- Joined
- Dec 31, 2022
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Hello everyone.
I'm new here and am searching for some answers to some of the crazy things I have been experiencing for the last 5-6 years. This is my first time reaching out to anyone or anything regarding this matter. You see I'm a very private person n internalize things a lot hence why I've chosen not to speak out or tell anyone about my personal experiences but it has gotten to the point where I feel like I am losing my free will and am worried I might harm others around me. To give some background to my topic here I will tell you a bit about the experiences I've had and it would be greatly appreciated if any of you out there have had some similar experiences or some bona-fide advice to give on how to control or get rid of the negative aspects of what is inside of me cause I know it is not natural. To put things in the most simple terms, I am not the only one inside of me/my head. After years of this I've come to the point where I know when it's my own thoughts and when it's not my own thoughts that are swirling around in my head. I'm not even sure I should be sharing this info but as I said, I'm concerned about the safety of those around me.
So about a month ago I had one of my many episodes where I was kept awake for a long period of time n each time I would about to fall into sleep my body would twitch almost violently which would cause me to be completely wake till I would start to doze off again all the while thinking if I were to fall asleep that I may never wake up again n at one point I heard a voice separate from my conscience that "you're going to hell" just as I was about to fall asleep. Needless to say, I didn't get any sleep for some few days at which point there were threatening visions in my head which forced me to take a knife and take out my eye which I did but rather than pop my eye which was the intention, I stabbed the area bordering my eye as if my eye was made of a hard glass. The area around my eye was completely swollen n I had cuts all around it n was bleeding blood mixed with tears. I was taken to hospital not long after and on the way there and while waiting to see the doc I was forced to focus my attention on anything else other than my current situation cause I knew somehow that I was being observed, not from outside but from inside if that makes any sense. Like there was an entity inside of my head that shouldn't be there and I wasn't suppose to let it know what I had been doing and thinking about for the previous few days. When I finally seen the doc I was put into a room which resembled a jail cell n they gave me some sedatives which I gladly took n then went to sleep but rather than sleep (or maybe I did manage to fall asleep) I opened my one eye that I could see out of n I caught my arms moving at it's own will as if I was flipping pages from a book while laying down. It takes a lot to scare me these days but I'm at the point where I'm afraid I may hurt someone else without meaning to or even knowing about it as someone I live with heard me walking around while I was actually sleeping just a couple days ago. I think I might be possessed? Something else significant happened to me around the same time I tried to take my eye out immediately after I woke up from sleep one morning as I opened my eyes n was looking up at the ceiling. I'm going to leave that part out so I can see if anyone has had the same experience and can confirm that it is what they say. This is just one of many experiences I have had over the years and I often hear in my head things like "I am the one" or "I am the one true God" which is deffinately not my own thoughts cause I don't think of myself as no God or anything near as such. Other times in the past I managed to convince myself that I was the anti-christ. I would also sometimes hear a dark brooding voice separate from my conscience and clear as someone in the same room as me call out my name but at this point it only bothers me for a couple seconds as I have accepted that there is something else not natural going on inside and around me, I just haven't figured out what it is yet and to be honest am now at the point where I'm getting a bit concerned. As I've stated earlier, this has been going on for quite some time now and it's not just all in my head. My surroundings have been quite strange and "unusual" as well. Visions, predicting the future unintentionally, premonitions, physical sensations on certain parts of my body etc. I know these things aren't natural and was wondering if some of you may have had similar experiences where you can offer some sound advice. Please don't come at me with the "you're probably depressed, medical condition/need medication" stuff. It's not that as I have been admitted to hospital several times from the after effects of these "episodes" if you will and each time they discharge me without any new insight of the cause. If you can relate in any way or have had some experiences that are similar I would be very glad to hear from you n what you have to say. As I've said, this has been going on for some years and I haven't told anyone about these experiences so it might be a good thing for me to have a venue to let all of it out finally n open the flood gates. I am not seeking validation or anything of that sort, just simply some advice and a better understanding of what is happening to me before I do something way out of character and hurt someone. I'm convinced it has something to do with my eye (which eye I will leave out as to leave room for confirmation) as this episode wasn't the first time I had attempted to take my own eye out and I'm surprised that I still have 20/20 vision from both my eyes. My aim is to connect with those who have a real understanding of what is happening or going on around me n then I will get into more detail of the things I have been experiencing and going through as well as the thoughts and theories that I've been carrying around with me. One thing I know for sure is that it is of a dark nature and not natural. -SB
I'm new here and am searching for some answers to some of the crazy things I have been experiencing for the last 5-6 years. This is my first time reaching out to anyone or anything regarding this matter. You see I'm a very private person n internalize things a lot hence why I've chosen not to speak out or tell anyone about my personal experiences but it has gotten to the point where I feel like I am losing my free will and am worried I might harm others around me. To give some background to my topic here I will tell you a bit about the experiences I've had and it would be greatly appreciated if any of you out there have had some similar experiences or some bona-fide advice to give on how to control or get rid of the negative aspects of what is inside of me cause I know it is not natural. To put things in the most simple terms, I am not the only one inside of me/my head. After years of this I've come to the point where I know when it's my own thoughts and when it's not my own thoughts that are swirling around in my head. I'm not even sure I should be sharing this info but as I said, I'm concerned about the safety of those around me.
So about a month ago I had one of my many episodes where I was kept awake for a long period of time n each time I would about to fall into sleep my body would twitch almost violently which would cause me to be completely wake till I would start to doze off again all the while thinking if I were to fall asleep that I may never wake up again n at one point I heard a voice separate from my conscience that "you're going to hell" just as I was about to fall asleep. Needless to say, I didn't get any sleep for some few days at which point there were threatening visions in my head which forced me to take a knife and take out my eye which I did but rather than pop my eye which was the intention, I stabbed the area bordering my eye as if my eye was made of a hard glass. The area around my eye was completely swollen n I had cuts all around it n was bleeding blood mixed with tears. I was taken to hospital not long after and on the way there and while waiting to see the doc I was forced to focus my attention on anything else other than my current situation cause I knew somehow that I was being observed, not from outside but from inside if that makes any sense. Like there was an entity inside of my head that shouldn't be there and I wasn't suppose to let it know what I had been doing and thinking about for the previous few days. When I finally seen the doc I was put into a room which resembled a jail cell n they gave me some sedatives which I gladly took n then went to sleep but rather than sleep (or maybe I did manage to fall asleep) I opened my one eye that I could see out of n I caught my arms moving at it's own will as if I was flipping pages from a book while laying down. It takes a lot to scare me these days but I'm at the point where I'm afraid I may hurt someone else without meaning to or even knowing about it as someone I live with heard me walking around while I was actually sleeping just a couple days ago. I think I might be possessed? Something else significant happened to me around the same time I tried to take my eye out immediately after I woke up from sleep one morning as I opened my eyes n was looking up at the ceiling. I'm going to leave that part out so I can see if anyone has had the same experience and can confirm that it is what they say. This is just one of many experiences I have had over the years and I often hear in my head things like "I am the one" or "I am the one true God" which is deffinately not my own thoughts cause I don't think of myself as no God or anything near as such. Other times in the past I managed to convince myself that I was the anti-christ. I would also sometimes hear a dark brooding voice separate from my conscience and clear as someone in the same room as me call out my name but at this point it only bothers me for a couple seconds as I have accepted that there is something else not natural going on inside and around me, I just haven't figured out what it is yet and to be honest am now at the point where I'm getting a bit concerned. As I've stated earlier, this has been going on for quite some time now and it's not just all in my head. My surroundings have been quite strange and "unusual" as well. Visions, predicting the future unintentionally, premonitions, physical sensations on certain parts of my body etc. I know these things aren't natural and was wondering if some of you may have had similar experiences where you can offer some sound advice. Please don't come at me with the "you're probably depressed, medical condition/need medication" stuff. It's not that as I have been admitted to hospital several times from the after effects of these "episodes" if you will and each time they discharge me without any new insight of the cause. If you can relate in any way or have had some experiences that are similar I would be very glad to hear from you n what you have to say. As I've said, this has been going on for some years and I haven't told anyone about these experiences so it might be a good thing for me to have a venue to let all of it out finally n open the flood gates. I am not seeking validation or anything of that sort, just simply some advice and a better understanding of what is happening to me before I do something way out of character and hurt someone. I'm convinced it has something to do with my eye (which eye I will leave out as to leave room for confirmation) as this episode wasn't the first time I had attempted to take my own eye out and I'm surprised that I still have 20/20 vision from both my eyes. My aim is to connect with those who have a real understanding of what is happening or going on around me n then I will get into more detail of the things I have been experiencing and going through as well as the thoughts and theories that I've been carrying around with me. One thing I know for sure is that it is of a dark nature and not natural. -SB