At this point, and I know with all the whole weird occurrences that what u say is not so… I have been seemingly systematically broken down and after the fifteen years and some change with no life to speak of, pain, misery, unable and/ or due to magical based delusions as I do not know how much free will I have had on the matter, not been in possession of a job this whole time, ect. I have no hope to being able to fix things w magic, my basic rights that between 99.9 and 100% of the nations population apparently gets to have but I do not. I am ready to say fuck so much as getting so much as a possibility to find out what my situation is. I woke up this morning with the notion that I should at least try to find out what happened to my life and why it ended b4 the starting of adulthood, but at this point presuming the parasitic spider and what not that has been feeding on my energies will permit me, I am about ready to call it quits. Everyone has a breaking point and mine has been broken. If any of u r worry about the legality of this post I assure u, my own family uses me for money and even then that bitch mother of mine wants me in a group home. I have no realistic hope of getting better and I just need to accept it and move on with my existence even if there will be a $hit load of bad karma tacked on. I really do not see any other choice. I am plagued too much w the illusions and I have no help that I can use (strength pretty much completely gone and all that). I just wish my mind wouldn’t be hijacked every time I try to end it by the spider with illusions it will get better if I take a certain path or another. At any rate thanx for y’all’s attempts to help. It’s not ur fault that I only was able to speak up for myself near the end of it and that I apparently never had a chance or whatever the fuck is going on. I have too many illusions to know pretty much anything at this point including my name and if my relatives are even family or not! Seriously, I saw the pupil of my mom shapeshifter like one of those reptile people the conspirators talk about and it’s like, whether this is happening, I am being magically tricked into believing this is happening or magic to shapeshifter my human mother’s appearance is taking place regardless…. I was just wanting to get into magic to import myself as a person! Wtf is going on??!