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Heya Kon! It is wonderful but also hard to live with! Magic shows me dreams of God...and now I must go and live my waking life as if nothing as happened. Tis tough my friend. But alas, all of magic faces these issues. I'm sure you've felt the same.
Monday 5th Feb 2024
Self Healing with Elubatel, Tulatu and Tablusi.
Magic is with me today. And today it is 100% real to me, with undeniable evidence.
My marks on my skin that were symptoms of poor health have all but disappeared. A lot other symptoms relating to the issue are also gone. I cannot believe how powerful omniscient angels are. I was always a person attempt to be a (self) healer but they sped up the process to just 10 or so days.
- - - on a separate note, I will attempt to repair my knees and will report;
Pre healing; joint pain and discomfort when not sitting spine-alligned (e.g. lounging, etc). - - -
Rasphuia, Genius of Necromancy, and
this next section is key to magicians doing magic
- minor trigger warning for those with depression or suicidal thoughts, but it will help long term.
When I do my ritual I'm excited for it to work. I think about it now and then, but I Do NOT expect or predict or attempt to foresee how the result will take place. I do not delude myself about it in anyway. If it works I am happily surprised.
Above is a result of using self healing magic from gallery of magic, and then use chakra to stimulate the healing process before nap nap or sleep.
So, i have depression and my meditation had run out. I was having suicidal thoughts and I was feeling helpless. So I decided to contact Rasphuia, the Genius of Necromancy.
Often Rasphuia is used to help contact the dead, or to find memories from a past life.
However, I had specifically asked Rasphuia to let me see my own death so I could feel alive so I stop relying on medication.
Idk if you guys get this. When I do my ritual I'm excited for it to work. I think about it now and then in the following days, but I Do NOT expect or predict or attempt to foresee how the result will take place.
In short, I let the magic happen.
I had a rough 3 days of having mad suicidal thoughts. I went through a transformation. Feeling and thinking different things. Going outside and standing in the cold unintentionally. Staying there without my will influencing this decision. Watching night become day. Nothing amazing or special happened. There was no visitor, no sign, no magical symbol. I just felt really down.
I felt black and empty. I felt depressed. This is fairly normal so I didn't ruminate on it. I just kept doing my art, feeding the visiting birds and keeping my hygiene and mental health in check the best I could.
Today I cant stop feeling alive. Everything i do is like i have a cocaine in my tongue. Numb but really evident, so the feeling is the opposite of Numb but its evident, like when you notice something has gone Numb. Does that make sense? Your arm is attached but you really notice the 'feeling' of your arm when it is 'absent' or 'numb'. I hope that clarifies.
At first the feeling was peculiar and a little annoying ("wtf is this" )
Then I realised it was feeling alive. Like I could feel everything. For a couple days now, in fact, it had been building. My air ways felt clearer. Good. Clean. Like i had just eaten a plantation of Mint. My thumbs and fingers. I can feel how round they are. How the skin coats them blood vessels that bring me this feeling. How the thumb joint almost knows its being useful and typing for me. This feeling everywhere in my body.
Perhaps this was the healing magic, you might think. But I'm feeling both of the spells both independently and working together. Like my stomach went from bad health to good health. And then separately but parallel, rasphuia helped me increase my life flow.
THIS is the borderline clairsentience I USED to feel as a teenager. I've written about it before, how it is an odd feeling that I can use to find the astral more consistently. After requesting it, it is here.
The key is; it cannot be a delusion, because I could not foresee, nor imagine this sensation. Yes, I've mentioned it, but i am scatterbrained and my memory is so poor, that I didn't revisit these ideas, until the sensation was evident, all other rational avenues of thought could explain anything.
So, personally it was clear Rasphuia had been a beautiful and wonderful genius spirit who helped me.
I guess it is indeed wonderfully fantastic, in the long run.
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I cannot edit my legion of mistakes because 300 earth seconds passed...
Anyway here's my disclaimer.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, please first seek a helpline or your doctor. There is always help help available. This entry is not a medical procedure and is based purely on subjective anecdotal evidence and should not be considered to be medical advice.
You are loved, even when you feel that is impossible, it is true.
If you really have nobody to speak to you you can speak to me and I will be a listening ear or a friend.
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Literally can't walk around without feeling this weird sensation. Cheers Rasphu!
I am going through the Dark Night of the Soul. And God, is leading astray. Also, I been having suicidal thoughts as well. So I know what you going through Challis. It is very difficult, but I am just calm in this storm. I also gotta live as if nothing is happeing.
What a month it has been. I have been working very hard in the physical realm and now I can seek the balance between physical and ethereal better. Its very nice, having hard work pay off.
I have been meditating throughout my day, but it isn't structured or scheduled (hence naught to write about). Rather, whenever I wish to, I simply relax myself. I find stimuli worth concentrating on and focus on that. Often I use this in times of external noise, stress and even boredom. It's nice knowing I have a tranquil space I can always return to.
This is a promise to myself to protect my mind and mental spaces as best I can. Tis my one sanctuary.
On to the odd and profound
Meditation; interspersed.
Aim; to hone concentration and allow it to become very natural.
Like many other people who use technology, my attention and memory burned out due to its abuse. Thus, the last few months have been focused on repair. As I have done before, I return to write here after reaching some form of milestone.
Last night meditation I reached a wonderful sense of calm. Instead of feeling as if I was in an abyss, I felt weightless, like the Light Energy of Air. The energy felt Playful, almost.
I felt very natural. Felt at one with my body. It was wonderful, and part of me wishes I could be like that all the time.
What's more is, I felt one with my lungs and heart too. They have been a barrier due to anxiety and bad conditioning.
Social and peers:
Ever since my third dream as a much older person(I am mid twenties) I am struggling to relate to my peers. This dream was surreal and intense because I was in pain. The pain was all over. Aches and pain - most likely from bodily neglect. As it built directly onto my other future dreams, and directly correlate with problems I am making know (and remembered worsening in the future dream) I knew this was not just a dream, but a warning.
So I'm a bit of a bore on health and lifestyle. I don't want to end this life in pain (nobody does). I see my peer age group conversing, dreaming of material, fantasies of status, popularity, etc and I feel very detached. They complain about things they could have prevented. I cannot relate anymore. I have to stop my self from saying didn't you see this coming. Why cant you see the future - oh.
It is at this point I realise, I have that time walker's wisdom. I've almost taken it for granted as it became a part of me.
It is both wonderful and also tranquil. It's much easier to appreciate everything now, even things like a dead tree or the grey white of winter.
I've had a lot of profound dreams of visiting people and places I've never seen before.
The method I've been using is intense 6th chakra intensification upon falling asleep. Just get comfy and start channeling it straight away. It might relax you. That's fine. become the relaxation, and hone it again. Focus the light beaming from your forehead. Create more. Intensify. Use it to reach the sky.
Daily prayer and meditation always help.
Dream recall is more key than anything else. If you dont immediately recall and record your dream kiss the knowledge goodbye.
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