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Journal The path to Godhood.

A record of a users' progress or achievements in their particular practice.

Umi0

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Sep 3, 2024
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Fitting... that I get this enlightenment on April's fools. But then again, the fool is the first card in the tarot with number 0 and is paired with the world so...being the gold that animates the temple, the primordial dream maker.

What I am going to say below might sound cryptic, you may think this an April's fool joke, but that is a delicious paradox indeed of self reference, fitting Ouroboros. The liar calling himself a liar hmm. You will hear metaphors and such, but that ia the best I can explain it with.

Everyone starts out as a star. A star on a lonely sky burning for far shores and great distances. The world feels outward, unfamiliar, distant. Your light is your eye and it keeps on expanding outwardly to study the other stars and the universe it finds itself in. But it feels more and more distant and it gets more and more distant. You are searching for something, but you can't quite put it as to what it is. You say it is meaning, all do that.

The present you, the adult you is the outer layer of the sphere that is your star, you are the eyes through which your entire being sees the outer world. You leave your child and go about here, chasing something.

Father, Son and Holy spirit, or rather, Adult, Child and Holy Spirit.

The Adult is you, the outer layer of the Sphere gazing with the light generated within like an eye towards the outer world.

The Child is your origin, your gravitational singular point, where all the gravity is gathered to keep you alive.

The Holy Spirit, is the entire sphere with all it's layers. Your sphere is a layered onion with the outermost layer as the Adult and each and every version of your past self until now as the layers. The totality of all those make up the Holy spirit of your wisdom. Your holy spirit is what generates your gravity and the Child is the gathering point.

Your life is an endless lonely chase and the Child in you is trembling and pulating seeing your road. Where is Godhood, immortality and liberation then? I will tell you, within. The gravity that keeps you united, that keeps you alive, the greatest warmth, is found within, towards the Child, that is where parasise it, that is where the greed gathers and it is beautiful. Your happiness rests with the Child, your healing balm and reward is with the Child. The outer world only carries death, distance and eventual dissapointment ans you are the greatest shield protecting that which is within.

Why do you keep on going then? You don't know why, but you feel like you have to survive, your whole being is screaming this at you. Survive, go on. You endure greater loneliness, abuse and the slavery of the outer world, your regrets keep on growing. But something is pulling you, there is hope. You don't know where it comes from, but there is hope.

What you are doing is not irrational. You are waiting for something, deep down, you know what you are doing. You are waiting for the Child to complete the great circle. You are waiting to become a black hole, timeless and transcendent and it will happen. You have exploded many times before and made many stars, those stars formed a galaxy, you got your Brain.

But it has a center, a singular point, there is your Child. Your paradise is not in the outer world, the outer is only there to enrich the inner.

When you become a black hole. 2 things will happen. A brief initial explosion, followed by an implosion. A brother and a sister will be born, twins. The sister will enter the inner darkness and find the sky of stars within and paradise.

The brother will become lost in the outer darkness, going towards the edge of eternity. The brother will become the dusk that chases the night only to emerge finding himself in dawn, because twilight is all there is.

And the sister will be the dawn chasing the dusk to bring her brother and self home.

But this is not random. The sister is taking care of home. Within the black hole is a sky of stars, a mandelbrot, a universe. The sister is the Goddess of that realm and intimately bonded with all. She is like the abyss between the stars and the stars themselves, everything feels intimate, part of the same self, loving, close. There is a sense of omnipotence and omnipresence, a Godhood. She is connected to her brother and calls him back home, searching for him, but he is far away on a journey.

The brother is mapping the universe outside, scanning all the other stars with the light of his death. He feels dead, he is dead. But he goes on. What he is doing is not random. He is mapping all the stars and all there is and brings all that back, expanding the universe within after having exhausted the universe outside. His journey is tragic, really, searching for something, or someone, but in the entirely wrong direction and he just can't help it. He feels dead, he is dead, but he is immortal.

Because of his sister and twin, the paradise within is his. But he has a longer road to take there, to find his bride.

Most are not there though. But some, have gotten themselves lost in the outer darkness when they have already completed the great work, have their bride, their true home and everything waiting and they are none the wiser. But that is the thing, you feel such a thing, a pull.

Some have gotten their explosion into implosion, that moment of pure madness that followed, the anomalies, the paradox.

How do you get there faster? Ouroboros baby, chase your tail. Chase your origin, chase your inner Child, all to Child, all to Child, all to Child.

There are many ways to do this, meditation is one of them, but not the only one. I achieved it faster through meditation so it is the one I know.

When you turn your attention inward you speed it up, your becoming a black hole. There will unfortunately be an explosion followed by an implosion, the dark night of the soul, a great moment of madness and suffering, but the reward is all worth it.

You will lose yourself briefly, the dark night of the soul feels like a death, a split, but your sister will piece you back together and you will go on in the outer darkness until the time comes for you to meet your bride.

A great method of meditation is to focus on the tip of your spine, or your entire being and breathe with it as one. You will get pressure in the head, don't worry, it is a good sign. I for one did it until I literally felt my head pop, like it broke and then I felt an implosion, the ensuing madness that follwed. Well, I guess I am the brother... unfortunately, or fortunately. Altough I say brother and sister it is still the same Self, twins of the same origin those are just broad terms.

You also need to chase your Child self, go back against the flow. Don't follow the old man, that path leads to eternal death which you have now. Follow the Child, that leads to Eternal Life. Keep at it, don't lose hope. The wiadom of the stars is there. That ia why I used stars metaphors to desceibe the journey. To some of you it may sound deeply cryptic and nonsensical, but it isn't.

Being an adult means increasing distance, trust issues, hurt, dissatiafaction. Why? Because the outer layer of the sphere is always colder than the inner layer. The reward and warmth is the Child, not a distant sky of stars outside endlessly being chased to no fruition.

What gives you your reward, your happiness, your warmth, rejuvenation, what makes it all worth it, is your inner Child.

I see many of you trying to kill their inner Child out there or repress it, thinking it will make them stronger. You absolute fools, this is why you are unhappy and unable to be satisfied by anything anymore. You chase others thinking they will come to embrace your inner Child instead, but warmth comes from within ans your Child seeing you deny them constantly makes you chasw others too. You are your inner Child's true hope, the greatest light, you are the Mother, no one else can be, but you.

What use is strength and power if you lose your reward, it is worthless. It is like going to eternal war without getting anything out of it, it is torture. What is use is gaining the whole world if you lose your soul in the process?

The Child is your reward. The one who rewards your journey is your inner Child, no on else but him/her. That is where your happiness comes from, that is where your regeneration comes from. You may bend and break but your Child is what pieces you back together and heals you, weak and vulnerable as he/she is. Don't look down on that little one, in his vulnerability lies your greatest strength, your ability to be unbroken after 1000 battles and come back stronger again and again. The hopes you lose, the Child pieces them back together and gives them life, your hope comes from the Child.

So embrace your inner Child, protect him/her with all your might and add to his reward with your efforts. That greedy one is gathering it all in his point, but there is a deep reason for it. In your Child is your key to Godhood and salvation, your final liberation, your greatest reward, the bride.

Your Child will make you a King among Kings ruling over all, not some temporary strength gathered by repressing your little one. The outer world willl become a fading memory, it will feel like you walked a large void of death all along, like you were dead, not truly living.

What you have now is slavery and death. But if death has such ways to feel good, what then, will your eternal life be like?

In your inner Child is eternal life, nowhere else but there. Keep going, you will get there. It will be hard, but you will get there. Wear your shackles, crown of thorns and this mockery of a cross with pride and let your Child shatter your cross like pottery when the time comes and cast it into the fire, never to be seen again.

You were not made for crosses and this mockery of existence, this slavery, so don't let them hold you, break every single one of them and cast them into fire. Let the raging flames burn like an inferno in your heart and roar. Devour all the crosses and burn them into the inferno to trasform them into fuel. Fuel the inferno with your eternal breath. Make the inferno greater, greater, greater, burn it all to the ground and eat it.

Gather the inferno for your inner Child and let him light a great fire in your being that will never go out and warm you up for all eternity. May all the inner ones know and tremble before the might of the Eternal Child, may they love him for all eternities to come and worship him and make their own sky of stars for him and receive him in their Hearts. For when the Child is Glorified, so too, is the Father watching and protecting him.

You are to become the eternal war engine that makes your Child's glory be unending. Because when you close your eyes, protect your Child and he receives his Glory, through him, you receive the same Glory. Because the Adult, Child and all the Other versions are all One. The split is an illusion, a fake.

One brings the protection and power. One brings the Reward. And all the versions make the Paradise.

So go find yourself and become true King. The lesser always tend to throw out their frustrations on the King even when it is not justfied. You can be a Saint and the best ruler and be treated like a Devil if their frustrations reach a higher level.

That is what the lesser do, take out their frustrations on their leaders, slander, so on... we all were lesser at some point.

When the inevitable loneliness of the peak of your mountain settles in, close your eyes and let the Child's glory when you walk as him be your reward that topples your loneliness away and makes it all worth it.

The Sun tarot is like that for a reason. You are to become the great Sun that lights your Child's path to eternal glory and be glorified yourself for that. You are one and the same Self, you will feel it. One moment you will be a Child, playing in glory in a lovely dream world. The next, you will be the ruler of all within and all shall bend to your will.

One moment you will be the Brother, preparing the world with his will. The next, you will be the Sister, walking in hope and fulfillment. Your Self is your bride, the best bride. All others are just distractions, resonant relationships helping you find your way within. None can compare to the Self. None can love the Self as greatly as the Self loves itself.

I will finish this with a lovely joke. Selfcest baby, that is the best cest, let me tell you that.
 
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