- Joined
- Jun 13, 2024
- Messages
- 620
- Reaction score
- 806
- Awards
- 12
I have been on the esoteric path for a while now. It has been the best thing I ever commited myself to. I have had a very odd time on this path. It started as a simple desire to be edgy and different and partly as a rebellion towards my often restrictive father. I had left the Christian faith that my family had raised me in and turned towards Theistic Satanism and Luciferianism. I figured that the only other path besides Christianity would be its opposition. I did this for a while and explored different paths alongside it and attempted to integrate them with the cosmology. After a while, I decided that I was just chaining myself down by forcing myself to be my fathers opposition. However, I did not revert back to christianity. I had learned enough to know that the esoteric was better suited for me. So, I did my research and one day, I came across the concept of Thelema. It astounded me how intricate it was and I was instantly immersed in the system. Now, as of the moment I am writing this, I have realized that I was just using it as another identity. I no longer wanted to look edgy, but i did want to seem wise to others. Which was paradoxically very unwise of me. But then again, I was 16 at the time.
Now, before I go any farther, I want to give important context. I joined this forum at around 15 years old, around the time I was in my "Satanic" phase. I began spewing absolute nonsense in various threads just to fit in, only to make a fool of myself and get humbled time and time again by people who actually knew what they spoke of.
I lied about my age up until this point, mostly for safety reasons. I have deemed now that it is not actually that big of a deal if I do reveal it. Anyways, back to my story.
Around the time when I was 17, I realized that Thelema may not be broad enough for me and I began asking around about its roots. Hermeticism being the main one. I am still on the Hermetic path now as I write this. However, the first thing I learned from it hit me like a freight train. Up until this point, even if I gained some wisdom and I definitely have benefitted from my practice, I have still been using it as an identity and a way to avoid my problems rather than see them clearly. I believe Hermeticism now provides a valid way for me to actually practice, the correct way this time. I have found myself actually doing the work instead of just being an armchair occultist who believes they already know everything. Of course, I have done some work in the past, but now I understand the true magnitude of what I do not yet know, and what I have not truly mastered.
I thought I had progressed so much, only to find out that I have barely just begun. I am 18 now. I had this realization a few months ago, and I thought it would be good to speak on it. Now I think I understand. I must focus on the journey of the work, and not the results.
Now, before I go any farther, I want to give important context. I joined this forum at around 15 years old, around the time I was in my "Satanic" phase. I began spewing absolute nonsense in various threads just to fit in, only to make a fool of myself and get humbled time and time again by people who actually knew what they spoke of.
I lied about my age up until this point, mostly for safety reasons. I have deemed now that it is not actually that big of a deal if I do reveal it. Anyways, back to my story.
Around the time when I was 17, I realized that Thelema may not be broad enough for me and I began asking around about its roots. Hermeticism being the main one. I am still on the Hermetic path now as I write this. However, the first thing I learned from it hit me like a freight train. Up until this point, even if I gained some wisdom and I definitely have benefitted from my practice, I have still been using it as an identity and a way to avoid my problems rather than see them clearly. I believe Hermeticism now provides a valid way for me to actually practice, the correct way this time. I have found myself actually doing the work instead of just being an armchair occultist who believes they already know everything. Of course, I have done some work in the past, but now I understand the true magnitude of what I do not yet know, and what I have not truly mastered.
I thought I had progressed so much, only to find out that I have barely just begun. I am 18 now. I had this realization a few months ago, and I thought it would be good to speak on it. Now I think I understand. I must focus on the journey of the work, and not the results.