I didn’t know what to call this, but I’ve discovered something interesting about myself recently, and after becoming aware of it, I managed to break the pattern.
I’m a very giving person. I used to call it generosity. My cards are always on the table. Whenever I talk to someone, regardless of who they are or what the situation is, I tend to support them in any way I can. That’s just how I am.
But I discovered a rather significant side effect this habit had on my sense of self, and I’ve changed it. Basically, it made me inclined to give away my energy. If I liked someone, I would automatically seem to give them a certain degree of control over me.
And I don’t mean ordinary charisma or influence. I mean something much stranger. Sitting at work and having my decisions change because that person was thinking about me, or them wanting to reach me and me immediately opening WhatsApp and seeing that they were typing. Basically, I was giving myself away to them.
Once I became aware of this behavior and made the necessary change, I noticed that I felt much sharper and more grounded. Even the world I experienced through my own eyes, skin, and body seemed much more distinct.
Seeing just how strong the effect of this was on me makes me really curious about what kinds of changes an individual can make within themselves in this way. What are your thoughts?
I’ve gotten rid of this particular handicap. Now I’m looking at the advantages.
That aside, I had been in this state for a very long time. If you’ve watched Bleach, you might remember how, in the final season, Yhwach would take back the powers he had given to his followers through his blood and use them to make himself considerably stronger.
I’m thinking of this less as vampirism and more as harvesting. What do you think an attempt at that kind of harvest would look like? Do you think it would be worth trying?
I’m a very giving person. I used to call it generosity. My cards are always on the table. Whenever I talk to someone, regardless of who they are or what the situation is, I tend to support them in any way I can. That’s just how I am.
But I discovered a rather significant side effect this habit had on my sense of self, and I’ve changed it. Basically, it made me inclined to give away my energy. If I liked someone, I would automatically seem to give them a certain degree of control over me.
And I don’t mean ordinary charisma or influence. I mean something much stranger. Sitting at work and having my decisions change because that person was thinking about me, or them wanting to reach me and me immediately opening WhatsApp and seeing that they were typing. Basically, I was giving myself away to them.
Once I became aware of this behavior and made the necessary change, I noticed that I felt much sharper and more grounded. Even the world I experienced through my own eyes, skin, and body seemed much more distinct.
Seeing just how strong the effect of this was on me makes me really curious about what kinds of changes an individual can make within themselves in this way. What are your thoughts?
I’ve gotten rid of this particular handicap. Now I’m looking at the advantages.
That aside, I had been in this state for a very long time. If you’ve watched Bleach, you might remember how, in the final season, Yhwach would take back the powers he had given to his followers through his blood and use them to make himself considerably stronger.
I’m thinking of this less as vampirism and more as harvesting. What do you think an attempt at that kind of harvest would look like? Do you think it would be worth trying?