Journal Sedim Haba's Journal

[Ohana]

Yeah I kind of understand that. Healing takes a while. I know I'm processing through what I went through slowly as well.

I have not had a good sleep schedule.

 

[Sedim Haba]

Good sleep is essential, but unlike say diet, you have little control over. I wake up at 5 not because I want to. It's just impossible to continue.

Going to bed earlier, helps. At least I can rest, even if I can't sleep. The body gets rest.

 

[Ohana]

I learned that the hard way. I could handle lack of appetite but lack of sleep.

I couldn't go on.

Sleep deprivation is the worst. I felt like a cat that got put into a an ice shower.

 

[Sedim Haba]

I am loath to recommend meds, but have you tried Melatonin?

It's one of the things that my Familiar, strangely, forbids. But, I used to take it before. It did help with falling asleep,

but won't help with the early wake-up that plagues me now, so I don't mind her rule. Some days I'm up at 4, and that sux.

Low dose, for starters, 1 milligram if you can find it. Seems hard to find that dose level, 10 is in the stores, which is crazy high dose.

 

[Ohana]

Oof had to log off for a bit. Yeah I have tried melatonin. It works it just makes me sleepy so I don't wake up on time so I only take it if I really need too.

I think my stress levels were just really high. I think I saw the worst version of myself in someone. They were similarish but I don't think they respected the dead.

Even though I was iffy on whether or not spirits existed I wanted to respect the dead. In my mind there is a loss there. If reincarnation exists they still lost that life and if it doesn't or if some people get stuck as spirits they probably can't feel the joy of living.

So always respected them but some of the dead have not done great things. Acknowledging that and moving forward is what helped me grow.

I shudder to think what not doing that would lead me too. Its what helps ground me. Respecting the dead and acknowledging death.

But sleep improved so yay.

 

[Sedim Haba]

Ya, too much melatonin is counterproductive. They used to sell lower doses like 300 micro-grams (IDK the symbol, 1/3 mg)

In the stores I see 10 mg, which is craze high, 1mg is plenty 2 mg is high, IMHO. A lot don't metabolize it well, then soak & eat Chia Seeds.

At my age, plenty of people I know have passed on. One has to forgive any bad feelings one has not resolved with them. For yourself, at least.

Which just shows the power and necessity of forgiveness, tomorrow is an unknown, anyone might not see it. Then the chance is gone.

 

[Ohana]

Yeah maybe I could split the melatonin prices up into like 1/2 pieces.

Forgiveness for me is just work. It take days, months, years, its such a long process. A ritual that never ends. Its so arduous and back breaking but its worth it.

Because if I don't then the all that energy will build. Its not forgetting either. Can cut contact and still forgive. Its more like fostering a relationship with myself. Asking myself why that made me so upset. Where can I put that energy.

Its allowing myself to feel the betrayal, the hurt, the anger and processing and moving through it. Its pure energy and work.

But I've been neglecting so much other work because of anxiety. I just gotta get back to the habits.

Post automatically merged: Feb 8, 2026

Why I do it so I can move on with my life

 

[Sedim Haba]

Yes, it's a process and sometimes painful, but the pain means you need to address it, of course.

I certainly can understand anxiety, I've had a boat-load recently, as you can see.

One technique I've seen and adopted is to make smaller, easier to obtain goals. Sub-goals if you will.

So. you can celebrate small progress and wins. Other thing is to slay the demon of Social Media Algorithm.

For me, this is Youtube. Every time I see the Algorithm push something that will trigger me, push my buttons,

I look for the 3 dots lower right and click 'not interested' or 'don't recommend channel' if too much.

My feed has changed for the better, less stress-inducing vids presented. More useful stuff, helpful stuff, health stuff.

 

[Ohana]

Thats a good idea social media has also had this affect on me for a while.

I'll probably try that method. Thank you

 

[Sedim Haba]

I guess I'm just too stuuuupid to post anything here. Sorry.

 

[Ohana]

Doing some self affirmations everyday to say your not stupid might help. Intelligence is a lot more varied than lead to believe. Atleast thats what I think.

People have different intellect strengths. There's people that are good at movement based Intelligence like dancing and martial arts. I like dancing.

Then logic, then reading, then a whole host of other things. Like emotional intelligence or introspective Intelligence. I'm okay with logic but terrible at introspection.

Also just by practicing something you can get better at it even if its not your strength. Maybe taking a break and focusing on what you can do well. Like if your good at art like writing stories or drawing. Or good at cooking.

Or good working with tools like decorating a pumpkin. I've read this book that talks about how schools fail kids that are better at crafting than with logic. By taking away Home Ec and other things they make people think they are stupid just because the fail to measure them by doing stuff they enjoy or are actually good at. The IQ test is not a full measure of intelligence and not fully encompassing of everything.

Much of what we think of intelligence is not true. So the word stupid seems to disempower people. Don't be disempowered. Just find what you enjoy doing like art.

Did not ask but recieved it. Um yeah don't have to take if don't want but yeah here ya go.

 

[Sedim Haba]

Oh, I know what you're saying. But no amount of positive thinking or practice will change the fact that I am retarded, that I have brain damage. In person, there would be no doubt, you'd see this instantly. I don't fit in human society on any level whatsoever, and my entire occult practice is centered on the goal of never being reincarnated as a human, ever again.

 

[HoldAll]

Doing some self affirmations everyday to say your not stupid might help. Intelligence is a lot more varied than lead to believe. Atleast thats what I think.

People have different intellect strengths. There's people that are good at movement based Intelligence like dancing and martial arts. I like dancing.

Then logic, then reading, then a whole host of other things. Like emotional intelligence or introspective Intelligence. I'm okay with logic but terrible at introspection.

Also just by practicing something you can get better at it even if its not your strength. Maybe taking a break and focusing on what you can do well. Like if your good at art like writing stories or drawing. Or good at cooking.

Or good working with tools like decorating a pumpkin. I've read this book that talks about how schools fail kids that are better at crafting than with logic. By taking away Home Ec and other things they make people think they are stupid just because the fail to measure them by doing stuff they enjoy or are actually good at. The IQ test is not a full measure of intelligence and not fully encompassing of everything.

Much of what we think of intelligence is not true. So the word stupid seems to disempower people. Don't be disempowered. Just find what you enjoy doing like art.

Did not ask but recieved it. Um yeah don't have to take if don't want but yeah here ya go.

Please always bear in mind that this isn't your personal journal. If you have specific opionions on given topoics or would like to describe your own feelings or adventures, it would be better to open one of your own.

 

[Primal]

Oh, I know what you're saying. But no amount of positive thinking or practice will change the fact that I am retarded, that I have brain damage. In person, there would be no doubt, you'd see this instantly. I don't fit in human society on any level whatsoever, and my entire occult practice is centered on the goal of never being reincarnated as a human, ever again.

You are not dumb, nor retarded. Your life matters

 

[Sedim Haba]

You are not dumb, nor retarded. Your life matters

I have had to wait a month to say: Thank you