[Help] Spiritual awakening or psychosis?

[Glaux]

Hi all, I posted some months ago after what I think was a Hermetic initiation without my knowledge. Since then I believe I’ve developed along this path. I’ve tested spells empirically with others and they report that the things I did have worked as intended for them and they appear to have worked for me. Recently, I began (slowly) reading the Corpus Hermeticum. Not long after, my mental state began to change. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it seems to be a sort of detachment from the material world. I feel more at one with the all and I’m quite care free. However, my executive functioning is in the gutter.

I’m terrified that this has all been psychosis, that I’m actually mad. I’ve glimpsed Hermetic truth, just a sliver. I know it’s all true somehow, at least that’s what I feel in my deepest gut of guts. I employ Ancient Greek in my spells along with scrollwork and so far I’ve invoked my main patron, Apollo, Asclepius as well as Tyche and Persephone. I’ve recently made a black book which I’ve started journaling my thoughts on all of this.

Once again, the point of this post is to try and parse out psychosis from “reality”, if that’s even possible. If anyone has struggled with this, don’t hesitate to leave a post. Thanks guys.

 

[Morell]

I’ve read that when a person suffers enough, their shell cracks and falls off.

It might be part of the process, but the suffering alone is not working in this way. Otherwise the prisons, hospitals, and concentration camps would be flooding with gods.

 

[Ohana]

I guess one way to spot the difference is to look up symptoms of psychosis. Some of the big hints being if you have delusions of grandeur so believing play bigger part in the world. I guess how stressed out these thoughts make you is another hallmark sign of it.

When thoughts becoming disturbing to you that it impairs function. Another thing about mental illness like conditions like psychosis is mental illness is primarily defined by how well-adjusted you are in day to day living. If these thoughts impede how well you are able to live your day to day life like hold down a job, preform basic hygiene, do household chores then looking into seeking professional help from a therapist or psychologist might be beneficial.

But if you can function in your day to day life pretty well then its probably fine unless the disturbing thoughts, delusions, and maybe hallucinations become worse. Especially if it starts to affect day to day living and function. If not then your probably fine and might just be getting excited from learning something new. The brain takes a while to learn things and can get overwhelmed by a lot of information pretty quickly.

 

[Allofyoush]

As someone who went through what you're describing and ALSO a state of psychosis, I promise you'd be able to tell the difference.

 

[Keldan]

You used drugs the last time you had an experience, and that you have also used drugs in the past. If you have reduced your use, then you are going through a withdrawal period.

Withdrawal can affect your mind and everyday functioning. Because of that, I would suggest getting clean and stable first. If these things only happen when you are under the influence, or during the period after using, then I wouldn’t immediately attribute them to the spiritual.

 

[Glaux]

It might be part of the process, but the suffering alone is not working in this way. Otherwise the prisons, hospitals, and concentration camps would be flooding

It might be part of the process, but the suffering alone is not working in this way. Otherwise the prisons, hospitals, and concentration camps would be flooding with gods.

I think it’s more spiritual, internal suffering. Like the kind of thing that dogs you your entire life since childhood. Also, I’m pretty stable now and I can say with near certainty now it wasn’t psychosis. I may have gone a little mad during the process, but some things need to be broken to be rebuilt.