added effect, you could create a routine of performing this mental ritual to strengthen the effect

Conclusion:
For me, It took 2 days to fully solve this astral problem ,I feel nothing anytime a trigger pops out, I once went through a traumatic event which would have normally led me to doing the detrimental deed but I felt nothing, no urge, no desire, nothing. I hope this helps someone and I am open to suggestions.

recommended reading:[Hidden power-James K. Van Fleet][Creating Magickal Entities:A complete Guide to Entity Creation-David Michael cunningham][How to use Astral Power:Key to a Miraculous New Life]<--it has a meditation formula I like.
A book I'm looking for though is [Entity Attachment Removal - Self-Help Procedure: The ABC of Releasing Spirit Attachments for Do It Yourselfers] <------hopefully it can finetune my formula. Anyways ,hopefully this saves somebody

Your reply is genuinely helpful. I find it interesting that you also see it as this astral entity, I was looking for that porn egregore meme (this is what you look like on the astral plane when you fap, and its a bw sketch of an egregore melting into someone)

Because the underlying principle is exactly what you explain in problem.

I also see it similar.

Also that "creating an astral entity that fixes it" is genuinely rare to hear. As I made something like this. It always appears during those indulgences. And I would love to explain what it does but it would be too explicit for here.
Interesting that you bring this up. It is similar to a servitor but more personal. I have something like this. 3 to be precise.

This really makes me think there are metaphysical truths on how to deal with things that are universal and unique.

The rot is a bit more than just gooning to porn and all this however. As most of the things happen within my mind and are ways to draw attention to certain things I need to work on or consolidate. Also its not just gooning but also negative thoughts, depression etc.

But your reply has been quite helpful. Thank you.

 

[WZRD_N17]

Yea I definitely understand the sentiment, I used porn in particular because it is a massive barrier to get to the next level. Worse for people interested in Magick and esoteric stuff because our EGO makes us think that instead of dealing with the problem and face it, we start looking into sexual sorcery. We start trying to uses wierd masturbation techniques to charge Sigils, or Edging to feel like we transmuting energy to our crown chakra to enlighten our being. The problem with that is we avoiding the astral and subconscious issue hence people further relapse after a few days. Lastly on this matter, all sexual sorcery starts with abstinence if your intentions are genuine to use sexual sorcery.

As for the Rot,the formula I posted was a demonstration of structure to deal with an issue quick. Especially for those who struggle with Shadow work(Carl jung). Your Entity bypasses that stage even if you not proficient in handling your shadow. The Rot, I guess I'm not absolutely clear what you percieve it is directly but there is a certain energy behind what you identifying as the ROT, there's a certain Spirit behind the Rot that you identified . If this is the case,that means you can rework the formula to suit your objective and fight this said ROT. The formula for me is just the product but the books I referenced should be able to assist you in creating your own version.

I Study all formulas,it could be chaos,Kabala,Rosacrusion,Astral,Mental,NLP,christianity ect. All of it is just dressing but for something to work it has to align with Universal Principles. Once you can understand the principle, you can ignore the dogma's and rework it to suit whatever problem you are dealing with.

I think this is the picture you were looking for.

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

 

[Magpie]

My first proper post on this Site.

Welcome! What a great entrance to the site. I like how you structured your post. We need more finance bro wizards. The picture of your astral doggo devouring the pornstar temptress

Could you describe how the process went for you? Was it difficult at the beginning (was the entity too weak to face the temptation, did it take a long time to become effective)? Do you control that thing properly - is there a risk it can attack your partner?

I also struggled with porn (wouldn't call it addiction in my case) at some point, but what I found useful was taking away all the guilt and 'controversy' around it. All the reasons, valid and invalid, for feeling bad about indulging it. Being completely unemotional about relapsing and about staying away from porn. It can still be difficult at times, so that entity idea is appealing to me.

As a general note on this thread, I feel like Mars' problem is not strictly a porn addiction, but something more. I am not even sure if he really is addicted. Addicts do go for more and more degenerate stuff, because vanilla isn't enough, but he never said he is jerking off a few times a day, he can't get it up normally etc. I think that 'rot' is something that wants to bring him down whatever way it can and porn is just one of the methods. I also felt having this 'rot' on me a long time ago and it had many faces. What worked was detachment from emotional response to its actions, careful and impassionate examination of those actions and focusing on positive pursuits in life.

 

[WZRD_N17]

Thank you for the welcome.
The process took 2 days for me, After I got inspiration on the idea,I experimented on it. Very easy. at the time I didn't even read the creating entities book by David which I referenced, the book adds numerology and other concepts which I intend on using for the other struggles Traders face in the market. After the first meditation, I would go to twitter and start looking for the triggers(it was War time, time for Tiger to feast). I would feel the energy.

Eventually, I carried on with the day. Later that day, I saw another trigger, the urge wasn't as strong as it usual was, but I just said the name Tiger and instantaneously,I was back to normal(maybe Pavlov's theory,afirmation-who knows),I didn't have to visualize Tiger, the process happened automatically. The next day,I did not recieve any urges which was amazing but the final validation was when I went through something traumatic. Normally when we go through something traumatic,our Will is weakened and our emotions get disturbed and we do tend to do detrimental acts which gives us dopamine to cope but hurt in the long run.In this instance,there was No urge at all.(the entity now know not to mess with TIGER).

Going back to the Rot, Ask any trader,the biggest problems we face are all psychological,We can make money then something can effect us and we start over risking or start deviating from our profitable strategy.In a sense we could discribe it as the Rot.Detatching for emotions can be a bandage which requires alot of will power but eventually if you do not deal with the cause or the spirit behind it,it will catch us when we at our weakest. This is why I believe the formula used for porn can actually be used for the rot even if you not sure what is causing it. If the entity is protecting for from the spirit behind the rot, Would it not have the same response? I believe so.

examination of the problems are definitely the first step but always remember to deal with the problem once identified or else you are doomed to fall until you deal with it.

Post automatically merged: Nov 20, 2024

Welcome! What a great entrance to the site. I like how you structured your post. We need more finance bro wizards. The picture of your astral doggo devouring the pornstar temptress

Could you describe how the process went for you? Was it difficult at the beginning (was the entity too weak to face the temptation, did it take a long time to become effective)? Do you control that thing properly - is there a risk it can attack your partner?

I also struggled with porn (wouldn't call it addiction in my case) at some point, but what I found useful was taking away all the guilt and 'controversy' around it. All the reasons, valid and invalid, for feeling bad about indulging it. Being completely unemotional about relapsing and about staying away from porn. It can still be difficult at times, so that entity idea is appealing to me.

As a general note on this thread, I feel like Mars' problem is not strictly a porn addiction, but something more. I am not even sure if he really is addicted. Addicts do go for more and more degenerate stuff, because vanilla isn't enough, but he never said he is jerking off a few times a day, he can't get it up normally etc. I think that 'rot' is something that wants to bring him down whatever way it can and porn is just one of the methods. I also felt having this 'rot' on me a long time ago and it had many faces. What worked was detachment from emotional response to its actions, careful and impassionate examination of those actions and focusing on positive pursuits in life.

oh I forgot to answer one point, one fear I did have was will I struggle to get horny for my partner...but I still got it, when instructing or visualizing an creating the entity,its important to know its purpose.My purpose was to attack all porn triggers. Never visualize your partner in that situation,if you really concerned with it. you could do a seperate meditation were you with your partner and the entityis protecting you outside the bedroom. Best recommendation is to read the book by david because they do touch on the topic,hopefully this helped.

 

[Magpie]

Thank you for the welcome.

Thanks for sharing. Very interesting. I will have a look at that book you mentioned. And I was not saying that your formula cannot be used for other cases than porn. I wanted to point out this thread was not made strictly about porn addiction.

As for detachment, I believe it is also a valid way. An astral entity can protect you from "succubi" (using the astral way to interpret this), but if you are detached, those succubi cannot take a hold of you. I see it like this - you can have a bodyguard that will attack whoever threatens you or you can be ethereal and immune to the attacks. Perhaps a hybrid approach would be best? I don't know. I am still quite new to all of this.

 

[WZRD_N17]

I'll definitely take that into consideration. I still need to test it more with other issues that plague traders but I believe I'm on the right track.

 

[drumways]

Fighting this was a huge catalyst that pointed me into a lot of modalities of thinking so this will be quite long.

I fought this one for a long time. I identify with the usage of the word "rot" because I used to feel like when I was in "go" mode with it, you could split me open and find some green Nickelodeon ooze inside me.

It took a many angled approach, and quitting it cold turkey didn't work like it had with my (many) other vices.
It really seemed like I had a pool of addictive energy that, before, was spread amongst alcohol/smoking/weed/videogames/etc, and each time I'd quit a bad habit, the remaining addictions would intensify. That was a lot of what kicked off trauma work for me, which has always felt inherently tied to magick because the former introduced me to the latter.

I've done talk therapy throughout which has been rad. My therapist is indigenous and tapped into cool spirituality which has helped me a ton with helping to conceptualize and organize the abstract symbolism and synthesis of my various spiritual/symbolic/magickal inner concepts. The first while was just standard "childhood>late teen trauma" stuff. She gave me language for my symptoms and experiences through the lens of CPTSD. It definitely helped me understand many aspects of self, and knowing the name of things as they appear in different paradigms of thought is always helpful.

Then I found Internal Family Systems. it's like Jung's whole thing about accepting your shadow self and integrating your archetypes, but with this really practical "hey let's actually talk to these parts" approach instead of getting lost in all his dense theoretical stuff (I've sense realized that it's one in the same and I was just coming at Jung from his books and not people's interpretations of them). It's funny because therapists market it as this very clinical, evidence-based thing, but really it's just structured shamanic soul retrieval work dressed up in therapy language so insurance will cover it. It was bonkers to do. Through visualization I followed the ooze to a spot in my lower stomach, imagined a "rinse" like a wound being rinsed, and found that there was an inner self under it. Through further visualization I named it and got to know it not as a shameful being worthy of judgement but any ally acting in good faith but with bad motives. It was young but vaguely ancient in appearance. It told me that it had started soothing and regulating me (greater "self") in my teens to help me cope with the stressors of both those days and of some uncomfortable ancestral karmic energies but had gotten locked into a behavior loop. I asked it what it needed to get out and it was like " maybe look at other things you avoid or judge?"

I made a list of 18 things, put it into excel, and randomized it. I got "Chakras" and groaned bc New Age stuff had always turned me off. I hit random again and got Chakras again (which like, we've all gotten the same letter multiple times in a multiple choice test but this felt like enough of a nudge that I went for it). Delved into them, meditated, learned some about Tantra and other chakra-like systems, and very quickly realized how donked up my root chakra was. Que months of reflection, journaling, therapy, etc, and I came to realize that in an effort to live a life that wouldn't abandon my emotional, spiritual, acceptance, and artistic needs I had created a life that abandoned my financial, security, and stability needs, basically creating constant state of stress.

Worked hard, did some magick that I feel landed a gig in a touring band in the summertime and some other workings that I feel have helped me quickly acquire students two years in a row in the winter.

Circled back to that self soothing inner self to see if he could stop and he basically told me "not permanently but I can try to do it for a while and see if we learn something". I quit for about a week and him & I learned that basically my 18+ years of the addiction had strengthened the neural pathway so much that all it would take was the slightest slip and he would basically trance-walk back into his cyclic motion. I asked him if he could describe what it was like, and he reminded me that "he" is also "me" and that if I did it right I could probably do some visualization meditation when I get the urge and experience it with him. That was surprisingly hard and I really got to understand his experience of the "trance walk". One day I did shrooms at home and randomly got the urge but managed to disrupt it and lay down on the floor (in my kitchen lol) and was greeted with the actual visual appearance of the pathway/tunnel. It kind of reminded me of the bog in Never Ending Story. At the end of the pathway was a bed (where I would do the act).

After that I was able to access that location with some ease but both of us were stumped about what to do. I decided to just start tinkering with it. I did some cleansing of it - cleaning it up and attempting to banish the bad vibe of it, but it would always return, and engaging with it would frequently lead to me indulging in the activity. Then I had a realization that the pathway was a part of me in the same way that my inner self was. I did a cleansing/banishing ritual one day and managed to just climb into the bed and meditate there. My therapist was actually the one to point out that not just the path/bed but also the forest itself was part of me, and she thought that it was interesting that I perceived it as evil/decayed/rotting/oozing. A while later I discovered Josephine McCarthy's podcast interview on Glitch Bottle and realized that one's localized land/nature spirits can have a profound effect on us.

I set up a pallet in my garden and started having my morning coffee/meditation out there. One morning I had a thought/memory type thing. I don't know how to describe it, it was like a realization/dreadful feeling that came in a different mental "shape" than usual thoughts. It was a long forgotten memory of a time when myself and my childhood best friend took our bb guns and went "hunting" while camping and killed some birds for no other reason than to kill them. It was wild, I literally felt nausea and had my skin prickle like when you have a fever and a deep feeling of being distrusted. I spent the better part of last Fall/Winter trying to atone for that. I learned the bird types around my house, the trees around my house, and started just trying to come up with ways to honor the nature around me and really came to realize that I had a very strange at times adversarial/avoidant/fearful relationship with the wild (which I'm still trying to untangle).

One day I was a little shroomy again and got an email that there had been an error with my previous year's taxes and that I owed some money. It spun me out and I felt myself start to slide towards the pathway towards the bed. I don't know what compelled me to, but I went out in the garden and laid down in the grass with my eyes closed (which was funny because it was soaked from rain) and stood looking at that pathway unmoving. I laid there for a while and as the sun moved behind the trees as time passed it created a very strange sensation with my eyes closed that I was being "rotated" or that the scenery around me was "rotating" and slowly was pointed in a different direction and was looking at a short pathway. It was all overgrown, but through it I could see my garden. I realized that it was only the direction of the bed that existed within the bog. This pathway looked more like a dense old growth forest. I laid there and worked to push my way through the brush (voluntary movement of any kind during visualization is crazy difficult for me, even if it's as simple as moving some branches out of the way). I made it to the garden and opened my eyes and spent the next 2-3 hours marveling at my garden.

This last summer I've spent a lot of time out in my garden, learning more about the plants and stuff. As I've invested time in it, I've also noticed that the overall "health" of it has seemed to alter the bed path a little bit and have also recognized that there are other paths surrounding me that are adjacent to the bed and the garden: going on walks, bird watching (and making a bird feeder), and guerilla gardening (I'm sure I'll find more). There's been an internal shift when I get stressed/disregulated/overwhelmed into an ability to stand in the middle of those options (all nature related aside from the bed path, not sure if that'll change) and choose which path I want to walk down. Not being forced to trance walk towards the bed has also made me recognize it as a valid potential option, but now whenever I choose it, there is (most of the time) a degree of choice behind it that has led away from porn and more towards a natural celebration of sexuality and pleasure.

I'd say that I still feel like a work in progress with this, but the change has been massive. I still don't have complete autonomy and willpower over the trance-like state, and I've recognized some other aspects in my life that contribute to my stress/shutdown that perpetuate this, and I'm kind of tinkering with them, but I'm still feeling steady progress towards healing the overall system and I'd say that I've cut down on the addiction by about half at this point.