I will be transparent about my experience. While Lilith is not a Deity, I hope you can find something in my experience that gives you hope and something to think about.
When I started getting serious about my occult path I was interested in Lilith. I had done my very first ritual out in the woods, and had what some would call a successful encounter (a woman way out in the distance laughing, not at me just laughing and thats it) I thought it might just be all in my head, or not what I expected, I kicked the sigil I carved into the dirt and walked away pissed (left the candles and incense).
A few days later, I read a fanfic story about her, and for some reason, and I in all honesty didn't know what fanfic even was so it didn't register. With no occult experience I just took it as it was (yeah I'm retarded lol). The story scared the ever living shit out of me and I noped the fuck out with Lilith for like 2 full years.
One night after a successful evocation of Bune, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for not evoking Lilith and didn't want some horrifying demon pissed off at me. So I went out to that same spot in the woods and confessed my terror of her and apologized. I was thinking the words would leave my lips and go way way out onto the darkness, far far from me and she would hear them and all would be well, I was still scared out of my fucking mind.
Lilith showed the fuck up! I mean what the hell, it wasn't a ritual at all. Just me trying to make shit okay without her coming after me. I didn't know what I was doing or what I was getting into, and that was terrifying to my core. She said to me as my knees were literally shaking "All I demand of you is your authenticity and your willingness, do you think you can do that?" I said 'Oh, well if that's all it is, I guess I can do that'. Boom, pact entered without me realizing the weight of it at first.
The next thing I will share here is only for context, not a flex in anyway, as each occultist works in different ways. I didn't do a circle, or a triangle or banishing or warding or anything for protection whatsoever, and still dont. I only mention this to show how real the fear was. Reckless to some, maybe, but to me it was just real..
Lilith proceeded to teach me that fear is only an illusion. Yes the lessons during my initiation were scary as fuck. No, I was never harmed. Yes, she took me right to the edge of what I could handle, PLUS 3 feet each time. It was a learning process. No, not every encounter was scary. No, Lilith wasn't here to ruin me or harm me. Trust was built experientially.
Over the course of my time on my path, I have learned that fear is almost always illusion. All that is required is showing up authentic (not performing, not posturing) and being willing to stand there anyway. Its okay to flinch, but stand anyway.
The fears I have faced made me realize what sovereignty really means. That once I face my fears I became more and more free of them, they were chains that made me smaller than I really am. Lilith has been amazing, terrifying, strong, loud, quiet, Lilith. She has been inside me, she has walked me through the darkest of things, allowed me to burn, to fail, to fall, to rise and never did she demand more of me than my authenticity and willingness.
As a result I can stand in the presence of Raziel. I can withstand a smack from Asteroth, the challenge from Odin himself without running.
Lilith is and has been my Matron ever since. I have developed a great relationship where I can be my full irreverent, feral, unfiltered self with her. Its a special relationship, a bond. Nothing and no one can take away. I work with lots of others demons, angels, deities, but Lilith is special in ways the others are not to me. I am not the same person who started on this path, not even close.
Lying to myself about fear is immature and inauthentic. Fear is okay, its human. Just be real about it and willing to face it.
I shared my experience and its personal stuff. I get it, most occultists present only the highlight reels. Sometimes it's just ego and theater, and some folks just dont like to share such personal things. The reality is, we all get scared when staring at the ineffable at first. A being older than time, the stories we tell ourselves about it, and the unknown. You are just fine. You aren't abnormal, you aren't doing it wrong.
Maybe, just maybe Hekate isn't there to wreck you. Maybe she has a path and some lessons to teach you that will grow you in ways you dont even see yet. I'm sure Hekate has a reason for how she presents to you. If she wasn't willing to guide or help you, she wouldn't bother with you at all. The rest? Thats for you to discover with her, or not.
Hope this helps a little. Take what resonates and burn the rest. Good luck!