[Help] Overcoming the "Rot"

[NightWatchman95]

I have identified something in me, some might call this a "curse" others might say this is an "egregore". I don't know what it is exactly, but I can feel it, I understand how it works and can point to the feeling, yet I can not overcome it.

I named it the "Rot". Inspiration for it is taken from the german term "Zersetzung". Zersetzung was a psyops tactic used by the Stasi to completely destroy peoples mind from the inside, I link the wiki

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for anyone wanting to read up.

well this "rot" I have is doing similar. The feeling is located around my swadisthana (navel region) and vishudha chakra (neck) when its active.

In the swadisthana region it is a bland and dull feeling, like an upset stomach but it has an aura that beams around it. Like a field, as if it were blocking(?) This chakra(?) Like as if something would suddenly be inside my stomach like a stone.

And in the neck it is a distinct feeling of pulling down. As if something literally pulls the bones inside my neck down to the ground. Similar to the feeling you get shortly before falling asleep or if someone would hit you there hard.

It is pulling me down mentally and emotionally whenever I'm meant to create things too. And this is the most sinister aspect of it.

Either when working on myself or improving myself, or when I work on my career and business.

During work, when I'm about to reach a flow state it often catches me before I enter it. It pulls me down into a super negative state. It is linked to sexual energy or kundalini. Otherwise I could perhaps "march through it" but during this flow state it catches me.

Whenever I'm about to realise myself it strikes. I do notice that my thought patterns shift as well as my feelings. They become disgusting and I do feel disgusting. it's as if I'm suddenly in a completely different state of mind. And I suddenly hate everything I do. My work, working out, my goals, aspirations everything. Everything is suddenly the dumbest thing possible, bound for failure, and ridiculous. Despite it being actual things that work. Like it's turning everything around. It is super potent negativity.

And it pulls up from the depths the most negative moments or events I know. And pulls them over it. It kills my magic.

With meditation and similar I figured out many things that were the root for this, and was able to work on some, yet its effects remain. Because initially I thought this comes up because I need to work on something or resolve something. But this is going on for too long and I already worked through more than what normal people would.

I am currently not able to break through it. To strangle it like Hercules strangles the snake. It also controls aspect of sexuality and makes me want to seek out fucked up shit to masturbate to. And this is what gets me the most.

It is not making me want to have sex (like swadisthana should), but to masturbate specifically, like a little cuck. And I literally become like that stereotype of the disgusting basement dweller jerking it to hentai clips.

I don't get it. It is completely overriding everything and tells me "go on, look up [fucked up thing] and jerk to it"

I think it is like depression, but it comes in waves and peaks. Usually after meditation it subsides again. It's completely gone after it. it is like a migraine or a headache. Or as if I was being drugged for 1 or 2 hours.

And then it comes up again whenever I work on things that will make me successful or are related to realising myself. Creative work especially. I will write something, perhaps 500 words and then it comes up again. I edit something and it comes up again. I'm meant to do this or that related to my career and it comes up again. Mostly when I encounter like problems or when something doesn't work out or when I need to think on how to do certain things. it makes me want to rot away my time. Like depression. Despite me knowing I have better things to do. Hundreds of better things. It makes all of it seem pointless and the only thing that isnt is jerking off or self pitying me.

It is seriously fucking with me and I do not know what else to do. Perhaps anyone could help me please? Or knows what this is? Or had similar? Or has perhaps an idea based on different concepts?

It is just really really difficult to not get caught by it, because literally my entire self changes, I sometimes have troubles speaking and slurr, my thoughts are super negative and toxic and I get the intense desire to masturbate. My entire being is swapped. (No it isn't a stroke or anything medical) as if an aspect of me is suddenly gone.

I do have very potent sexual energy, thats why I posted it here. And I do use this energy for other things like transmuting it. Yet this shit comes up. This cant be a succubus right? Stealing my Vril energy or whatever. And I have this since ever. As a teen perhaps already. And it exclusively comes up when I do creative work or start to overthink.


Any help appreciated...

Actually this is a common occurrence in people with an overactive crown charkra or kether. i know, you think having such a strong connection would make things smooth sailing, but it can make you really unstable when your head is trying to wrap itself around infinity.

It can cause breakdowns into reckless behavior when you begin to "be in on the joke" of anything that happens just being a small scene in a grander cosmic play. glad you and i survived that kundalini phase before it derailed our whole lives, most dont because they never had a clear goal in life to center themselves.

 

[armageddonz1]

I would advise you to take this matter seriously. I have been a victim of this. Excessive libido, getting depressed, spontaneously feeling down, and anxiety. I have felt all that. It is a miserable experience. This is symptomatic of lower chakras being messed up

In my case, it was the astral parasitic infestation. These astral parasites attack when magicians dealing with certain infernal energies and realms pause their magick work and also stop doing regular cleansing and warding. My guides are still helping me get rid of these parasites.

The excessive libido is because your chakras are getting messy. This was happening in my case too. These parasitic vampires love sexual energies.

But in your case, if you feel this 'rot' is being intelligent and attacks you when you do it, it may be slightly different from parasitic infestation. What I do know is that in tantra, spirits that try to possess a person are believed to hide in the naval chakra, who feed off of your energies.

In either case, i would advise heavy cleansing, shielding and healing work for balancing the chakras.

 

[silencewaits]

I have identified something in me, some might call this a "curse" others might say this is an "egregore". I don't know what it is exactly, but I can feel it, I understand how it works and can point to the feeling, yet I can not overcome it.

I named it the "Rot". Inspiration for it is taken from the german term "Zersetzung". Zersetzung was a psyops tactic used by the Stasi to completely destroy peoples mind from the inside, I link the wiki

Please, Log in or Register to view URLs content!

for anyone wanting to read up.

well this "rot" I have is doing similar. The feeling is located around my swadisthana (navel region) and vishudha chakra (neck) when its active.

In the swadisthana region it is a bland and dull feeling, like an upset stomach but it has an aura that beams around it. Like a field, as if it were blocking(?) This chakra(?) Like as if something would suddenly be inside my stomach like a stone.

And in the neck it is a distinct feeling of pulling down. As if something literally pulls the bones inside my neck down to the ground. Similar to the feeling you get shortly before falling asleep or if someone would hit you there hard.

It is pulling me down mentally and emotionally whenever I'm meant to create things too. And this is the most sinister aspect of it.

Either when working on myself or improving myself, or when I work on my career and business.

During work, when I'm about to reach a flow state it often catches me before I enter it. It pulls me down into a super negative state. It is linked to sexual energy or kundalini. Otherwise I could perhaps "march through it" but during this flow state it catches me.

Whenever I'm about to realise myself it strikes. I do notice that my thought patterns shift as well as my feelings. They become disgusting and I do feel disgusting. it's as if I'm suddenly in a completely different state of mind. And I suddenly hate everything I do. My work, working out, my goals, aspirations everything. Everything is suddenly the dumbest thing possible, bound for failure, and ridiculous. Despite it being actual things that work. Like it's turning everything around. It is super potent negativity.

And it pulls up from the depths the most negative moments or events I know. And pulls them over it. It kills my magic.

With meditation and similar I figured out many things that were the root for this, and was able to work on some, yet its effects remain. Because initially I thought this comes up because I need to work on something or resolve something. But this is going on for too long and I already worked through more than what normal people would.

I am currently not able to break through it. To strangle it like Hercules strangles the snake. It also controls aspect of sexuality and makes me want to seek out fucked up shit to masturbate to. And this is what gets me the most.

It is not making me want to have sex (like swadisthana should), but to masturbate specifically, like a little cuck. And I literally become like that stereotype of the disgusting basement dweller jerking it to hentai clips.

I don't get it. It is completely overriding everything and tells me "go on, look up [fucked up thing] and jerk to it"

I think it is like depression, but it comes in waves and peaks. Usually after meditation it subsides again. It's completely gone after it. it is like a migraine or a headache. Or as if I was being drugged for 1 or 2 hours.

And then it comes up again whenever I work on things that will make me successful or are related to realising myself. Creative work especially. I will write something, perhaps 500 words and then it comes up again. I edit something and it comes up again. I'm meant to do this or that related to my career and it comes up again. Mostly when I encounter like problems or when something doesn't work out or when I need to think on how to do certain things. it makes me want to rot away my time. Like depression. Despite me knowing I have better things to do. Hundreds of better things. It makes all of it seem pointless and the only thing that isnt is jerking off or self pitying me.

It is seriously fucking with me and I do not know what else to do. Perhaps anyone could help me please? Or knows what this is? Or had similar? Or has perhaps an idea based on different concepts?

It is just really really difficult to not get caught by it, because literally my entire self changes, I sometimes have troubles speaking and slurr, my thoughts are super negative and toxic and I get the intense desire to masturbate. My entire being is swapped. (No it isn't a stroke or anything medical) as if an aspect of me is suddenly gone.

I do have very potent sexual energy, thats why I posted it here. And I do use this energy for other things like transmuting it. Yet this shit comes up. This cant be a succubus right? Stealing my Vril energy or whatever. And I have this since ever. As a teen perhaps already. And it exclusively comes up when I do creative work or start to overthink.


Any help appreciated...

“It” is not really anything related to a ‘succubus’, ‘egregore’, or ‘curse’. It is a personal issue. It’s easier to say “It’s making me do…” But really, it isn’t. You are doing it. It’s easier to frame these things as something separate from yourself. But pursuing your goals, your work, it creates stress. And what’s the biggest stress reliever for a young man? Well, you get the idea. And sometimes we get stressed, or lose hope in our ideas because we’re burned out.


If you’ve had this problem since you were younger, I’m assuming the normal run of the mill stuff just doesn’t cut it. So your brain seeks out bigger and bigger hits. Your sexuality isn’t changing, your self isn’t swapping. You’re chasing the dragon. Like any other addict. People manage their life and their stress with different stuff. Yours seems to be pornography and cranking the Crowley.


The simple solution – beyond finding someone to work on your “potent sexual energy” with - is some old school discipline. Ask a lot of published writers. You just have to write even if you don’t feel like it and edit it later. Ask some people deep into fitness. Sometimes you just have to work out even when you don’t feel like it to stay consistent. Goals, aspirations, you have to work on them even when you are afflicted with kundalini hentai demons – if such things exist. Set a daily word count. Create a workout program and stick to it. Create actionable plans. This will get you stressed, but a partner and some friends or acquaintances or whatever you do to get the stress out will create all these fuzzy things in the brain to help you release and handle that stress if the euphoria and dopamine of accomplishment don't.


If you have to cast a metaphorical circle around your own mind just to function, to look for demons and curses persecuting you instead of what’s going on in your own psyche – how will you be able to tell when something pops off or when it’s your own energies getting at you? Ability to discern the differences between personal and impersonal energies is a key magical skill. I.E. “Am I overreacting or did that broad down the street whisper a hex at me and cause me to take that step into dog feces?”


However, there are darker and deeper parts of the self. I’m sure you’re acquainted with the concept of one’s Shadow – so I won’t rehash it. But if you’re avoiding, exteriorizing, or otherwise not going through that muck in your psyche before trying to reach higher you’re going up split and hauling all that baggage with you. Look into nigredo, Azoth, dissolution of opposites. The "magical reality" or whatever you really want to call it is beyond opposites in my experience. Moral or otherwise. It may be dizzying to realize that our personal senses of morality don't click on a larger scale, but it's been essential for me.

 

[Mars]

Thank you for all that replied, I did not expect so many to say they experienced similar or the same.

Not just regular gooning but the other things as well.

I might reply a conclusion I have to it all soon!