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Well, crap. I've been asked to write about this early failure I've mentioned occasionally as being traumatic. This is probably a good time.
I am sure some will jump on my confessional as me being a terrible magician - and they would not be wrong here - but when I say "Keep your promises," that comes from a hard lesson in the early success-then-disaster that started my whole GrimTrad journey in all seriousness. I have had no issues since I learned what I feel are proper approaches to spirit evocation of the grimoires, as I think they are, but there are probably others I am not aware of.
I get asked about this one a fair amount, but have been very reticent to talk about these event in detail because I do not like spreading fear, which is not helpful. Let me just say, if you are going to pick up the GV, then use the protections that are built into it, along with being mindful of the nature of the Underworld, and how it seems to be, exceedingly legalistic.
I will keep saying to mind your agreements. Seriously. Keep your promises - even if you do not really believe in them, as I didn't when I was first starting.
When I was first starting out in the 1990s, I was far more secular than now, after the whole Catholic universe came alive for me . It was just how I was raised. Even with a Latino side of the family with much animist Catholicism, I still had a very modern, materialist "soul" from my agnostic Anglo father. I had grown out of a childhood belief in spirits to be more, uh, a proper mature person.
My great aunt was a curandera, and Mexican Folk Catholic magic was just part of my upbringing. But since I was a teen, I had studied the GD, Crowley, and 1980s Chaos Magic. Surely, I thought, these wise, sage, and all-knowing Anglos knew what was going on better than the superstitious Mexican-American side of the family. They all seemed very confident about their superiority. None of their stuff worked for me. I thinkthat might be ab ancestral dharma / astrological l issue , but a hard to say for sure.
So I was also very young, stupid, and full of hubris and Chaos magic ideas - but then mixed it with Grim Trad. That worked great but brought serious issues.
In the mid-1990s, I cobbled together a GV / Grand Grimoire rite and used some Spiritualist methods (which I mean to write up one day). Jason Black was an inspiration here. Right out of the gate, the first time, I experienced poltergeist phenomena with knocks on the ceiling and outside walls, the door - and the I got everything I wanted wihting a week. I was ike, daaamn!
I was honestly shocked and amazed because until then, I pretty much sucked at Chaos magic sigils, GD magic, and everything else. (Enochian and the Olympic spirits worked, though, but slowly ). And with sigils nothing before had happened that could not have occurred naturally and well within chance.
But this! This was several orders of magnitude greater. Weird, yes;, very paranormal, yes; but very effective.
And in my elation, I did not keep my end of the bargain. So it went great until it went very wrong a few months later. I didn't really believe in the spirits at that time and figured all that talk was just "psychology" to help you "believe" in them.
So they taught me a lesson by systematically destroying everything they had brought to me . Everything went wrong. I developed a severe case of agoraphobia. They left me with enough money to pay my bills but did not leave the house for months. Let me add here, I do not have a history of mental illness, not before nor since then.
And worse, somehow I had small red bites all over my body that none of my roommates experienced. Worse still,i developed what looked like a case of Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis on my lower legs. Now I can now look up on the internet to find what it might have been, but ar the time I just had toendure it. . The skin on my lower legs developed a purplish hue as the top layers of the epidermis died and peeled off in sheets. It was absolutely terrifying. And with the agoraphobia, I was afraid to go outside to get help. I was not sure I was not just going to die.
When I goet better I sought out a more experienced practitioner in the Vodou community i had known, and they helped me. They called me a "materializing medium," which confused me. I am still grateful to them for helping me get a handle on all this. That is much of the operative perspective I tend to speak from when talking about the more Trad side of things.
St. Cyprian also has been for years a huge and valuable teacher for me , but I do not like talking about him since I put his teachings int the category of personal gnosis, meaning they are for me and what I need to hear.
I want to make clear that since learning from them I have not had any issues. They will show up occasionally to terrify my wife and give her nightmares. I made her a talisman of Saint Benedict to wear, but more pagany-flavored types might try the Ouroboros phylactery from the PGM.
I am sure some will jump on my confessional as me being a terrible magician - and they would not be wrong here - but when I say "Keep your promises," that comes from a hard lesson in the early success-then-disaster that started my whole GrimTrad journey in all seriousness. I have had no issues since I learned what I feel are proper approaches to spirit evocation of the grimoires, as I think they are, but there are probably others I am not aware of.
I get asked about this one a fair amount, but have been very reticent to talk about these event in detail because I do not like spreading fear, which is not helpful. Let me just say, if you are going to pick up the GV, then use the protections that are built into it, along with being mindful of the nature of the Underworld, and how it seems to be, exceedingly legalistic.
I will keep saying to mind your agreements. Seriously. Keep your promises - even if you do not really believe in them, as I didn't when I was first starting.
When I was first starting out in the 1990s, I was far more secular than now, after the whole Catholic universe came alive for me . It was just how I was raised. Even with a Latino side of the family with much animist Catholicism, I still had a very modern, materialist "soul" from my agnostic Anglo father. I had grown out of a childhood belief in spirits to be more, uh, a proper mature person.
My great aunt was a curandera, and Mexican Folk Catholic magic was just part of my upbringing. But since I was a teen, I had studied the GD, Crowley, and 1980s Chaos Magic. Surely, I thought, these wise, sage, and all-knowing Anglos knew what was going on better than the superstitious Mexican-American side of the family. They all seemed very confident about their superiority. None of their stuff worked for me. I thinkthat might be ab ancestral dharma / astrological l issue , but a hard to say for sure.
So I was also very young, stupid, and full of hubris and Chaos magic ideas - but then mixed it with Grim Trad. That worked great but brought serious issues.
In the mid-1990s, I cobbled together a GV / Grand Grimoire rite and used some Spiritualist methods (which I mean to write up one day). Jason Black was an inspiration here. Right out of the gate, the first time, I experienced poltergeist phenomena with knocks on the ceiling and outside walls, the door - and the I got everything I wanted wihting a week. I was ike, daaamn!
I was honestly shocked and amazed because until then, I pretty much sucked at Chaos magic sigils, GD magic, and everything else. (Enochian and the Olympic spirits worked, though, but slowly ). And with sigils nothing before had happened that could not have occurred naturally and well within chance.
But this! This was several orders of magnitude greater. Weird, yes;, very paranormal, yes; but very effective.
And in my elation, I did not keep my end of the bargain. So it went great until it went very wrong a few months later. I didn't really believe in the spirits at that time and figured all that talk was just "psychology" to help you "believe" in them.
So they taught me a lesson by systematically destroying everything they had brought to me . Everything went wrong. I developed a severe case of agoraphobia. They left me with enough money to pay my bills but did not leave the house for months. Let me add here, I do not have a history of mental illness, not before nor since then.
And worse, somehow I had small red bites all over my body that none of my roommates experienced. Worse still,i developed what looked like a case of Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis on my lower legs. Now I can now look up on the internet to find what it might have been, but ar the time I just had toendure it. . The skin on my lower legs developed a purplish hue as the top layers of the epidermis died and peeled off in sheets. It was absolutely terrifying. And with the agoraphobia, I was afraid to go outside to get help. I was not sure I was not just going to die.
When I goet better I sought out a more experienced practitioner in the Vodou community i had known, and they helped me. They called me a "materializing medium," which confused me. I am still grateful to them for helping me get a handle on all this. That is much of the operative perspective I tend to speak from when talking about the more Trad side of things.
St. Cyprian also has been for years a huge and valuable teacher for me , but I do not like talking about him since I put his teachings int the category of personal gnosis, meaning they are for me and what I need to hear.
I want to make clear that since learning from them I have not had any issues. They will show up occasionally to terrify my wife and give her nightmares. I made her a talisman of Saint Benedict to wear, but more pagany-flavored types might try the Ouroboros phylactery from the PGM.
