Journal Journal of my rebirth

[Challis]

I will the profound experiences here. This journal will include; meditation, sessions and results, tarot readings, predictions (get ready to laugh), and lastly anything profound I come across that I believe is journal worthy.

If you are reading this, then a warm-hearted hello, and infinite blessings upon you.

I will start with a short prayer of gratitude, as all things start with Thanks.

I am thankful for the air I breathe, the water I drink, and the time I am given. Thank you for mother godess of the earth and dead, for bringing the conditions of life on this earth, which have brought countless beautiful biomass and creatures.
Thank you to my past lives and loves who brought me to this time and place, where my ideas can be shared with wonderful magicians across the world, and my distant family can be reached. Thank you for life-saving technology, and the magic that is streaming, for countless works of arts have reached my ears and eyes that I would not have experienced 100 years ago.

Thank you to my ancestors for guiding my parents, and me, to get us where we are today. Thank you to my immediate family, whos graces I can never compare to, but will never stop appreciating and giving back for.

Thank you God, wherever or whatever you are for the force of love, as it is everything. You are the most beautiful. Thank you God for Life itself. Thank you for my eyesight, as long as it lasts, my ears, skin and organs, as feeling alive and having the consciousness is a rare gift in this universe. You are the most beautiful.

Thank you to the world and its quirks, for without them, beauty would not exist.

Thank you to the wisdom I have collected over my previous lives, that empower me to live every day as if it is my last, and to feel wise beyond my years. Thank you for my complicated brain that is both boon and bane. Thank you for letting me see both obstacles and wonder, for both is a gift. Thank you for clairvoyance, and the chakras used to strengthen them. Thank universe for showing me magic and meditation, the greatest to humanity of them all.

I vow to use my given strengths and abilities to learn more about the universe in all its divine and material principles in order to shape it for the betterment for all life on earth.
Amen.

Tarot Entry 1. 01:01am 06/01/24

Method:
Shuffled and asked for insight and intuition.

Drew:
Temperance, Four of Intelligence, Five of Strength.

Insight:
Temperance: meditate away from Evil. Shield yourself from anxiety. Evil will follow you always. Do not give into temptation. This is easier through meditation. Sacrifice power for Love and you will see clearly. All that you see will be everything you need.

Four of swords (upside down):
However, do not allow spent chasing the physical to peel you from the material. Time spent meditating is good, but whittling away the hours for the sake of it is not. Know what is practical and what is wasteful.

Five of wands (upside down):
Take action soon, but prepare well and think on the consequences. When taking the step, do not think of others competing with your success. Only focus on your own. Those who are blinded by others will not see themselves grow or decline. Much awaits your future, but do not be fearful because you cannot see the entirety.

After thoughts;

Okay for my 2nd tarot, that was quite enjoyable. I really like the automatic writing sensation after doing a tarot. I think as an individual who writes fiction, this is directly beneficial, even as an excercise.
I originally asked about how I can become more flexible and I have to say the advice I've been given, and the practical excercise really wash away any doubts. I surprise myself when I see things in the images that I wouldn't have seen, let alone written.

I have a lot of research to do to increase my historical and esoterical understanding here. I am still studying my deck, too! I enjoy this and look forward to finding new answers or questions to ask, and subtle improvements along the way.

Post automatically merged: Jan 6, 2024

Meditation, 06 Jan. Roughly 20 minutes.

Awareness excercise into chakra stimulation.
Awareness always feels good when excercised properly. It took me a few minutes to get out of cycling between awareness and daydreaming. The periods of Awareness grew longer, and it became easier to snap out of daydreaming quickly. I guess this is semi natural, as my mind settles down. After reaching what I know realise was a peak, I felt on slight rocking sensation. I had felt this before but more intensly after going to a reclining cinema. I tried to let it be, but eventually the sensation ceased.

My eyes fluttering, I decided I should fight the serene feeling that had spread throughout my mind and body. I decided chakra stimulation would be a good excercise. I started why my brow chakra, as that is always buzzing, ready to be active. I should note it was the connection I've felt with my brow chakra since I was too young to know what it was that led me on this path.
The excercise is a simple one from a Greg Hart book, which consists of sending light from your crown chakra into the earth and flowing back into your desired chakra.
Once my brow chakra felt sufficiently stimulated, I worked on My heart chakra and then throat chakra as they need healing.

By the end of it I was in a really deep state. I didn't want to leave the state but I knew eventually i had to.

 

[Konsciencia]

I Love this..

 

[Challis]

Thank you @Konsciencia for your kind words.

I had a busy day yesterday, so I did no tarot. I meditated but my concentration was so poor. Sometimes this happens, I knew I was extremely tired all day so I forgave myself.
I did have a very interesting dream where I met an online friend who I've never seen irl before. Another side of my dream was really nice. Like things had settled down a lot, and I had earned the things I had always wanted. More importantly I felt a wonderfully relaxed/content feeling that I haven't felt before.


There was a lot of details in my dream but I won't be sharing more, or posting dream journals anymore because it isn't worth the risk. I shared this because it was profound.

 

[Diluculo_DelFuego]

I wouldn't worry about dream journal risks, as dreams consist of four types: astral lessons/work, subconscious messages, garbage or a combination. Furthermore, keeping a dream journal doesn't have to be online. Bit I understand ... If it feels like a risk, it is best not to share it online. My life turned upside down, so I have no qualms stating what I feel in my journal, not necessarily what the words I say has or will happen, primarily just how I feel. It's a risk depending 9n who views it and why, such as job leads for one.

 

[Challis]

It's just more privacy. When they are profound I will share the highlights here.

Meditation: Night, 7 Jan
Late, but not as late as usual. Concentration was poor. Clear evidence of yesterday's lack of willpower training. This in itself was a small boon. As I meditated I used willpower and soon my senses where adrift. It can be odd to feel so calm in a place you have felt so much angst. Again, I did not want to end the peace. It ended rather suddenly. I felt a sudden twitch and let it end. It had already been 25 minutes.

Methods used; awareness excercise into brow chakra meditation.
My natural inner sight and control calmness is greater than it was just a couple of months ago. Not exactly a leap, but a noticeable difference. This brought me feeling of encouragement and warmth.

This session brought to me clarity of the power of practice of aimed meditation.

Thank you to those here of have shared authors and their posts with me to help me get here. Thank you to those authors. Thank divinity, in every form it takes.

Post automatically merged: Jan 8, 2024

Meditation. Morning, 8 Jan.

I woke up and tried to meditate into a lucid dream, but fell asleep. As good as this for my insomnia, discipline is clearly something I need to work on.

Conclusion:
Dream control is a slow and steady path and will come to me when I am ready.
Still struggling with separating the mind from the conscious and the body, but I am patient.

Post automatically merged: Jan 9, 2024

Meditation. Early morning, 9 Jan.
Already felt relaxed. Preparing pays off dividends, saving me time. Earlier than last meditation. Means I have more time. Good.

Method:
Started with deep breathing, but no awareness excercise. Worked with crown chakra, taking light from the source, sending it into the earth and retrieving the light. It's colour matching the chakra I am working with.
I intended to work my root through to my heart chakra. Root went well. Difficulty with sacral. Stomach OK. Heart, seen improvements without a doubt. Still without consistent full activation. I felt it before. heart chakra feels better than a 3 course quality meal. Less palpitations. Definitely a worthy session! Sudden noise led to abrupt finish but I was OK with that. All good things must come to an end.
Ended evening on more study (Psychic Empowerment, Carl Lewellyn et Al., ).

Slept like an absolute beast.
Sleep 1: 5 am to 1:30pm. Dreamt of having no voice when I tried to shout. Concluded that violence, force and anger will not find you an answer, nor peace, nor happiness.

Next step: follow advice and attempt to manage thoughts whenever I am upset.

Sleep 2: met a famous person but hid for photos. Conclude I must take advantage when opportunities come.

Not incredibly happy about this. I am yet to find a good balance between waking and sleeping. Part of me wants to push my sleep quest further but I know I can't continue like this. When I eventually found the strength to leave bed, I fell over twice. Opening things is harder in the first hour. No strength or dexterity. This intense sleep and dream work makes me forget how to operate in the physical. I also woke with a headache.

Post automatically merged: Jan 9, 2024

Regarding tarot and clairvoyance:

Beware tangent Incoming, with examples from my past



I have not used tarot since. When the interest rises again I'm sure I'll delve into it. I've watched some videos from the recommendations. Right sided approach sounds useful but too rooted in regular psychology for me to learn anything new from about myself. I have been in psych academia for many many years, and use many other techniques for self growth.

However when my friends and family need help, tarot will be used!

I am still using the clairvoyance practicing techniques. Guess the card/suit. I've done page numbers and clock guessing. I haven't got a guess correct since using tarot. I can guess the time correctly about 70% of the time within a 3 minute accuracy. Takes a muscle I don't quite fully understand. I used to be able to do this 10 years ago but I didn't know what clairvoyance was. I was teased and forgot about it, naturally.

Telepathy:
Ha. I'd never thought I'd write into my journal about this. How naive I always will be.

So it's accidental and kinda rare. An event will happen to one of my friends. Nothing major. They are telling me a story or anecdote. Without warning, I get a number or a word on my brain, just before they say it.

Examples; yesterday, friend scroed record amount of points scored in a record time. My brain said 13 (minutes) and it was correct. Total points at end of time was also 13.

Last week. I was being told a story. My friend was leading up to a let character in his story - his grandma. For whatever reason, this was supposed to be a surprise. Again, a little bit before he said grandma I already guessed it was her.

It isn't regular (like thoughts developing from a stimulus). Just sudden and unprecedented. Also its still a guess because I'm not confident in either myself nor my clairvoyance.

I am reminded of times I almost said something really bad. I used to get a really weird sensation in my head. I'd listen to it and stop talking. Whenever I ignored it I would say something that had negative consequences I didn't even imagine! I haven't had these sensations for years but I seek them again.

 

[Challis]

Tarot and meditation, art and concentration.

So tarot won't leave me alone so I will happily indulge it. I get hyper fixations and am not always able to concentrate outside of what I am hyper fixating on.

Meditation, 5am, 10 Jan
Super cosy prep, body already half asleep. Went straight into brow chakra meditation.
Poor results. Low concentration. Frustration. Disheartened. Refusal to give. I reset. I went again using light visualisation and breathing. Eventually I got to a good place. Experienced more time dilation. Felt like 5 mins, was actually 20.
Realised I am more successful than I realise.
Perhaps my perception of meditation is more stringent. Wouldn't surprise me, I am still unlearning my stringent/math/empirical mindset. When I next meditate I will try to relax even more,and delve even deeper into my subconscious. I realise this won't be clarified in a book, but during meditation. Tis a catch 22.

Art:
Obviously been doing a lot of painting recently. Spent 7 hours straight painting yesterday. All I could see during both meditations was paint. Threw of my meditation sessions 1 and 2. Finding out it's not the type of stimuli that sticks in year head (thought it was only electronics) but no, if I paint all day or read all day, my inner vision will be dominated by this.
In future; vary activities daily.

Meditation 2; 6am, 10 Jan
Mind still dominated by paint and I couldn't relax so I gave up. Will try again next day after activity variance increases.

Tarot: 6 40 pm, 11 Jan.
Will use automatic writing in tandem with regular intuition seeking.
Method; 5 card spread. Shuffle and See. I am very lost atm so I need vision to find which path to choose next.
After listening to Vincent Pitisci, I will only be using the images.

Page of swords. Pictured as a nomad wearing a coat of constellations. Ahead lies a lake decorated with lotus flowers. In the distance sits mountains with various heights. Above, there is a dragon.

This is me, standing at the edge of adventure. I can see many different challenges. However I cannot reach said challenges without first taking the first step. This is talking about how perspectives are important. Don't worry about the future, just as I cannot accurately understand the size of the mountains and dragons, I cannot guess depths of these challenges until they are met.

Nine of Cups. Pictured as a pirate ship returning after a successful raid. The captain wears a smile on her face, as do her 1st and 2nd in command. A skull sits in the middle of the bow.

I don't want wealth in this life, but I know it can be a key to freedom. They are free on the seas, and they have Fortune. They also bring death. Not chuffed about that.
A warning. Those who want Fortune are willing to kill for it. Be wary of danger arriving ashore.

Post automatically merged: Jan 11, 2024

Card 3/5
Judgement: Pictured as a hooded man holding a wonderful staff and a cloak flowing behind him. He walks on the light. Behind him is an angel who makes the door of light for him to walk through.
He bears the sun in his chest.
A poor reflection sits below.
(
Judgement...hmm. Perhaps my quest to find the right path will lead me on to one where I am judged? I am open to scrutiny, I have shared novel and art openly. Perhaps an indication that my purpose lies within the arts, perhaps fashion, which would invite the most Judgement. Due to my hyper fixations I don't want to invest into one thing too heavily. What if I get bored and give up?

The Emperor: (again)
Boo. This card went through my head randomly last night at 9pm during family chill time. A shame, as I had a great idea about this card. Now, I see naught.
(
Assert authority as I follow these paths, do not give in to scrutiny. Protect myself, whether that be through crown (law) or war (chaotic)? The picture is literally a dwarf wearing his own insecurities.

The Chariot. Pictured as a sultan holding a armadillo.
This is the last card and should suggest some kind of conclusion.
(
Perhaps those with power should covet those without? Don't become conceited, is my best interpretation.

Personally I don't think this gave me any new insight. I'm usually overthinking everything anyway, so would be wary. I'll try again tomorrow.

 

[Challis]

Ciao everyone, I hope you are well, whenever you are.
I missed an update yesterday so here will be two.

Dream: Unclear
I had a searing pain in my knee for a lot of the dream. Not cool. Likely my knee was resting somewhere uncomfortable as I slept. Didn't remember until about 5 hours into my waking cycle, when I felt just the slightest memory of the sensation. Truly, at this stage of evolution, will we ever uncover the secrets of ourselves entirely?

Meditation: 12 Jan 5 am.
20-30~mins.
Method: Chakra Stimulation.

Worked from root to crown. My crown has finally been activating. Not quite as naturally as my brow, but it feels wonderful, like it wants to be opened. Like it wants to help. Really lovely feelings. Definite improvement on stomach and heart chakra! The work never ends however, and this is OK.

So small but interesting development. When i opened my 2nd, 3rd and 4th chakra I had an image of a flower of a similair colour blooming. I've had some enlightening input from other members regarding my dream art, suggesting I should hone my feminine energy, so I indulged this imagery, and the rest of my meditation was good.
(dream->flower painting->high priestess).

Meditation. 13 Jan 1 am
Midnight. Had entire place free for a couple hours.
Methods used; Breathing and relaxing to start (tensing muscles as I Inhale, relaxing as I exhale). Awareness excercise.

Neck couldn't relax so I moved.

Now I will attempt to "let go".
After a couple minutes relaxing (now almost lying down).

I think this was the best thing I could have done, but I also realised you can't jump straight into this, and that my practice had led me here. Letting go includes noting your body exists (I.e awareness excercise) to then be able to let it go. The concentration and willpower learnt through chakral stimulation excercise helps too. I'm sure you all have figured this out too.

So I was delving deep into my consciousness. I'm beginning to understand difficulties occult authors face - Describing the intangible.
An ocean, a deep blue, clean and clear ocean. Its mine. I cannot drown, but I can lose sight of the light. I let my self let go, more and more. I'm finding and using psychic "muscles" I've gained through practice, and willpower, to almost completely ignore my inner chatter (ty adhd).
4 times I delved. 4 times I brought my self back out of what I'm guessing is being new to essentially losing myself within my self conscious.
However, every time I delved I got a little further than before.
Steady progress feels wonderful!

Duration. An hour had passed! It had felt no more than 20 minutes.

Closing remarks;
Pretty happy with the result. I need more time, more silent hours to work at this deep level again.

Even in these small hours, there was arguing on the road I live on. Funny how so much hard work can be revoked by the exclamations of the inane. Hopefully I can learn to drown them out, although I suspect I will gain this passively.

Lastly, I heard that lovely angelic voice last night, simply assuring me of healing and growth. The sound is silk itself, as fair and balanced as silver, distant and divine. Most importantly is the presence I felt. Like hush my utterances, for they are without substance. A higher power was at work. Idk how to to describe this exchange so I'll leave it for now.

 

[Konsciencia]

Ciao everyone, I hope you are well, whenever you are.
I missed an update yesterday so here will be two.

Dream: Unclear
I had a searing pain in my knee for a lot of the dream. Not cool. Likely my knee was resting somewhere uncomfortable as I slept. Didn't remember until about 5 hours into my waking cycle, when I felt just the slightest memory of the sensation. Truly, at this stage of evolution, will we ever uncover the secrets of ourselves entirely?

Meditation: 12 Jan 5 am.
20-30~mins.
Method: Chakra Stimulation.

Worked from root to crown. My crown has finally been activating. Not quite as naturally as my brow, but it feels wonderful, like it wants to be opened. Like it wants to help. Really lovely feelings. Definite improvement on stomach and heart chakra! The work never ends however, and this is OK.

So small but interesting development. When i opened my 2nd, 3rd and 4th chakra I had an image of a flower of a similair colour blooming. I've had some enlightening input from other members regarding my dream art, suggesting I should hone my feminine energy, so I indulged this imagery, and the rest of my meditation was good.
(dream->flower painting->high priestess).

Meditation. 13 Jan 1 am
Midnight. Had entire place free for a couple hours.
Methods used; Breathing and relaxing to start (tensing muscles as I Inhale, relaxing as I exhale). Awareness excercise.

Neck couldn't relax so I moved.

Now I will attempt to "let go".
After a couple minutes relaxing (now almost lying down).

I think this was the best thing I could have done, but I also realised you can't jump straight into this, and that my practice had led me here. Letting go includes noting your body exists (I.e awareness excercise) to then be able to let it go. The concentration and willpower learnt through chakral stimulation excercise helps too. I'm sure you all have figured this out too.

So I was delving deep into my consciousness. I'm beginning to understand difficulties occult authors face - Describing the intangible.
An ocean, a deep blue, clean and clear ocean. Its mine. I cannot drown, but I can lose sight of the light. I let my self let go, more and more. I'm finding and using psychic "muscles" I've gained through practice, and willpower, to almost completely ignore my inner chatter (ty adhd).
4 times I delved. 4 times I brought my self back out of what I'm guessing is being new to essentially losing myself within my self conscious.
However, every time I delved I got a little further than before.
Steady progress feels wonderful!

Duration. An hour had passed! It had felt no more than 20 minutes.

Closing remarks;
Pretty happy with the result. I need more time, more silent hours to work at this deep level again.

Even in these small hours, there was arguing on the road I live on. Funny how so much hard work can be revoked by the exclamations of the inane. Hopefully I can learn to drown them out, although I suspect I will gain this passively.

Lastly, I heard that lovely angelic voice last night, simply assuring me of healing and growth. The sound is silk itself, as fair and balanced as silver, distant and divine. Most importantly is the presence I felt. Like hush my utterances, for they are without substance. A higher power was at work. Idk how to to describe this exchange so I'll leave it for now.

Wonderful!

 

[Challis]

Wonderful

Thank you!


Meditation: 14 Jan, 4am
Duration: 15 minutes~
Started with chakra stimulation. Next time I need to use breathing and relaxing, even if I feel relaxed. Waking level is nowhere near close to unconscious level of "relaxed".
I did from root to heart chakra. I wasn't relaxed enough to truly benefit, but excercise is always good as I can learn from mistakes and strengthen psychic muscles.

Ended abruptly due to a sneeze. Temp drops at this time. I warmed up and read for 10 minutes.

It was time to let go.
I am still learning to find that nice middle ground between relaxing/surrendering, and concentrating away from my thoughts, I realise during this meditation.
Truly letting go will remove thoughts. I managed this for a couple of minutes. I am not laying down like last night. I lose the sensation in my hands. Then my feet. My facial hair is very itchy and i steadily lose my focus.

I allowed myself to steadily rouse before moving around a bit. >> It's odd, how deep you realise you were a moment ago, lost in a non reality of calm, and now you're awake, somewhere completely different, encumbered with this big heavy body, that you gotta remember how to pilot. <<

 

[Challis]

Another double entry! This is due to not wanting to use screens after meditation.

So I tried another deep meditation (without time limits, etc). However I cannot get fully comfy like I did on that Friday. I may have to wait.

Meditation: Monday, 5 am.

Completed awareness and chakral stimulation excercises. Couldn't relax/breathe properly. Thinking too much.

Concluded that I should do breath work throughout the day, without the added pressure of meditative prep, to reduce heart palpitations caused by my own psyche and misattributed conditioning.

Tangentical journal entry incoming:

Felt quite down about magic and meditation. It's a lot of my life at the moment. I don't feel I can work right now due to health. I can't do rituals because I get very little free time a day (roughly an hour uninterrupted) and I want more time, to allow psych prep, proper conditions, and to give the spirit proper respect, gratitude and Communication.
Hence my journey into the astral.
Yet I'm faced with such mundane mortal issues. A pavlonian conditioning, self inflicted of all things. A frustration.

Sometimes I think of meditation and I feel so angry and powerless at the same time. I have so much inner conflict between my angelic and demonic side, as if a tug of war is inside me. Part of me wants absolute chaos to reign and that feels seductive.

But I Know that I WANT God And Love And Peace for All Things Forever. I know deep down that's what I've always truly wanted. But this mortal shell has lived through so much pain its sometimes barely capable of feeling empathy. Sometimes I remember my dreams of childhood, where I had to find my way through hell to come to life. As a child, I was completely obsessed with sharp things and fire. So I wonder how long I have been wishing for purity for, sometimes.

I feel I must work with Jupiter, and Satash, for he brings wise punishment to the wicked. He brings what I seek - wisdom to the unwise. To end this conflict. To evolve humanity without conflict. This is my dream.

I have a lot of love for every living thing on this planet. Even if they are scary i will try to love them. There is so much hatred in this world that it continously steps on this love, making it harder. It this the price of magic? Or just delusion?

After all, I have only ever sought wisdom to create paradise.

So when I feel frustration at lack of progress no matter my idealic aspirations I truly worry. If there is not magic nor meditation than there is only despair. And I've barely a discipline to cling to. So many words I do not understand.

So tldr; I felt low because existential crisis hit me post meditation due to my inner power flickering.

I dreamt that night (I'm dreaming more and more, which is good, but also tiring). I have a waking life and a sleeping life.

In my dream I am in pain. I am sick. I am dizzy. It is the future. Idk how old I am. But it has been at least a decade. I feel awful and full of regret for not finding a Dr before hand. I'm also broke (). This was truly a horrible dream. I was so disoriented. I had to throw up but moving was taking forever. Minutes to leave my bed, as in slow motion.

What hell have i wrought upon my brothers and sisters of the world to find this painful karma?
Is what I originally felt.

Today I feel:
Thank you clairvoyance for this painful warning of the future. I must seek health advice now!

Still, I hope I find my path properly and soon.

Post automatically merged: Jan 16, 2024

Good tidings WF. I hope you are well, whenever you are.

Today I would like to start off with another prayer of gratitude.

My Prayer of Thanks And Love.

Thank you to great beyond for creating and housing spirits that's govern such beauty on planet earth. Thank you ancestors, God And my family for my wisdom to appreciate and love all. Thank you God for my beautiful mind, despite its chaos. Thank you genetic parents for a good working body that allows me to move without constant pain, for I do not take this for granted. Thanks wonders for being wonderful. Thank you to my neuro engineering for allowing me to appreciate Art That Is the Beauty of Nature. Thank you to wizards here for so many things, for without you I would be in a terrible place; thank you for the boom shares, for without them, I would lack so much knowledge that are Now My Keys. Thank you for showing me there are kind people. Thank you for reaching out and lending advice. Thank you my sleepy sattelites for showing me there are others like me out there. Thank you for showing me that my third eye and all the teasing I've experienced as a result of my experiences with clairvoyance, is not a delusion, but a muscle I can excercise and benefit from.

Thank you sleep, for being my bridge to astral, to love and to every just angelic being out there, every god and godess, and a to the one true creator of light, for keeping me on the path of Goodness, as hard as it has been. Thank you magic, ancestors and all good spirits for your future help, for I am still yet to foresee the depth of your kindness.

To all things good and just, thank you. I will strive endlessly to equal your benevolence.

I love this entire world, cosmos and everything within the universe, for I am connected to everything, both mundane and fantastic.

Post automatically merged: Jan 16, 2024

Meditations today and last night:

16 Jan. 5am.

Both have seen issues with concentration, both due to internal and external disruptions. A real shame. I am slowly growing into it, but my immediate environment will not change. My naturally loud family, and those intoxicated or troubled outside, always seem to strike when I am in a lull that surprises myself.

I gave "unlimited" time last night. 3:40am
I wanted to go for an hour+

However, it ended up being x3 20 minute sessions.


I used breathing and muscle relaxation to get started, as i found not doing them stagnates progress. However I was already super relaxed so tensing, just to relax again felt surplus.
Wrong again.

It was going OK, but my heart started acting up as I overthought my breathing. This got worse, so I roused myself.

I let myself have a 5 minute smoke break after 20 mins of meditation, as I didn't want to smoke super late.

I went straight back into it, still semi relaxed. Wrong again, all ezcsrcises in future must be completed in entirety before attempting to deep delve or "let go". My adhd survival mechanisms otherwise will refuse me entry into my mind.

And of course even when I do, a family member wakes up and the noise disrupts me, suggesting my "delves" have only been surface deep (that's OK, im still novice).

After noise subsided, I tried again.
Now I am skipping all prior excercises because I just want to get on with it!
I had absolutely no success the third time around. Just more palpitations and frustration.

Now, writing this, I can see why! Of course I couldn't meditate in this state. Rushing meditation is a juxtaposition in itself.

I guess it's good in a way as I learnt from this.

16 Jan. 4pm.
Managed to surprise myself at the level of relaxation I managed to get to. I had just had a coffee, so I didn't even forsee me meditating here. But there was quiet in the home, so I'm taking every advantage.

The sun is setting, and I know that drives my melatonin mad! One of the few naturally occurring powers that cure even my insomnia.

Perchance it was this, as the feeling was sudden.

Concentration training:

no stim, fleeting

Physical and visual stim (third eye my most common) sustained easily but requires more Concentration not to wander (as it feels really natural).

Awareness training: getting much better. I can feel 2 senses completely at the same time for a few seconds.
Aiming for all 4 (touch sight hearing feeling) + awareness of my breath. Feeling and hearing together gave me such a wonderful feeling it sent me to relaxation instantly! Nice to feel progress, as little as it is.

 

[Challis]

17 Jan 2 am

Meditation:

Set up properly (albeit cold detracted). Used muscle and breathing relaxation excercise.

Aim today was to fix heart palpitations as my own conditioning has led this issue whenever I think of the breath, significantly stagnating my progress. Instead of avoiding this issue it needed to be dealt with head on.

Today I meditated before smoking to help the heart.

Focus: relaxing whilst thinking of the heart and lungs, to re-condition myself.

Outcome: Majoritively successful result.

I've obviously tried to fix this before but other barriers turned me away. Today I feel i persevered both throughout the day and during meditation and found success. I tried it in another setting relating to high stress and it worked.

Thoughts:

It's so odd, being able to see inside the mind. Like I could feel the part or me that would recognise the breath, and activate the heart palpitations. It wasn't evident at first. But the more active reconditioning I did, the more I sensed a gap between

breathing input>>>heart palpitations.

Then I could feel the gap and chose not to go in the direction of palpitations, but backwards.

I can absolutely say for once that this specific combination of spirituality, meditation and psychology and have worked magic for me.

God bless this journal for letting me see what I was blind to before typing. I cannot love God any more or any less. It is absolute, just as God is, for they are the same.

Post automatically merged: Jan 17, 2024

17 Jan 4pm

Thoughts on Healing Magic

Who wants to play healer?

Raises hand immediately
This is me for some reason. I love the idea of it.

Reason I studied psychology at universities:
I want to heal peoples minds.

Reason I study magic: ultimate goal is to become a Servant of God and Help People.

So I think this episode of my health issues...over the last 3 years has been transformative, informative but mostly a reminder to who I was before this mortal shell was burdened with the evils of this world. All the floral signs, meeting the mother of peace as my first spirit, and meeting more reiki specialists than any other practice. Seeing my dear sister in my dreams saying similair things.

So of course using something like energy healing is my dream.

Obstacles

Belief is one obstacle.
Patients are another.
Results are odd (did I heal it, or was this merely time? This is due to a lack of encyclopedic knowledge.

Methodology not scientific and rarely replicable. Instance, only had 1 type of injury occur more than once and healed. My fingers, both my middle fingers and one of my pinkies were injured during boxing, now all 3 are repaired, with one middle finger being a little clicks.

0 medical intervention, and bones that had healed themselves in the wrong place have moved into the right place.

To my knowledge, (which I know isn't encyclopedic) this isn't something that should happen.



Information: Few sources are trustworthy. Many contradict each other. As someone raised to prefer empiricism, I dislike studying magic sometimes as it isn't lab (replicable, non bias observers, etc) science.

So ONCE AGAIN I turn to meditation for empirical knowledge.

Sigh of sighs.

 

[Konsciencia]

I understand where you're coming from. I am dealing with so many obstacles at the moment. Like I have a Spiritual war with myself.

 

[Challis]

I guess it's part of our on going battle within ourselves that is part of shedding our ego's. Thanks for your response. Its always nice to know one isn't alone.

Post automatically merged: Jan 18, 2024

Meditation. 18 Jan 5am.

Method:

Prayer before sleep

I Mainly meditate to stim brow chakra to prime it for sleep and visions. Of course, after the year of study I've had, it's adapted.

I will often pray before meditating, but not always. I was raised atheist, and I feel my prayers mundane to the divine, so I try to keep it quick and non-materialistic.

Aside from daily gratitude and love prayers, I know the God's want us to help ourselves, so I do this dogmatically. I only for help pray when I am in need.

I said a prayer to Artemis to ask her for visual insight. She is a godess of the moon, and the moon represents clairvoyance, hence. That went OK. Around this time, my brow chakra starts buzzing. It's doing it know just thinking about it.

Then I offered a short prayer of thanks to The Highest Entity for gifting us these wonders. I gave my absolute, infinite and unconditional love as tribute to God. I was overwhelmed with how much love I felt during and after this. Its feels almost inconceivable to me in waking hours. As if God's warmth, purity and divinity had allowed me to remember what it felt like before we separated from God.

I then asked if I could simply bask in their light to grow my connection. This is often where my prayer meets meditating, and is a feeling that's keeps me going.

Results:

Within moments my body is numb. My brow chakra has been buzzing the whole time that I've almost forgotten about it.

I am so enraptured by this all consuming love.
And then I realised I was vibrating. Honestly, the weirdest sensation. I've experienced it before, and varying intensities (my guess is connecting at different levels of the astral, or entities from the respective planes).

(I clarify this more later as it is interesting).

Unfortunately, I tried to enhance this. Tried to hone it, expand it or reel it in. I want to project. I focused my heart, and my sneaky untrained cognitions unwound me. As it would.

Thoughts going forward:

Still, this is a success and can only mean progress.

I have built a strong connection with God.

I still work on my self control, discipline in terms of not jumping the gun, and letting it happen as they happen as oppose to rushing a process.

These vibration results are occuring more frequently now, without me aiming for them. I may pursue this.

It's good to note that I can still train my self control more. Discipline can only be earned.

Next time I will attempt the SAME method!

I do NOT expect the same results. In fact, I have learnt it is better to expect naught.

Love and Blessings,

Challis.

 

[Challis]

Meditation. 19 Jan, 4am
Duration: 45mins

Found a very relaxed position.

Awareness excercise to help me relax.

Aim; to relax heart during meditation.

Aiming to focus the heart directly worsened reaction further. Instead, I tried to empty my mind again.

I found a place in my conscious that is very quiet. I have to concentrate on staying there. Maybe this is the link between concentrating/willpower, and letting go. Because staying there was both difficult and also very relaxing.

I first noticed this area (within my conscious) last September when I was working through chapter 1 of the IIH. I then of course drifted and worked through Greg Hart's Beyond Dreaming, which helped me understand the connection between the astral and meditation.

Now I was working directly on focusing this psychic muscle during this meditation.
I found it hard initially and even day dreamed for around 5minutes. However, when I came back to focusing I was more successful. I can say this because I felt only silence for a while. For how long I do not know. I was deeper than I had been before. It was dark and quiet and was as if I had sunken deep beneath a sea.

The best takeaway of this meditation, was the end. I wanted to finish, to keep schedule, but it was very hard to come back. Eventually I managed to open my eyes and checked the time. It had been at least 45 minutes.
As if giving in, I shut my eyes again. I slowly rose out of my conscious and I could be in the physical again.

That was odd, but pleasant.

I am for sure a little inconsistent in my techniques I use, but that's why I keep a journal. So I and you can see what worked, why and why not. For instance, this technique is a good one, but I can only use it now, and say, not last year, because I wasn't ready.

Post automatically merged: Jan 19, 2024

I tried another prayer before sleep, but it felt forced and like I had an ulterior motive. The previous nights prayer came from the deep from the heart, so I'll have a deep think on this later.

 

[Challis]

Happy tidings all.

General update;
I've started working again, so I've a healthy dose of business, social interaction and manual labour. My body feels lovely after exercising and vitamin d.

A lot of meditation and dreams were saying "hey, this is great, but you need to get moving buddy," so I didn't hold back.

This has of course reduced time for meditation.

Meditation, 20 Jan, 3am
Duration:25 mins
I would call this the first meditation where I couldn't work it. I had a beer (very rare for me) and this shifted my concentration considerably. However, despite a failure, I can still benefit from this.

First of all, I experienced no time dilation.

This made me realise how often and for how long I have experienced this during meditation, yet have stopped appreciating it. It is a sign of a good meditation, and should not be taken for granted

This "failure" helped me see how far I can go within a similair time frame!

This "failure" helped me see just how far I've progressed!

This "failure" helped give me a non-biased comparison between me now and myself a year ago.

I am very grateful for this insight.

Post automatically merged: Jan 21, 2024

Meditation, 21 Jan, 4 40 am
Duration: only 20 mins

So I had put it off too long. I was rather tired. Everything took me longer therefore, so my schedule was falling behind.

I was still relaxed and motivated. I always want to squeeze out whatever I can whenever I'm given even a few minutes to be peaceful.

Due to the short time frame, a part of my subconscious wouldn't allow me to completely let go.

So I spent my time just attempting to focus on my body of light. Allowing tickles of energy from my feet to frow to the rest of my body.

This is a great excercise for practicing your concentration. You can use it at any time (e.g., public transport, traffic, waiting rooms, etc). It also allows you to get used to "feeling" your body, which is important training for astral projection.


Prayer of love before nap nap

Ooh! A quick note;
i meditated on praying.

So I felt asking God for favours or praying with ulterior motives is incorrect. I then meditated on this and realised trying to become closer to your god or gods, in order to benefit mankind is not selfish and I shouldn't allow guilt to deplete my prayers.

Prayer to Artemis.
Artemis has been making herself clear within my life recently so I am very happy to send a love clear prayer. I just simply stated by gratitude for the gifts she brings to this realm and others. I specially showed my gratitude for her sight.

I then fell asleep VERY abruptly. Yes, I had been working a lot, but insomnia is about mental energy and less about physical. Usually my mind is active. I've trained it to sleep, but I have to use a specific process to fall asleep.
I have no memory of even turning over - a first in 6 months.

I then went on to have a ludicrous set of dreams. I've remembered up to 7 dreams in one night. I extracted about 3 dreams this morning.

One was teaching me a beautiful combination of colours and brush stroked, both for background and for painting golden African skin (for when I choose to paint my wise and wonderful ancestor who visits now and then). This is maybe 4th art lesson dream.

At some point I had to run back and forth between two far locations in my city. After the 2nd run, and seeing I needed to do a 3rd run, I decided, "nah, this is ridiculous, and I can't be assed. I'm waking up instead".

This is definitely a sign of progress.

I "woke up" in my bed (i was still dreaming). Finally all the subconscious training paid off "just sit up, just sit up" and i did it. An odd feeling. I have no comparison to the tangible/material world, except from being ripped from one world to another. I think most likely i was in the astral, but only for a few moments!

In the last one I discovered 'a new colour' but I cannot fathom it to remember it... its kinda sad but moat likely for subconscious than an actual astral dream.

Thank you Artemis! You are so wise and beautiful!

 

[Challis]

Meditation, painting and dream journalling.
21 & 22 Jan

meditation 21 jan 4 am

X2 25 minutes

I really gave it my all last night but was interrupted again by family member half way through.

Used awareness excercise into chakral stimulation. This is of course a favourite of mine. Prior to this session, I read through my journal and it seems favourable to me.

Despite interruption, I was quite productive.

Before the disruption, i was imagining my chakras opening, using the floral imagery stated last week. I feel as if all chakras opened during this excercise, even if only momentarily. For how long, I'm not sure. I am still novice in this area, of course.

I tried delving down again post disruption, but honestly even during the small hours, being disrupted really sucks. You try to make up for lost time, and than itself can "ruin" your mindset for this meditation. You have less time and start clock watching. Sigh.

I went to bed shortly afterwards. I gave a brief prayer to Artemis and fell asleep.

I had some very annoying and disturbing dreams. This is likely due to flaws in my personality that are steadily being dealt with. These are memories to either show me where I've progressed, or futures, to show me what behaviours to avoid.

I still really don't like it. Imma look into dream protection and spiritual wards because,
If it is an entity disrupting mine and my families sleep, I'm gonna ruin its existence.


Physical health 22 jan

Having a bit of a slow day today.
Likely result of big sleep after big labour.

I am a little unwell. Sinus is playing up and it's causing a lot of disruption (!) 3 hours.

I had a moment minutes ago where I took my self away to be upset. I did in fact let it get to me.
Its very frustrating, but I have to use this to attempt to curb my negative responses.

In fact it is a lesson because EVERY DAY can be filled with little annoyances you have little power over. And if I cannot deal with them calmly then how can I operate on any level?
It's another reminder to see doctor but that's a whole other battle.

Painting.
I am sat in front of an empty canvas. It's quite a nice feeling tbh. I've had to push my self to start today. "It's OK to be a novice, keep practicing." Without practice I cannot progress. And also my dreams of watercolours strike me sometimes randomly and I almost can't ignore the desire to paint.

Meant to post this yesterday but adhd.

Post automatically merged: Jan 23, 2024

Ciao all, blessings upon ye.

23 jan
Meditation, 3am

Gave myself a 2 hour time frame.
Lost about 45 minutes of my life in meditation. Yeah, I remember being there, within my mind, battling the noise and images. I also remember winning the battle and some point and just not even existing. This is so hard to describe. How can you describe the absence of something you can't see, even when it is there?

This was another meditation where I wanted to end it (one of my flaws still) but mind and body didn't wanna move, so I went back in.

I'm gonna take this as a good sign even if I didn't experience anything profound.

***still I wanna make it clear that I do not have perfect concentration, in fact, it is rather poor. I work very hard at this to have even a few moments or minutes. This isn't something magical overnight I've achieved or will ever stop achieving. This is only hard work and dedication. This is not reaching my targets and pushing myself further and further. This is self doubt and perseverance. This is both pain and pleasure.
My life isn't glorious.
I'm not some kind of guru because I meditate. I'm nowhere near anything close to expertise. I have a million miles to go. In fact when I read this back it will be a reminder that when I am meditating I had better do it with purpose. I had better follow the steps for prep carefully.***

But I am patient.

Blessings once more to you beautiful humans (you know who you are).

Love,
Challis

Post automatically merged: Jan 23, 2024

Insomnia and Dreams, 23rd Jan.

I am finding once again, Love to be an balancer in this world and all others. Quite nice tbh.

I had positive dreams of teamwork, specifically with those I argue with in dreams. We have a good relationship in the waking but it is being repaired. This dream was a good sign of our progress and tbh me finally forgiving and letting go of anger, stubbornness and other negativity.

Likely due to prayer, or gallery of magic (see next post).

Insomnia

I won't lie, my insomnia is being a **** and makes it harder for me to dream lucid. I tried this last night instead of my regular bedtime- meditation but good god i had no luck.
Sleep onset is still 30 mins. I want to cuss, but I know its due to not training this (because meditating in bed helps me sleep, and I didn't do that).

Still SO MUCH I can figure our regarding, diet, mood, meditation and my sleep.
More science awaits!

Likely I'll go back to attempting to relax into sleep from the getgo, as that used to give me hypnogogic dreams. This disturbed my job, but I work at lot less. If I CAN find the method again to do this, I'll train it so I can dream lucid easily. My sleep Dr has my notes on this...maybe he will let me see them.



Beginning the Gallery of Magic (22jan)

Yeah, wow, right? Amazing. Very happy.
Highloth gave me about 14 hours last night during my 8 hour sleep. Amazing.

Gonna be testing out a ton of guardian spirits and omniscient angels.

Used induction of prophetic dreams.

Last night I had super f'D up dreams that made no physical sense. I remember forcing myself into the astral but it makes so little tangible sense I can't remember anything. I have to be honest, I feel really sad when I woke up today. Because I was so lost. I want to cry tbh when I think about this. Perhaps I found a sad astral realm. I do suffer from depression.

I did of course have positive dreams that I stated earlier (^).

I also had a random dream that was rather unique. Some rich geezer (I forget) was giving away £/$ 808million if you found a specific SANDWICH before the day ends. Funny. After doing the prophetic dream ritual. How can I interpret this? I find this humorous moreover anything else.

Feel free to find the sandwich. I think it wad a steak and mash

Glad I managed to end this entry positively.

Post automatically merged: Jan 24, 2024

Meditation 23 Jan 4 am
Interrupted again. Managed to relax a fair amount. In fact, looking back it felt less like doing anything effortful, and was just enjoyable

Why is my family active literally around the clock -_-

Dreams 23 jan

Nothing much going on. Clear reflections of waking life. I Was bored in my dream like I was yesterday. Felt fairly vivid for literally a boring dream. I had taken a few days lightly regarding sleep, because I needed a Break!

So, it's nice the psychic muscles are still working.

WBTB method; attempt at lucid. 24 Jan.

So I had set my alarm for 12 20pm for work. I woke up at 11 44am. I went back to sleep.
I had the most amazing dream!
I had a little baby. Quite odd. I had literally given birth to this little nugget. I hadn't named him, but I was passing this baby around thinking of a name for him, and how I should raise him.

I think this is wonderful as a prophetic dream, as lucid as it was. But 2 of my friends are recent mothers, so unfortunately most likely a product of subconscious than a dream of prophecy.

In fact it's probably a bit of both. I need to get my head out of the mundane and start living my life like the wizard I am. Bring everything together.

I am a dream walker.

My subconscious built a bridge. It let me experience a future path, because mentally and spiritually there has been activity in this area. And i was ready to see this. Perhaps DUE to subconscious activity. Like when I dreamt I was 57. I thought about it. This equipped mentally to deal with seeing this reality. I see the reality. As this is thr gift of clairvoyance, and a effect of omniscient angel ritual.

That makes 2 prophetic dreams in 2 sleeps immediately after using the ritual. I've never had 2 so close to each other!

I should make a post about the gallery of magic. This is life changing. I can use it change my friends and families lives too! They're gonna be so happy this time next year.

 

[Challis]

So straight up haven't kept a dream journal for about a week.
Haven't meditated in 4 days.
I am so bloody tired. Like not physically or mentally. Idk if I can contain it all.
I don't know if I can continue doing magic.
I've never been this drained for so many days in a row.
I know the answer isn't always to drop magic cold turkey but right now I need a break. And I've been trying too but it's almost too late, I've tuned myself into the system. Trained My senses to see it all.

Saw a lovely tall white demon spirit last night for no reason.
The rituals can be so powerful.

Confronted with undeniable evidence that magic is fucking real. And that thing I think I've been seeing is real and my sight has just been gradually adapting (as I've wanted it to). Great. So all the places I've visited in my dreams are real, just not this timeline or this lifetime, is absolutely fucked. You know how successful I've been in those? How much pain this path has taken me, in contrast? How painful it is for my variants to be homeless. I've seen that life. I've glimpsed it only yes but still far too often.

How many apocalypse I've witnessed. How the sun will shrink our liveable areas. How we take shifts sleeping in shaded structures, because the sun is so intense, it burns you now. How machines we flee from crush hundreds of us in a step. How the winds rip through buildings whilst fire rages in the cities. How you hide from them, across several different dreams. What about the time you saw the snow become fire? When the ice sheets melt and temperatures stop making sense. When fire races across the sky?

I made this my own reality.
Past life primed. This life training. Oh my.
I wish I stayed ignorant.
Magic is for the fantasy books. To think I just wanted to fly but am cursed instead with the depths of knowledge. My ego is dying. Its so painful watching myself being ripped away. To see me fade into antiquity.

 

[Challis]

Been a mixed week. Finally have something to post so yeah, I'm here. I've a few posts to reply to but haven't the energy. Merely here to drop my notes and experiences.

I haven't been meditating for a little bit. Instead working a little bit of heart chakra to heal it, before potentially worsening it's condition in meditation.

Last night I actively meditated (as a pose to making it 'passive/as long as I can throughout the day').

15 minutes skipped by. But the time dilation was odd. Instead it had felt like 45 minutes. I think I was closer to sleep as I couldn't rouse myself in one go (took 3 times).

I could have used this, to become hypnogogic if I had done it in another room to lucid dream but hey, stars aligning and all that, eh.

Another reason I've been allowing the break from magic to continue is because I've been Almost forcing it everyday. Instead of letting it come to me as and when.

Part of me decided to be patient and wait for something to draw me back in.

Hence my journal entry I guess.



Dream 4th Feb 2024

Sailing in a indescribable dimension and finding creatures that just cannot exist in our physical realm that we live in.

Guys I just can barely fathom these creatures. There was tiers to them. They were all massive, leviathan like beasts. But some were larger than others. The largest could encompass all overs and was impossibly large.

They were gods within our oceans. Just impossibly large. We were indeed on a ship. It was pretty big. Enough to home and house a massive crew. We were not sailing through the ocean nor sky or space. The medium we sailed through I cannot describe. Another dimension.

I must must must have been in the astral.

There is no other way to explain it. The fear and ambition I felt was all too real. The gods were as beautiful as they were fearful.

Apologies for the ramble. I just needed to dump the fact I saw some kind of God. And then it's god.

 

[Konsciencia]

Wonderfully fantastic!

 

[Challis]

Heya Kon! It is wonderful but also hard to live with! Magic shows me dreams of God...and now I must go and live my waking life as if nothing as happened. Tis tough my friend. But alas, all of magic faces these issues. I'm sure you've felt the same.

Monday 5th Feb 2024

Self Healing with Elubatel, Tulatu and Tablusi.

Magic is with me today. And today it is 100% real to me, with undeniable evidence.

My marks on my skin that were symptoms of poor health have all but disappeared. A lot other symptoms relating to the issue are also gone. I cannot believe how powerful omniscient angels are. I was always a person attempt to be a (self) healer but they sped up the process to just 10 or so days.

- - - on a separate note, I will attempt to repair my knees and will report;

Pre healing; joint pain and discomfort when not sitting spine-alligned (e.g. lounging, etc). - - -

Rasphuia, Genius of Necromancy, and

this next section is key to magicians doing magic

- minor trigger warning for those with depression or suicidal thoughts, but it will help long term.

When I do my ritual I'm excited for it to work. I think about it now and then, but I Do NOT expect or predict or attempt to foresee how the result will take place. I do not delude myself about it in anyway. If it works I am happily surprised.

Above is a result of using self healing magic from gallery of magic, and then use chakra to stimulate the healing process before nap nap or sleep.

So, i have depression and my meditation had run out. I was having suicidal thoughts and I was feeling helpless. So I decided to contact Rasphuia, the Genius of Necromancy.
Often Rasphuia is used to help contact the dead, or to find memories from a past life.

However, I had specifically asked Rasphuia to let me see my own death so I could feel alive so I stop relying on medication.

Idk if you guys get this. When I do my ritual I'm excited for it to work. I think about it now and then in the following days, but I Do NOT expect or predict or attempt to foresee how the result will take place.

In short, I let the magic happen.

I had a rough 3 days of having mad suicidal thoughts. I went through a transformation. Feeling and thinking different things. Going outside and standing in the cold unintentionally. Staying there without my will influencing this decision. Watching night become day. Nothing amazing or special happened. There was no visitor, no sign, no magical symbol. I just felt really down.

I felt black and empty. I felt depressed. This is fairly normal so I didn't ruminate on it. I just kept doing my art, feeding the visiting birds and keeping my hygiene and mental health in check the best I could.

Today I cant stop feeling alive. Everything i do is like i have a cocaine in my tongue. Numb but really evident, so the feeling is the opposite of Numb but its evident, like when you notice something has gone Numb. Does that make sense? Your arm is attached but you really notice the 'feeling' of your arm when it is 'absent' or 'numb'. I hope that clarifies.

At first the feeling was peculiar and a little annoying ("wtf is this" )
Then I realised it was feeling alive. Like I could feel everything. For a couple days now, in fact, it had been building. My air ways felt clearer. Good. Clean. Like i had just eaten a plantation of Mint. My thumbs and fingers. I can feel how round they are. How the skin coats them blood vessels that bring me this feeling. How the thumb joint almost knows its being useful and typing for me. This feeling everywhere in my body.

Perhaps this was the healing magic, you might think. But I'm feeling both of the spells both independently and working together. Like my stomach went from bad health to good health. And then separately but parallel, rasphuia helped me increase my life flow.

THIS is the borderline clairsentience I USED to feel as a teenager. I've written about it before, how it is an odd feeling that I can use to find the astral more consistently. After requesting it, it is here.

The key is; it cannot be a delusion, because I could not foresee, nor imagine this sensation. Yes, I've mentioned it, but i am scatterbrained and my memory is so poor, that I didn't revisit these ideas, until the sensation was evident, all other rational avenues of thought could explain anything.

So, personally it was clear Rasphuia had been a beautiful and wonderful genius spirit who helped me.

I guess it is indeed wonderfully fantastic, in the long run.

Post automatically merged: Feb 5, 2024

I cannot edit my legion of mistakes because 300 earth seconds passed...
Anyway here's my disclaimer.


If you are having suicidal thoughts, please first seek a helpline or your doctor. There is always help help available. This entry is not a medical procedure and is based purely on subjective anecdotal evidence and should not be considered to be medical advice.

You are loved, even when you feel that is impossible, it is true.
If you really have nobody to speak to you you can speak to me and I will be a listening ear or a friend.

Post automatically merged: Feb 5, 2024

Literally can't walk around without feeling this weird sensation. Cheers Rasphu!