Was this black magic/witchcraft that I did to myself? If not, what is it realistically?

[zack9000]

A few years ago, I was getting into the world of personal development and I wanted to improve multiple different areas of my life: career, purpose, finances, relationships, physical/mental health, skills, etc. I even was seeking out religious help and getting some values from there as well. However, in the back of my mind during all of this process, I had a deep belief that I was not going to make it through to the end and achieve my goals. I kept feeling like I wasn't worth of any success that I had coming to me. I felt strong feelings of imposter syndrome, some shame and self-doubt.


As I was continuing in this downward spiral, I was developing dark imaginative scenarios where I imagined myself being humiliated and brutally tortured in ways that I don't feel comfortable about describing. I believe all of this was fueled by my subconscious mind believing that I was inferior and lacked success and didn't deserve good things to happen to me at all. So therefore, I couldn't believe that I could fight back and it's like I deserved what happened in the scenarios. As this was going on, I felt like there was a version of a higher part of my spiritual self that was under attack. As I kept on having so many vivid imaginations/mental visualizations of myself being abused and tortured, I felt like something about my exact spirit being was decreasing and getting worse. I would really feel like it is me being attacked because I would strongly identify with the person being attacked in the visions and I would feel like something in my spirit/soul/inner being is literally decreasing and getting damaged as the vision shows more bad things happening to me. I also wanted to mention that I did take a psychedelic mushrooms two years ago prior to this but nothing crazy happened immediately. I immediately felt my spiritual third eye open at the time.


The aftermath of all of this is this:

I feel like a large chunk of my soul has been torn apart. I feel like I can't learn anything properly and like some other entity has filled the void in me or something. I feel like I can't function or think on my own. I feel like something is seriously controlling me a lot. I can't plan things ahead, I keep forgetting my details of my symptoms. I feel like I put myself in this spot because I was somehow torturing myself or something in my subconscious mind through my thoughts. Someone took my mind away and I can't seem to improve or adapt as a person no matter what mistakes I make. Whenever I talk to people, I feel like I am stuttering with my words and I have a hard time making incoherent sentences.


I really am not starting to feel like myself at all. I feel very lost internally and confused for real. I feel disoriented when I walk around and think. I never have a quiet time to think for myself and to reason about my day. It's not normal. Even when I try to sit down and self-reflect/self-introspect for myself, it's very hard as hell. I feel like I damaged myself or a part of my soul for real. I need help figuring out what happened to me.


A possible theory of what happened to me:

I opened my third eye and started imagining some dark and negative things about myself because of the issue of my subconscious mind
Since this happened and I identified as the victim being attacked, I ended up having the parts of me that I enjoy and that makes me myself disappear and get removed. It's the part of my imagination, ambition and the power to do what I want to and to control my life in the direction that I choose. This feels unfair but the issue is trying to get these parts of my mind and soul back for sure.


Could I be correct?

 

[IllusiveOwl]

No. This doesn't read as magical or esoteric, this is entirely psychological and making it something to do with your soul dramatizes it and just makes the solution to your problems even more unattainable. The "cause" of your issue seems to equally be as much of a problem as the later affects you listed.

I can say confidently that you didn't open your third eye. This is a momentous and life changing event, and you wouldn't be having problems this self created if you had access to a faculty as profound as your third eye.

The fact that you are imagining yourself being hurt and tortured, and suffering from bad self esteem / imposter syndrome is just as much an affliction as the later symptoms, that isn't something healthy people do spontaneously.

I don't love the art of psychology, but in situations like this, framing your problem in terms of Black Magic and Soul Damage is just making things much worse for you.

Go book an appointment with a therapist, read this post aloud to them, and work through this.

You're right, something is wrong with you, and the fact that you don't know what it is means it's lurking in your subconscious, like you suspect. The only way to beat it is to confront it, and the best way to reliably do that is through psychotherapy. This isn't magical, it's mundane psychological dysfunction.

 

[zack9000]

No. This doesn't read as magical or esoteric, this is entirely psychological and making it something to do with your soul dramatizes it and just makes the solution to your problems even more unattainable. The "cause" of your issue seems to equally be as much of a problem as the later affects you listed.

I can say confidently that you didn't open your third eye. This is a momentous and life changing event, and you wouldn't be having problems this self created if you had access to a faculty as profound as your third eye.

The fact that you are imagining yourself being hurt and tortured, and suffering from bad self esteem / imposter syndrome is just as much an affliction as the later symptoms, that isn't something healthy people do spontaneously.

I don't love the art of psychology, but in situations like this, framing your problem in terms of Black Magic and Soul Damage is just making things much worse for you.

Go book an appointment with a therapist, read this post aloud to them, and work through this.

You're right, something is wrong with you, and the fact that you don't know what it is means it's lurking in your subconscious, like you suspect. The only way to beat it is to confront it, and the best way to reliably do that is through psychotherapy. This isn't magical, it's mundane psychological dysfunction.

You are wrong. This is not psychological at all. This thing literally happened to me immediately out of nowhere, just like that. This isn't normal and I never felt this happened to me before. It's awful. I feel like there's parts of my characteristics that are slowly disappearing from me and it's making it harder for me to function. I can't imagine anything, I can't think, self-reflect/self-introspect, abstract reason, brainstorm,etc. It's very hard to deal with life like this. This all happened immediately less than a day.

 

[IllusiveOwl]

This thing literally happened to me immediately out of nowhere, just like that. This isn't normal and I never felt this happened to me before.

None of this disproves my psychological theory, all of this happens to many people, this is how serious depression bouts happen.

I can't think, self-reflect/self-introspect, abstract reason, brainstorm,etc. It's very hard to deal with life like this. This all happened immediately less than a day.

This is again textbook major depression. Your best and most accessible help is through a therapist because I doubt you have a local shaman to go to.

Either way, I do not suggest taking this on alone, you may wind up committing suicide if you don't seek help, I'm not saying this lightly.

 

[Morell]

I agree with @IllusiveOwl. You say that you kept imagining things and that caused your breakdown. That means that you don't understand nor controll your own mind. And that really is something a psychologist can help you with. You need to put yourself back together and for that you need to figure yourself out. Getting a help of psychologist means getting second set of eyes, sort of. Even if it were self magic, the more reason to fix the self.

 

[zack9000]

None of this disproves my psychological theory, all of this happens to many people, this is how serious depression bouts happen.



This is again textbook major depression. Your best and most accessible help is through a therapist because I doubt you have a local shaman to go to.

Either way, I do not suggest taking this on alone, you may wind up committing suicide if you don't seek help, I'm not saying this lightly.

No, this is not depression. All of these symptoms happened out of nowhere on one day just like that. I don't feel sad and I don't feel complete low energy in me at all. This is something out of this world honestly. I feel like a large chunk of my soul has been torn apart. I feel like I can't learn anything properly and like some other entity has filled the void in me or something. I feel like I can't function or think on my own. I feel like something is seriously controlling me a lot. I can't plan things ahead, I keep forgetting my details of my symptoms. I feel like I put myself in this spot because I was somehow torturing myself or something in my subconscious mind through my thoughts. Someone took my mind away and I can't seem to improve or adapt as a person no matter what mistakes I make. Whenever I talk to people, I feel like I am stuttering with my words and I have a hard time making incoherent sentences. It's like there is some entity or being is making it very hard for me to find help and to help myself. I feel like I am getting worse. I don't understand why. I feel like I am unable to change my life for the better. This is horrible. I can't self-reflect. Even in my dreams, I feel exactly like this and it's like my mental/spiritual energy is not producing enough. I literally feel it in my soul. My soul is very weak somehow and it's not operating as normal as it should. It feels as if my identity and values have been removed somehow and replaced by something else of opposite values and characteristics. This is not really a mental health issue at all but it's very spiritual. I have went to multiple doctors and neurologists for help but nothing was found. I had a brain MRI and things like that but nothing was found. The mental health professionals couldn't diagnose me with anything after I explained my symptoms further beyond. I also don't like the idea of taking medication at all because I even had an allergic reaction to one a year before and was nearly paralyzed.

Post automatically merged: Today at 6:37 AM

I agree with @IllusiveOwl. You say that you kept imagining things and that caused your breakdown. That means that you don't understand nor controll your own mind. And that really is something a psychologist can help you with. You need to put yourself back together and for that you need to figure yourself out. Getting a help of psychologist means getting second set of eyes, sort of. Even if it were self magic, the more reason to fix the self.

This isn't mental health related if it happened immediately out of nowhere in one day like that. I felt like something a part of me was manipulated and tampered with. I really struggle with getting myself back to normal.

 

[Morell]

Then, if you are certain in this, ask the spirits for help, the ones you trust and see, what happens.

 

[IllusiveOwl]

The mental health professionals couldn't diagnose me with anything after I explained my symptoms further beyond.

This is dishonest, and I simply won't participate in this thread any longer. No mental health professional would hear what you've said here and let you walk away without a diagnosis or at least schedule you a meeting with a psychiatrist, because at this point I would recommend anti-psychotics. I don't believe you have a full enough grasp on what your soul even feels like from the lack of depth you have in understanding yourself, your soul isn't inherent it's something you need to discover through intensive introspection, and if you had done that you would be able to fix this yourself. It sounds like you just want to hear things that affirm your own beliefs and slip further into some psychosis. Good luck.

 

[HellenaHex]

It does sound like you suffer from intrusive thoughts that lead to your problem. However, that doesn’t mean a spirit or practitioner couldn’t have influenced you to some extent. You would need someone to look into that. I personally have had problems with intrusive thoughts thanks to being autistic and having ADHD so it isn’t something to be ashamed of. I also know someone I care for who has similar struggles to what you describe.

This person (let’s call them Tim.) does require psychological help but that doesn’t mean they don’t also require spiritual aide. You should treat both if possible. For Tim they are on medication now, therapy, and I am assisting them in healing their soul from the psychological trauma and preform what is called soul retrievals on them as well as help them remove parasitic spirits attracted to them due to their mental health struggles.
Tim has improved very much.

Depression can completely change your brain chemistry. So let’s say you have to many bad things happen back to back for a month or more at a time. Going that long in a state of depression/stress/anxiety rewires your brain to not bother creating dopamine. Thus causing a constant state of depression and lack of interest in things that normally would be enjoyed. Treatment for the lack of dopamine would be beneficial for someone struggling.

imposter syndrome as well as BPD can unfortunately do what you are describing as well as a stroke or seizure in some cases, however, if you believe with all your heart that it is spiritual then of course you should look into a spiritual solution. See if you can hire a legit spiritual healer or shaman who specializes in soul retrievals, if not I recommend looking into the practice. You might also benefit from having protections done to prevent parasitic spirits. Now regardless of this being spiritual or psychological in nature doesn’t mater. At this point your brain isn’t able to behave the way it did before so you need to help retrain it. A simple way to start is when you wake up in the morning listening at least five things you are great full for and five things that make you happy (or that you know should). Do this every morning and be sure to name different everyday (that can feel a bit challenging but you can do it, I believe in you.). Next thing you can immediately do is when you feel the intrusive thoughts don’t obsess over them, instead say it’s just a story and not reality and continue with your task at hand. This will help your mind over time stop allowing them to have power over you. Please do look into techniques to retrain your brain for positivity and success. They can easily be found online and are helpful regardless of if your situation is spiritual or not.

 

[zack9000]

This is dishonest, and I simply won't participate in this thread any longer. No mental health professional would hear what you've said here and let you walk away without a diagnosis or at least schedule you a meeting with a psychiatrist, because at this point I would recommend anti-psychotics. I don't believe you have a full enough grasp on what your soul even feels like from the lack of depth you have in understanding yourself, your soul isn't inherent it's something you need to discover through intensive introspection, and if you had done that you would be able to fix this yourself. It sounds like you just want to hear things that affirm your own beliefs and slip further into some psychosis. Good luck.

Ever since this thing happened to me, I literally can't do any self reflection/self inspection. I literally feel like I lacked the ability to do this. I actually don't feel like I have an actual sense of being of self in my mind/body. It's almost like the exact version of who I am at my core being doesn't exist anymore or show up when it's needed. It's a struggle honestly.

 

[IllusiveOwl]

I actually don't feel like I have an actual sense of being of self in my mind/body. It's almost like the exact version of who I am at my core being doesn't exist anymore or show up when it's needed. It's a struggle honestly.

This sounds like Depersonalization Disorder, specifically.

 

[HellenaHex]

It does sound like you suffer from intrusive thoughts that lead to your problem. However, that doesn’t mean a spirit or practitioner couldn’t have influenced you to some extent. You would need someone to look into that. I personally have had problems with intrusive thoughts thanks to being autistic and having ADHD so it isn’t something to be ashamed of. I also know someone I care for who has similar struggles to what you describe.

This person (let’s call them Tim.) does require psychological help but that doesn’t mean they don’t also require spiritual aide. You should treat both if possible. For Tim they are on medication now, therapy, and I am assisting them in healing their soul from the psychological trauma and preform what is called soul retrievals on them as well as help them remove parasitic spirits attracted to them due to their mental health struggles.
Tim has improved very much.

Depression can completely change your brain chemistry. So let’s say you have to many bad things happen back to back for a month or more at a time. Going that long in a state of depression/stress/anxiety rewires your brain to not bother creating dopamine. Thus causing a constant state of depression and lack of interest in things that normally would be enjoyed. Treatment for the lack of dopamine would be beneficial for someone struggling.

imposter syndrome as well as BPD can unfortunately do what you are describing as well as a stroke or seizure in some cases, however, if you believe with all your heart that it is spiritual then of course you should look into a spiritual solution. See if you can hire a legit spiritual healer or shaman who specializes in soul retrievals, if not I recommend looking into the practice. You might also benefit from having protections done to prevent parasitic spirits. Now regardless of this being spiritual or psychological in nature doesn’t mater. At this point your brain isn’t able to behave the way it did before so you need to help retrain it. A simple way to start is when you wake up in the morning listening at least five things you are great full for and five things that make you happy (or that you know should). Do this every morning and be sure to name different everyday (that can feel a bit challenging but you can do it, I believe in you.). Next thing you can immediately do is when you feel the intrusive thoughts don’t obsess over them, instead say it’s just a story and not reality and continue with your task at hand. This will help your mind over time stop allowing them to have power over you. Please do look into techniques to retrain your brain for positivity and success. They can easily be found online and are helpful regardless of if your situation is spiritual or not.

Listening should say listing. Great full should say grateful. It should say be sure to name different things every day. Sorry for my dyslexia, I didn’t notice it until after the editing period had passed.

 

[Konsciencia]

A few years ago, I was getting into the world of personal development and I wanted to improve multiple different areas of my life: career, purpose, finances, relationships, physical/mental health, skills, etc. I even was seeking out religious help and getting some values from there as well. However, in the back of my mind during all of this process, I had a deep belief that I was not going to make it through to the end and achieve my goals. I kept feeling like I wasn't worth of any success that I had coming to me. I felt strong feelings of imposter syndrome, some shame and self-doubt.


As I was continuing in this downward spiral, I was developing dark imaginative scenarios where I imagined myself being humiliated and brutally tortured in ways that I don't feel comfortable about describing. I believe all of this was fueled by my subconscious mind believing that I was inferior and lacked success and didn't deserve good things to happen to me at all. So therefore, I couldn't believe that I could fight back and it's like I deserved what happened in the scenarios. As this was going on, I felt like there was a version of a higher part of my spiritual self that was under attack. As I kept on having so many vivid imaginations/mental visualizations of myself being abused and tortured, I felt like something about my exact spirit being was decreasing and getting worse. I would really feel like it is me being attacked because I would strongly identify with the person being attacked in the visions and I would feel like something in my spirit/soul/inner being is literally decreasing and getting damaged as the vision shows more bad things happening to me. I also wanted to mention that I did take a psychedelic mushrooms two years ago prior to this but nothing crazy happened immediately. I immediately felt my spiritual third eye open at the time.


The aftermath of all of this is this:

I feel like a large chunk of my soul has been torn apart. I feel like I can't learn anything properly and like some other entity has filled the void in me or something. I feel like I can't function or think on my own. I feel like something is seriously controlling me a lot. I can't plan things ahead, I keep forgetting my details of my symptoms. I feel like I put myself in this spot because I was somehow torturing myself or something in my subconscious mind through my thoughts. Someone took my mind away and I can't seem to improve or adapt as a person no matter what mistakes I make. Whenever I talk to people, I feel like I am stuttering with my words and I have a hard time making incoherent sentences.


I really am not starting to feel like myself at all. I feel very lost internally and confused for real. I feel disoriented when I walk around and think. I never have a quiet time to think for myself and to reason about my day. It's not normal. Even when I try to sit down and self-reflect/self-introspect for myself, it's very hard as hell. I feel like I damaged myself or a part of my soul for real. I need help figuring out what happened to me.


A possible theory of what happened to me:

I opened my third eye and started imagining some dark and negative things about myself because of the issue of my subconscious mind
Since this happened and I identified as the victim being attacked, I ended up having the parts of me that I enjoy and that makes me myself disappear and get removed. It's the part of my imagination, ambition and the power to do what I want to and to control my life in the direction that I choose. This feels unfair but the issue is trying to get these parts of my mind and soul back for sure.


Could I be correct?

Hey friend, sorry that you are going through this. This is awful. I have similar experiences as well. However, they weren't as severe as yours. I say this. Perhaps, you may be experiencing a Dark Night of the Soul. I'm used to it already. Nothing can never happen to your Soul in reality. It's just that the Soul is doing a Metamorphosis. I've been on this Dark Night of the Soul. Almost 13 to 15 years. And, I am still on it. Supposedly, it will come to an end soon for me. Just brace yourself on this Dark Night Journey. Perhaps, it's the only reason why you are going through what you are going through. Just have patience. I hope this will calm you down.