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About a year ago, I was up late watching an interview with an underground artist I used to listen to. She was talking about her spiritual beliefs, her relationship with Lilith, and what she had received from working with her. While I was listening, I suddenly felt an incredibly pleasant tingling sensation on the back of my neck, like someone gently caressing it and running their fingers through my hair. It was really intense and lasted quite a while, but it wasn't scary or uncomfortable. Since I was already familiar with witchcraft and occultism, I wondered if it might be a sign that she was calling me. So I asked her to make me dream about her that night if that was really the case.
She did. I dreamed about a beautiful woman with a snake's tail and I knew it was her.
The next day I felt incredibly alive and inspired, so I decided to make a small offering at my altar as a first contact. On my way home, I picked a red rose, put it in a vase I'd drawn her symbol on, and lit some dragon's blood incense (which seemed fitting). I meditated and told her it was my first offering and I hoped she would appreciate it. I wasn't asking for anything in return.
The following days were amazing. I felt incredibly energized, confident and almost tireless. Better than mdma. I was doing better at everything: university, social life, sex, sports... I felt like the strongest version of myself.
The rose stayed on the altar for weeks without wilting. Instead, white spots gradually appeared on the petals and then spread until the entire flower was completely white. I assume it was some kind of mold, but it was strange because the rose never actually wilted. Eventually, I threw it away. As the weeks went by, I became lazy and stopped putting effort into developing any kind of serious conection with Lilith. Eventually, I just gave up.
Less than a week later, my boyfriend of a year, with whom I'd been in what I thought was an idyllic relationship, suddenly broke up with me. He couldn't give me a real reason. A few weeks ago, almost a year later, I actually met up with him to talk things over amicably, and he admitted that the breakup had genuinely been an impulse. He hadn't thought it he'd simply acted on a gut feeling. There was no real reason for him to end the relationship, and he was still in love with me when he did so.
After the break up, my life basically fell apart. Not just romantically, but academically too. I had serious problems with friends, went through an intense identity crisis about the type of woman i was and the type of woman I wanted to become. The following months were extremely difficult.
But looking back now, I'm honestly grateful for what happened.
I eventually realized my ex wasn't the kind of man I deserved or wanted to spend my life with. I realized certain friendships and their dynamics weren't good for me. And I had to fail academically in a very painful way before I finally discovered the direction I want to take with my life.
Now I feel energized again, and I have a real sense of purpose. Before all of this, I was basically living on autopilot and completely ignoring my intuition.
I genuinely believe my experience with Lilith had something to do with the end of my relationship and everything that followed. What I can't figure out is whether she was somehow punishing me for abandoning her, or whether that wasn't the point at all.
What was the purpose of the whole experience?
And should I even see it as a gift? Because honestly, I don't feel like I was particularly "worthy" of that much patience or effort.
She did. I dreamed about a beautiful woman with a snake's tail and I knew it was her.
The next day I felt incredibly alive and inspired, so I decided to make a small offering at my altar as a first contact. On my way home, I picked a red rose, put it in a vase I'd drawn her symbol on, and lit some dragon's blood incense (which seemed fitting). I meditated and told her it was my first offering and I hoped she would appreciate it. I wasn't asking for anything in return.
The following days were amazing. I felt incredibly energized, confident and almost tireless. Better than mdma. I was doing better at everything: university, social life, sex, sports... I felt like the strongest version of myself.
The rose stayed on the altar for weeks without wilting. Instead, white spots gradually appeared on the petals and then spread until the entire flower was completely white. I assume it was some kind of mold, but it was strange because the rose never actually wilted. Eventually, I threw it away. As the weeks went by, I became lazy and stopped putting effort into developing any kind of serious conection with Lilith. Eventually, I just gave up.
Less than a week later, my boyfriend of a year, with whom I'd been in what I thought was an idyllic relationship, suddenly broke up with me. He couldn't give me a real reason. A few weeks ago, almost a year later, I actually met up with him to talk things over amicably, and he admitted that the breakup had genuinely been an impulse. He hadn't thought it he'd simply acted on a gut feeling. There was no real reason for him to end the relationship, and he was still in love with me when he did so.
After the break up, my life basically fell apart. Not just romantically, but academically too. I had serious problems with friends, went through an intense identity crisis about the type of woman i was and the type of woman I wanted to become. The following months were extremely difficult.
But looking back now, I'm honestly grateful for what happened.
I eventually realized my ex wasn't the kind of man I deserved or wanted to spend my life with. I realized certain friendships and their dynamics weren't good for me. And I had to fail academically in a very painful way before I finally discovered the direction I want to take with my life.
Now I feel energized again, and I have a real sense of purpose. Before all of this, I was basically living on autopilot and completely ignoring my intuition.
I genuinely believe my experience with Lilith had something to do with the end of my relationship and everything that followed. What I can't figure out is whether she was somehow punishing me for abandoning her, or whether that wasn't the point at all.
What was the purpose of the whole experience?
And should I even see it as a gift? Because honestly, I don't feel like I was particularly "worthy" of that much patience or effort.
