- Joined
- Sep 19, 2021
- Messages
- 27
- Reaction score
- 42
Greetings all!
I wasn't here for some time, mostly because of every day stuff and practice I was doing all the time. So I want to basically share a bit of experience, I got for this short time and a so called first step of the breakthrough.
I must say, that I absolutely enjoy the way rituals are affecting me. And what I am doing are only rituals of Middle Pillar and LBRP.
Anyway, some two weeks ago roughly, I had something that I would define as a blockage. I was unable to focus myself on anything, my thoughts would fly around. I would try LBRP and fail, Middle Pillar and fail, I would try to sit and simply try to follow the train of my thoughts, I would fail. That failure really brought the feeling of disappointment, deep disappointment and frustration. I would sit trying to think why I can't focus and naturally, I would give in into the learned habit: Kick it with the head and break it.
Logically, didn't work. So in the feeling of disappointment, I started thinking the worst though one can have: What the FUCK am I doing (apologies for the faul language). I consulted a friend of mine, telling her about the problem and I realised I have to step back. Go to the very basic. Just breathe and meditate. Normally I would preassure myself into doing rituals exactly as I did them before, because, stepping back=giving up. I fought back my learned pattern and really did just the basics. After a almost a week of "resting" I started doing LBRP and Middle Pillar and now really twice a day. In the lack of better term, I felt more open to it, to the flow of energy.
And I am absolutely grateful for recognising a very essence of some of my failures from the past being orchestrated solely by my impatience. I was aware of its existence before too, but now I use the knowledge of it to channel it into discipline and patience. Still A LOT to work, of course, like, it is even stupid to say this, but yes I managed to break the pattern of "Everything now!"
I wasn't here for some time, mostly because of every day stuff and practice I was doing all the time. So I want to basically share a bit of experience, I got for this short time and a so called first step of the breakthrough.
I must say, that I absolutely enjoy the way rituals are affecting me. And what I am doing are only rituals of Middle Pillar and LBRP.
Anyway, some two weeks ago roughly, I had something that I would define as a blockage. I was unable to focus myself on anything, my thoughts would fly around. I would try LBRP and fail, Middle Pillar and fail, I would try to sit and simply try to follow the train of my thoughts, I would fail. That failure really brought the feeling of disappointment, deep disappointment and frustration. I would sit trying to think why I can't focus and naturally, I would give in into the learned habit: Kick it with the head and break it.
Logically, didn't work. So in the feeling of disappointment, I started thinking the worst though one can have: What the FUCK am I doing (apologies for the faul language). I consulted a friend of mine, telling her about the problem and I realised I have to step back. Go to the very basic. Just breathe and meditate. Normally I would preassure myself into doing rituals exactly as I did them before, because, stepping back=giving up. I fought back my learned pattern and really did just the basics. After a almost a week of "resting" I started doing LBRP and Middle Pillar and now really twice a day. In the lack of better term, I felt more open to it, to the flow of energy.
And I am absolutely grateful for recognising a very essence of some of my failures from the past being orchestrated solely by my impatience. I was aware of its existence before too, but now I use the knowledge of it to channel it into discipline and patience. Still A LOT to work, of course, like, it is even stupid to say this, but yes I managed to break the pattern of "Everything now!"